Cold on my skin
Piercing the wind

Blood on my lips
When did I do this ?

I don't remember
My wish

None

Nobody to love
Everybody's in a bliss

I'm just a blip on the radar

Nothing yet

A point to forget

Speaking in voices
To myself
Inside my broken head

Awoken dead

Have we ever met ?

Your name has the same size
In a different shape

I've been ***** before
Violated no more

I should hold my tongue
Or I'll offend somebody

Right at the end
When I'll become anybody

Just to ******* own words
I've never been hurt

Maybe that's my flaw
I'm nothing at all

No medical condition
To speak of-
No deterioration
To prove my law

Am I just mad ?

Or  bad ?

Who's supposed to know that ?

Is there more from where
I've come

I thought
The thoughts were done
Being cruel to me

Feeding fuel to me within

It hurts when I burn
But it's my turn
To make sense

Of this strange body I am in

Cold on my skin
Fighting the wind

You'll never get to break me

I'm a stone without
A centre

No gravity to lend her

She's only pretty
In the mirror

I'm just a stranger
Spending the night out
In old

Stranger than fiction
I'm awaiting my eviction
But there's no conviction
Only one condition
If you want to buy me whole

Give me your soul

And I'll make you a door
From the lies that die
Deep within my empty mass

You'll never need
Another word again

For there'll be nothing
Left to drain

I've been bled
So many times before

I'm just a black hole
With no co-herent
Existence today

Leave me please
Love me deep
I'm about to cease
I'm about to breathe
There's nothing to feed
Nothing to sink my teeth
It'll be another millennium
Till I'll be freed
I'm not the circus you can seek
Nor a dream you can sleep
Not a road you can reach
I'm your god
I'm your slave
I'm anything you crave
Left alone in a cave
Made one in your mistake
Every machine ever made
The life you make
And the life you take
I'm the rotten seed
The forgotten forests creed
Far from the civilization
I abide by my greed
I'm not the one you can teach
I have no soul to preach
No walls you can breach
Just an ocean
That you can never keep
One that will never bleed
Or breed
Everything that's inside
For I am
One and only
No matter how much you laugh.

Little girl you're a bird
Ready to take wings
and fly away to the moon

Little girl it's absurd
But nobody will love you
before you come to be
and bloom

There are monsters
just like there are men
And then there's your prince

You would know
what to do and when
You had your heart broken
and you haven't felt
the way you did ever since

That's how it is
Every teenage romance
that started with a perfect tale
that grew cold

That's why it is
You're one shot short of annihilating
yourself when you're old

Thinking why did you
ever believe in fairy tales
And did Cinderella
really ever needed a man ?

Why is it that
every love story has to be
about a winning girl
Why never a winning man
?

Guess you'll never understand
Everything beautiful
must be shiny and clean
And if you want to be
a pretty girl you better
buy that expensive cream!

Otherwise you'll get old
Just like the mother
nature intended
They won't like you
if you haven't bought
what they've already sold
And trust me
All of them will be offended
So easily..

Remember that this world
won't even spare your first mistake
You aren't a man
And that's enough reason
to buy you your share of hate



Be proper always
World will accept nothing
less than a woman who
knows how to be a woman
from the perspective of a man

I hope you understand
You can only be as much of a woman  
As much as they tell you
That you can


It's a mans world
My little girl.

puddle of memories
childhood rain
come again
i can't remember the names
of those
i should've forgotten
a long time ago

them ghosts
and tales of dread
keep whispering the dead
and I'm afraid
i've been made  
a wrong time ago

this place at this time
reminds me of things
i still don't know about
and i see nothing
though i was never blind
i could never see
what they had to show

it builds up slow
to break me down
my condition to wither
guess i was never meant
to linger
around the dancing clown
and laugh
when he tells a joke

breathing the last of air
my share is complete
and I am
completely incomplete
without a story
i can barely
swing without a tale


i'm so sorry
for words that fail
whenever I try to speak
i guess I'm only relieved
that you never have to
see me ever again

remember my name
that was all I ever was.

Stuck inside my own mind
I'm a prisoner to the slave
This pain isn't an end or kind
I have no friends in this cage

Turning pages before they burn
In six months it'll be my turn to cry

So let me grieve for a moment
For there'll be nothing left to feel

I wasn't meant to be
and I don't know why

I see the river flow into the sea
Is that what's going to be my destiny ?
I look inside the mirror
I can't find me
It's screaming at me
Screaming at me with all of its hollow
It's so empty
As if it has swallowed everything



So feed me your dreams
Mine were killed long ago
I don't know what this place means
I was never smart enough to know

Always searching for a tomorrow

Now the rain never stops
And my eyes are always blurred
I'm at the bottom sitting on a rock
Thinking about you and your world

In my own way
I'll tell you about my words

They never came easy
Until I was pretending to be hurt


Turning pages before they burn
In six months it'll be my turn to cry

So let me grieve for a moment
For there'll be nothing left to feel

I wasn't meant to be
and I don't know why



So let me lie
Let me say my goodbye
It's my time to die


It's my time to fly.

Oh, mother of manes
Tell me about your pain
Thy unnerving conquest
Is but a game

Roll the dice
And tell the price
Watch the bodies pile
Take a walk to hell
To claim your prize

Before you realise
The mythology
Metamorphosis




For in that realm-
There she frolics
With them ghosts and the dead
For that holly-holic
Alcoholic nightmare
Laid neatly on a bed
Of flames


Oh, you mother of manes

Me ?
I am

mesmerised by madness
A chaotic sadness within
Your head


Oh, my queen of dread
You are
In every withered poets dream
In words those speak
Loud enough
For the living to cherish

I must perish
Before she claims me
And another one of her lies

Oh,
and please don't tell me
It's that easy
To stay mad forever
Without ever closing your eyes.

was it so long ago ?
when i used to
dream till noon
dream about the stars
scream to the moon

i regret every scar
and hour
for bringing me
so away so soon

from that beautiful corner
to a dutiful mourner

is every seed
meant to bloom ?

I have a bad feeling,

I'm looking out the window watching two clowns having a go,
There's something in my brain that I can feel but I don't know,
Out there in the jungle my beating heart is about to **** my mind,
I've been in the dark for so long, I wonder if that's how you go blind ?

Sitting here for an eternity before the eternal sleep arrives,
I have these words inside my head that I just cannot describe,
I've looked everywhere; in the shadows, beneath my bed,
But I've never seen any of those ghosts well and alive,
There's so much to forget and not enough time to live a life,
Maybe it's just a myth we feed down their throats to make them slow,
I'm looking out the window watching two clowns, where did they go ?

I don't want to be near people, I've heard they bite,
From the trees and the animals, there's no respite,
Do you know what it takes to make a mistake that you made and can't pay the price,
Words are mightier than a sword, said no man ever cut by the ice,
Be wise, as wise men say--
Tomorrow or today, it doesn't matter, you own nothing anyway,
You cannot say, you cannot pray, like a puppet play the trumpet,
Served on a tray, it's upto them to count the bullets and pump it,
The world's not round baby alien, go ahead I said it,
I saw it in the newspaper yesterday, someone killed something to keep the demons at bay,
There was this ceremony for the hungry in the town,
I went around and found no one who wore a crown

I don't know if it's the song, but I want to **** myself,
It's been a year and only now I've learned how to spell,
In the tales I have every word so wrong and nothing to tell,
Come along for a ride and I'll describe it for you myself
There are so many lies I have lying around, my momma told me to sell,
But I don't care and I'm insecure, I'm sure they mean well,
If I had a penny for every time they shut the door, I'd buy my way to hell.

Can't stop me from speaking or repeating what is there in my heart,
When I was four I waited for the ice-cream man at odd hours,
Wishing upon the escaping stars for my wish to last,
It was all for nothing, not a good story, please don't ask,
Lease me your sight, so I can make sense of all the colours floating around,
The higher is the mountain, the faster will a snowball fall down,
Form around my ankles and bury me inside the white light,
When I was young I was bright, someone stole my light,
And now I'm allergic to the sun at night
It burns my skin,
All this smoke spreading through the air, I have to take it in,
I can hear it everywhere, the mystic voices inside my head those sing,
I feel so dizzy, somebody save me before I finish my drink,
Have you ever felt like titanic when it was about to sink ?
In an ocean of whiskey, that makes it so much more risky,
Floating zombies, reaching the shore, and killing all in their path,
Seven years of feeling itchy and finally the nightmare is about to last,
The vast emptiness I feel due to this stain on my shirt,
Bought it for free from a woman drunk in sadness, giving birth,
The labour of pain, the games they play before they go insane,
Vapours of dirt, clinging to the edge of your madness, pushing you down,
And you know, the only thing that can save you, are tears of a clown.

I wish all those wishes weren't his,
That there was something else, anything other than this,
That he wasn't how they claimed him to be,
I guess he just wanted to be missed,
And maybe nobody could see
Now he's missing from every place that belongs in arms of his.



Can he feel?

You don't.

Don't you feel ?

I don't.






Not anymore.








Yeah,


So now go and tell him why he can never make no friends,
To stop reading empty pages, the torment is not going to end.

Soon it's going to be so dark, what is he going to do then ?
Don't ask him, or he'll come along in, can't you tell ?.


What are you going to do when,
He tells you that he has no friends?
And how lonely he has felt.

All these years without any hope,
When he starts talking about the rope,
Do you think it's gonna end well ?




Maybe this is what they say
When they tell you to runaway
Before it's too late
And you're addicted to the wait

When there's no one to love
No one here to hate


When you've given up trying
So you're looking for a blade
And you see your sorry self crying
Looking back at you through the mirror
full of shade.



Don't you wish to runaway ?

cutting myself open
On this bright sunny day
Night is far too broken
For me to now betray


There's so much confusion
And the illusion never fades
Those mistakes were a delusion
But the price was never paid

Now that I'm stuck in my own
Here in walls that were never made
I can sense that universe has grown
And I'm collapsing in my wait

Far away from this corner
There's a man who cannot see
If I could look in the mirror
I know I won't understand me

There's so much blindness
Only darkness in my lonely head
Sometimes it's just pointless
And there's no reason to be myself

I've been mourning with patience
For someone to recognise my dread
And I keep having these conversations
With people buried beneath my bed


Pretending to make love with fire
And it's slowly burning my skin
The smoke travels in a desire
Deep inside when I take it in


I'm always reaching for something
Something that's too ugly to exist
I want to feel how it feels to be nothing
Can never forget a child's last wish


Let it rip apart me for a while
This pain, it's my only friend
For a moment let me be alive
I'm not yet ready for the end

my fingers do not want to write
my mind does not want to think
I want to sit in a dark lonely corner
let the silence kiss me in ink
take the sad faces and burn them
I do not wish to be here anymore
there's nothing but pain for me there
I do not wish to be there anymore
I've lived through myself but not me
my thoughts sometimes aren't mine
what is and what was makes no sense
in all I have forsaken with my time
the arms keep chasing the hours
minutes wither into another empty tale
what was theirs was never ours
sometimes memories leave behind no trails
I do not seek love as I age
I've known enough not to bleed
I wonder if I was wise before
to let go of all I could once keep
possessions that now are lost
for the voice never got too old
I have known and seen the cost
of the ones I've felt grown cold
there is no pride in madness
nothing to gain from a lonely wish
I've grown with every scar and tear
and back to where I was
when I remember her in arms of his
my words are as strange as me
for only I can see their true colour
there is not one but so many
when I catch a glimpse in the mirror
I am so much poison
eating myself from within
celebrating my own erosion
as I see the lights dim
and into the dark I weep
I do not wish to be dead no more
through the dark I reach
I do not dream of this world anymore

Jo wahan hai wo yahan hai
Jo yahan hai wo wahan hai
Par-e-dil gumshuda
Na Jane kahan hai
Ek chota sa to ye jahan hai
Hum to isse bhi bant chale
Dil to ek chota sa makam hai

A us ***** ko bhi sath le chalein
Jispe uska kudha mehrban hai
Ye to ek aeine ki zaban hai
Jane teri ankhein kahan hai
apne ko hi kyu karta hai khafa
Tujse zada insan to asman hai
Koi lakeer zisko na bant sake
Usse bant diya tune jahan hai

ab to diwaron me hi tu fanaa hai
agar ek dusre ke liye hi marna hai
to pyar me marne me kya gunha hai ?

rok na sake koi usse
jisko khaboien ki panaa hai
Jo pyar me bana hai
lakeeron ke uss par bhi to ek sapna hai
udhar bhi to koi shayad apna hai

agar ek dusre ke liye hi marna hai
to pyar me marne me kya gunha hai ?


ye jo rasta tumne chuna hai
akele pad jaoge tum beete kal
ye jo hai tumhari addat
ki ab to ibadat bhi gunha hai
kya tumne kabhi dheere se suna hai
wo ek muskaan ki shararat
jiska arth bhi tumko mana hai
dekh le us fakeer ki nazakat
jo tere mere khoon ki milawat
us lakeer ki ahat pe kurban hai


agar ek dusre ke liye hi marna hai
to pyar me marne me kya gunha hai ?

Hi I'm just a normal guy and I.. I think that should be enough for an introduction but as it turns out it isn't. It's always, hello my name is xyz ( yeah, I'm from CBSE ) anyhow, my name is xyz, I am xyz, I do this xyz, xyz,xyz, ..abc...bla..bla..blablabla. I mean I want to have an understanding where hello, I'm just a normal guy is enough. But today I want to speak about religion. Yes. Religion. A very interesting.. thing. Sort of. I mean we are all affected by it. Even the atheist, even though I was an atheist but drugs ****** my mind. You know, it's actually funny because I think drugs actually makes you much more religious. Anyone who has ever done drugs can vouch for that, right ? There's nothing more divine in this world than drugs ( of course apart from God). It's the closest you can get to heaven. It's very obvious. If ******* was legal. I'm sorry, I'm a little weak on my drugs. So that's like my go to drug when I'm talking about drugs somehow. Who knew even drugs had marketing ?. Anyhow, if it was legal. Man, things would have been very different. Everyone would have been a devotee, lazy or just dead or dying.. I don't know, you get the picture.. you're smart enough. Now as I was saying, religion affects everyone. I was an atheist... Once. But you know I was thinking something the other day and I got really deep. What if gods were real you know, like hypothetically or realistically ( depends on the side you think you're on ), I was thinking and I realised, I liked the Hindu gods the best. My parents are Hindu. That's very biased I know, but that's the point. Everyone is affected. But I'll sell you my idea. See, I think it would **** to have just one or a couple of gods. I'm sorry, but that's boring. And 'God' is 'God', the best thing ever. PERIOD. ( Kalpnic or otherwise) we should have more of those. More Gods. Tens and thousands. Millions. Billions. Ever counting. Why not ?. The bad joke aside, Hindu gods are cool in my opinion, take 'Shivji' or aka 'Bholenath'. What's not to love ?  Eight pack abs, smoking ****, wearing a rock-n-roll aesthetic. I want my god to be like that. I want him to be cool. I want there to be battles and stories and crazy things. Not just a man wandering and doing good things, I mean I am alright if that's true. I'm all in. I'm just saying my version is cooler. That's all. No offence. I'm not racist ( for religion ? ), I don't care. I think do good, be good and shut up. I swear, that's my moto. But that's not saying that someone else might have a different opinion but that's okay, I would love to hear them if I could. Usually when I pray ( which I admit I don't ) I usually pray to as many gods as I can recall, I guess most of us do. That's just human. God has always been about acceptance more than anything else. Acceptance into the community, build a community and make a living according to that culture, at that place, at that time. It wasn't so forced. It was a way of life. It was different. Now it's something else. Much more commercial and obviously much more dangerous. Religion was made by man for man. God is too huge for our knowledge and I think if you believe in God you will be the first person to agree with me that yes, God is too huge for human knowledge. Let it be. Religion is such a huge economic factor in the world. It's impact on the world governments to an average citizen is phenomenal. It's bound to be corrupted. Follow your God instead. Whatever it may be, don't give it a name. Make it your friend. Make it your strength. Whatever makes you do good is 'God'...... And my 'God' is cooler than yours. And Of course there are Greek gods ( for the hipsters ( yeah!)), but they ****** their siblings, 'Yeahuck'.

In today's society we do not get sad because we are sad, but because we were expected to be sad. It's ingrained in our minds. What's good and what's bad. Think about it, we get sad when we think we're on the bad part of the society ( normal people like me obviously, everyone better than me stay out of this please. Your superiority complex hasn't subdued yet or maybe it can't because it's genetic and in that case I am sorry. No Matter how insensitive I've appeared because I just don't care... And also it has a very rock-n-roll-hey-i'm-an-******* vibe to it) and get happy when it's vice-versa. So, is happiness and sadness a human creation ? I don't mean in a biological sense ( philosophy, bro ? ), I mean more as a modern day concept. Why are we sad ?, Relationships, cosmetic issues ?, Jobless, underpaid, couldn't get the new iPhone ( **** those seriously). Most of us are just being sad because everyone before us were sad, on things that don't matter, on things that makes no sense when you look at the stars at night and see how big the universe is, or unless someone points out its not realistic, we need to be realistic ? Realistic all the danm time ? That's not human, human is to dream and imagine and create. Sadness is beautiful too, that's why great poets were born. But the fact is, sadness today is sold and bought, given names and even made fun of.. today sadness is as superficial as happiness. It is, it really is. There's no worth to our sadness, it means nothing. It's in our head because someone put it there. It's not natural anymore that's all I'm saying and it kinda bugs me. Have a nice day. It's okay to be sad if you are a man. Yolo.

He thought for a second before turning away and said "Don't mistake it for a mere co-incident, luck or fate. It's so much bigger than that, like you see in a movie every single time and you do what ?, You disagree, you say things like these don't happen in the real world. You are only afraid because it is so simple. And it is so simple. That's why you are more scared than surprised, I can see it in your eyes."

She whispered in the ushering silence
"But why did it happen the way it did?"

He took a deep breath. Staring at the floor, and like an inspired teacher addressing a curious student, he began in a gloomy tone..

"It was meant to happen and it did, as simple as that. Nothing is perfect, and that tiny amount of imperfection we can never erase, that tiny percentage of something unexpected. That separates us from the world, because the world without us is perfect and meaningless.

He paused for a brief moment as if he was reflecting on his words.

" It needs us, our stories, Because equilibrium is ****** and boring. And yet everything runs towards it, the reason things exist and we breathe. Chaos has always been very instrumental in the making of our world, random chances that were gifted too many number of times. That cannot be mere co-incidence, luck or fate. And that's why this also cannot be so."

She just stood there absorbing every feeling that she could retain for tomorrow.

Now twenty years later, watching her  children play with her husband of fifteen years.

She finally understood.

Under the bed look what I've found
There's a dead cat and there's a clown
Inside my head I'm wearing a crown
Suddenly why do I feel so cold and down ?




Am I blind, Have I lost my mind ?



When the river is up and sky is down
sun's burning my feet but it feels so good yeah
I'm drowning standing up on the ground
There must be something burning someone somewhere here

The time is strict and I'm guilty of everything I've built
As I look back now I see so many in fear
Moments die to gift you the orphaned guilt
As I look back now I cannot see a single tear



Am I blind, Have I lost my mind ?




In my dreams I remember my town
All the people that were, still are, yeah
If I close my eyes I can still hear the sounds
Coming from my brain as if it's all here


My screams are weak and my eyes are brown
I look inside the mirror and I feel so depressed
All those corpses buried in the ground
Will revolt one day if they're any longer suppressed


Way inside my head I am weeping
All those holy memories over flowing and dripping
Bleeding all over the floor and sweeping away the filth
As I'm left here breathing, yeah


If you want I'm ready to give you an ounce
Of my soul in return for your loving embrace
I have nothing else to sell I'm broken down
I don't remember when I made home at this place





Am I blind, Have I lost my mind ?

The man in the mirror is haunted.

I never wanted to be a part of you,
You look at me like you're wanted
But here I am, And you're not true.



As I slowly take a step back,
I can see you grow so small.

I gave you all I ever had,
And you can keep it all.


I can taste how it feels to be you,
So lost and confused, alive and tame--
You're just stuck here and have no clue,
That you'll never see my face again.


I always hated the way you smiled,
So crooked, And full of burning pain.
I could see it in your eyes, the vile;
I can still hear you screaming my name.



Time cannot heal what cannot be.
A broken mirror cannot repair its scars;
Sometimes we forget that we can still see,
And there's more than just a broken heart.




But now I am gone,
And there's nothing left to see.


You're all alone now,
This emptiness will set you free.



Inside these walls that will echo,
every time you take a breath;
To remind, It was all so long ago,
And every moment we shared is dead.


Buried in the darkness,
Reflecting from your skin.

My face was yours to keep,
But you could never know my sins.



I wish I could've touched you once,
You always felt so real.


There's the light, And dark in some;
Some have only fear.


And in the end, Everything fades away,
To become a memory in time.


Even though you're only in my mind,
You'll always be on my mind.

out of thin air, ghosts appear
somewhere in the moment
as I turn back, time disappears
and all that remain is gone
the torment cuts me open
and everything broken spills out
no matter how much I shout
it's all the same, it's all the same
nobody else is interested in change
to change, re-arrange the physics
this darkness holds something mystic
artistic, that keeps numbing my soul
not counting the countless sanity it stole
I've never been able to escape from it
there are only walls and no doors anymore
and I've been stuck inside of it
for as long as I can remember
last december I almost killed myself
but that's alright, just a story of one night
if I just hold on tight, I can learn to spell
just the thought of it makes me sick
i wasn't even down the road and I still got hit
guess, I missed the signs after all
too busy counting my tears those didn't fall
now I'm left all alone, and I'm haunted
only silence and nothing else, exactly like what I once wanted
oh, I'm so rotten, it's insane and I have no clue where I belong
everything else appears so colourful and enchanted
am I the only one dying in this song
why am i crying again when I have nothing left to lose
i made all those memories and they made me a noose
I'm in no mood to end my pain
it doesn't matter, they won't even remember my name
I'm used to being at the same place and never move
hiding the flaws all across the empty space
there's no face I remember, not even my own
and 'tis my grave, here I will sleep, until the ghosts are gone
to haunt another memory

Here, and now it's gone
Just another song
From a broken heart

Picked apart
In pieces
But thank you
I've done my thesis
On pain  

Same thoughts bite
And cut just the same
As they did
Moments ago

I don't know
If it's only me
But something is on fire

Sometimes desires
Expire
And all that is left
Is lost in theft
What was so carefully kept
Lost

And no matter the cost
It won't hurt anymore
After a while
Down a thousand miles


I'm just waiting here
Counting the tiles
Walking by the road
With a knife on my throat
Singing again

sometimes in november
when the winds aren't so cold
pieces of grey days together
then do not so easily fall old

I can still sing if i will
strong enough to mend my words
what speaks of a broken heart
drowned in the waves of its hurt

her face ignites what was once dead
breathing life into the thin air

I've lost so many voices inside my head
that I see people standing everywhere

talking about what was and was is
her face rots; the thought makes me sick
entangled so deeply in the arms of his
the last kiss, must've been a fool to resist






by tomorrow if december
is not here
there will be blood in the air;
without the snow-flakes burning
there will be darkness everywhere

in that silver haze i will seek
all those memories
that did not leave
set on fire for their greed

gathering a storm
about to sleep

I'm not wise,
and as soon as I start writing this
I'll be at loss for words.
something beyond me will always hurt,
but I don't have to bother much,
only a touch
and all will be forgotten.

for the rotten, and my name.
I've gone insane,
repeating the same mistakes,
expecting the world to change.
it's so strange,
how the mirror never changes
its reflection.

I know I'm crazy,
that's not the point I'm trying to make.
it's not about how much there is,
for me, there's no affection,
towards the unfortunate.

my soul will burn
and my trace will fade
another page shall be turned
as soon as the previous is erased.

I've longed for separation,
rejection,
and all the beautiful things inbetween.

perhaps I'm obsessed,
for my well being,
what heart,
when I'm not even willing to be a human being.

they ****, they cry and have tears.

broken things left to wander in the darkness of their own design,
I resigned,
a long time back,
before I could have any hope to find,
the fairytale I was looking for.





broken things by a lonely night,
they speak so much.

melancholy sits on the pavement,
on a cold autumn day.
enjoying the music of a thunderstorm,
screaming.
dreaming about the winter yet to come,
become grey.
submerged to the tunes of a dark morning that is seeding,
beyond what any words can convey or design.
watching the elements of the sky growing and leaving,
how silently this picturesque nothing
captures the lonely corners of my mind.





have you ever seen a mountain break down in fear ?




let us pretend that we are all meant to suffer for choosing who we are,
and what we become, isn't that just the product of our scars ?
let's talk ourselves into buying new clothes and shiny blingy machines,
bright and cold screens to hide the ugly definition of this world,
or let us find a book that will repay us our words worth;
tears pouring over and wetting the beautiful pages of a magazine,
our eyes gazing at the beautiful bodies and rich flavours,
ignoring the red rose shining happily in the sun's gaze just outside by the road,
how many times have you felt the touch of something sharp..
and felt the need of cutting your throat ?
as always my mind means no harm, but it keeps buzzing with a thousand thoughts;
I know I'm decaying thanks to science, but I'm awaiting my conscience to rot.




I want to be free,
I want to ****.




the stark darkness in loneliness feeds on the forgotten whispers yet to concede a child, a labour of filth, of guilt, and all the things in between.



It's so dangerous to be human sometimes.



human ?



I've forgotten what they mean by it.


I'm so delusional.



Somebody throw me under the bus.


****.

Luck.


I make no sense.



Why am I supposed to be so random ?


Is it pointless to be crazy ?



don't ask me, don't look at me.
I'm so ugly.
You're so pretty.
an angle to my stranger.
stronger than my anger.
As I strangle,
my words once more.



Did you hear me ?

lucid insight..
I can tell you a lie : that world is a beautiful place
Or I can tell you the truth : that the world is never going to be a beautiful place
There are many possibilities yet only one answer
Sometimes reality can be far more surreal than the fiction
What place do we live in !?
What time are we wasting every moment ?
Is life short ? Or is it longer than we can ever imagine
How big is this world , is it enough to fit in !?
Do we have enough time to understand this place ?
Do we really need to ?
Questions just burst out from a corner and keep going on in an endless circle of nothingness
Can we pass through the dimensions
And touch the real being ?
Or will we forever just stare into his eyes and wonder what it's like be in that place and time.
A place beyond truths and lies
A place of no possibilities or solutions
A place untouched by the fiction and the reality.
A place where everything can co-exist without failure.
A cold and warm corner of our consciousness blooming into a thousand new directions every moment , so I can go on and tell you every truth and lie but its for you to decide what to believe and what you believe is what there is and shall be.
There are no truths and lies.

Wish I could tell you all the things in my mind,
swimming in circles, breathing fire.
I lost myself a thousand years ago,
And with time there was no desire to be anything,
I'm satisfied with nothing...
but they don't want that for me
they always want everything.

After all will be said and done,
I'll still mourn for your loss.
I am still young, forever old,
cold and calculating the cost,
evaluating what is left for the lies,
in my truth.. I never asked the price.

now they will enslave me,
take away the air and replace it with chains,
I remember their faces, I do..
but I cannot recall their names,
ghosts and angels,
they tell me..
that my time is near
I hear their blame,
can they not see my pain?


I cannot tread any mountain,
nor I can change the direction of any river,
spring means nothing to snow,
it'll only fall in winter..
to paint my creed
so black and white
so frozen..
I am broken..
yet, I cannot leave
I cannot breathe
if I stop to breathe,
Would I die?


No,


I've done that for a thousand years,
and I'm still more alive than dead
and one day they will whisper my name,
oh, they will scream it in the air
and I will be everywhere,
burning everything to the ground,
for in time they will make a monster,
oh, when my parents will die..
there would be nothing but a thousand years of vengeance,
raining down from my eyes.



and I will forgive no one.

Dear god, why don't you love me
a little more than I deserve
why is that you're invisible
why be so reserve
Show me yourself now
or I will forget I believe
I'm just talking to myself
am I not ?
maybe I should leave
only an empty space and nothing more
it's all just science and facts
but I still hope you are there
for whenever that panic attacks
but why not be my father?
why won't you love me like a mother?
is there someone else more deserving
do you love me less than some another?
so why must you be my king ?
I'm just wondering
I've done ******* and it's awesome
that means you're on something different
and better
so why don't you share it together
why must I wait forever
only to die in your name
tell me
you don't feel any pain
you don't feel my anger ?
do you even know my name
have you seen tears of my mother
why must I praise you
when I haven't even seen your face
oh, don't tell me you're everywhere
I won't play that game in my heart,
that's just not the place
for when it is broken
you won't mean nothing
for every door that wasn't open
something died within
those pieces are lost now
buried behind a thousand walls
do you think it is only my fault,
that I don't believe in you at all?

I have one brain
one heart
two eyes
to see my path
and once again
I am,
falling apart.

counting my tears
until I'm free
abiding by my years
as the clock strikes three
bringing the hammer down
on my time
if I make it till four
I would live more than
I ever intended to be
I cannot see
if I'm still alive
been like this
since i was five
maybe i have died
I do not know anymore,
and it's all just a dream, a lie,
I cannot do the maths anymore.



I am afraid of
the man in the mirror
there's a strange
silence to it
this place is different
there's no sun rise at six
no tomorrow that exists
and by seven
it will be night once again.

if I'm not awake
by eight
don't bother ever again
I won't be running late
cats have nine lives
so cruel for them


ten.

you were a bird
locked inside a cage
and I set you free

I watched you fly high
so far away from me

looking back as I recall
it was all my fault
between you and dreams
I got caught

you were the scar
that my tears could never fill
now that I think about it
the thought makes me ill

how much we give up
for just a moment of peace
somewhere between memories
those people leave
and all that is left
buried and kept
is the pain
we cannot weep


in your eyes
I saw the lies that were true
you never turned back
and the distance grew
I waited patiently
for another eternity
but our love
couldn't make it through

they say it's ugly
what love does
what we do
it hurts so much more
when it's true


you were the heart
I placed inside my own
but the kids are lost
and the years have grown
far from our reach
there was nothing for us to keep
and when the smiles faded
there was no one left to mourn


you were the night
I lost myself in your arms
bleeding and falling apart
your voice kept me calm

holding together
what was left inside
once upon a december
you brought me back to life


now the winter falls again
and I seek your warm

no matter how much I cried
you were gone

cometh another spring
I still wait for you

beside the cage, alone.

sittingidle
smoke rings in the air
I'm aware of my existence
and the vast darkness
everywhere else
speaking to me
in a riddle
in language I do not understand
there's more to this
more than what we used to know
how lonely is it
that everything grows
so old and rotten
someday never to be
always forgotten
in the end
how calm can you be
when it's burning you cold
mouth full of ash
as you mourn and choke
there's no home
we have no heart
that feeling that cuts you deep
against your throat
you fear no more
before
it was a different story
and now you have no tale to tell
to sell
you've lost everything already
no on else's guilty
everyone else is lonely
you've only felt lonely
there's more to this world
than your ugly idols
so many lies have made their home in my mind,
there's nothing left for anything else and I'm slowly turning blind
Consuming what is left of my conscience
sittingidle
smoke rings in the air
light bulb flickering
and darkness everywhere
as far as I can see
as far as I can tell
there's nothing much
left to be
all existence
whispering in this emptiness
of scars that cannot heal
there's nothing to feel
I have lost myself
on my own
so alone
so cold
and lonely
such a lovely time
inside my mind
where lies
find their home
beneath the stones
filling all cracks
waiting patiently
to be free
sittingidle

falling like rain all my scars are drowned
I've been eating pain and I'm wearing a crown
a king without a kingdom
what was that sound ?
am I the only one
i can't hear what's around
made in ground
buried in the sky
so far away from this place
that I've lost my count
I own nothing inside of me
everything feels
feels something stranger than normal
and how i lost everything
when I was found
how quickly they forget
world's not round
it's stretches as far as your mind
but what do I know
I'm just a clown
breathing my own tears
in fear of my living planet
do you see me smile
why do you have to lie ?
don't you know
I'm never coming down
I don't care
if that's all I'll ever get
everything there's to me
I'm not bound
to your laws and creed
I'm free
far from your world
and all your lies
anything that shines
is not necessarily  light
at the end of the tunnel
sometimes it's just the sun
staring down on you
inches away from your face
as you finally perish in the sky
just when the rain comes down

karma **** me in pieces
I have no guilt
the house you've built
has no walls
and my all
everything I own
is out in the open
alone

set in stone
my unknown fear has
broken a heart that
won't have no faith
oh, how much I hate
my wait
to die young

karma find me
tell me if I'm alive
I have a question
why life ?
there must've been
so much more before

open the door
and let me in
karma,
it's so cold outside
and I'm frozen within
my tears are ice
cutting my skin
and bleeding an ocean
of nothing


tears don't mean a thing
they don't exist
stop resisting with all your strength
you make me sick
I think I will die
before you can get rid of me


I think I've faded before
but that wasn't my fault
it was not me
someone else got caught
it was so long ago
I must have forgotten
he was not me
I've never been any rotten





















autumn comes and goes
but I find no birds
the trees won't talk
I think I'm lost
where nobody knows
somewhere in you
switch on the lights
see me as I am
I've always been yours




leave me be
there's nothing else to see
I've seen all I can
but that's not enough
to buy an ounce of dream
do not scream
you don't have to whisper
i won't linger for long
i do not belong here at all
inside these walls
****

yeah, you're the hot one
there's not a moment when I don't
want you to come

come near and be undone
give me your all
give me your Ibiza

my senorita, what have you done
I have no heart and I'm on the run

I am a rock and you're the sun
shining brighter than anyone

and you say you're a lonely one




oh, you make me feel so guilty
always thinking of you now my mind
feels so filthy

come near and be undone
give me your all
give me your Ibiza

my senorita, what have you done
I have no heart and I'm on the run

I am a rock and you're the sun
shining brighter than anyone

and you say you're a lonely one



walking by and waking everyone
I know, I cannot be the only one..

Flying through the debris
I'm free
Here I am
I'm free at last
For the worth it will last
Forever and always
In my heart
Forgotten and buried
never to be again
In that nothingness
I WILL FIND YOU
And we will be
As we were
Always
Always meant to be
You and I
So high
In the sky
Amongst the stars
Feel my scars
Drink my pain
Feed my heart
I've been lonely
Yours only
For so far
Who we are
What we became
With every hour
And like shards
Sharks
and all the things between
It's all just an ocean
Always has been
So loved
So broken
So vile
Like you and I
So alive  
It's all a lie
Do not dream
Do not scream
Do not close your eyes
Fight
Fight the urge
Purge
On your instincts
Let yourself be
For this while
Do not hide
Do not fight
It'll be alright
Like I tell myself
Every night
Everything still feels the same
Even though
So many tears have passed
In so many years
Those couldn't last
I never asked
While I was breathing
Was it ever meant to last
For the worth it will last
It'll be mine to keep
Mine to breed
And feed
To be freed
This greed
Will bleed
And tear my heart in to pieces
Two pieces
Because that's all I have
One half of my own
More alone
Than you  could ever be
And you still can't see
You can't recall my face
Remember that place
That time
When you were blind
And I saw you
Through the debris

standing on the edge
waiting to fall
tears don't speak of the ill
they don't whisper at all
in silence i break my part
how many times
have i begged you apart
don't you hear me
when I'm screaming your name
how is it
that we're strangers again
with nothing to speak
words don't mean the same
too tired to leave
slowly falling in love with the pain
i remember when we used to
forget everything else
and since I've lost you
i'm somebody else
picking up the pieces
that no longer fit the same
holding my breath
until you leave once again
for another eternity

do you not fear me as i fear you
afraid of the silence
we have for each other
now that you are, my soul's true
broken in two
for love that has no mother
only a lonely corner
where knives draw the scars
someday we'll find it
in arms of another
to remind ourselves
of who we are
as we look from afar
then them tears will tell a tale
when the coffin is ripe
enough to be kissed by the nails
as i stare back through the steel rails
there, we are again,
in pain for each other
always to do our part
i fear you just as you fear me
for we walk with no heart
afraid, always afraid.

Mostly i've said nothing
i've felt nothing
meant nothing
nothing at all
nothing in my mind
I'm a prisoner
and the walls
remind me sometimes
about rain
when tears fall
nothing that can suffice
and i've learned
to never ask the price
i'm nothing
like ice
turned water
losing my identity
the key
of self
in isolation i breathe
and yet i can taste
the outside
just lingering beyond
my thoughts
those i have caught
between my dreams
painting echoes
bursting through
mind and space
into the emptiness
I've so fell in love with
my shelter
and answer to my prayers
an oasis
that isn't there
fooling me into believing
that i have something to lose
somewhere
in this nothingness

I get some satisfaction
when I'm feeling down

ejaculations in imagination
education profound

Inclination to temptations
sipping tears of a clown

back to the same question
as to when I'll be found

so many laws of attraction
flaws wear the crown

I don't know if it's suffocation
but some minor distractions
have found their way around

my head is filled with explosions
heart torn in so many portions
and yet nothing makes a sound

numb with all these sensations
I'm feeling drowned

I get some satisfaction
when I'm falling down

mixed in water
thoughts
dilute
caught
in the middle
where it subdues
a fickle mind
bleeding
blues
keeping riddles
in a trance
confused
escaping chaos
to another void
bitter
truth
makes no noise
only silence
as tides
turn
burn

i remember her eyes
the tears
and silence

silence of saying good-bye
never knowning the violence
that comes after
when the tears have dried

so many thoughts have died
in tears
since there was a spring

always burning
always returning
to a december deep within
forever

in her smile
that i cannot let fade
ever

i am in despair
withering in the cold depths of
passage of time
a trail left behind
with a winter to spare
and as i stare
into the memories
that never lay bare
a soul
i am reminded
how cold it must've been
to have a dream
when it wasn't yours

my mind,
I am
wandering the dessert
thirsting for an oasis
in midst of a whisper
following the voices
under a sky so bless'd
I think I'm dying
I know I cannot see
I hope I'm just blind
and there's more than this
more than what is mine
that it was only me
hiding underneath the blind
low
waiting to be freed


No,


please leave
breathe
I think I lost my mind
for one moment
I thought
I left it all behind
I forgot
I ought
give it more time
but it still feeds on my soul
noises still make me wither
as I speak in rhymes
so confused
breathing cigarettes

I'm sweating, I'm getting rotten,
I'm running, I'm screaming,
I'm fallen.
somebody take me back to autumn,
I'm not leaving, I'm still dreaming,
I am not forgotten.





I'm clinically insane, I don't remember my name,
I can clearly hear voices in my brain, someone just screamed at me to hurt myself again.

I can tell you my story but you see... you see I'm not sorry for what I became,
I never knew who I was long before when things seemed so lost and strange.

no matter how much I bleach my eyes, I can't undo what cannot be changed,
no matter how much I teach my lies, the words will whisper the same.



I left that place a wrong time ago and all that's left of it is deranged.



A feeling I can't describe, it eats me out alive and I feed on the pain,
I can't explain, there's so much noise to bleed that I fear I might miss the train.

I don't want to be the lonely one, the only one closed in a frame
weeping in silence forever, at a
corner where no one remembers my name.

I know in time I will eat all that is mine, the monster won't be tamed,
for I've seen the evil shine when ever my eyes rain.

and they will tell you it was me, no one's else guilty enough to be blamed,
hell, don't tell it wasn't for me, for I fell in love with the chains.

I'll eat you in your own kitchen.
It wasn't a pleasant start was it ?
...Let me start on a different note. 


How about a story on Bratt ?

Bratt was funny maybe a little quirky but man did he deserve his fate ?. Maybe not but again - I'm an animal. A disease that rots you from inside out and slowly devours you until your last moment, where i feed you to the fire and burn you alive. While i dance as you scream and sing as you begin to fade. I am that kind.
The most disgusting sight you'll ever have the pleasure to witness. I wear a heart of different kind but let me sing about bratt first..

He lay on the grass-
Ever so softly he wept,
Eyes watching everywhere,
As he drips in sweat
Anticipating my company
And withering in fear 
Oh, that moment
I can't bear,
I hear a song,
Of a different kind.
A symphony so beautiful,
Playing on my mind.
And then I dance,
Oh, I eat upon his grave,
And I can see god,
As just the light fades.


I thought that was too many emotions on a single page and i can't help myself for being a sappy poet riddle maker.

I strangled that kid. Then I ate him. I ate him. Enough about me though, I'll tell you a story, read very carefully.

Once I met a man
Eyes I couldn't understand
The air 
Ate away all the sand 
But the hourglass
Still pour
And upon his ashes 
A phoenix soar.
His wings mighty 
In its shadow I saw the stranger 
And I heard his whisper 
I was the death angel 
So I pushed him inside
Till I saw my mother 
She was screaming something
But I couldn't no more 
Ask my little brother.


That's rotten, I made no sense there. Did I ?. I mean I can clearly understand what the heck I just wrote but someone reading this might not. Danm he won't. It was my dad, he started all this. Fed my delusion that violence is the key to all happiness. I was smart though, and with a little hygiene, I am in a much better shape. I'm not blaming him, I'm sure those fancy doctors and scientists will all agree with me. Let me write something for them as well.


Ugly duckling never became
-Beautiful.


That's all I can preach about it. It's complicated. Now, I would present my case to you, so you can judge me better. I once killed a little girl because her mother couldn't take care of her properly. I felt pity. See, I am capable of pity. My point is, I killed a little girl out of pity, then I ate her. That brings us to another glimpse of utter nonsense.


I once killed a man 
Because he was happy 
And I once killed a man 
Because he was sad 
I once killed a man 
Because he was sappy 
Oh, I once killed a man 
And then I killed his dad.

I love twosomes, three is crowd, and I would like to point out, I am a bad man, If you haven't noticed thus far. You can either **** me or I keep on killing. Ask yourself 'what would have god done' ?... nothing. He doesn't gives a **** about you, why would he ?. If he did, why did he make me ?. So, I can **** innocent people. What exactly is mysterious about this plan ?. He enjoys when I **** people or why wouldn't he stop me. I don't believe in god though, just messing with you delusional kind. You can all believe in a man floating in the sky but the truth is, I am your god when I **** you. Trust me on this, god is in everyone. You just have to claim him. 


I ate little birds,
When I was small.
Then I ate a cat,
When I got a little tall.
I have so many creatures,
Hidden inside the walls.
But believe me when I say,
I drank all their tear drops-
Every last of them.

Well, the reason I wrote all this down is because I want someone to know my whole story, right from the start till the very now, But again I can't let them walk away. So, I do this thing. I tell them everything. 

Claim me your king 
Let the metal sing 
Kiss you, and bid you bird
So long, fly.
Now close your eyes 
Stop believing your lies 
You are nothing ever-more 
I am your king,
I whisper and you die.
If you turn around 
you can see
I have an axe,
Good-bye.

my mind is exploding,
I'm having an attack
fending the darkness against my back
so much crap i have had
but i am so sorry
my bad
it was me who put me inside this pit
not the people who never gave no ****
as i was burning alive
fire running through my life
I'm trying so hard but nothing no longer fits
It's a mess
man in the mirror screams at me to look at myself
i keep my eyes closed but i can't get rid
oh man, i hate this kid
i hate his face
i hate how it fits so perfectly on mine
how he sits cold and lonely all the ******* time
telling his story in weird voices and stupid rhymes
talking like a curse,
a heart to purge
growing cold with time
my head is aching
I'm so numb waiting
every time i see the sun shine
it starts raining
and every morning i say goodbye to the stars fading
my scars aging
there's no one out there for me waiting
I'm lonely
i hope i better be
for i wasn't meant to love
i'm not complaining
but its makes me sick
that i can never live with what i don't have to give
I'm still weighing on a blade razor thin
wearing a mask painted with a grin
but no one ever looks in the eyes
crooked and grim
he's a sin
it's a sin
but he won't let them in
the mute can't sing
i remember a time when i wasn't this cold
but now the kid's old
looking back at no-one and nothing

Whispering
away
the inadequacy
of life
The moral dilemma
of
being never found
Hiding in the comfort
of
every sunrise
Only to find winter falling all around


Making
idols
  from the pouring weather
Thirsty of warmth
rotting in a coffin
Words dying between folds of a letter
Staring in a mirror that is laughing





I see a man without a voice
His eyes as black as coal
I hear the silence in his noise
with
december in my soul



empty
chair
  is rusting by itself
on a fine day to
live and die
in a far corner which no one can tell
there's no standing for a final goodbye




porcupine
skeleton
  hangs in the closet
breathing fumes of a house burning down
dead babies murmur in a cradle of filth
afraid of the clown dancing round





the sky has been lit
on fire
and i sit alone watching the sun fade
strangers chant by the
pyre
consuming the idols science made




i see the time turning
old
the fear shall devour me whole
i ******* eyes burning cold
with
december in my soul
that fades in me and eats my heart
i am left with nothing to feed my pain
memories pierce like broken
shards
and here i bleed now once again
take away my name
and my lies
Leave me with my shadow in tears
i'm the duckling who couldn't fly
a stranger no matter what i
wear
weeping
autumn's
melancholic
colour
painting my window in a gloomy hue
where
i still sing to the face in the mirror
oh god
i remember a sky so blue


I remember


Watching the rain fall


I remember it all


There was so much more


No stained walls



No windows hiding in the dark


only people with no face



To have never left that old place



where december rained on my soul



found me whole


lost me whole

One..two..three..

Sleep..


confusion creates ripples
Blurred faces and hushed whispers
All across the place where it stands
So many thoughts unraveling
Flowering into the empty space
in a voice i do not understand



Do what makes you happy
For in time you'll be empty
The day will be spent
With nothing to repent
And tomorrow will be gone
For an eternity




Ask yourself when you can
Was it all worth it ?


The dream you've been living
Did you ever find it ?




My heart simmering in warm glow-
Of the heavens angels those sing
Falling in love with my wishful dreams
Screaming about my lonely sin
in a way i do not understand






I am crawling back to deep slumber
With all that maths
and all those numbers
Staring at me from the corner
Of the coming december




As i sit and,




Separate the two faces staring at the wall
Before the blues infects the tear drops





Do not whisper
Close your eyes
And just breathe

Do not linger
Let it all die
So you can leave





Pretend to be someone else
It's easy to lie and fade
You can almost see yourself
In pieces you've been made

The dreams you've been chasing
You're never going to catch it
What else are you still looking for
Do you think you'll ever find it




As i sit and,



Break the two hearts beating as one
I know, there's only room for one




No it's not weird
When no one seems to understand
Sometimes it's not real
Like a broken castle in the sand


Let them all disappear
Now there's nobody here
They're all gone

Do you still feel naked
Are you still scared
Was it the fear all along ?




Slow down and freeze
Into another moment and drown
Can you feel the torment
Of being never found
Even when they're all around




Just when you're smiling
You're about to cry
Everything you've been missing
And you don't know why



Something is always missing
So
You've painted the night
With a million stars you'll never see
In a hope the sun sets one day
And we could be free



Wake up..



One..two..three

do you want to die?
he kept staring in the mirror
do you want to die?
and he kept staring at the picture
no words nor whispers
only silence
burning his skin
numbing his breath
subduing the voices
crawling inside his head
with a static smile
eyes red
he kept staring at the wall
in a hope to forget
Death
Dread
and all the little things

I often remind myself that I am still breathing,
that I'm not drowning in the air struggling to dream again.

I keep walking in a hope that someday I can leave those voices behind,
I have always wondered if there is more in my head than just my mind.

I pretend to be human, I pretend whatever they wish for me to be,
I keep staring in the mirror for hours, where am I.. where is he?

I question my sanity because I fear I do not belong to this place,
I am afraid what I'll find when I peel away this rotten face.

my teeth bite into my skin when I'm scared of them hearing my soul,
I choke myself in pieces till I cannot hear myself no more.

sometimes I find myself drowning in the cold winter air,
I struggle to dream again and find myself in a nightmare.

I wish there was more to this world than I was taught as a child,
I'm just one of the skeletons burning in the rotten pile.

I draw shapes to my scars in order to find the meaning of my pain,
I do not feel anything anymore until I hurt myself again.

I'm burning within my cold skin, I am ready to ignite,
I see all these people walking who aren't even alive.

I wish I could take a life, I wish I could be better than this,
I know there is more but the dessert mean nothing to a fish.

I am fading away into the stark darkness that follows our lives,
I often remind myself that I'm breathing,
but I am not alive.

I wish I was never cold
not blue that my eyes were sore
infected with words and more
with every bite a tear is sold
wailing in circles
about a scar never told
I am standing in this vastness
with my own sorrows
young and old
when eyes draw laughter
from the smile my face stole
I don't think anymore
there is no happy ending after
since I've been stuck here
in emptiness that grows
all across this world I live
in places I never saw
with everything beautiful
and ones with their flaws
withering in this winter
far from the summers gold
when old tales are the law
no one can silence their blindfold
I wish I wasn't so cold
but then
sunshine would eclipse the dark
I would see them
in the dark of my heart
comfortable
and I will burn