here i am
holding on
to relics of your love
after all
i was born
to be on my knees
in worship,
searching for salvation
devoting my life
to the scent
of your skin
the trace of your fingers
the memory
of your mouth on mine
and i know now
i would face
all nine levels of hell
just to hear
my name leave your lips
as feverant as prayer
once more.

another night passes
another moon
risen between us
yet when the night quiets
when the stars whisper
begging for secrets
i find myself
thinking of you
of days spent
basking in your light
crystaline eyes
pulling me under
of how the words left unsaid
will always linger
and i can't help but wonder
if i'll always be
drowning in your ghost.

you left
and suddenly i realised
why we started naming storms
after people.

it's july
and we're falling out of bars
incense clinging to our hair
chasing the last
of the saccharine sun
each strawberry stained kiss
introducing us to god

it's july
and we're hiding under satin sheets
moonlight dancing
upon naked flame
sticky fingers
trying to hold us together
your teeth find my skin
and i can never find the words
to tell you how you've marked me
like spoiled fruit
in the summer heat

it's july
and each amber scented day
leaves me longing
for the month we stole
your eyes met mine
and it felt like a wound mending
before slipping away
with the autumn breeze

it's july
and all i can see is you.

you said
we were a destined love
just right person
wrong time
and so i loved you
in that space between
sleep and awake
where the weight of your kiss
still lingered
like peter losing wendy
wondering just how long
i was meant to wait
for you
to come back to me.

you placed a crown
upon my head
making me feel
like i was the queen
of your castles
little did i know
they were made
of nothing but sand
then the tide crashed in
and swept them away
hushed promises
forgotten by morning.

you were the moonlit shore
and i had been drowning at sea
nothing had ever been
more beautiful
as if poseidon
had moulded you himself
the storm in your eyes
my own salvation.

i feel their eyes on me
and can't help but wish
they were yours
your stare always enough
to set me alight
pinning me in place
a lamb longing for the wolf
for only you
can capture me so wholly
like prey greedily awaiting the hunt
their eyes find mine
and all i see is you.

i knew i was yours
before we had even met
the still image of you
smiling back at me
enough to seal my fate
the inevitably of us
of a heartbreak
so encompassing
humming in my blood
even in the crowd
my eyes found you
the imprint of you
buried deep in my bones
i saw you and i felt it
an awakening
a longing unlike any other
to claim what had been mine
in every lifetime
a cosmic dance
reserved only for you.

our love was a loaded gun
the beginning
and the end
your lips grazed mine
before swallowing me whole
one last bite
of the serpents apple
the sweetest martyrdom
and just like horatio
i'm aching
with the anticipation
of your ghost finding mine
waiting for sleep
just to hear your voice once more
each syllable
still the sweetest hallelujah
even if we're nothing
but the whisper of a memory.

i once thought soulmates
were the missing piece
the perfect fit
the calm after the storm
but then i met you
and everything that i am
everything that i fear
was mirrored back to me
and my soul sighed
at the feeling
of finally being seen
our eyes met
twin blues colliding
and i knew
it would always be you.

on soft twilight mornings
when the world
still sleeps soundly
the blackbirds singing
their daily sermon
i stretch lazily
the crisp sheets a shroud
i feel the warmth
of the sweet summer sun
kissing my back
and i smile
knowing that you had once
done the same.

you once said
i was your very life source
before leaving me behind
without a second thought
now i can't escape
these memories of you
and so i hope my love stains you
like spilled red wine
on fresh linen sheets
i hope my name burns your throat
clawing its way out
when you try to forget
i hope every stolen glance
every clandestine moment
haunts you
my ghost greeting you
each time you close your eyes
the feeling of how it felt
to have me
bright and alive and burning
before losing me
like dust in your hands
eats you alive.

the roses on your knuckles
bloomed
as you held me open for you
moonlight casting it's gentle glow
silver cupping your face
as your eyes met mine
and my soul awakened
longing to dance with yours
each breath a crescendo
that left no doubt behind
the knowledge so clear
like the sapphire sky
shining above us
the balmy summer night
our own refuge
i couldn't escape it
the stolen whispers between us
were never going to be enough
for my heart had been yours
in every lifetime.

in the darkness i find you
your face forming so easily
despite the dawns between us
incense fills the air
and i'm back there
in that first moment
your eyes sparking like a glacier
the air between us dancing
with a million words unsaid
i knew then what i know now
with oranges staining my lips
the pain of loving another
would never be as sweet.

each kiss had me soaring higher
blinded by the sweetness of the sun
my name on your lips
just as holy as any sermon
they say falling feels alot like flying
until you hit the ground
but as the wax from my wings melted
sticky and red
i decided it was worth it
to be close to you
c l o s e s t  to you
for even a moment.

you want to see
how soft and tender my flesh is
and crack the inside of my mind open
like a pomegranate,
ruby jewels spilling onto white sheets.
i offer my plum ripe heart to you greedily
prey wanting to be hunted,
only to be left with sticky hands
from trying to hold myself together
when you walk away.

under the velvet darkness
of those summer nights
you held me close to you
like a sacred song

rumi once said
that lovers do not finally meet
somewhere along the way
they are inside each other
all along

is that why your name
reawakened a fire in my blood
the moments our lips touched?
your kisses sweet
like the first new moon in the sky

i drank the honey from your lips
and realised how blind i'd been
to ever look for love
when you had lived inside me
in every lifetime.

and now
when we are nothing
but dust
i only wish
that you let me show you
you were always
enough.

you looked at me
like a child
looks at his fallen ice cream
mourning the sweetness
he never got to taste

i should have seen it then
the goodbye in your eyes
i guess i was too busy
trying to stop myself
from spilling over your feet.

i once thought how easily
i could compare my love
to my eating disorder

sometimes i want all of you
to devour you hungrily
consuming you with greedy hands
only to exorcise you out
when i feel unworthy

other times it sneaks up on me
your name humming in the dark
leaving me starving
for nothing will satisfy but you

if only i could let myself
have a single taste
to press my teeth upon your heart
and feel your blood rising
to meet mine

then, once all i could taste was you
once you kissed every corner
of my honey soaked mouth
i would spit you out
before i could swallow you whole
before the hurt came
and ruined me entirely.

when i asked
if this was the end
you said
"i don't know"
and i heard "yes"

if you
had stopped talking
for long enough
i think you would have
heard me breaking
but instead
you went on
with your conversation
as if i wasn't crumbling
to pieces in front of you
my nectarine soft heart spoiled,
the juices running
onto the floor,
hands messy
from trying
to hold us together.

you shot across my sky
like a rare constellation
now yours
is the only touch i'm craving

our eyes meet
and i drown completely
each moment with you
leaves me aching so sweetly

feeling drunk off every kiss
i wonder if you know
that yours
is the only face i miss

so little time
with so much i long to do
i'd run straight into trouble
if it led me to you.

i woke to your eyes again
the deepest blue
like gazing into the ocean,
seconds before the storm comes in.

the truth is
i find your ghost at every turn
and still feel the cool waters
of your touch
with every whisper of the wind,
each memory a living phantom.

now i know
not even the holiest exorcism
could pull the threads of you
from my mind
you are the bread and wine
the iron in your blood
pulling me in
sweeter than any nectar.

you breathe me in
each stolen kiss
a sacred prayer
spilling from our lips
you say my name
and my blood sings for you,
evergreens blooming
through my ribcage
no moment
will ever be long enough
your fingers find my hair
crimson flames
dancing across water
your whispered confession
sealing my fate
as i scream your name
into the heavens
my own personal sermon
i will never be whole again;
for you have captured me
so entirely.

summer love
and your glacier eyes
grass stains
on silken skin
with the taste of july
staining our lips,
one look from you
and i'm on my knees
drunk on your kiss
each lie sweeter
than dandelion wine.

we crashed together
so naturally
like the sea
against the shore
sandy lips
and ocean eyes
whispering promises
washed away
by morning.

i want to love you
like a lazy sunday morning
staying in bed
taking our time
sipping coffee
memorising every freckle
like the constellations in the sky
white sheets
and tangled limbs
with the scent of a memory
fresh on our lips.

i long for a love
that will break me,
eat me whole
and spit me out aching.
i want to love
as achilles loved patroclus,
with a burning in my heart
and a madness
that would tear
even the fates apart.

i don't think you understand
just how hungry i am for you
my lips water
at the very thought
of your skin against mine
all teeth and claws
and hands in my hair
eyes alive with starvation
fork and knife ready
begging you
to let me eat you whole.

even now
i am haunted by you still
i see you everywhere,
i hear you every time
the waves crash into the shore
and feel you each time
the wind caresses my skin.
our songs play
and my day comes to hault
i'm back to those summer nights,
wrapped inside your arms
honey and clementines
bleeding from our lips.

in those moments i realise
how deeply you are buried
into my being,
as if my bones are made
from magnets
searching just for you.

you told me
when you closed your eyes
and you felt your blood
start to boil
it's my face you see
all without ever
having my body.

i smiled
and replied;
lover,
undress the mind
and the soul will follow
the body will never come close.

as surely as winter
loosens it's icy grip
with one last kiss
upon my throat,
i know spring
will soon return
to gently hold me
in her warm embrace
as the earth
calls me back home.

you once said
our first kiss
felt like two lost stars
hopelessly colliding,
consuming each other
faster than we
could ever comprehend.
how then
after such an impact
can we fade to nothing
but whispers in the dark
just as easily?

i always adored the story
of peter pan and his lost boys,
yet the ending made me ache.
it's in the moment
where he tells his darling wendy
that he'll love her forever,
in the place between sleep and awake.
i know now that i wait for you there
with my heart in my hands
beating out your name,
wondering if the whole thing
had been nothing more
than a day dream.

i begged myself not to say it
to keep the words
hidden tightly behind my lips
yet you drew them out
with each hungry kiss you stole
your name a prayer
i couldn't stop them forming
pushing their way out into existence

"i am so completely in love with you"

the moment they escaped i felt it
my breath catching in my throat
it was more of a question
than a confession
one that had been dancing
on the tip of my tongue for days

"me too, babe."

you barely let the words out
before greedily filling my mouth
with yours once more.

it wasn't your agreement
that gave me my answer
but the way that you expertly avoided
uttering the words
i needed to hear back to me.

you devoured me
so easily,
leaving me starving
for your touch
and no fruits on earth
can ease my hunger.
so tell me lover,
how does it feel
to have your teeth
in my beating heart?

there is an endless poem
burning in my throat
scratching at my bones,
keeping me awake
like a lover of the night
and it is only ever
howling your name.

you picked me up
and spread me apart
over and over
leaving your notes
in the margins
and fingerprints
on my pages.
now no matter
who reads me
all they can see is you,
staining each page
with blue ink
and a hopeful heart.

we are nothing but ghosts
yet you've stained me
like red lipstick
on fresh white linen.

your love is both
the shining altar
and the smoldering
gates of hell,
i dance between
like a woman possessed
unsure if you will save me
or devour me whole.

the silence between us
deafens me
yet even in the darkness
all i know
is that there is a beating
behind these weary bones
singing just for you.

i want to unravel you
pick apart your bones
devour you so hungrily,
you'll stain my sheets
and leave me aching.

i have always
lived in the past,
dragging around
this melancholy heart
looking for lost places
or past loves.
i guess i lost myself
a little too much
in you this time.

gone,
yet you linger
like a hollow cavity
in my chest.
i feel you
wrapped tight
around my ribcage
blooming
with every breath,
the sweetest lilacs
wrapping tight
like your body on mine
on clementine nights.

i want to write poems for you
but you bled me dry
and now all i have are whispers
in place of sonnets.

and now
at the end of our days
when we have nothing left
but our memories,
if i could tell you
just one thing
it would be how much
my heart burns for you
and that our love
will remain
my sweestest hallelujah
and outshine every star
in the night sky.