Turn the lights off, I have a really long day tomorrow
I found a little time tonight to think myself into sorrow
Let me set my alarm for 5:10am
Put the charger in my phone so it can get to 100 percent
No one texted me how I was, but does it matter? I'd just say I'm decent
As always...
The room is pitch black except for little lights of electronics
I need to get some rest so let me get on it
I close my eyes hoping my reality isn't real
Eyes getting teary but I know I can deal
Jolts and twitches are my reaction to thoughts that haunt me
Next thing I know my face is damp
I try to fall asleep but the same thing happens again
I wake up the next morning drained and ashamed
But I guess in some way everyone starts their day feeling *empty

I'm in awe every moment
I admire her every word and movement
It's impossible for me to ignore her

I think about her every minute
I have to suppress the thought of her just to get things done
She is my fire in the sky when I can't see the sun

I'm just so hateful
I want to hate her
but I can't find a single reason

What will become of thoughts like this
I just want to grab her wrist and show her hands are meant to be held

How can a person be like a season?
Like the leaves in fall
I can make her face turn red
Autumn is only person that makes my anger and hate  *decimate

It's been years and I thought I was fine
What wasn't for me came easy
I didn't need a sign
Leave in the night with no regard
I was right not to take it an extra yard
Numb and oblivious I've been
Living with thought and no serious sins
I look at my screen and see your delirious grins
So far away and no intent to explain loose ends
In the night I saw your face
You walked by me with no change in pace
In a dream I was haunted by hopeless elegie
Waking up with empty hope and returning greif
The look of your cresent lips and teeth
Left me uneasy
I just want the past to stay out my mind and behind me
No regret and much remorse with a ****** up head, heartfelt hate, and memories

If I ruled the world
Justice will make the wicked shake in the knees
If I ruled the world
Law will be obeyed

To every man who have  pillaged a woman
You will be enslaved
To anyone who has taken the innocence of a child
You will be slaughtered without trail

If I ruled the world
Safety will be a ensured
If I ruled the world
Your silent screams will be heard

When God isn't there Justice will be served
A hand will be there to help the weak
A soldier will be made of every theif
If I ruled the world
War will not be more important than those in need

All ears I've been all this time
Talking from pm to the am by your side
How I really am I always hide
You never know how my day has been because you never asked
Don't you think it's hard for me sometimes as much as you to do simple tasks
You cry, moan and sulk screaming you're all alone
I'm not down with that insult so I'll put down the phone

When you pushed everyone away because you're scared of letting people be too close
Just know the loneliness is something you chose
Just know the solitude you're in isn't because of who you are but what you have done
Never letting anyone in will be your biggest regret
You can't sleep at night because  pillow is wet
Just know it's because you're scared of being hurt while you're always wounded

Autumn please wake up, your day awaits
You can't even open the curtains in your room because you're so ashamed of your face
Just know your looks will be a problem the real world will soon replace

When the mirror taunts when you don't have on artificial loveliness
Rememver Humans are like butterflies that can never see the beauty of their wings
Look down at your hands and arms that made your shadow your only company
Get out of the dark to come find me

Looking in between the bars of my prison cell
I witness everything from hate, lust, and love
I will crawl back inside my shell if I should choose to leave this hell

I never thought that anyone could still see the best in me even after many words exchanged.
There is laughter replacing silence which doesn't make me seem any less deranged,  
And I never thought I could let someone in without making a change.  
But I always knew no one would stay.
And it hurts to be right.

Looking in from the outside,
I still don't ask questions why.
I'm paying for a horrible sin I'm not aware that I committed.
All I can remember is being cold,
And if I wasn't cold my heart would be trembling.
If there was anyone who truly wanted to save me
I wouldn't let myself spill my insides out...

I've been lost for so long accepting never being found
I've been floating alone just trying to stay high off myself
I thought I was never going to feel that again

I never thought I'd ever feel more
I never thought that I could experience mutual adore
For so long I only hoped to come in second place
To come in first just imagine the look I had on my face

Please let this last
May only death leave this in the past
The future is paved with uncertainty
I hope that road will be explored and conquered by you and me

I've been lost for so long accepting never being found
Walk this world with me that is round

I want clarity on why good times are suspicious to me
Every time I rise I fall with a smile as my disguise

Oh karma, remind me how I shouldn't smile
Make me see my existence as vile
I know happiness can't last forever
But I know I'm always meant to suffer
Oh karma, put me back in my place
Make this disgrace halt from poisoning the human race

When you realize you are part of the disease
You'll watch yourself hate the things you need
Swallow every meaningless bit of shame
Walk forever meaningless until you fall to Earth playing karma's game

Then I opened my eyes and saw I need to take control of my life
Relentlessly someday I'll push away the forces that make living a protracted decay

Your company is daunting
That stare is unsettling
It's obvious you don't know what uselessness is
You're infinitely wanted while I'm never needed
Love isn't for the hopeless
Hate me for being conceded
I'm just being what you've been all along
And the difference is no one will come to me while I'm lost in myself
I have to search and get shot down while looking for someone else
I'm waiting to get a new head
But I know the way I act and think are the same
I mean every word I say
Though you can't look me in the eyes
I can't change even if I tried

I can't grow when every outcome is the same

I've been no one's priority
So why should anyone be for me?
Wasting time has wasted mine
How going with the flow has only gone smooth in my mind

Jagged rocks and clustered thoughts
Cold outcomes have always been my fault
Expecting torment is how I get ready for disappointment
My boys are all I need for companionship and enjoyment
Fairy tales are lies and I won't die searching for it

Stop
Was a word she was afraid to say
Every "how are you?" ends with "I'm ok"
Why doesn't she just run away
When he says he loves her he doesn't mean it

She walks with her shades on
For her eyes are of a burglar who has had their dignity stolen
People walk by oblivious to what's it like for her at "home"
She longs to be truly alone

She walks with her shades on
I wonder "do you hate making eye contact with people, do you?"
The weather is beautiful as her yet she always wears a sweater
She doesn't let anyone know her arms are violet

Why doesn't she run away?
Why can't he just die today
An angel's wings should never be led astray

If she could know the world outside of that cowards grasp
Maybe the world could still enjoy her laugh

Here I am again in my smoke ridden den
Lost in my thoughts but no where to be found inside your head
Every word unsaid was probably for the best
I'll have to start over with an emptiness in my chest
I wish I was worth something so I could use my confidence
My efforts to be better are masked by the loathing of insignificance and irrelevance
I'll sleep with hate for myself and everything in the world
I can't tell a soul how I truly am because no would want to ask again
And I'll be here the same as I was last year and the ones before
No direction but to just go forward
There's a cliff to my left where I can sink lower
The light to my right is where I can drop all and start over
What I want isn't what the world needs
I tell myself to waste everyone else's oxygen and breathe
It's best to stay quiet because I want no one to know what's underneath
My day will come when I come around...

I'm pretty sure it's safe to say you're not feeling me,
I had a hunch that'd you end up feeling that way.

I was honest and I was going to try my best
But you're an individual that chose to go another road.
You're gone on the highway and I'm walking on a rail road.  

I swear my friends keep me holding on
But they don't know that I'm so far gone.
I'd hope you'd give me chance and realize you had me all wrong.
Keep going because you were right all along.

I'm a child that still hasn't hit his growth spurt.
I swear I'm a psychic because I knew I'd be left hurt.
We were going to have a good run but you left me in the dirt.
I'm a train wreck trying to get back on track
And you'd chugged along and showed me your back.

What did I expect because it all ends the same,
And guess what?
Yes, I'm the one to blame.
I was hoping you'd see me out but you were smart enough to see through me.

Do you hear society crumbling?
Do you see the cowards fleeing?
Do you feel the burning?

The streets are filled with the screams of women and children
Hell is on Earth but you don't even realize it yet
The forgotten shall remember this day

You pray that God bless all you have
While the forgotten have nothing
They have lost all empathy

Your being is a mockery
May the forgotten have mercy
The desolation shall be all we see

Close your eyes
Dig your grave
The forgotten and I shall remember this day

I'm looking forward to ******* nothing
The words I need to say are buffering
Somewhere down this line there is some sort of reward
I'm aimlessly trying to move forward
Get away from me, don't you see that I don't speak unless there's meaning
As far as I'm concerned everyone outside  of family is temporary
As of late, I feel restrained, being held back from everything that matters to me
So consumed by what I think I need,
I don't have the ******* luxury of choosing to be happy
Every road block I crash into takes a peice of me in some way

I'll never forget that winter where I was scarred and permanently changed
Frozen in time taking everything in
So much self reflection took place that it made every mirror I stared into bend
All that I felt and thought, you could never relate
I promise that you would die if you had to bare my weight
And I don’t need help from you or anyone to get me through this

"I don't know" are your favourite words
Your mind is made up of paths you're not sure of
Your body language is always foreign

Why can't you just be someone who knows who they are?
Attention is all you ever wanted
Just look at the aching hands that write of your aching heart
Alone you feel because you don't surround yourself with those who've been with you since the start
Make ties with people instead of being a stubborn unlaced shoe
You're the only one accountable for what you do

Grow up and be an open book
Don't push away everyone just because they want to take a look
Just look at the aching hands that write of your aching heart

All of these broken things,
I will lay out.
I'll throw them all away,
And I'll learn to accept what I must live without.  
I can say life isn't fair,  
But I can't have what isn't there.  
I can pray for better,
But no one besides me is going to hear.

Some days I want to break all I have,
So I can possess what I am.
I want nothing to have any use just like me.  
Everything around me is complete unlike me.
I'm either feeling high or can't feel anything physically and emotionally.
But what's the ******* point of beating myself up when I know I'll soon feel nothing?

I'll live a lifetime in my cave-mind waiting for someone to see me out,
But until then I'll recognize what I can't have and what I must live without.

Binge on the idea of revenge against someone you'll never see again
You never gave them a reason to stay now they're far away
Now your only companion is the dark figure the sun puts behind you
Shake your fist to the sky because you want to die
Blame everything that's around because you're on your own
The nights will be as dark as your vision
You went along with the motion until you had no chance for redemption
But you'll never change
You'll wait for someone to be your bandage so you can rip them off and wonder why you feel abandoned

It's been a while so I'll let nicotine spin my head
Turned the heat off because I like it cool around my blanket
And I'll pretend every word we shared was  unsaid
At least I tried but as for now I'll force myself to forget
Staring myself in the mirror wondering is this reality
Flashbacks to how it was make me grit my teeth
I'll brush them and go about and find another reason to be cheesing
But I guess I'll imagine a world with myself which you will never see
Then I'll reflect how no one has ever been there
I have my boys so it will balance out so I believe that what's missing is fair
For now I'll puff some more out because I couldn't regret or care!