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14.6k · Sep 2017
Marya123 Sep 2017
If you're looking up at the sky tonight
Know, that you can surely win your fight.
If you're staring at the vast night above
Know, that you can make it, that you are loved.
If you're walking in the dark, guided by stars
Know, your destination is never too far.
If you only see lies, searching for what is true,
Know that I'm just as clueless, looking up, with you.
4.5k · Sep 2018
Marya123 Sep 2018
If I could write my life as a poem
For millions who'll read, understand, think
I'd conjure an epic, a mystery
A tale on edge, a tragedy's brink.

I'd weave gripping waves of pleasure
Together with heart-wrenching tides of pain
A sea of battles with no leisure
Of joyful wins going against the grain.

I'd stitch metaphors with gleeful pride
Constructing rhythm with a bit of rhyme
I'd dabble with similes here and there
It'd be my thread on the sands of time.

But when I see my life as it is now
How different it is from my lovely tale
It retains its mystery, some agony
A once-green crop grown dead and stale.

A lost yarn of mistakes and pitfalls
With regret binding the threads as one
Repeated faults with no known structure
A once-free verse that is trapped, undone.

So I'll cast away my dream of a life
In a graveyard as a forgotten goal.
Some dreams never come true, it seems
Just like some lives will never be whole.
3.7k · Jun 2016
Who are you to say?
Marya123 Jun 2016
Who are you to say, who I choose to love?
Who are you to say, who I pray to?
Who are you to say, I must be this way?
Who are you? I haven’t got a clue.
You say, “Actions unite a society.
You must act accordingly, you must!
Be normal, be how we have always been
Then, in you we shall place our trust.
If you don’t agree to this, Go away
Away from here, you do not belong!
Leave us in peace, we don't need you.
We send you off, for without you, we’re strong.”

But I’ll ask you: do I deserve to die?
Am I so disgusting I can’t live?
How can you decide I must die this way?
What have I done that you can’t forgive?
A poem for those who died during the Orlando massacre of 12th June 2016.
3.7k · Aug 2016
One year
Marya123 Aug 2016
One year can change it all
It can make you rise, it can make you fall.
One year can blow your mind
Into the dust of forgotten land mines.
One year can **** the soul
Shrapnel holding together broken whole.
One year can bring you hell
A gaunt face with no good stories to tell.
One year can make you search
For bad answers that leave you in the lurch.
One year ago today I left for doom
As the demons lurked waiting in my room.

Yes, one year can change things
Cowering in fear of what the future brings.
Weathering out life's ****
Trying to get up once again when hit.
Every day a battle
Of a mere calf against the best cattle.
Is it won? I know not
I’ll only give it everything I’ve got.
Oh it hurts, will I find
What I’m looking for, leaving past behind?
These are small questions I can put out there
As my fingers work till they’re worse for wear.
2.8k · Nov 2018
Marya123 Nov 2018
It's something I will never be,
I'm a laptop among PCs.
Closed, reticent, quiet and private
Amid typhoons, peaceful climate.
They say I won't ever belong
They feel that something must be wrong
They don't know why I am this way
They think I'll never be okay.
Maybe I'll always be alone
Remaining attached to my phone
Maybe, somehow, I will get by
Without ever finding a guy
Not that I need one to survive
But it'll be nice.. to feel alive.
Don't laugh, as you read my weak words
Please don't think that I'm sad or weird
This is where I can fall apart
With poetry, I can pour my heart.
I do write much better, you know
But right now, I feel a bit low.
Forgive me for not being brave
The world is loud, and I have caved.
Very badly written poem. Needed to get the words out. I'm so sorry.
2.6k · Jan 2017
Marya123 Jan 2017
I sing the tune of my life alone.
I was born that way, so I do so.
But now that I'm an adult and grown
The melody soars, my breath is slow
The song falters, though I try to sing
The beat of the world goes fast
My voice breaks, and my ears start to ring
With how I let the rhythm fly past.

Through the noise I can see in the crowd
Some partners in crime, catching lost breath
Some others like me, who cannot sing loud
Trying their best to live, to escape death.
So we join hands, and start once again
It's much easier to meet the beat
We're different tunes with a common refrain
Together, the music's almost... complete.
2.6k · Sep 2019
Marya123 Sep 2019
If I were fictional
A part of another land
I'd use my powers to do good
No life would taste so bland.

If I were fictional
I'd be a spirit one can't see
Invisible guardian angel
To brighten a bleak history.

If I were fictional
One would always find success,
Never ever know of worry
They'd forever be blessed.

If I were fictional
The world wouldn't know heartache
Minds would be cured instantly
In strong bodies that won't break.

If I were fictional
I'd find him, and he'd be mine
I'd love to become his
Two souls together, entwined.

But I remain real
I'm not a made-up ghost
I can't change my life, I've tried
And somehow, that hurts the most.
2.1k · Dec 2016
Why I write when I'm sad
Marya123 Dec 2016
Why do I write when I am sad?
My life, really, isn't so bad.
But when times are dull, cold or blue
When it's the start of nothing new
When work is done and one is bored
When thoughts depress one even more
Words are born- itches in the brain
I write them down, I'm rid of pain.
It may not be put down so well
But it describes what I've to tell.
When my mind sings an elegy
Words are carols for company.
1.9k · Nov 2016
Talk about it
Marya123 Nov 2016
"Do you want to talk about it?"
You ask, seeing my impassive face.
It's been a while, and though I could
Remembering feels out of place.
Recollecting just makes it hurt.
Forming the words again is hard-
They're overused; now they sound curt.
In too many I've confided
To too many people I've told
All my sorry, deep, dark 'secrets'
Some warmed me when I was too cold.
I wish I could say more to you,
Explain why it's not escaping
Sometimes it's nice to not talk,
Than to break what I'm now shaping.
1.8k · Mar 2017
Marya123 Mar 2017
I'm a humble piece of bread
Searching for your toasty arms.
When I find you, as I wait
Keep me safe, happy and warm.
Don't burn me to a thin crisp
Don't neglect me to be cold
Savour the balance of the two
As I love you till we're old.
I'll return the favour all day
As you transform to a slice
And I become your oven
In our own quaint paradise.
1.8k · Sep 2016
Invisibile Cloak
Marya123 Sep 2016
There’s a cloak I keep around
A fine, invisible one
One cannot feel its texture,
Or play with it for fun.
I can’t hear its many sounds
And neither can I see
The object of my leisure
A worker’s company.

How do I know it exists?
Perhaps I fool my brain
It’s a phantom wisp of air
That somehow hides my pain
That helps calm when one persists
In hurting what’s inside
The worn bubble worse for wear
When all weak tears are dried.

When internal demons wake
The cloth begins to fray
When the heart is torn apart
The stitches do not stay
The joints start to tear and break
Grow weak with weeping thread,
The engine now cannot start
One that was always dead.

Through the holes they find the *****
Some fellows in my land
Working their way through the fold
Turning stone to mere sand.
Why do they not stop to think
‘What is this good fabric?
Looking so when once so bold
Despicable magic!’

Therein lies the bitter truth
The folly of our time
They cannot see the poor cloak
As it is in this rhyme!
Only the wearer can sleuth
Which holes made when, are where
Through dumbness, anger it soaks
Each cruel word, each harsh stare.

Pull it closer, guard within
The fragile soul and smile
Hide well, know with clarity
That it is worth your while
Each mistake you call a sin
Throw it outside the cloth
With faithful integrity
Forgiven, not forgot.

Then build inside nerves of steel
Strength of iron so great
In the kiln of your own brick
Control what you create
Take the helm, but do not seal
The course of actions done
Know the plan, but do not trick
Make hay under the sun.

Make points clear, do not mask
With some thoughts said aloud
Keep a hat large for your head
I mean- do not be proud.
Perform with love each tough task
In your own, unique way
Care and earn, and share your bread
With every passing day.

Mend the cloak as you move on
With the good gift of life
Show it off well when you can
Fighting undeserved strife.
You don’t know why you were born
You do not have to wait
The brave roar of a lion sang
From stories of your fate.
Poem that took a long time to write.... that became long. I hope it isn't boring- it turned into a philosophical rant with no control of my own.
1.6k · Oct 2018
Marya123 Oct 2018
You don't want me
That I understand.
I doubt you ever will
But if you did, it'd be grand.

We'd dance as one
Foolish, my small dreams
You still haven't asked me..
I bet we'd make a great team.

Go, ask her out
I will wish you well
I'll mend my bending heart
I'll get away from this hell.

There's someone out there
Someone who makes sense
Will I find him, or not?
The answer's in Providence.
1.5k · Jan 2017
A boat in the sea
Marya123 Jan 2017
Sailing is fascinating to me.
Heading off into the unknown,
With no idea what lies ahead
With no company but one's own.
One lies at the mercy of the sea,
Controlling as much as one can
Using the rudder to do one's will
Finding paths measureless to man.

But what if

My ship's rudder had broken
The sky covered with clouds,
So I know not where I am
The silence here seems loud.
Where I head I do not know
I'm not sure what I seek
Meeting no friend and no foe,
I'm too afraid to speak.
1.5k · Nov 2018
Rock Bottom
Marya123 Nov 2018
Each time that I assume
I've reached life's rock bottom
I discover new depths
With each hopeless problem
I sink once more, further
With each soul-crushing blow
Can someone hear my voice?
I'm suffocating below.
When will it ever stop?
I'm so done with it all
When I try to stand still
I continue to fall.
1.4k · Sep 2022
Marya123 Sep 2022
"Thanks!", I tell the rope that promises to hold me, tight,
Unbeknownst, being strangled, that I won't survive the night.
1.4k · Nov 2018
Marya123 Nov 2018
At the very beginning of time
The Sky and Sea were bound together
In a sweet embrace that graced their prime
Days were peaceful, with pleasant weather.
But they were wrenched apart, as Earth grew
Asserting his might in the trinity
With a chasm he split them clean in two
Dividing them for eternity.
So the Sky weeps storms in her sorrow
Weaving her anguish within the rain
In the winter, her tears turn to snow
Punishing land as they mask her pain.
It's the only way she remains brave
The one way that she can reach her love
So he stretches up with surf and wave
Telling her he knows what she feels above.
1.4k · Oct 2022
Marya123 Oct 2022
I'd **** myself if it meant it spared you all the pain,
I'd willingly go crazy if it meant that you would stay sane
I wish I didn't have to make an impossible choice,
I'm trying to handle it with some grace and poise,
I hate that I see your face devoid of a smile,
I know it will remain like this for a while.
I hate that I'm making your dreams disappear,
I hate that I can't predict the future; it's so unclear.
The world refuses to help in any way,
I'm forced to hurt you, to ruin your every day.
If I could ask the universe for just one boon,
It would be for time to fly, so I can be with you, soon.
1.3k · Jun 2018
Thoughts from the inside
Marya123 Jun 2018
I should have been an extrovert
Who can talk and speak to all
With poise, with grace and confidence
And knows just how to stand tall.

I should have been an extrovert
So my friends won't implore
"Come on, mingle! Don't run away!"
Staring aghast at my door.

I should have been an extrovert
Who doesn't hide in her room
With her books, music or poems
A caricature of gloom.

I wish I were an extrovert
So I could willingly comply
I'd never ask "Why am I this way?"
I won't ever have to lie.
1.3k · Jul 2016
Ode to Hair
Marya123 Jul 2016
O Hair, o Hair, wherefore art thou dear Hair?
You stuck with me since I can remember
How come you’re leaving? Why do you not care?
Why haven’t you grown since last November?

What did I do to make you love me less?
I’ve always given you the best shampoos,
Conditioners, hair cream- why are you distressed?
I wish you could talk- for I have no clue.

‘Stress’- the doctor says that you can’t bear it
It hurts you, it makes you sad, angry, weak
How I miss your happy, active spirit
You lit up my days when the world was bleak

You were obedient, made me look good
Introduced styles of your own I didn’t know
Growing fast into a shiny mane you would
Falling tantalisingly to my brow.

You used to cooperate with the stylist
So I tried new things, innovatively
Fashionable styles I never could resist
But you danced brightly, never plaintively!

Alas! I can’t possibly understand
Why you fall away to the cold hard ground
As I brush you, in the shower, strand by strand
The sight just shocks me as you make no sound.

You don’t respond to new-fangled oils
Bought online for you in desperate attempts
To make you grow again, healthy, unspoiled
But you stare up at me with harsh contempt!

Do not desert me yet, my darling friend!
I will change myself for you, make it right
Ensuring your precious life doesn’t end
I will put up a victorious, mighty fight.

I’ll meditate to reduce stress on you
I’ll stop shampoos to use homemade products
I’ll take the required medicines, oils too
Baby, for me, increase your good conduct!

I’m so sorry for all that I did wrong
All the things that then made you want to die
I’ll take care of you now, you will be strong
Work with me now, sweetheart, don’t ever cry!
For the one part of me that's dying as the days go by :'(
It must never go away from me, as I'd be incomplete.
1.2k · Jun 2016
A Half
Marya123 Jun 2016
Two souls within pages or in a screen
Find happiness as I have never been
A delight unknown, secret elation
Borne from sweet, deep, delirious passion
Towards another soul so well entwined
One declares ‘I am yours and you are mine’
On that note, my eyes spill two sudden tears
Awakening forlorn, hidden, new fears
Of a lonely girl whose books keep her sane
Else she’d be lost writing numerous refrains
On longing for what she can’t understand
Childish dreams-crumbs under billows of sand
As time goes on, as reality strikes
Are found infatuations, crushes, ‘likes’
Each painful, into nothing drifts away
Settling into new lessons learned each day.
‘He wasn’t good for you’ they say; She smiles
They understood what she'd known for a while.
She listens, but trusts a worn intuition
A faith that one day,it’ll all bear fruition
Sometimes that faith breaks,into smithereens
Yet it rises again, sharper and keen.
The forgotten lads,she knows and admires
No longer do they provoke her ire.
For they were good, kind, unsuspecting souls
She once did think each one would make her whole
But each departure only reminded
Of new facets to which she was blinded.
They go on with their lives, she must do so
Without memories of eons ago.

"You are no beauty", (some) male brute ‘friends’ sneer
Patient voices counsel that they’re queer.
Beauty lies in the eye of beholders
If eyes are clouded, how can they smolder?
With sincerity, praise, love or a smile
How will they make anyone’s time worthwhile?
If they’re marred with lust, greedy for a ‘***’
Those men make me ***** or want to gag.
I once did dream of a tall handsome guy
Who would make me blush, who can make me shy.
Who would charm, be faithful, trusting and kind
With gentle fingers, and a strong, fierce mind.
Who could sweep me off my feet, just with words
(Of course, he’s unreal- don’t be absurd!)
Who could move mountains with things he said
Who'd be focused, practical, think ahead.
I used to think about my true soulmate
Among billions in the world, tied by fate
To meet once, unite, or never at all
Held apart by egos that cause their fall
Or clashing with fury, victims of chance
Causing fireworks in Destiny’s dance
Burning steadily for ages to come
Scoffed at by many, coveted by some.
Do they truly exist? I’ve no idea.
They cannot be a heart’s panacea
When it is broken, when it starts to bleed
When buds of affection become mere ****.
Do find a true respect, love for oneself
Tuck insecurities into a shelf
Walk with victories and defeats in your stride
By sheer common sense patiently abide.
Assume soulmates do not exist, alas!
Else, the heart will always shatter like glass.
Be of sound mind, incomparable courage
Never let them go- design your own page
Hold that person close-one who does arrive
One who makes you better, for whom you strive
To light up their days, star the blackest nights
As you move as one, never stop the fight.
He may not be tall, strong or masculine
He may not be rich, suave or brave within.
But he looks at you like you are unique
You may stumble, but his interest is piqued
He stays by your side when times are too blue
He comforts, informs, encourages too.
He celebrates your wins,never jealous
Paving his own path without being callous
He gives you your space, and uses his own
He doesn’t bother with calls to the phone
When he knows you’re busy, he can trust well
He listens with care to what you’ve to tell.
He has his faults,but works to make them right
He glows with glee when you move to his sight.
Such is what I crave-that’s what I call love
I hope you find what I described above.
midnight musings
1.1k · Jul 2016
Nosy Parker
Marya123 Jul 2016
You find out from the news, or from plain sight
Harsh words seethe, a green monster seems to bite
You may have found love, but you can’t be glad
For those who find it in ways you deem bad
Saying they ‘go too fast’ or they ‘go too slow’
Commenting more on what you think you know
Thoughts on displays of affection or gifts
Loud glances, ‘hushed’ voices during their rifts
Taking sides, volunteering to advise
Putting forth opinions you think are wise
On what must be and on what is proper
Anything otherwise a heart-stopper.
I’d like to know- why do you care so much?
Do you long for beauty that you can’t touch?
Why do you defile that which you can’t see
Thriving in embarrassment, misery?
Who laid the rules of what should be and not?
Why can’t you be happy with what you’ve got?
Everyone’s not the same, they all vary
In tempers, love and personality
They find it differently, to each his own
Whether it’s when they’re young or when they’re grown
Whether it takes a week, a month or years
They have only their confusion to clear,
Understand the mess of their emotion
And follow their hearts along that notion.
So they go to unromantic places
Perhaps they choose to avoid dumb faces.
So they post too many photos online
So you believe, but they're the ones who shine.
So they seem passionate for your liking
Too lustful? Well, stop the overthinking.
So they’ve gotten together way too soon
So you say, and you think they’re wacky loons
Maybe they’re swept in that wondrous magic
The fact you can’t ignore them is tragic.
So they make mistakes, and find hearts elsewhere
Don’t analyse for chemistry in pairs
Curious where they are, if they’ve gone further
Don’t hail one and just dismiss the other.
So they choose to marry early, or late
Don’t ask why they hurry or want to wait.
So they don’t seem to want marriage at all
Every decision of theirs is their call.
It’s their **** business, and they do it well
They don’t ask for your ideas to sell.
Kindly live in peace, they did you no harm
Leave them alone, and work on your own charm.
A poem for those with abnormally large metaphorical noses.
996 · Jul 2018
Marya123 Jul 2018
I'm getting my glasses removed
Tomorrow, on thirtieth June
Words cannot describe what I feel
Sight without them would be a boon
To see clearly as soon as I wake
Looking at the time with no strain
Yet I'm scared- will I lose my vision?
Or will this be the end of my pain?
A surgery's a strange affair
I'm afraid- but I won't say a word
Lord, I pray, grant me the strength
To deal with whatever will occur
With the grace, the will of your smile
With the patience of a tortoise
To amble gently towards my end
With steadfast feet, and a bit of poise.
995 · Jan 2017
Marya123 Jan 2017
Hey God, you there? (If you exist)
This is a written interview
Answer as many as you can
There's a lot I have to ask you.
Some days I look up at the sky
Thinking, what do you have in mind?
What exactly are you planning?
Where are the clocks you want to wind?
Have you wound them all? I wonder
As time goes on, as life occurs
It's thrown into order, then chaos
Running riot- will structure recur?
But then again- what is order?
It sounds boring- I do think so
I suppose it brings one some calm
A safe haven from thoughts that flow.
Have you left hours free? I ponder
As miracles occur in doom
If good things come to those who wait
Must one wait long for flowers to bloom?
992 · Nov 2018
Marya123 Nov 2018
How long can I pretend
To practice what I preach
When I can't grasp the words
When I don't feel what I teach?
How can I be so good
At giving out advice
When I don't follow my words
When I am what I despise?
990 · Jul 2019
Once a writer
Marya123 Jul 2019
Once a writer, always a writer.
Forgive me if I question this now
I lost my words- I wish I knew how.
Time makes one lose words.
I wish I could write the same way again.
I feel as though I lost a part of me I can never regain.
947 · May 2022
Marya123 May 2022
Anxious all the time that this world isn't for me
Fearing failure with every opportunity
Racing heart, trying to breathe, to think, searching for air,
Agony, so many emotions, too aware
Intrusive thoughts that don't make sense, loud, amplified
Dying before death arrives, I'm a coward inside.
855 · Dec 2018
Marya123 Dec 2018
In a crowd full of people
My armor's made of stone
When I want to shed my tears
I still remain alone
Among them it cannot crack
I will not let them see
The depth this sadness reaches
My helpless misery.
So I find a quaint staircase
Away from all the noise
I let them out, quietly
(I use my silent voice.)
Yet how I want to be loud
To relieve this heartache
But there's no one who'll hear me
To hold me as I break.
I wish I could be stronger
I wish I'd never cry
How tragic I've made this life
I don't know how or why.
When you need to cry but cannot tell a soul
834 · Aug 2017
Two Years
Marya123 Aug 2017
It's been two years since I fell down
Into a storm within my ground.
It's been two years since I tasted Hell
Staying mute while I wanted to yell.
It's been two years since I revealed it all
Cowering low when I couldn't stand tall.
It's been two years since I was strong
With everything I knew being wrong.

Now that I stand on my own two feet
Will construction ever be complete?
Now that I'm starting to smile once more
Will they ever heal, the wounds that were sore?
Now that I'm learning to walk again
Henceforth, will I be spared more pain?
Now that I know there's much to see
Will I fulfill my own Destiny?
827 · Feb 2019
Marya123 Feb 2019
You saw me when I was a piece of stone
Weathered from the land, wind, and mighty seas
You'd known me as a strong rock from before
Who could silence the sands, knock over trees.
You thought I'd remain part of the gravel
Living forever in a weak disguise
A thing to be coddled, controlled and thrown
Into paths you'd seen, that you'd advertise.
What if I wanted to rise from the ground?
With cement and water I'd make concrete
I'd become a tall building, then I'd know
That I didn't need you to feel complete.
But I won't forget the role you once played
Wounding so I fell to my knees in pain
We didn't foresee that I'd grow from nothing,
To never be broken by you again.
801 · Oct 2016
The first precipice
Marya123 Oct 2016
I stand here on a dead staircase
Leading nowhere that I can pace.
I can’t run up, I can’t walk down
So I just wait, wearing a frown.
With no answer I do entreat
With each day I lovingly greet
You- a God, ghost, spirit or wight?
I can’t hear you, I have no sight.
In mirrors of conscience I see
A caged bird that sings a plea
For guidance, direction anew
For some shine in a dark so blue
A chance, a shot that brings some joy
To be more than Destiny’s toy
Don’t be cruel, don’t take away
A fleeting hand, do make it stay
As I reach for it with my will
Collecting all talent, each skill
To step out of that mighty steep
Onto a cloud that I have reaped
Pleasing the evil wraiths of Fate
Neither too early, nor too late.
The cloud is kind, for I can steer
My way into a life so queer
Beautiful, it is only mine
A blessing undeserved, divine!
Of that path I can merely dream
In this cliff I can’t help but scream
My legs are weary, patience thin
The ground looms with an evil grin.
I saw you, Opportunity
You came, you asked, you conquered me
I awaited more things to learn
But You said “Wait, I shall return.”
For months now I have screened the skies
Wondering if what you said were lies.
I want a response, Lady Luck!
Or am I once more, to get ******?
Work I shall, with all of my being
Grant me the gift of my freeing!

To all parts of this Universe
This prayer, for a life less adverse
That rings deeply within my bones
A hope, that all sins are atoned
A faith, that I will get my shot
A plea, to design my own plot
For that window to open twice
A hand to get out of this vice
To Heaven I sing, through my heart
Please, I need some help to restart!
773 · Oct 2021
Why I don't pray for myself
Marya123 Oct 2021
I remember, countless times I asked God
"Fix me, get this madness out of my head
Help me think right, push me to be strong"
What I heard back was silence instead
So now I pray for all in this world
For peace, light, a clear path for every life
For hope in unimaginable darkness
That every soul finds what I can't, in strife.
734 · Oct 2018
Marya123 Oct 2018
I used to be a breath of fresh air
Free to blow about, to dance with grace
Through places I'd never seen before
With glorious certainty, at my own pace.
Little did I know, that as I grew up
My arms would seize, my legs wouldn't move
That I'd become the still, unmoving wind
With zero purpose, with nothing to prove.
I'm comfortably numb, I feel no pain
I don't need to live, I just exist
If someone walks by, they can feel my soul
Aching to fly, but too weak to resist.
706 · Jun 2016
In the dark of the night
Marya123 Jun 2016
In the dark of the night I sleep
The day tires, exhaustion does creep.
But I wake, as the mind races
It does not rest, it goes places.
Cascading thoughts of years gone by,
Of years to come, I worry, cry.
I think of those happy around
And how I always wear a frown
How, when they can converse with glee
It is when I’m quiet that I’m free.
The past consumes, it hurts, I bleed
Deep inside, I know what I need.
Mistakes made, pride before a fall
Catastrophic, I can’t stand tall
Only to me it seems that way
They say, “Move on!”, but I just pray
For strength to exist, to not fail
Yet again amidst wind and hail.
So I hide, I don’t speak to them
Those who bear my monstrous emblem.
I read, I’m told, of self-esteem
That’s what I see in waking dreams.
Envy, anger, sadness I spout
Company I can’t do without
It makes one feel weak. Who am I?
A girl who waits but doesn’t try?
One who turns off lights to see dark?
Or one who tries to make a mark?
We’re all worn pieces of fabric
Pristine, glorious, woven magic
Of frayed threads, of holes, botched stitches
Some, stories from rags to riches.
We do not know when it will end
We don’t know what the fates will send.
Life’s the course we take to finish
Our fine cloth without a blemish
Perfect it may seem from afar
But It is made from many scars.
The past made us who we are now
Bid goodbye to it with a bow
For it made us strong, made us strive
Again, once more, to try and thrive.
I will no longer let it rule
Forget the girl I was in school
Ignore my self-deprecation
Omit the failed conversations.
I will not let them define me
Fallen leaves of my standing tree.
Long-lost dreams fade, new ones begun
The mind's made up, I'll have some fun.
Long road to travel, things to do
Hard work smartly done with a clue.
Music's gentle hand guides my way
My only light in the dark days.
Smiles, laughter, speech with confidence
I'll try and lace them with good sense.
Perhaps the God above knows well
Things he won't explicitly tell
He'll shine in places we can't view
Clearing our way in unknown queues.
Giving strength when we do feel weak
Oiling our machines to no creak.
With that faith, I will move some more
Finding new paths, opening doors.
The future’s mine, I’ll make it right
My life, in the dark of the night.
705 · Jul 2016
To you, Reader
Marya123 Jul 2016
I see you from afar
A soul searching for a path undefined
It is only a dream
And within it, you are nameless, faceless
I don’t know who you are
But I know wherever you are, you shine
If you are in a team
Or fighting alone, strong but defenceless
If you’re in your own war
And you want to lose yourself in some wine
You’re sad, you want to scream
I’m here watching over you, regardless
Don’t open every scar
After it has closed, if all is not fine
A glow about you gleams
Even if you feel dead, expressionless
If you are not on par
With the lucky ones whose fate was benign
It is your light that beams
Through your tears. Be patient, you will be blessed
And you will raise the bar
So high no one can match you, divine
Proud, deserving, esteemed
You’ll earn it, stranger, do not be hopeless
To move your own car
You know best, deep inside, your own guidelines
Go get yourself ice-cream
Smile with no inhibition, be fearless
I believe you’re a star
That you’re a good person, do not define
Yourself by worthless schemes,
You’re amazing, more than words can express.
I hope I can make someone smile today.
690 · Oct 2018
The best souls
Marya123 Oct 2018
Dear God

Why would you take the best souls away?
Almost as if they're too precious for Earth?
Gone too soon, always and forever-
Or do you send them away for rebirth?
Why didn't you give him some courage
Instead of pain, agony anew
Why did his soul want to run away
As though prayers weren't enough for you?
If he is up there with you in heaven
Tell him I'm sorry I didn't know,
That I'm so sad that I did not help,
That I deeply regret I was too slow.
Tell him I do hope he's doing well,
That I wish his anguish decreased,
That I pray he gained some happiness,
That I truly hope he found his peace.
A childhood friend of mine recently committed suicide.. I didn't know what to feel, so I wrote it down.
687 · Mar 2022
Marya123 Mar 2022
The whole world's playing a game of poker
And I'm dealt a strange, confusing hand
I don't want to be mediocre,
I make rash moves, which were never planned
Inevitable, I fail each test,
To start over, again and again
So I'll keep my cards close to my chest
Hoping that this time, it won't be in vain.
658 · Sep 2016
Marya123 Sep 2016
He did not want it.
So he tells me.
He simply did what he could
A simple gift by Lady Fate
So he says, sheepishly.
He shrugs in nonchalance
Graceless in his apathy
Yet he is given the reward.
Why is that so, Destiny?
Why do you keep me searching for you?
Why do you smirk
As I am blinded and deafened in my pursuit for the light
Some clarity, an opportunity?
And you throw it in my face?
I could so easily be mad at you
I could so easily wail in agony
I could so easily grit my teeth and curse your existence
I could so easily abandon any pretence of control
Yet I do not.
I dare not vocalise these petty thoughts
I dare not challenge you, for I am at your every whim
But you cannot stop me from asking
You cannot prevent me from questioning
Why him, why not me?
What did he do so much better than I?
As he fakes illness and emotion
As he swaggers around in brilliant obnoxiousness
What is that one talent that I am without?
Must I lay my hands at your feet?
Must I praise your questionable presence?
Must I abuse and disregard you for some show of mercy?
They say one must wait
They say ‘Be patient, every dog has its day’
Then what am I?
A miserable dead unworthy hybrid
A perverse creation that ought not to exist
That it is not given a part in even one proverb in innumerable?
You desire that I let it get to me
You desire that I grow more impatient than usual
You ****** things away from reach so I sigh in resignation, as you laugh
Cruelly, in mockery of my fumbling limbs.
But I smile
I keep the thoughts in a little box sealed away
I gather every ounce of sincerity and joy
I collect my courage, I move my muscles
Enough to speak, to type, to send, to wish
To the blessed child of good fortune
Otherwise known as 'Karma, thou art a heartless *****.'
647 · Oct 2018
Marya123 Oct 2018
In a world filled with brilliance and grace
I wonder- Am I in the right place?
Somewhere down the line I must've gotten lost
Sticking to one side when I should've crossed
A mere penguin attempting to fly
Among winged birds that live in the sky.
I wonder why I continue to fall
Trying to scale an impossible wall
Maybe I was just... horribly wrong
Thinking that I could ever belong.
641 · Feb 2017
Ordinary Poem
Marya123 Feb 2017
I'm not particularly wonderful.
I can't enhance one's reality
I'm penned by a bored and wilful writer
I don't have a distinct quality.

I may have rhyme, rhythm, or I may not
I may be emotional, or dreary
I'm a work of language, of random words
I may be soothing, I may be scary.

Some of you say I'm one of a kind,
Some of you aren't sure where I'm from,
Some believe I exist for a reason,
Some reckon I'm remarkably dumb.

You may think I'm an exhibitionist
I'm not aware, I can't care what you say
But I love being read, when your eyes see me-
Insignificant, but it makes my day.
What I imagine a poem would think., that incidentally coincided with my own thoughts. Hope you enjoy reading!
637 · Sep 2016
Marya123 Sep 2016
‘Death is so absurd.’
So I used to think.
But, the lines are blurred
When you’re gone in a blink.
It’s hard to believe
That you’re not alive
But who would deceive
That you no longer thrive?
I see your weak frame
Still on the cold floor
Who is there to blame?
Why are you no more?
Reality strikes then
Now I’ve to accept
Beyond my dull ken
Now, after I’ve wept.
I can hardly know
If you are colder
As you lay there low
You grow frail, older.
A strange peace I see
On that unmoving face
An anguish I feel
Belied by your grace.
Quiet, loud tears around
Something that you’d hate
If you weren’t bound
To the harsh strings of fate.
You left so, so soon!
Succumbing to cancer
For you, it’s a boon
To escape more torture
Of that sad disease
Eating away life
Causing more unease
Amidst earthly strife.
So wherever you are
Wherever you head
Shine among the stars
As if you were not dead.
Raise us with your strength
Keep us of sound mind
To lessen arm’s length
Together to remind
You live within us
Those who remember
Crescendo in chorus,
Flame through dying ember.
636 · Oct 2021
Method actor
Marya123 Oct 2021
I'd hide myself beneath a thousand walls
I'd suffocate, to satisfy the audience
With dying breath, through countless curtain calls
But this is life, it has to be, this penance
Paid for past sins, cancelled shows from long ago
I wear them like armour, the scars deep inside
I fear the wounds to come, the unforeseen blow
Unravelled secrets, truths no longer denied
It doesn't matter, the blood on the floor,
It doesn't matter that I've nothing to say,
For a second on stage, I'm the one they adore,
A moment of heaven in the hell of everyday.
If I could become something else, forever
Unblemished, unfeeling, without any flaws
The perfect artiste in every endeavour
Perhaps I'll finally deserve the applause.
621 · May 2019
Marya123 May 2019
I wonder if you can read between these lines on a screen
And realize that I really do say what I mean.
I ponder what it's like not to just be seen, but heard
To command the center of attention with each word.
I imagine a new world with a little less noise
Where I could even listen to the sound of my voice!
But mostly, I wish for the world I wouldn't want to leave
Where one is judged by character, not how one's perceived.
Being an introvert. A rant.
598 · Nov 2019
Marya123 Nov 2019
You're the best sentence I've ever beheld
Grammatically correct, succinct and true,
I've always been the lone apostrophe
But I'd become a comma, just for you.
Ridiculously sappy. As is love.
587 · Jul 2022
Marya123 Jul 2022
I'm not in the Olympics, or the WWE
Yet I fight my demons with each breath, daily
Sometimes I lose, I'm knocked out, I'm outdone
Sometimes I win, I can pretend life is fun
I wonder if I can ever tap out and leave,
If there's so much more that I can hope to achieve
Is it courage I'm seeking, or how to let go?
If there's an end to this, I guess I'll finally know.
584 · Sep 2022
Marya123 Sep 2022
Maybe we're all puppets that dance by a thread,
Displaying emotions like delight and dread,
Telling stories as Destiny demands,
With the whims of fate being our commands.
What if we found free will, and learned to feel,
Discovering new paths, knowing what's real?
There's a whole world out there to explore
Life is comfortable, but could it be more?
I don't remember how I ended up here
The others are content, yet I wish in fear
Everyone's ten moves ahead of me,
I'm trying to catch up, it's a mystery
Is it worth the risk to escape alone?
This doesn't seem right, it's all I've ever known.
So I hold on, helpless and afraid
I dare not be more than what I've been made
Dreaming of a future where we're not playthings,
To be alive, unattached to these strings.
578 · Nov 2018
A note to psychologists
Marya123 Nov 2018
"'It'll get better', you all once said
To my tear-stained, sallow face
Do you know, that I still remain
In what should have been a phase?

'Write happy notes', you gallantly said
Misery becomes your crutch
It should not be- it must begone
Before it becomes too much.

Yet my words were a light in this dark
Of these cruel, unforgiving times
So I could see, even when blind
That sadness was not a crime.

Swallow your words, deceitful beings
You didn't know how to help me
College degrees behind your names
Disguise your illiteracy.

What do I believe, now that it's clear
That no one truly cares?
The thin line between right and wrong
Taunts me with this despair.

Whom do I lean on, now that I know
That all of your words were fake?
How can I stand on my own two feet
If there isn't more I can take?"

Foolish child, do understand
That I care, that I do mean well
Hear this, just hear my words
Listen to what I have to tell.

Sadness is untarnished gold
That I don't think you must avoid
But what you feel, deep inside
Doesn't mean that you're destroyed.

If you focus on what you want
(To get out of this prison)
The weight will get lighter with time
Through the dark you will have risen.

Habits are hard to break, I know
And it'll be an arduous journey
But I'll be here, to lift you up
I'll try to be good company.

You can get past it, you see?
Choosing paths with new notions,
With logic, reason and sound mind
You can conquer your emotions.

I don't presume to know it all
There is much I don't comprehend
But I'll do what I can to help you
You have my best wishes, dear friend.
571 · Feb 2017
A child, still
Marya123 Feb 2017
When do we become adults?
When can we say we are grown?
Actions speak louder than words
Where is all we should have known?

What is right, but what is wrong?
The grey between black and white
Eludes us in life's colours
Creeping over in the night.

Make mistakes and learn, they say
And I make them tirelessly
In these chasms of fate I find
Whatever will be, will be.

Young and old cannot define
The years behind new sorrows
Adult and child unconfined
Worrying about tomorrows.
566 · Jun 2016
Ode to a coder
Marya123 Jun 2016
You sit down in front of a computer
A laptop, mainframe or anything with keys
Deftly designing, predicting futures
You solve problems with unrealistic ease.
Days and nights you spend staring at the screen
Running on caffeine, junk food, random snacks
Eyes spotting errors, fingers sharp and keen
There isn’t one mistake you can’t track.
Sometimes you can get very, very stuck
Which makes you a horrible annoyance
As you start to moan about how you ****
Making those around wish for your penance.
You go crazy, grumbling technical words
Gazing into space, losing yourself there
In the world of code- it’s just plain absurd
To anyone who’s sadly unaware.
But soon you figure out the hidden glitch
Buried between long complicated lines
Like a tailor, you repair the wrong stitch
Weaving marvels from virtual quarantines.
Alas! Not many try to understand
Ignorant about what just makes you tick
To them, code is a unique world so bland
It’s your paradise, glue to make you stick
You see patterns among random mysteries
You cannot resist killing viruses
Behind the screen lie your numerous victories
Humble and hard-earned are your calluses.
564 · Oct 2018
Marya123 Oct 2018
When the world is crumbling down
When all hope seems to be lost
It's a gentle, harsh reminder
That everything comes at a cost.
Courage isn't hard to find
But it fades in fear and sorrow.
Yet, stay the course, faithful reader
Your light will shine tomorrow.
'Tomorrow never comes', you say
I hope, one day, you find it has
With great strength and resilience
Believe that this too, shall pass.
552 · Nov 2021
Marya123 Nov 2021
I'm trying to find perfect words to say
I'm trying to find perfect words to write
Anything in my power to get you to stay
Anything to have you near, in my sight
I treasure the words you return to me
I wrap them, lovingly, and keep them close
Messages of all kinds in memory
Still fresh, like the beauty of a wilted rose.
I could never tell you how much I feel
This, my only secret, tender and true
You're a poem immortal, so brilliant, unreal
And I'll be right here, watching, in awe of you.
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