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7d · 371
I hate my words
Phia 7d
Desperation leaks from my words
As I beg the universe for life
Happiness
And you
Phia 7d
I have a special relationship with poetry.
She is the friend I can stick in my pocket indefinitely
And when we meet again it’s like I never left.
She’s familiar, and comforting
And reminds me that she is the only thing
I know that I can count on
When everything goes to ****
May 6 · 59
Starving
Phia May 6
I have this propensity
To never be satisfied.
I’m always wanting more
Starving for something
Though I’m not sure what it is
This has led to some very self destructive behaviors
Phia May 6
Why am I trying so hard to provide my greatness
To someone with a mind so small
It couldn’t even dream of
comprehending all of me
Anyways
May 6 · 78
That damn dam
Phia May 6
Everything is fine
Then one Sunday afternoon
The dam between your teeth
Starts to crack
And all my flaws
come pouring from your mouth
I wish you would say what’s bothering you sooner. Let’s talk about it rather than explode
Apr 30 · 133
Chameleon
Phia Apr 30
I tend to lose myself in crowds of people.
A chameleon blending in with its surroundings.
It’s only when I am alone once more
That I can find myself again
From notes and inspired by I need solitude to see myself clearly by rupi kaur. Any advice on titles?
Apr 30 · 110
The archaeologist
Phia Apr 30
And then you showed up
And discovered a part of me
That I never even knew existed
My friend sent me a poem, I’m not sure who by, but it reads

“No one is mad at you
That’s just an echo
From how you grew up
You’re safe
You can let go”

I didn’t realize that this was a huge part of my childhood that I connected with one of my biggest “temp checks” and fears: “are you mad at me?”
Phia Apr 30
Pain is a powerful motivator
It motivates me
And my pen
To keep moving forward
Phia Apr 30
My pen dances across the pages
And as the ink pours from my pen
The pain pours out of me
The paper bursting
Beneath the pen
The burden of the words too heavy to bear.
Cleaning out my notes
Phia Apr 30
My pen dances across the pages
And as the ink pours from my pen
The pain pours out of me
The paper bursting
Beneath the pen
The burden of the words too heavy to bear.
Cleaning out my notes
Apr 30 · 255
My salvation
Phia Apr 30
I was dying of thirst
And the words
I love you
Poured out
From the fountain of your lips
So I greedily consumed them
Like they would be
My salvation.
Apr 28 · 98
Our playlist
Phia Apr 28
I have a playlist dedicated to us.
It’s called -

All the songs that hold a special place in my heart
But are too dangerous to listen to
All songs that for one reason or another, remind me of him

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3lxyHUgCzCjDblr4X3A7lN?si=_spPwKKsQvCZnCT9tH99NA&pi=efc52xGcQXSrR
Apr 13 · 85
How did we get here?
Phia Apr 13
The bed feels so much colder
And the distance between us
Feels like miles instead of inches.

How did we get here?
Phia Apr 8
I don’t think love forgets.
I don’t think it disappears.
I don’t think you “fall out of love”.

I think love persists;
Love endures;
And I think our love for someone
Is etched into our souls.

At least that’s what I tell myself
As I walk down the grocery aisle
Hoping we’ll run into each other
And fall in love once again
Does this make sense?
Apr 8 · 103
Without you around
Phia Apr 8
Tell me, what am I to do
When I’ve run out of stories
To tell about you
Mar 22 · 227
Kismet
Phia Mar 22
As your lips find their home against mine
Our breathing becomes one
And I can’t help but feel
Like we were put on this earth
For this very moment
Kismet: (n.). destiny; fate.
Mar 22 · 159
Melancholy
Phia Mar 22
Her eyes were so distant
The look in them sad
Yet so comfortingly familiar
Mar 5 · 153
The tightrope
Phia Mar 5
As I once again start to lose my balance
I wonder
How far will I have to plummet
Before I reach the net.
I can tell I’m on the verge of a shutdown. I’m overwhelmed, I’m stressed, I’m on the verge of crying most of the time, I’m always tired. I know what comes next and I hope it doesn’t take as long to come back from
Feb 19 · 958
The gambler
Phia Feb 19
I suppose it’s a good thing
That I don’t gamble
Because I would’ve lost it all
Betting on us
Feb 15 · 357
My BPD lunchbox
Phia Feb 15
I have this part of me,
A glaringly large part of me,
That I must hide from the world.
Symptoms, thoughts, feelings, and emotions
that I have to cram into a little lunchbox.
By the end of the day this little box weighs
a hundred pounds,
And I alone unpack it's contents
every night.

It's exhausting.
And I'm tired.
When I was 17 I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. My symptoms were so bad and pervasive that they diagnosed me before the age of 18. I have spent the majority of my 25 years in therapy. The sadness, loneliness, and wishes to end my life often overwhelm me. I feel like I can't keep friends. I feel completely alone while I battle this disorder. No one knows about it except for a select few. I feel like I'm lying to everyone. But BPD is so stigmatized that I think most people won't try to understand before they judge me and turn their image of me into my diagnosis. It's exhausting, and I'm tired and I just want to feel normal.
Feb 12 · 362
Rainy days
Phia Feb 12
I love rainy days.
I feel like it’s the earths way
Of reminding us
That it’s okay to slow down
Feb 12 · 180
An ode to rainy days
Phia Feb 12
I love a rainy day.
It’s the day for lovers
For criers
For readers
For writers.
It’s a day of cleansing
And reset.
Phia Jan 30
She was both the storm
And the sanctuary
At once.
A comforting ferocity
The kind of storm you would readily run into
Instead of away from
For Chrystal
Jan 29 · 677
Love at first sight
Phia Jan 29
The first time I met you,
it wasn’t love at first sight.
Instead,
it was a slow melody,
building to the most earth shattering crescendo.
Phia Jan 28
It’s late, and I can’t sleep.
I’m thinking about the way your
hand always felt so weightless in mine,
but the absence of it—of you—
feels so heavy.

It’s late, and I can’t sleep.
I’m thinking about the way
the beat of your heart
and the waves of your breathing
created a rhythm just for my soul.

It’s late, and I can’t sleep.
I’m thinking about the way
the skin crinkles at the corners of your eyes
whenever you smile or laugh.

It’s late, and I can’t sleep
Cause now I sleep alone
And the bed feels so cold

It’s late
And I can’t sleep
Idk. Just a “shorter ish” version of the other one
Phia Jan 28
It’s late, and I can’t sleep.
I’m thinking about the way your
hand always felt so weightless in mine,
but the absence of it—of you—
feels so heavy.

It’s late, and I can’t sleep.
I’m thinking about the way
the beat of your heart
and the waves of your breathing
created a rhythm just for my soul.

It’s late, and I can’t sleep.
I’m thinking about the way
the skin crinkles at the corners of your eyes
whenever you smile or laugh.

It’s late, and I can’t sleep.
I’m thinking about the way
it all went to ****.

It’s late, and I can’t sleep.
I’m thinking about the way
that I broke your heart,
and then you broke mine.

It’s late, and I can’t sleep.
I’m thinking about all the tears,
and the pain,
and the emptiness.

It’s late, and I can’t sleep.
I’m thinking about how
maybe you aren’t my soulmate,
and that I don’t know how to exist without you—
my best friend.

It’s late,
And I can’t ******* sleep
It’s late and I can’t sleep
Yes I’m still writing about the same relationship
Sorry if it’s annoying and ******
Jan 28 · 2.2k
Ms. Cellophane
Phia Jan 28
To be loved is to be seen
And I never realized just how invisible I felt
Until you came along
And saw me in full color
Jan 15 · 165
The edge of my existence
Phia Jan 15
Teetering on the edge of my existence,
I do not fear death.
As she extends her hand to me
She whispers promises of infinite
peace
And happiness
And nothingness
As I look into her luring eyes
I finally feel at ease
with everything I’d leave behind
The keres: the goddesses of death in Greek mythology
Jan 15 · 237
To goodbyes 2.0
Phia Jan 15
One by one
the list gets longer.
Promises of friendship
turn into nothing more than tourism.
The word "goodbye"
has built a permanent home
On the tip of my tongue.
But despite the familiarity,
It still leaves me with a bitter taste in my mouth.
Will it always be like this?
Cleaning up my drafts
Jan 15 · 174
Dinner with friends
Phia Jan 15
For so long
I’ve made plans and spoken of my future
With no intention of getting there.
How nice it is to be reminded sometimes
That life is a beautiful thing
And still worth living
This may seem silly, but tonight I had dinner with some friends from work, one of whom i talk to everyday despite her leaving 3 months ago. I had such a fun time tonight and was so grateful to have spent that time with them and for the opportunity to do it again in the future.
Phia Jan 11
Why do I love you
Why do I care
You’ve destroyed me completely
Yet you call and I’m there.
The anger is setting in. Am I finally moving towards acceptance?
Jan 11 · 122
I hate titles
Phia Jan 11
You could rip out my heart
And hand it to me on a silver platter
And I would still love you
We are toxic and I need to let you go. And I’m in a bad headspace and I’m angry so no ******* title
Dec 2024 · 252
My life as a book
Phia Dec 2024
And as I tumble through the pages
Of my favorite books,
I fantasize of a better place;
Of a life that isn’t mine;
One where I am courageous
And strong
And unbreakable.
I fantasize of a place
Where I am the heroine
Instead of the villain
In my own story.
I fantasize of this place
And pray for that world to swallow me whole
Dec 2024 · 266
The in between
Phia Dec 2024
I long for the days of in between.
The days where I don’t feel like I’m drowning
Or dying of thirst.
Dec 2024 · 236
AMB VI
Phia Dec 2024
I’ve collected many things in my life
But my favorite
Are the memories and stories
I share with you
Dec 2024 · 206
The colors of the world
Phia Dec 2024
My depression
Has changed the colors of the world
But how fond I have grown
Of the shades of blue and grey
In which I live
Dec 2024 · 222
sad things
Phia Dec 2024
I like sad things.
Sad things make me happy.
Sad things make me feel
Less alone
I like sad things but I hate being sad
Phia Dec 2024
I have learned to love my scars.
Despite the pain behind them
They serve as a reminder
Of all the times
I decided life is worth living.
I’m word vomiting I’m sorry
Dec 2024 · 571
AMB V
Phia Dec 2024
I truly think our souls
Are eternally intertwined.
I will find you
And love you
In every lifetime.
Nov 2024 · 147
My perfect friend
Phia Nov 2024
I wish you could see yourself through the eyes
Of everyone who loves you.
Maybe then
You’d never doubt yourself again
Nov 2024 · 122
AMB IV
Phia Nov 2024
Our love healed me so completely
It should only makes sense
For it to be the thing
That breaks me so wholly
Oct 2024 · 737
Forever, intertwined
Phia Oct 2024
I wanted to spend forever with you.
I guess I didn’t realize how much
I already intertwined our forever
Into my life
Until I had to spend my nights alone
Trying to create a future
With the leftover pieces of my life
That Weren’t touched by you.
Idk if this makes sense.
Oct 2024 · 192
My life has two phases
Phia Oct 2024
When I feel numb
I long to feel something.
Anything.
But on the days that I feel something
I pray to feel nothing at all.
My life is a rollercoaster of emotions. Im either dying of thirst or im completely drowning.
Oct 2024 · 208
When we first met
Phia Oct 2024
I came to you
with all of my insecurities
tattooed on my soul.
And the words
"I'm sorry"
dripping from my tongue.

You met me with tenderness
patience
and open arms.
and filled me with so much love
that for the first time
I felt safe.
Word ***** trying to piece together some old writing that I found in the archives.
Oct 2024 · 389
I love you
Phia Oct 2024
When I say "I love you"
what I meant was,
I have never felt so at home
anywhere
or with anyone.
My mind,
my soul,
my heart,
has never felt such peace.
sorry i'm word dumping. Also I hate titles.
Oct 2024 · 380
My garden and you
Phia Oct 2024
As I look around
my poorly grown flowers,
Sparse,
and half dying,
you're the only one who has ever
sat in my garden
and told me how beautiful it was.
Oct 2024 · 1.3k
AMB III
Phia Oct 2024
I miss the days
where our final kisses
were to bid each other goodnight,
not good bye.
Oct 2024 · 219
AMB II
Phia Oct 2024
I just want to hear you say
that you hate the word goodbye
as much as I do.
I have never written so many words about someone...
Oct 2024 · 241
My love
Phia Oct 2024
Falling in love with you
Was as easy and natural
as falling asleep.
If only it were just as easy
To wake up
I wonder if you read these
Oct 2024 · 161
How it feels to breathe
Phia Oct 2024
The air I breathe
Feels like bricks
In my chest
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