Little spider in the corner,
Don't ever think you don't belong
I'm an insect, and I see you
I think you're beautiful and strong.

Little spider in the corner,
You're not like anyone here
You have eight legs, you can make web
You're amazing, and that is clear.

Little spider in the corner,
Don't think that you're destined to fail
You're not broken, you will achieve
Once the storm clears, your boat will sail.

Little spider in the corner,
Come join us, we will welcome you
The humans may not understand
But we are one, that's always true.

Silence fills the room
So I am never alone
Even if it's quiet.

Alone again
By myself
(I chose this)
Man is a social animal
I don't know anyone here
Everyone I know is so far away
I'm drowning, I'm drowning
(I chose this)
Thoughts are louder
They're consuming me
I'm fighting to stay alive
(I chose this)
I'm trying to stay sane
I'm trying to find hobbies
"Don't wallow in self-pity"
"Go out and do something"
I'm trying
(I chose this)
I don't regret it
But God, it hurts
(I chose this)

I'm an unknown book on a shelf
That one forgets to treat with care
Passed around among many people,
Alas! I've aged with wear and tear.

I don't recall to whom I belonged
Who once penned my words in fading ink
I'm not as strong as I used to be
I'm only a novel- I can't think.

I'm looking for a gentle owner
Who enjoys reading without pretense,
Keeping me safe, worn pages intact,
The one who'll cherish my existence.

When I found you again, after years
My body felt alive, with you so near
My heart, unsure, skips a beat, hesitating
It almost moved on, it was tired of waiting.
Yet it remembers to falter for you
Muscle memory remains as good as new.
But I know, in my soul, within my mind
That you're not with me, I can be so blind
That all your tunes, you always sing for her
That your beautiful words, they are for her...

And as I listen, I can't help but wonder,
'Am I worthy?
Will I be worthy of those words someday?
If not from you, from someone else?
But can anyone ever really match up to you?'

Time flies so fast,
That I'm stuck,
Paralyzed
Watching
As my words
Drift away....
As I fade...

Into..

Nothing.

There once was a poet who moved
With words as a crutch, through the days
He knew where to get a new one
To support him through life, always.

But the time came that he was lost
In a forest, hungry and tired
He couldn't find the way back home
His word of the day had expired.

And so he lay in wait till dawn
So he'd have a clearer mind
He resolved to visit the store
For an anchor that sounded kind.

Month after month, year after year
Passed slowly as he searched in vain
Until he couldn't walk a step
So then he crawled, wailing in pain.

He'd known this would happen to him
'Writer's block', a feared condition
That attacked those forged from language
There was no cure for this affliction.

And soon the town forgot their names
The woods became haunted in grief
Of poetic ghosts that long for words
In damnation without relief.

I wonder if you can read between these lines on a screen
And realize that I really do say what I mean.
I ponder what it's like not to just be seen, but heard
To command the center of attention with each word.
I imagine a new world with a little less noise
Where I could even listen to the sound of my voice!
But mostly, I wish for the world I wouldn't want to leave
Where one is judged by character, not how one's perceived.

Hold on, it'll get better soon.
One day you'll find the strength to pull yourself up,
And it'll be glorious
Like moonshine on a rock,
Like the sun over the seas,
Like new waves on a forgotten shore.
You will make your mark, and it will not go unnoticed.
Rise up, stranger. You are loved, and so very worthy of life.

I have a cocoon
I hide inside it
My shell stands tall and proud
The soft parts unlit.

Day by day I rebuild my home
Each night I repeat
'One day, it'll be done
One day, it'll be complete'.

Something goes wrong every hour
And I fix it every time
Trying to hide the crap within
Making sure I appear sublime.

Yet some person always sees
The escaping crying soul
They eye me curiously, and say
'When'll you be done? Your home has a hole!'

'Who's the girl who runs there?
Bring her home, we must find out!'
I stand powerless without a word
Stunned still when I want to shout.

'How do they notice the leaks
The cracks in my facade?
Have I not perfected the art?
Do they only know that I'm scarred?'

I cannot run away
The ghosts of the past lurk
A place I cannot exorcise
One of these days, will I go berserk?

I have a set of bespoke masks
For each and every person I know
Depending on what is asked
They'll see what I'm willing to show
If, one day, I lose my disguise
The world wouldn't handle it well
So I keep it safe, within my reach
Tailored to visions I need to sell.
Why do we put up these charades?
Forlorn souls, trying to find our place
If we can't be ourselves, we pretend
To be who we're not, just to save face.
It doesn't, it doesn't have to be this way
If I could change the world, I'd decree
That the veils come off, so people learn
To be true, themselves, finally free.

All the world's a stage
And all the men and women merely players;
Acting to the best of their ability
As they pretend, pretend, pretend
That everything's fine, that it always will be
Through tempests of unrelenting storms
Because the show must, it must go on.
Whatever would happen
If it had to stop?
The theatre crumbling out of existence?
What would they do, who would they be,
Where would they go
If they could not act anymore?

I wish you could hear the voice in my head
That remembers all the sweet things you said.
I wish you would just call me one more time
I know it's wrong-but it could be sublime
I hope i don't forget the way you sound
I miss the days when you were still around
But I believe this distance fares me well
With you, my life is a personal hell.

I'd hide myself beneath a thousand walls
I'd suffocate, to satisfy the audience
With dying breath, through countless curtain calls
But this is life, it has to be, this penance
Paid for past sins, cancelled shows from long ago
I wear them like armour, the scars deep inside
I fear the wounds to come, the unforeseen blow
Unravelled secrets, truths no longer denied
It doesn't matter, the blood on the floor,
It doesn't matter that I've nothing to say,
For a second on stage, I'm the one they adore,
A moment of heaven in the hell of each day.
If I could become something else, forever
Unblemished, unfeeling, without any flaws
The perfect artiste in every endeavour
Perhaps I'll finally deserve the applause.

Give me another sign
If you've seen the future
Illuminated by morning light
I am a lowly creature.
I'd pray without tears of fear
I'd pray with a smile on my face
I wish I could pretend to you
But I vow to cry in disgrace
So only you shall fully know
What I truly feel inside
My fears, loves of the unknown
Chinks in armor I wear with pride.
I'm living on a prayer
To keep an ounce of trust
That the world will right itself
That I will not combust.

In a world filled with brilliance and grace
I wonder- Am I in the right place?
Somewhere down the line I must've gotten lost
Sticking to one side when I should've crossed
A mere penguin attempting to fly
Among winged birds that live in the sky.
I wonder why I continue to fall
Trying to scale an impossible wall
Maybe I was just... horribly wrong
Thinking that I could ever belong.

Why do words look better on a sheet,
When, from my mouth, they seem incomplete?
How is it they flow so well with ink?
If I try to speak them, I cannot think.
Will they transform, someday? From noise to sound?
If I voice words out there, will they be found?

Holding to the edge of a cliff
Screaming into an endless void
"Help! I'm hanging on for life
Heal me, I'm trying not to fall
Hurt me, I want to feel again
**** me, so I may be reborn."

It's easier to be afraid
To hide with your head in the sand,
It's easier to walk away,
Than to stay when things are unplanned
It's easier to be alone,
Than to put yourself out there,
It's easier to be angry,
Than to accept that life's unfair.
It's easier to sit in sadness,
Than to give happiness a chance,
It's easier to make judgements,
Than to look beyond a first glance.
I know all of this in my head
I wish I could apply them well,
I'll fail, I'll try and try again
Until the day I excel.
What is living but good practice,
To learn to get up when you're down,
Believe that this won't last forever,
That good will always come around.

I don't know how to believe
That there'll be a kinder time
With something good to receive
A hill easier to climb.
Oh it's just a waste of hours
Thinking it'll soon be nicer
Fate has stripped me of my powers
While I grow none the wiser.
If anyone's reading this
Tell me it will be okay
That there is a unique bliss
After my fears go away!
I remain stuck in a hole
The world's always moving on
This night, I ask, with all my soul:
Will I ever see a dawn?

Maybe there's no hope, too much time has passed
Whatever I started, never did last
Oh how I wished, I wished it would endure
Perhaps I did it with a heart impure
And now I look at the blank road ahead
Wanting to exist somewhere else instead
To retrace paths and restart, unseen
To come back feeling proud, with my conscience clean
But the laws of physics don't work that way
So if I have to live another day
I'll start again with no expectation
Maybe enjoy the process of creation,
Cast away the ropes that left my hands tied,
Be less consumed by the demons inside.
Let me forgive my mistakes, in the mind
Let me find the strength to leave them behind.

I found something in a quiet beach
A new life I could take with me
With no owner, with no known name
It was mine, and it was to be.

I discarded the one I wore
I inhabited the new shell
With no memories of my old dress
It was peaceful, and all was well.

The sky was blue, with twinkling stars
The ground felt wonderful again
I took all my dreams and made them true
I sang my songs without much pain.

I met more people than before
I discovered things I never knew
I started again, I then soared
In a dreamland without a clue.

Then I stalled and crashed to the cold dead earth
With tattered remains of torn cloth
A reminder, that it was all unreal
That no one here gets another shot.

I sewed it together, what I could
And roamed around, a vagabond
Treading lines between 'want' and 'should'
With sore scars of a lass well conned.

If you're looking up at the sky tonight
Know, that you can surely win your fight.
If you're staring at the vast night above
Know, that you can make it, that you are loved.
If you're walking in the dark, guided by stars
Know, your destination is never too far.
If you only see lies, searching for what is true,
Know that I'm just as clueless, looking up, with you.

I have no more words left in me
I can't find any new story
Where did they go? Are they all used?
I can't help but feel confused.

When did they fly so far away?
I can't quite remember the day.
All I know is that I can't write
Like before- when it felt so right.

Now it feels weird to attempt it
I'm searching for words that don't fit
I'm looking for poems that I can't find
In my lost, perplexed maze of a mind.

"Thanks!", I tell the rope that promises to hold me, tight,
Unbeknownst, being strangled, that I won't survive the night.

You find out from the news, or from plain sight
Harsh words seethe, a green monster seems to bite
You may have found love, but you can’t be glad
For those who find it in ways you deem bad
Saying they ‘go too fast’ or they ‘go too slow’
Commenting more on what you think you know
Thoughts on displays of affection or gifts
Loud glances, ‘hushed’ voices during their rifts
Taking sides, volunteering to advise
Putting forth opinions you think are wise
On what must be and on what is proper
Anything otherwise a heart-stopper.
I’d like to know- why do you care so much?
Do you long for beauty that you can’t touch?
Why do you defile that which you can’t see
Thriving in embarrassment, misery?
Who laid the rules of what should be and not?
Why can’t you be happy with what you’ve got?
Everyone’s not the same, they all vary
In tempers, love and personality
They find it differently, to each his own
Whether it’s when they’re young or when they’re grown
Whether it takes a week, a month or years
They have only their confusion to clear,
Understand the mess of their emotion
And follow their hearts along that notion.
So they go to unromantic places
Perhaps they choose to avoid dumb faces.
So they post too many photos online
So you believe, but they're the ones who shine.
So they seem passionate for your liking
Too lustful? Well, stop the overthinking.
So they’ve gotten together way too soon
So you say, and you think they’re wacky loons
Maybe they’re swept in that wondrous magic
The fact you can’t ignore them is tragic.
So they make mistakes, and find hearts elsewhere
Don’t analyse for chemistry in pairs
Curious where they are, if they’ve gone further
Don’t hail one and just dismiss the other.
So they choose to marry early, or late
Don’t ask why they hurry or want to wait.
So they don’t seem to want marriage at all
Every decision of theirs is their call.
It’s their **** business, and they do it well
They don’t ask for your ideas to sell.
Kindly live in peace, they did you no harm
Leave them alone, and work on your own charm.

If I had more tears left to cry
They'd roll down without care
Hurricanes from my eyes
Glorious storms of despair.

They'd speak volumes without a word
I wouldn't have to explain
They'd flow till my vision is blurred
So I needn't see through the pain.

It may seem hard, and even impossible at first, and you don't know if there will be an end to this pain. And it IS hard, difficult, frustrating and annoying. That's how you know the path is worth travelling. But the only way you find out whether you heal, is by trying. By trying, failing, giving up, and trying again. By taking that first, second, fourteenth or hundredth step. By giving it your all. If getting through this is important to you, some way, some day, you can do this. I don't know when, I don't know how, but I know you can. You are good, and worth having in this world- it will not be the same without you. No matter how strongly you feel otherwise- there are people out there who love you and have been illuminated by your light- not because it shined any brighter or differently- but because it was there, and it made a difference. It doesn't matter if they know or realize that. You need to know that. You make a difference, by being here. Those fears and demons in your head- they are there to remind you that there is good worth fighting for, and that there is a heaven, a paradise that you need to get to through them. You deserve a life without the trauma, without the past ruling you. Listen, let them be- but don't let them consume you. They are not you- they are remnants of a forgotten time, a forgotten self, a past self, habits and routines that need to be forgotten. And in time, through hard work, they will lose their hold, and you will have new habits, routines, people, a new you to rely on. Believe in that. You are whole, no matter how broken you may feel right now. You are whole.

If my life were a book, written in ink,
It would tell a tale brought back from the brink
With sentences well constructed with rhyme,
Of inkblots made by wasting precious time,
Of full-stops, colons, and commas galore,
Filled with desire to learn, and explore,
Aging sheets of regret pondering the past,
Some wondering how long the story will last.
Only Death takes away this humble pen
It's just a small matter of how and when-
This book may never be a bestseller
But it will be honest- a truth-teller
That's unfinished and revised endlessly,
Until it joins the pages of history.

You sit down in front of a computer
A laptop, mainframe or anything with keys
Deftly designing, predicting futures
You solve problems with unrealistic ease.
Days and nights you spend staring at the screen
Running on caffeine, junk food, random snacks
Eyes spotting errors, fingers sharp and keen
There isn’t one mistake you can’t track.
Sometimes you can get very, very stuck
Which makes you a horrible annoyance
As you start to moan about how you ****
Making those around wish for your penance.
You go crazy, grumbling technical words
Gazing into space, losing yourself there
In the world of code- it’s just plain absurd
To anyone who’s sadly unaware.
But soon you figure out the hidden glitch
Buried between long complicated lines
Like a tailor, you repair the wrong stitch
Weaving marvels from virtual quarantines.
Alas! Not many try to understand
Ignorant about what just makes you tick
To them, code is a unique world so bland
It’s your paradise, glue to make you stick
You see patterns among random mysteries
You cannot resist killing viruses
Behind the screen lie your numerous victories
Humble and hard-earned are your calluses.

Oh, dear companion born from a bean!
You are the best thing I've ever seen.
Bitter in nature, with milk you're sweet
Together you make my life complete
Thank you for keeping me sane and strong
For being my rock when the days are long
When sleep arrives, you push it away
That's when I know things will be okay
I wish you could read, and understand
That you spice things up when they get bland
Keeper of my heart, anchor of my mind
Know that you truly are, one of a kind.

O Hair, o Hair, wherefore art thou dear Hair?
You stuck with me since I can remember
How come you’re leaving? Why do you not care?
Why haven’t you grown since last November?

What did I do to make you love me less?
I’ve always given you the best shampoos,
Conditioners, hair cream- why are you distressed?
I wish you could talk- for I have no clue.

‘Stress’- the doctor says that you can’t bear it
It hurts you, it makes you sad, angry, weak
How I miss your happy, active spirit
You lit up my days when the world was bleak

You were obedient, made me look good
Introduced styles of your own I didn’t know
Growing fast into a shiny mane you would
Falling tantalisingly to my brow.

You used to cooperate with the stylist
So I tried new things, innovatively
Fashionable styles I never could resist
But you danced brightly, never plaintively!

Alas! I can’t possibly understand
Why you fall away to the cold hard ground
As I brush you, in the shower, strand by strand
The sight just shocks me as you make no sound.

You don’t respond to new-fangled oils
Bought online for you in desperate attempts
To make you grow again, healthy, unspoiled
But you stare up at me with harsh contempt!

Do not desert me yet, my darling friend!
I will change myself for you, make it right
Ensuring your precious life doesn’t end
I will put up a victorious, mighty fight.

I’ll meditate to reduce stress on you
I’ll stop shampoos to use homemade products
I’ll take the required medicines, oils too
Baby, for me, increase your good conduct!

I’m so sorry for all that I did wrong
All the things that then made you want to die
I’ll take care of you now, you will be strong
Work with me now, sweetheart, don’t ever cry!

I was born to beautiful swans.
Yet I see no resemblance.
I remain an ugly duckling.

Once a writer, always a writer.
Forgive me if I question this now
I lost my words- I wish I knew how.

There are so many times I want to be brave
When I know my life is my own to save,
Yet my courage fails me again and again
I can't quite seem to deal with my pain
I wonder if it's because I was made wrong,
That I have to be weak, while others are strong,
Maybe I've been given worth that I don't deserve
It's why it's so easy to lose my nerve
Is there a way I could just believe
That it'll be okay, that I won't be deceived,
That my actions will determine my future,
That I can go against my brittle nature,
That there'll be strength in myself I can find,
To move ahead, to leave the past behind?

Every so often, there comes a day
When one's pain rises beyond words
When even tears refuse to fall
A broken heart screams, but remains unheard.

One year can change it all
It can make you rise, it can make you fall.
One year can blow your mind
Into the dust of forgotten land mines.
One year can **** the soul
Shrapnel holding together broken whole.
One year can bring you hell
A gaunt face with no good stories to tell.
One year can make you search
For bad answers that leave you in the lurch.
One year ago today I left for doom
As the demons lurked waiting in my room.

Yes, one year can change things
Cowering in fear of what the future brings.
Weathering out life's ****
Trying to get up once again when hit.
Every day a battle
Of a mere calf against the best cattle.
Is it won? I know not
I’ll only give it everything I’ve got.
Oh it hurts, will I find
What I’m looking for, leaving past behind?
These are small questions I can put out there
As my fingers work till they’re worse for wear.

There are times
When one is forced to be
An open book.

With all the grimy pages revealed
The hidden truths seen
The lies discovered
That can even shock the owner.

Now how can I close this book
Without tearing out the leaves
Mending it in place
And attempt to rewrite it?

Or if I make a new one
With fresh paper sheets
Do I abandon my old novel
Discreetly for eternity?

I'm not particularly wonderful.
I can't enhance one's reality
I'm penned by a bored and wilful writer
I don't have a distinct quality.

I may have rhyme, rhythm, or I may not
I may be emotional, or dreary
I'm a work of language, of random words
I may be soothing, I may be scary.

Some of you say I'm one of a kind,
Some of you aren't sure where I'm from,
Some believe I exist for a reason,
Some reckon I'm remarkably dumb.

You may think I'm an exhibitionist
I'm not aware, I can't care what you say
But I love being read, when your eyes see me-
Insignificant, but it makes my day.

It's something I will never be,
I'm a laptop among PCs.
Closed, reticent, quiet and private
Amid typhoons, peaceful climate.
They say I won't ever belong
They feel that something must be wrong
They don't know why I am this way
They think I'll never be okay.
Maybe I'll always be alone
Remaining attached to my phone
Maybe, somehow, I will get by
Without ever finding a guy
Not that I need one to survive
But it'll be nice.. to feel alive.
Don't laugh, as you read my weak words
Please don't think that I'm sad or weird
This is where I can fall apart
With poetry, I can pour my heart.
I do write much better, you know
But right now, I feel a bit low.
Forgive me for not being brave
The world is loud, and I have caved.

If I were a poem
I'd be made of words
That only you'd understand.

I'd have to go out to find words,
I've used the ones I had at home.

I used to be a breath of fresh air
Free to blow about, to dance with grace
Through places I'd never seen before
With glorious certainty, at my own pace.
Little did I know, that as I grew up
My arms would seize, my legs wouldn't move
That I'd become the still, unmoving wind
With zero purpose, with nothing to prove.
I'm comfortably numb, I feel no pain
I don't need to live, I just exist
If someone walks by, they can feel my soul
Aching to fly, but too weak to resist.

Patience is overrated.
They say, "Just wait, it shall get better soon"
So I wait, like an idiot
Staring listlessly at the standing moon.
What do I get in return?
Fall after fall, even in rock bottom
It gets deeper each long day
I've gotten somewhere I never fathomed.
God, I wished I could run
Far far away to some lost land unknown
The number of times I DID
Infinite- where are the seeds I have sown?
Is it fear, or wariness?
I honestly can find no good answer.
But soon, I do realise
As I learn to speak, stand a bit taller
I don't want to run anymore.
I detest that involuntary instinct.
Time is a friend- but it's me
Who just has to stay, as everything's linked
Everything's confusing now
I can't think of the future and what I'll spill
But I have no time to waste
I'll find the courage to work, not stand still.

If I could write my life as a poem
For millions who'll read, understand, think
I'd conjure an epic, a mystery
A tale on edge, a tragedy's brink.

I'd weave gripping waves of pleasure
Together with heart-wrenching tides of pain
A sea of battles with no leisure
Of joyful wins going against the grain.

I'd stitch metaphors with gleeful pride
Constructing rhythm with a bit of rhyme
I'd dabble with similes here and there
It'd be my thread on the sands of time.

But when I see my life as it is now
How different it is from my lovely tale
It retains its mystery, some agony
A once-green crop grown dead and stale.

A lost yarn of mistakes and pitfalls
With regret binding the threads as one
Repeated faults with no known structure
A once-free verse that is trapped, undone.

So I'll cast away my dream of a life
In a graveyard as a forgotten goal.
Some dreams never come true, it seems
Just like some lives will never be whole.

I don’t know how to smile
A simple curve of mouth
Takes me an intense while
It ends up being a pout.
There are queries I make
To all who can dazzle
Without fault or mistake
Without getting frazzled.
Must one’s teeth be exposed?
How must one move the lips
So it does not look forced?
They try to give me tips.
“The mirror is your friend
It depends on your face
There’s only a slight bend
Before a dark grimace.
Try new angles each time
See when you look decent
It is a steady climb
To appearing pleasant.”
How must I compute this?!
I did do as they said
I either look amiss
Or angry and half-dead.
It’s not that I am plain
I try not to think so
But it causes me pain
I can’t go with the flow.
I fear taking pictures
It makes no sense to me
Why go through a torture
Each time with company?
Self-portraits are common
Nowadays called ‘selfies’
Everyone’s forgotten
When one’s a true beauty.
But I can’t even smile
Simplest trick of them all
To go the extra mile
I can’t summon the gall.
But I’ve heard my friends say
When one is not conscious
At the end of the day
That photo is precious
It captures a memory
Of a true, blissful curve
A good moment's history.
I must try to observe
Those unabashed smiles
And try to repeat those
Without going out of style
And trying a weird pose.

I'd like to belong, for once
To fit without standing out
To be one with my own crowd
That whispers so I don't have to shout
To hear my voice, feel my soul
To know I'm not led astray..
Now I yell to make my mark
Yet I'm ignored anyway.

I've lost my good pen.
Try as I might, to write well
My words still fail me.

The whole world's playing a game of poker
And I'm dealt a strange, confusing hand
I don't want to be mediocre,
I make rash moves, which were never planned
Inevitable, I fail each test,
To start over, again and again
So I'll keep my cards close to my chest
Hoping that this time, it won't be in vain.

You're the best sentence I've ever beheld
Grammatically correct, succinct and true,
I've always been the lone apostrophe
But I'd become a comma, just for you.