i pull her, inches towards me
closer, closer; i don't wanna breathe

and she struggles and her grasp loosens
and she's leaving now, and i'm in the same position

eyes to the floor, head bowed a little
trying not to cry from a heart so fickle
trying to muster a smile, but the tear, it trickles

"i love you" i whisper; she's gone and i'm too late
i hear her voice resound in my head; my shoulders are dead weight
her heart speaks a language only mine can translate

but it's foreign now, and my heart doesn't understand
she's changed and i've changed and i don't know her like the backs of my hands

and it's been three weeks now but the lump in my throat is still apparent
it's been five ******* weeks now but the world is still so transparent

why can i only see beauty when it's oozing out of her skin?
why can i only picture life without her as an odyssey of burden?

this is not an "i miss you" poem, even though i do
it isn't a plea or a beg or a self-piteous bunch of love spew

it's from one soul to the other
to one soul from a broken lover
(just to let you know) there will never be another
because there's no lightening without its thunder

imagine if our eyes
reversed our lives
in slow motion;
endless sea sickness
drowning in your succulent ocean,
hoping for the potion
to lead this
sickeningly twisted
endless devotion
into an eternity of
relentless corrosion

imagine if clocks were non-existent
time was an abyss, limited yet distant;
home is where the heart is -
i'm homeless
and suffocating in
your ****** fluoresce

wallowing and distressed
hallucinating and possessed
homicide and loneliness

i feel vandalised
like a building, derelict
abandoned with flowers
growing faces like they're parodists
i blink and free fall;
i'm standing, five thousand trees tall
you're crawling, can barely muster a squall
and i'm soaring;
ten thousand trees tall

i want to hold your hand through all the season changes; autumn to summer, making chains out of daises and i want you to know that love is probably my biggest fear
but you make me love with open arms
and as deep as outstretched oceans, grabbing hold of you with both palms and as violently as nuclear bomb explosions
i'll keep that fruitful heart of yours safe within my clutch because i know that mine is safe with you and your gentle benevolent touch

you make me remember why life is a joy rather than a burden and when my life draws its final curtains,
your face is the last i want to see
and i'm certain one day it'll all get a lot easier, the sky will be bluer and the breeze will be breezier,
and i'm certain until then we'll guide each other through because there's no one i'd rather be in life's ruthless grasp with than you

they say death is the only constant, i disagree

death is no match for you and me

i've lived for eighteen years
some babies don't make it to eighteen minutes
and it's sad when you wish you were
the baby who didn't
the baby who didn't get to experience
life and what it's like to live
and your feeble attempt at living
is an accurate portrayal of what it means to
exist and it's sad when you wish you were
the baby who didn't make it to four-years-old
so you never experienced the joy
of a park on an early summers morning where
your only worry was how high you could
go and beating your best friend so you
could be "champion" and as you get older
you realise a champion is someone who
suffers but manages to maintain a healthy,
positive mindset and being a champion at
four-years-old means nothing when your
mere existence is an accurate portrait of
failure. people say nightmares scare you,
if so i'd class life as a nightmare. it's sad when
you wish you were the child who didn't make it
to junior school, when you wish that you didn't
make it to the high school prom because then
you'd never have to realise that no one
wants to hold your hand and slow dance with you
no one tells you you look beautiful in a dress
you paid too much for just to feel uncomfortable
for the entire night. it's sad when you get to
eighteen and you realise that there's so much
more to life but you don't want to be alive to
witness it and if a baby who didn't make it to
eighteen minutes can leave the world gracefully,
then so can you.

there is one truth of which i'm incandescently certain and that's that nobody can take away a truth as it darkens, a galaxy in a glass; and the truth is that i'd be the only ***** donor in a charity just for you because signals and signs have showed me your soul and you're grander than celestial poles

if i didn't know any better i'd suggest you're the sun and i'm the solar system and i orbit around you and i'm not too sure about humans having wings but imagine:

a snowy cabin some place away from civilisation, you and i and wholehearted communication, you and i and books and fictional integration, you and i and mind blowing realisations, you and i and wings outstretched souring across nations

you are the sun and i am the solar system and although i orbit you i'm never allowed to brush the surface, i'm guessing it's for a purpose so i admire from afar, a gaze stretched over constellations and the sound of your voice bouncing off stars into my hemisphere of tangled webs and ripened tears, the echoing trailing behind merely a souvenir

there is one truth of which i'm incandescently certain and that's this:

the only reason my brain hasn't stopped my heart from beating is because the thoughts of you are giving it meaning and it's hard to breathe with these overwhelming feelings but i'm coping because the broken glass holding my galaxy is healing

i never did listen to the first words you ever said to me, i was just fixated on your lips and i wish i could remember. i keep wracking my brain because maybe if i remember them we can start all over again and it wouldn’t be the way it is now. maybe if i remember our story retells and i can relive the last 2 years 3 months of my life with an embrace tighter than the moon’s gravitational pull of the tide.

i swear things were never meant to be this way, see, i went to a fortune teller and she said that i’d meet someone who dances with two left feet and you dance with two left feet and a walking stick; you’re not good, at all, but you tried for me and the fortune teller said that it was supposed to last so i’m not sure why i’m sat here in a pool of your love letters trying to find hints of what went wrong. i’m looking for grazes, cuts, scratches, molehills.

i always got told you weren’t good for me anyway and it’s probably better that it happened like this and we’re only young and there’s so many more people in the world i’ve yet to meet but i don’t want to meet people if every trait they possess isn’t yours and i don’t want to meet people if their hair doesn’t fall the same way and i don’t want to meet people whose front tooth doesn’t cower in slightly and i don’t want to meet people if their favourite food is noodles when you hated noodles.

you were good for me because you made me think and i thought about construction and how things are built and how a fire can burn it to the ground because nothing is more powerful than nature itself. i think maybe we were a house but i keep hoping we’re fire and i’ll set fire to the thorns stabbing my heart and it’ll all be on fire everything will be on fire and it’ll be dangerous and exciting, like you and it most likely won’t be good for me but at least it’ll be ******* pretty. i want to hold your hand as my heart bolts out of my chest and melts into a drain outside your house.

your love makes me want to eat my own flesh because i can't wash your fingerprints off my skin

i would've done anything for you
and i was like that jacket i bought for you
that you hung up and never wore again

you can't create a graveyard in my memories and not expect the biggest, boldest headstone and i'd rather chisel my eyes out than see your crooked teeth glaring at me and you know what? i'd wrap them in exquisite packaging and address it to you sincerely with a note attached that read "enclosed are all the visions i ever had of you and i"

i'd be like vincent van gogh
he had the right idea

there are rainbows and trenches
deep under ground; circles and
triangles and cacophonous sounds
there are stars and supernovas
and lovers at night, there's an
opaque barrier of which deflects
your misguided light. there are
satellites and sea turtles and
caterpillars in their cocoons, there
are butterflies and melodies sung
melancholy and out-of-tune
there are eyes and collarbones,
the arch of your back, too, there
are daffodils in your garden and
untied shoes. there are wishes
and wonders and a sea as grand
as the sky, there are gallivanting
fish whilst eagles dance mid-flight.
there's me there's you there's 7
billion others; there's a world
hellbent on destroying one another
there's war and destruction and
death uncomfortably close and
sometimes among it all, we forget
we're a rock mid-float. there's
life and there's breath and two
lips in sync, there's romance with
love letters written in ink; what's
important in life is living it
marvellously, take a second to
smile at the people you see,
a moment to give to the less
fortunate, generously. one life
to live and one heart to maintain,
a kindness to give and a world
to sustain. if we weren't so busy
breeding hate, we'd walk hand
in hand towards the horizon, and
create our own tumultuous fate.

when i was a little girl i didn’t have dreams
of living in a house with a white picket fence,
or marrying a prince who rescued me from
my abysmal reality; i didn’t want to depend
on someone to save me and i never really
liked the colour pink so when my mum painted
my room pink and purple with love hearts all
over the walls i spent my nights scratching at it
with half-bitten nails

as i grew older i asked my mum how you know
when you’re in love and she told me there was
no better way to describe it than: “you just know”
i’d painted my room black and white by this point
because i believed it was an accurate portrayal of
what was going on internally and i remember
getting my knees muddy as a kid and as i got
older and i’d met you, i remember thinking that
you were like the grazes on my knees except
more painful and the one thing i never asked
my mum was what it’s like to fall out of love or
get your heart broken

but i just knew

and it’s weird how as a kid i never wanted to
be saved but i believed you could save me and
now i’m drawing love hearts all over the walls
and scratching them on my skin at night and
i want a white picket fence surrounding a house
built for me and you and you rescued me from
my abysmal reality. you’re not a prince but you’re
the next closest thing and i’ve got grazes on my
knees again and they’re reminding me of you

i remember that
game of dominoes
we played at your
grandma’s house
and your grandad
made us tea and
we ate your favourite
biscuits and all i
can recall is the way
you whispered
“i’m so glad you’re here”
over the table and
we were supposed to
be that couple who
were eighty playing
dominoes with our
grandson and his
new girlfriend he’d
brought home and
they’d drink tea and
she’d eat his favourite
biscuits and their
love would be like
déjà vu and his
whispers would bounce
to her over the table

is there a secret
to making a love
as strong as i believed
ours was, last?

maybe i should have
asked your grandparents

it doesn't hurt to be in love with you anymore; i am merely numb
i've hidden fragments of you in separate stores in my mind
and they jump out like grasshoppers
sometimes one at a time
sometimes all at once
and i receive this unbearable desire to smoke the traces of you into every other ***** so they can experience what it's like to constantly want to jump out of my skin to get rid of you

i've been drinking a lot these days to try and flush out the part of you that's left inside of me

it's not that i don't want you there

it's just that having you there is making my heart itch and no matter how much i try to scratch it, it doesn't go away

i guess i'm hoping that drinking will numb the burning sensation but when it's 3:01am and all i can think of is you, nothing could comfort me quite like your presence

love is as indescribable as your beauty and misery is deep-rooted in your system and like the essence of you pumping through my veins, it just doesn't go away

and i guess i get you because love is hard and if only i could spark and ignite a fire inside your lungs and smoke would convulse out of your mouth in the shape of a heart and you'd never have to say "i love you" because it'd have said it all

if only i could show you that there's no one on this earth who deserves to experience love more than you; i'd paint it in tiny brushstrokes in your eyes so you could see the rawness and fragility

it's a bit like a flower; it grows stronger the more you nurture it but you have to plant it and give it a chance to bud

death is the only thing that lasts, it's the only constant and when time is gone i want you to be my only constant

take everything from me and envelope me with an insanity that feasts off the warmth of your fingertips and the proximity of your lips to mine

you're a leech and you've ****** everything out of me and i feel myself thriving off the thoughts of you floating like sailboats in my mind

i wish there was a tsunami to get rid of you

i wish there was a cure for this sea sickness i feel at the mention of your name

if there was i'm convinced i'd take it but i've never heard a more mellifluous sound

you're a spiral and i'm a circle and we were never meant to fit together but for two shapes so opposite, we've never worked so well

and now i'm drowning again (drinking and drowning)

leave soon,
i can't get used to this itch

kiss me goodnight
for i want to hold your hand like gravity holds my feet on the gr
i want to worship your body like i've been waiting a thousand years just to be in the same bed as you
i promise
i'll sew my lips shut so i can't confess my love for the hundreth time
but i'll say it ninety nine times whilst i still can
i love you
they say perfection doesn't exist, but they haven't met you

i want to make you melt in my memories so i can rebuild you out of wax and keep you because if you leave i don't think i'll be able to cope

i'd be a river running dry as the sun's soaked up every last drop of me and the mountain that allows my mind to remain in the clouds will collapse and an anchor will attach itself to my limbs dragging me down to a bed of self-pity and hopelessness and your medusa heart will turn everything i love into stone (including mine) because it'll no longer belong to me

all i want is for you to be as happy as you make me and if i can do that everything i was put on this earth for will have been fulfilled and i want to see you smile like your lips are gonna split open if you stretch them any further and i want your laugh to bellow out of you like you're choking up your sense of humour and i want those starry eyes to glisten like they're the only universe i want to get lost in

because i hadn't witnessed beauty before i looked at you and now i can't stop

i want to take your hand and lead you to the place i went to when i first realised i was falling in love because it's a waterfall and with every gush of water my veins burst into song and they were singing your name over and over again and i didn't have butterflies in my stomach i had wasps and scorpions that injected me with the image of your face so it's all my brain could project

all i can do is imagine a world with you where silhouettes of all the people surrounding us graze the sidewalks as a reminder that we aren't alone but alone with you i am and you're all i can focus on and i've never been happier

i'm always
a chore
never
a pleasure

write when your heart is on fire and your lungs can no longer contain the breath they inhale

write until your wrist, palms and fingertips are bleeding and your mouth is numb with thirst

write because there's so much for your soul to say and you're trying to cram it all into one lifetime

write for me, for yourself, for a lover, for a friend

just always continue to write

4:04am:
the scent of your skin lingers on my bed sheets and i never want you to leave

carry me on your shoulders and we'll build our own village beside the sea

we'll submerge ourselves in everything we love (i'll submerge myself in you) and i want your chest to open up and engulf me because burying myself in you isn't enough when i can still breathe; you're an abyss and i want to succumb to you, be enthralled by you and dance with rainbows pouring out of my fists on your heart