the little face i see when i look down at my nephew
it is like he is my own
at least some days i wish
i could keep him
it seems only yesterday i was in the hospital a new aunt
holding him in my arms craddeling him
falling in love with him more and more every minute
that i still held him
he is now three
and it seems like time has flown scince the day he was born
he is my guardian angel
and i love him more than anything in the world
my nephew the one who taught me how to love at least one person in my life

the hate
the hurt
the mistakes

the life
the choice
the challenge

my challenges
my choices
my life

my hurt
my hate
my mistakes

my life is what i make it
i dont need clones to make it for me

1 cut
2 cuts
3 cuts
4 how many more til i hit the floor
5 cuts
6 cuts
7 cuts
8 tell me to stop that's just great
like it is going to help you yelling at me
for ruining my body
that we already know I don't give 2 ***** about anymore
and also weather I die or live
2 months later
I live on with the only regret of not picking up the phone before I picked up that god ****** blade

When does someone open their eyes and see
When does she know she’s in too deep
Why does she hate herself
Why has she not killed herself

Why I’ll tell you why
She’s too strong to take the easy way out that’s why

Some days she wishes with all her might she will die tonight
But she never does die that night
Or any night those thoughts enter the mind

Before you judge me for doing what I’ve done
Keep in mind
That it was because I felt dead inside
And needed to feel alive inside
Just because I’m breathing
Doesn’t mean I feel alive inside

ever say it's just been one of those days
but you won't expain what you mean
cause you know it will hurt the people around you
I did yesterday
I just wanted to be alone all night
but I had to work
and I wanted to bawl like a baby
but it is NOT okay to cry in front of people
so I cried myself to sleep
alone up in my room
so no one could see my weakness
and no one could see me
craddeled up in a ball
cause I had too much pain
to want to care about anyone at all
I wanted to die
I couldn't though
so I cried, cried, cried until all the pain was out of me
but see that didn't last long
it came back
why does God hate me
why do I have so much pain inside
that never seems to permanatly leave
I don't wanna be like this
it ain't my goal in life
to feel like... this
I dont know what I feel
so I can't really explain
but ****** it's back again and it needs to go
but it won't see
it is like a blood ******* demon
who has attached itself to me
and it won't leave
so I fix pain with pain
but not a blade
hot water on the skin
stings just enough
to take my mind off the pain inside
cause it is on the outside