isn't it strange
how we can go
from star crossed lovers
fighting fate,
drowning
in stolen moments
to strangers
before the sun
ever met the morning.

your voice is slowly fading
your words too far
to remember clearly
but the discussion between
your fingertips
and my skin,
still blazes wildly
keeping me up at night
like a moth to a flame.

the painful truth
echoes in your silence
and now i understand
that for you
the thrill of the chase
was sweeter
than even the ripest fruit.

white tshirts
clinging to wet skin
rain soaked hair
and orange soaked lips
the gentle amber
of the streetlights above
hummed softly
around us
but all i could see
was the ocean waves
dancing in your eyes
before your mouth
poured into mine
so hungrily
as if you realised
you had been starving
your whole life.

i remember the moment
where it all came into focus
after a night of drunken kisses
and lipstick stains
on your autumn sweater.
i told myself this was it
the chance to finish what we started
yet you stood infront of me
eyes casting shadows,
explaining that our stolen embrace
was an impromptu mistake
meaning that to you
we were a blinding moment
and to me, we were the sun.

i see you everywhere
i miss what we had
who we were,
so lost
yet we found eden
in each other.
your arms
became my sanctuary,
now i ache
for their familiar warmth
and your lips on mine.
yours is a void that never fills
nor do i want it to
self sabotage
in the sweetest way.
you are my church,
my holy ground.

i'd pull every single star
from the night sky
if it would only bring
me back to you.

i couldn't be human
so i made a home
in the woods
i danced with the mist
and ran with the wolves.
i lay on the pine needles
wove leaves into my hair,
perhaps if you come looking
you will find me there.

to the darkness
i surrender
my body laying in wait
hungry
claws in the earth
ruby droplets
decorating my throat
laying myself open
bathing in moonight,
from beyond the trees
my love has come
and i am ready
to be devoured.

if it takes 28 days
for skin to renew,
then i have been
13 new versions of myself
since i last felt your touch.
each day gets longer,
yet i still hear your name
in the ocean waves
and your moon soaked kisses
still keep me up at night.

i long to taste you
in the darkness
to feel your breath upon my neck
and taste your sweet kisses
once more.
i crave your touch
like a woman possessed
perhaps i am,
perhaps i am sure to drown
in this perpetual state of hunger
with your voice in my head
and your name upon my lips.

i will eat you
unapologetically
with kisses
drowning deeper
with each mouthful
until i taste nothing
but the sweetness
of your lips
and the burning
of my heart.

i guess
to put it simply,
i miss each atom of you
individually.
each molecule
each grain of stardust,
more than i ever knew
was humanly possible.

i guess you thought
our love
was an april shower
but lover,
when i rain
i pour.
i let you consume me
and soak me
to the bone.
i guess you thought
our love
was an april shower,
when it hit me
like a hurricane.

even in the shadows
of your love
i can still see
the stars that fall
from your eyes,
i hear your heartbeat
and i know
that although i am lost
you are here
in the darkness with me
and so the dark
doesn't feel so bad.

you
with your cool steel eyes
and ink stained hands,
you are the only one
who calms the storm
in my mind.

he told me he loved the rain
the same as i did
what he meant,
was that he loved to watch
from behind the window
and listen as it gently tapped
against the glass.
when i say i love the rain
i mean that the roar of thunder
awakens my bones,
just as the smell of lightning
fills my lungs.
i hear it kissing the earth
and all at once
i can't stop myself
from running outside
and letting it consume me.

i saw glaciers in your eyes,
icy plains and lost streams.
i felt you fill my lungs
your salt water burning
with each new breath,
drowning in you
with every exhale.

i kissed you
and tasted the light of the stars
& the apricot dawn all at once.
your lips had something wild in them
as if you were birthed,
from lightning itself
as if the sea had strung you together
from her most precious pearls.

and i loved you
in a golden crescendo
of moonlit sunsets
sweet amber kisses
and honey soaked lips.

i can no longer remember
your voice with such clarity
when you'd say my name
in those moments
of temptation
yet i have learned
that hands can remember too,
they twitch and burn
feeling for you in the dark
searching for the fingers
that once wrapped around them
like a phantom limb
the memory of you
scorched into them
too deep to be lost.

now i understand,
that i have always
been enough

i just wasn't
enough for you.

365 sunsets
yet i still remember
how your fingertips
danced along
the curve of my hips,
and how much it hurt
when you walked
out the door.

i guess that is the gift
of feeling too much
there will always be
too many memories
slowly burning,
too many words
to describe how i felt.
forever picking
at the wound,
leaving me aching.

isn't it strange,
how we are each made
from little scrap pieces
of lovers left behind.
one lovers
favourite coffee order
is still my most reached for,
anothers user name
became endless passwords
and your t-shirt
became all i could sleep in.
i guess those we loved
never really leave us,
and so i wonder
which part of me
you took with you
when you left.

i do not want you
to try to complete
each missing part of me
to make me perfect for you
i want you
to see me perfectly flawed
lost pieces and all
and still want
to light up my darkest shadows
enough to outshine
each star in the sky.

i have never
felt so helpless
as when i fell
head first into you,
drowning
in your murky waters
you were the only
light i could see.
you kissed me
and my body
drifted to the surface
my heart cracked open
like a lotus
knowing that
without the darkness,
without being held
in your grasp,
i would never
have been able
to dance along the surface
kissing the waterlillies
confessing my love
in sweet whispers
to the dragonflies
bathing in the scent
of soft summer rain.

i've always been told
that i am a greedy lover
allowing love
to eat me whole,
devoting myself entirely
and expecting
the same in return.

i let you swim in my veins,
before burying yourself
inside my bones.

my kisses
will burn your skin,
and leave pathways
of where i've been.

i will breathe you in
forsaking all oxygen
injecting you into my blood,
desperate for another fix
so completely addicted
so completely yours.

despite fighting fate
despite time
luck or chance
never being on our side,
our memories still dance
wrapped tightly
in a ghostly waltz
like dead stars
in a cosmic boneyard
their light shining brightly
illuminating
even the darkest of nights.

soft summer rain
gently falls
as morning candlelight
dances against the window
the scent of amber
and thunderstorms
hang in the air
while my memories of you
play like a vintage film
sweeter than cherry wine
and sun kissed honeydew.

sometimes
the moon comes by
and tells me
about you.
how she created your eyes
from the sea itself
and your bones
from the dust
of forgotten stars
kissed by saturn,
before sending you
soaring over my horizon.
i gaze at her in wonder,
knowing i will never find
the words to say
t h a n k  y o u
for sharing you
with me.

you may not be mine
but i still remember
that the only way
you can drift off to sleep
is to the gentle murmur
of clementine
pulling you under
with her whispered promises,
and how your fingers
would always find themselves
pushing the hair from my face
as you placed your headphones
to my ears in the dark.
these are the moments
where i come back to you,
stained by your love
like red wine on fresh sheets.

my pull towards you
was instant
and all-encompassing,
as if i'd been
living in darkness
and you were the first
splashes of colour
i'd ever seen.
i wondered how someone
could be so beautiful,
how i could be so lucky
to wake up and see
the ocean
dancing in your eyes.
in those moments i knew
my heart would never
burn for anyone,
the way it ached for you.

stolen amber nights
wrapped in your arms
underneath
the midsummer moon,
our greedy hands
looking for more.
worshipping each other
like sinners
searching for a god
we don't believe in,
now your sweet moans
will always be
my greatest hallelujah.

you told me
actions speak
louder than words,
now i hear more
in your silence
than you were ever
able to tell me aloud.

the hardest part
of this whole mess
was realizing
that you had let us
get so far,
all the while knowing
that we couldn't continue
without you
breaking us apart.

just a foolish girl
letting nostalgia
fill her heart
and leave her aching
for a love
that never existed.

a great man said
that to love,
is to allow yourself
to free fall helplessly
into another
falling for you
wasn't soft and quiet
like autumn leaves
dancing in the wind,
it was closing my eyes
and diving
into the unknown
like a baby bird
finding my wings,
unsure if the jump
would **** me
or set me free.

the hardest truth
is that nothing lasts forever
everything is temporary
i see now
that our reality was simple
i was just another way
for you to get through
the lonely nights
i knew the hurt was inevitable
that foolish dreams
had clouded my vision
i guess i just thought
we might have made it.

i still remember
your sleepy steel eyes
staring back at me
bed hair and soft sheets
your tender fingertips
always lost
in my crimson hair
that just couldn't stop itself
from gently spilling
onto your face
in those moments i knew
you would always give me
a thousand new reasons
to unravel for you
before the amber sun
filled the sky
with her nectarine kisses.

endless times
you have called me
in and out of your orbit
sharing moments
of melancholy and madness
i'm drawn once more
to the violet light you emit
you stand beside me
and i feel it
f a m i l i a r i t y
you are the constellation
in my darkened sky
your hand in mine
a hushed whisper
during a forced goodbye
a forbidden confession
of an eternal craving

i wish i could hold our memories
tightly inside rose petals
despite the aching
despite the uncertainty
i know only this
if i am to live wholly
i can't do so without you
my fallen valentine
my immortal shadow
and so i'll wait for you
over the hills past saturn
underneath the burning sky
like a wilting flower
summoning the rains.

what if we weren't
so bound by time
what if, like the universe
our thoughts,
our memories were linear
burning, alive and electric.
what if we could swim
between what has been
and what is yet to come,
would our moments
underneath a summer moon
where our souls bled
and our demons danced
be the ones you go back to?