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RebelGirl Feb 2018
1 cut
2 cuts
3 cuts
4 how many more til i hit the floor
5 cuts
6 cuts
7 cuts
8 tell me to stop that's just great
like it is going to help you yelling at me
for ruining my body
that we already know I don't give 2 ***** about anymore
and also weather I die or live
2 months later
I live on with the only regret of not picking up the phone before I picked up that god ****** blade
this is how i felt when my mom found out that i was a cutter i have been clean for 2 months now and am doing awesome!
RebelGirl Jan 2018
if i told you i was sorry tor the marks you were about to see
would you ask what marks
or would you say i know what marks you are talking about
would you stick with me when i told you it happend for over a year
or would you turn your back on me and tell me i was hopeless
and garbage
but worst of all
if i showed you the marks
would you tell anyone else
or would you keep it to yourself
if i told you that i am sorry for cutting myself
would you lift up your sleeve and say
its ok i cut too
we will get through this together
RebelGirl Oct 2017
I swear I will be there always
I will love you unconditionally
you are welcome here
this is your sister and your brothers
I am your mom and this is your dad
though you don't have to call us that if you don't want
but always know we will love you... always I swear
RebelGirl Feb 2018
anyone who youtubes and loves music nightcore has like a lot of music anything form country to punk rock to rock to pop music it is a speed up version with anime backrounds it is ver awesome!!!
RebelGirl Jan 2018
i sit and i cry
in the silence alone
in the dark i feel faded
as if im not here anymore
wishing with all my might
someone will save me from this hell
but everytime no one does
i cant complain its not that bad to be alone
when you are so used to it
that being alone is all you need anymore

when you start to fake sick so you have to stay alone
and in the dark sleeping all day
you feel peaceful
away from every human being on the planet in your room away
RebelGirl Mar 2018
ask questions
dont be a *****
be nice
try
dont cry
speak up
drop the attitude
dont cuss it isnt lady like
dont spit
dont wear make-up
dont be that dumb
no one likes you
you wonder y u have no friends
i will just do it myself
stupid
people expect girls to have more confidence about themselves but shouldnt we understand y they dont when they have to blend in with society it is hard to be yourself and it is really bad when they **** themselves because people dont know when to let **** go
RebelGirl Feb 2018
capris in the summer
not because i like to
but becuse i have to
it seems silly because all people wear shorts
but not me
because i was a cutter
and the scars are hidious
so i go on like everyone else
just wearing capris in the summer
RebelGirl Mar 2018
when your young your innocent
then one day that gets taken right out of hands
and we have to choose the path that we take in life
some of us choose good lives
while others not so much
some of us start down that road then reality hits us cold in the face
and we choose to change our lives
but some of us walk down that road and never change it
RebelGirl Oct 2017
when you hurt someone it shows
then you have to live with it
I don't know how to live with this
all I know is I feel horrible
I can't take this anymore
I need a change
For The Better
I can't take on the challenges
but what more can you do in life
the hurt is real
I need to stop
cutting does not help you
it makes life worse
trust me listen I've been there done it
I've seen the pain
I put people through
it is not pretty
and you make your body ugly
RebelGirl Nov 2017
depression it is all i have left
i dont want it thought
it is un welcome here in my heart
tonight it will leave me
tonight i will finally win this ******* fight
so all of the people tonight
pray for me
pray i will once and for all win this fight
if it doesnt leave by tonight
i will win this fight
RebelGirl Jan 2018
when your sitting in class
you are bored and tired
you hear nothing the teacher is saying
and you are wondering why you are here

high school isn't for everyone
some people drop out
some people get suspended so many times
others get expelled
some just don't care

but yet think about this
four years may seem like a lot
but a lifetime of working fast food for two years
of not going to school seems pretty silly now doesn't it
yes high school ***** *** i will be the first one to say it but it is not worth it to drop out of high school to have to work fast food for the rest of your life
RebelGirl Oct 2017
you feel depressed
they say your emo
that is not even close to how we feel
judge us
but yet you don't know us
how is that fair
wait it is not fair
my scars on my arm
was from pain inside
but yet I was being selfish and trying to die right?
wrong wrong wrong
you don't know us
so don't try to judge us
RebelGirl Nov 2017
The red is all I see
For the moment it makes me feel good
Later I feel like **** again
Gotta do it again

It is an addiction
I’m not kidding you
So judge someone for doing it
I ******* dare you to
RebelGirl Nov 2017
The addiction is real
Drugs or alcohol you ask
Well this addiction is different
How you ask
Here…

Cutting is an addiction
Once you start it is hard to stop
I did start I did quit I did relapse
But this time I was smarter
Fingers won’t scar

Let me tell you please don’t start
I’m trying to save your life here
Listen to a cutter
Please I beg don’t be like me
When I get sad anymore
That’s all I want to do
Don’t be like me talk to someone
Because I didn’t and my mom went nuts
Cleared my room of everything I had
Please listen today get out of your room
Go talk to someone

I’m glad if I caught you in time
Because no one caught me
Until it was too late…
And the addiction was already there…
RebelGirl Nov 2017
drawing a picture
but with a twist
im not drawing a pretty picture
the only color is red
i dont use paper
i use my skin
i dont use a pen
i use the blade
RebelGirl Nov 2017
am I good enough for you mirror yet
am I pretty enough for you yet
no o ok
I have make-up and I dyed my hair
mirror am I good enough for you yet
am I pretty enough for you yet
no **** I thought that would do it
I guess not though
three years latter
I have a scared wrist
and scared theighs
mirror am I good enough for you yet
am I pretty I enough for you yet
no I guess not my skin is ugly
because you didn't accept me when I needed you to
RebelGirl Nov 2017
Life is not always what you expect
I thought I wouldn’t have any other chances
With anyone
It was taking so long to find the right guy or girl
That I thought I wouldn’t find another
But that is where you come in
You gave me the smile I missed so much
A sincere smile
Not a fake one
I have life again thanks to you
RebelGirl Oct 2017
accepting world ha
no i have friends who no one accepts
and im not accepted cause im bi
but thats okay
but my friends
they have pasts only I know about
most of it my mom dont even know nor will she ever
just dont judge people based on their past
give them a chance!
RebelGirl Oct 2017
cant everyone be happy for me
i mean he makes me happy
why cant people be happy
well i guess people arent happy with me
but thats okay
i know i matter to no one at all
so why not just be happy alone
RebelGirl Feb 2018
the hate
the hurt
the mistakes

the life
the choice
the challenge

my challenges
my choices
my life

my hurt
my hate
my mistakes

my life is what i make it
i dont need clones to make it for me
RebelGirl Nov 2017
i feel this knife
cutting through my heart
i never wince
even though it hurts bad
RebelGirl Oct 2017
we all have that one thing that we don't like
for me it is being with my family when I can't fake my pain
I perfer to keep company with my walls at those times
because I won't get answers back I don't like
and no one is there to interupt me or call me stupid (friend wise)
so isolation is my thing when I hurt
it probally always will be
but I'm not the type to stay there when I'm fine
it is when I hurt too bad
I can't fake it any longer
RebelGirl Oct 2017
thinking thinking
what am i thinking
oh boy do i say
well here i go

when you mess up in life
you can't go back and fix it
when you die
you cant come back
im scared of dying
but why is it that I want to then
I dont know
but fight the fight
it will get better
i will not die tonight
i will not die tonight
i will not die tonight...
RebelGirl Nov 2017
between u and me
and the secrets i keep
and the love we have for each other
the only fights should be over
whos gonna kiss who first every morning!
RebelGirl Feb 2018
lovely little life
who am i kidding
all i want is for someone to ****** me
so i dont have to dissapoint my family with a left behind suicide note
RebelGirl Oct 2017
I lie
I cheat
I steal

but what do I lie about
How do I cheat in life
And just what do I steal

lie about pain
cheat the system (better than you think I am)
steal everything I can
RebelGirl Nov 2017
u didnt have to say a word
when i met you i knew you were for me
now its been eight days and i really like you alot more than like
it is LOVE
RebelGirl Mar 2018
i run home once again broken hearted
school was horrible as always
i get made fun of for my face
my arms my size having no chest
being too small
having too many questions
not being nice to anyone
now that one has me laughing
ever scince i came to this school
none of you were ever nice to me
what makes you think i would be nice to you
my middle school experiance guys it does get a little bit better
RebelGirl Feb 2018
the little face i see when i look down at my nephew
it is like he is my own
at least some days i wish
i could keep him
it seems only yesterday i was in the hospital a new aunt
holding him in my arms craddeling him
falling in love with him more and more every minute
that i still held him
he is now three
and it seems like time has flown scince the day he was born
he is my guardian angel
and i love him more than anything in the world
my nephew the one who taught me how to love at least one person in my life
RebelGirl Feb 2018
every Monday my brain doesn't work right
every Tuesday I curse out loud
every Wendsday it becomes a bit better
every Thursday I count the hours
every Friday I can't wait
every Saturday I relax
Every Sunday I say I hate school even more this week than I did last week
RebelGirl Nov 2017
When does someone open their eyes and see
When does she know she’s in too deep
Why does she hate herself
Why has she not killed herself

Why I’ll tell you why
She’s too strong to take the easy way out that’s why

Some days she wishes with all her might she will die tonight
But she never does die that night
Or any night those thoughts enter the mind

Before you judge me for doing what I’ve done
Keep in mind
That it was because I felt dead inside
And needed to feel alive inside
Just because I’m breathing
Doesn’t mean I feel alive inside
RebelGirl Oct 2017
be positive they said
it will be fun they said
yeah mmm nope not for me
i will admit i am a negitive nacy
bi ******
ugly
*******
and i have 0 common sence so at least i have the ***** to admit and not run from it!
RebelGirl Feb 2018
the love inside my heart is there
but it is not resevered for me
i have never had love for myself
i will probally never be able to
but between it all i love my nephew
and my siblings and my parents
but somehow i do not love myself
RebelGirl Oct 2017
i feel like no one gets me
no one cares how i feel
no one cares about my feelings toughts or anything else i do
hell no one would care if i died tonight
no one woud turly miss me
why is it when i feel happy
everyone makes me unhappy
all over again
i feel used
i feel like i will never win the race
when will it all just stop
why dont i feel normal
and why wont this pain go away
so i can feel okay inside for once
okay inside for once
RebelGirl Jan 2018
the world's people is like a box of choclates
if you take the right choclate it will be sweet and yummy
if you take the wrong one it leaves a bad taste in your mouth
just like people
some are really good to you
and some treat you like **** and you dont see it becaue it is your friend she would never do that to me but others sure see it
and some walk all over you and you just dont have the courage to get rid of them
and some of them are 2 faced lttle ******* who you honnestly cant stand but you ******* tollerate it for so long and sit back and think why did i let it get that far
RebelGirl Nov 2017
To me a perfect boyfriend doesn’t need a lot of money
The perfect guy doesn't need the biggest *****
The perfect person for me needs to respect me
And take me as I am
Love me unconditionally
And be a gentleman!
RebelGirl Jan 2018
being bi is ok
im bi and im proud of it

but all these people who wont accept bisexuals
really **** me off

but that is ok
because this 5' 4" girl is bi and she is ******* proud of it
RebelGirl Oct 2017
the flag of the United States is not a disgrace
people risk their lives for it
some loose them or dont come back the same
so even if you dont believe in what the flag stands for
STAND put your hand on your heart and stop trying to be an outcast in society
some of us have family that have served
so think of all the people you are disrespecting as you kneel at our precious flag
that means so much more that the lives lost in vietnam
but it represents our freedom and the people who fought and still fight for it
do you not want the freedom we have here
I take it you do so that means dont disrespect our flag and the people who served for it!!!
RebelGirl Oct 2017
she sees a world of hurt
she sees a pain too big for her to handle
when she tries to conqur demons
it brings her more pain

she wants to be normal
but what is it anymore
what is normal
i dont know anymore

the pain she hates
herself she hates
wants to be by herself
but is scared to be

she hates her life
wants to end it
wishes she could sleep all day all night
because sleep paralyzes the pain
that she feels on the inside

the wrost kind of pain to feel
is the pain you can easily mask
so no one else sees
whats really going on inside
RebelGirl May 2018
stay fit
eat right
eat slow
**** not that slow
now im confused
dont sass me
im the boss
i say what goes
cant i go out
no
but why
because i said so
but that is not fair
life aint fair
you ****
smack across face
ouch what did you do that for
because i can

i dont want to be that kind of parent to my children because i dont want to turn them into children that are scared and frightend of athority
RebelGirl Jan 2018
i feel like im gliding down a stream
i see the trees and the beutiful skyline above me
those are my happy days

i feel like im racing down a waterfall
i see nothing because it all goes by too quickly for me to focus on anything
those are my stress days

i feel like im in the middle of an ocean
in a raging storm where the waves are huge and feel like im going to drown
those are my anger days

i feel like im in the middle of an ocean
all alone the days feel like weeks and no one is there to care
those are my depression days

somedays though i feel like im in all of those conditions at once and by the time i get home from wherever i am at i feel empty and out of breath ready to crawl into my bed and say goodnight and never want to wake up but at the same time wanting to stay alive but wondering if it is worth it anymore
RebelGirl Oct 2017
she hurts
she hates
but she hates herself more than the people around her
she has done too much
she feels like a dissapoinment to her family
who has tried for so many years to help this dissapoinment
and what has she done
more than she should
but i cant continue to fight
when i keep loosing
to this pain
inside my heart
that ive gotten too good at hiding
until i have had enough
and it all comes out
in the ******* things i do
that i cant stand
but the pain inside me has gotton so bad
i do whatever the **** i can
so i can get through the pain
not my life
RebelGirl Mar 2018
I'm a no name girl
People see me and say ***** tease ***** **** **** and others
That is not my name but some think it is
For the last time
I'm a no name girl
If you don't know how to say my name right
Don't say anything to me at all
RebelGirl Oct 2017
ever say it's just been one of those days
but you won't expain what you mean
cause you know it will hurt the people around you
I did yesterday
I just wanted to be alone all night
but I had to work
and I wanted to bawl like a baby
but it is NOT okay to cry in front of people
so I cried myself to sleep
alone up in my room
so no one could see my weakness
and no one could see me
craddeled up in a ball
cause I had too much pain
to want to care about anyone at all
I wanted to die
I couldn't though
so I cried, cried, cried until all the pain was out of me
but see that didn't last long
it came back
why does God hate me
why do I have so much pain inside
that never seems to permanatly leave
I don't wanna be like this
it ain't my goal in life
to feel like... this
I dont know what I feel
so I can't really explain
but ****** it's back again and it needs to go
but it won't see
it is like a blood ******* demon
who has attached itself to me
and it won't leave
so I fix pain with pain
but not a blade
hot water on the skin
stings just enough
to take my mind off the pain inside
cause it is on the outside
RebelGirl Oct 2017
hate you
but love you
want to be with you
want to **** you

how's this you ask
how can I love you
but want to also **** you

that is a good question
I will answer it
when people can **** up a child
so bad she beats her head into walls
and feels better by doing that at 3
people got some ****** up heads!!

that is why I want to **** but I love
RebelGirl Oct 2017
the scars burry inside my arm
like hatchet marks on a tree
not trying to cut it down
but just trimming the bark

I killed the beauty
kinda like they killed the bark
my arm won't ever be the same agian
and neither will I
RebelGirl Nov 2017
bright
inside?
wrong you would be scared to enter my mind
all of the things i think
when im on a low day
would **** you on the inside too
RebelGirl Nov 2017
so you see me and think I'm doing fine
but do you see all my layers
over the ones I hide the best
no you don't
why don't you see it
I won't let you
it pains me more for people to see my own pain
so I hide underneath this fake mask of happiness
so I don't put anyone else through my pain inside
RebelGirl Nov 2017
love inside my heart
depression inside my brain
thoughts about dying and cutting

but mom and my theripist say "I'm okay"
I am just looking for attention
is the worst thing you can say to me
think about this
if all I want is attention
how is it
I've learned to fake smiles and hide my cuts...
RebelGirl Oct 2017
found myself
but who am i kidding
this is not who i want to be
but when will the vicious cycle end
of not being who i want to be
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