"insecurely" poems
if i were to turn and say
hey dude i ******* hate you, kay?
(well no, of course it isn't true-)
but what d'you reckon you would do?
i'm only wondering because
you act like it'd be no loss
and insecurely, i don't know-
because you sometimes seem as though
either you think i'll never leave
or just don't care what i believe?
i'd like to say i have a line
but no, i'll just sit here and whine
while you sit there, knowing quite well
that i would never ever tell
you that i'm giving up, you see
i think that this means more to me
than you, perhaps, and **** that stings
especially recently, when things
have led your life away from mine
i know it's not your fault; it's fine-
except it's not, because i never
thought that i would have to weather
all my ugly parts alone,
you used to be just down the phone.
i never used to hide from you
and now it seems you want me to-
but i've spent years with my gun down
it's hard to pick it off the ground.
*-maybe i'll close my eyes instead
and un-remember what you said.*
Dec 19, 2014
Dec 19, 2014 at 7:16 PM UTC
Again life cycles to a clutter, ideas thought through
don't anymore seem as though,
even when expressed aloud and not within.
Maybe they're right,
my ignorance is only withholding wonders
I struggle to actually see.
Hypocritically, I find importance in self enrichment
and observing from afar.
and yet even from a distance you feel so close.
Is this an evolution or is it just another mutation.
Obscure out of any cultural norm, I resonate
impairing those who hear my words.
This constant metamorphosis has left me staring in the mirror for
hours, searching for the presence of my subjected form.
Yet,
while I peer into the interworkings of my reflection
to observe what I actually see...
With all truth, it holds a boy,
an awkwardly timid boy.
Insecurely gazing back into the pupils
of his reality.
He's bellowing inside his
submerged mind.
Subconsciously Blurting:
"Do not turn back,
their are cyclones that await.
And all that is required
to overcome this task
is to go forth without
pondering times long gone...
So here I am, engaulphed
in tidal winds.
I must break loose;
grow, starting from
below.
Jul 18, 2011
Jul 18, 2011 at 10:55 PM UTC
Is that a frown I put upon your face child?
As I tried to soothe the sadness that smiled on your inside
That festered like pathogens inside your heart
Is that your index finger?
Sitting inquisitively on your lip?
I see the distraction in your whirlpools of corneas
Your hair lays insecurely on your shoulder blades
Let me console you with a joke
Pacify your placidity with these sad bars
You pick up your phone.
You read your texts.
Oh?
Is that a smile I put upon your face, child?
-zaba
Jun 29, 2014
Jun 29, 2014 at 6:10 PM UTC
I can't help but doubt you or
Your loyalty
My heart clutched by fear
Insecurely, I worry
that I'm not enough.
Insincerely, you assure me,
No need to think so much
My mind is on fire
The Pressure
is creeping.
Slowly but surely
gripping my throat
It has left me breathless
and blue.
Aug 21, 2012
Aug 21, 2012 at 2:34 AM UTC
Be careful little one
You have the frozen globe of existence at your Fingertips
Marking Tracing Melting oh so slowly much too fast
Diligently your dead eyes glance gracefully into infinite bright spotlights
Your fragile razor-edged smile’s tearing the corners of your lips
Insecurely holding yourself excruciatingly precise
Marking repugnant lines down your too young face
Spine’s held ram-rod straight pretending to keep your world afloat on a
Butterflies listless fluttering wings
The tiniest misstep reverberating inside your hollowed breastbone
In.. In… In…. Inconspicuous
Comparable in the manner of a lamp bumping the floor two houses up
Breath hitched tattooed pulse brings life to your porcelain pores
Tip-toeing on egg-shells of yearning aspiration
Flinching at the cold intangible fear that’s grabbed your hand
Makes you come to life a stones throw too freedom
Diamonds ruthlessly rip into soles and ****** toes imprisoned in silk
Wine stained lips sneer at rows of red velvet
They grasp everything you've strove for, they are the power
Passion, adrenaline, up most urgency sweeping you away
The most elegant anguish rushes out forming awestruck wild abandon
Waiting your whole life for this moment boiling down to now
Day after day year after year
Pupils blown wide it’s do or die spread your arms and take your bow
Self-loathing narcissist
You only dance as if the the sky is falling when you feel all is beyond repair
Never have you been more beautiful
Jul 18, 2014
Jul 18, 2014 at 4:17 AM UTC
my black arms
black enough to be infinite
all colors combined to create blackness
the darkest of all things
these black coils that sprout out
sprout slowly
sprout curly
sprout insecurely
bouncy like the wires that we find under trampolines
bouncy bouncy bouncing
on these springs that sprout of my head
she pulled one and watched it spring back to its original position
lips brighter than roses
pink with the kiss of illumination
radiating with fullness as they sit on the blackness that is my face
"está es tu replica"
my twin whose skin is the blackest
her hair made of wires
lips pink as carnations
her dress the color of the sky
I find irony that her dress is day and she is night
A figurine that is my twin
A reminder this is what she knew me as before she knew me
This is who I'll be after she's known me
I am black the infinite night sky that is infinite enough to intrude on day
Mar 1, 2015
Mar 1, 2015 at 3:49 PM UTC
Do you remember when you gave me your hoodie
You'd smile at me playing with the strings
And at times when i felt insecurely
You would kiss me and i would grow my wings
I don't know heaven but if i did
Heaven must be like this when i'm with you
My parents would and always forbid
But then you tell me we will make it through
It's funny how this all started with this
A simple old gray hoodie in the rain
You had my heart at the first glimpse
Knowingly that this love would cause me pain
I took the risk because i wanted you
Wanted you, needed you, and only you
Feb 17, 2015
Feb 17, 2015 at 2:47 AM UTC
you are not sure
insecurity imprisons
between doing and not doing
but do not fear
no creative genius emerged
from blind confidence
it is the unsure artist
who tinkers and questions
that creates beauty
and yet
carries on insecurely
Oct 3, 2019
Oct 3, 2019 at 2:21 PM UTC
Moving horizons
seem to gorge the visuals,
alongside cumulus clouds that pre-shadows the destination,
on scraped knees even the shoreline dissipates with the impervious vista,
at times the night air feels insecurely ballast,
how can we be said
to be truly safe?
when the vestige Cities
mourn with the tiresomeness of the beaten track.
Nov 30, 2013
Nov 30, 2013 at 4:01 PM UTC
By Arcassin Burnham
Let's get drunk and tell each other everything were afraid to say sober,
I wanted a whole night with you, but everything been over,
But I'm not over you,
But I'm not over you,
But I'm not over you,
I fell in love with you,
Don't know if its me or its the ***** talking,
I just found out all your secrets,
insecurely stalking.
Dec 12, 2014
Dec 12, 2014 at 12:14 AM UTC
Sitting up there bright and bold
My feet stand insecurely bare
Bigger than our earthly hold
It's hard to break from the stare
Feeling the pull of its weight
Captivates with such control
Like a fish brought in with good bate
It drives and questions, what is the soul?
Nov 22, 2012
Nov 22, 2012 at 11:47 PM UTC
Numb?
No actually better already,
Painful?
halfway, not full I suppose.
Thought I was so very aware,
Turned out, I didn't know half of the truth.
Fears chasing me, yet again.
And I try to stay in the moment,
Maybe that was the mistake,
I held on to it, with force.
I was convinced, my inner state,
Must feel all pure and harmonious,
Every time I have made it into the
Present moments.
But very possible I was wrong,
And I covered my fears with an image,
Of how I would think,
A moment in human's life should feel.
Sounds bit complicated, I know.
But I know what I talk about.
I am tired of hiding the unpleasant,
I better live with, not without it.
In fact without it, that's not possible.
At least till I have cleared it up.
It can't disappear, it's emotional,
And I used to cover it up.
It was a part of my perfect thinking,
I idealized myself,
In my view, I am a real warrior,
A hero for the weak and dead,
I put this expectation on myself,
I carried it around like a shield,
And though no arrow really got to me,
I still got traumatized, stopped to feel.
In fact behind the shield I was just hiding,
I hid my fears, my worries beneath,
I am still very sure that they're my weaknesses,
I tried to be different, and the result was this.
I truly stopped to feel real pain,
I fell to ashes and got up again,
But through the journey,
I lost who I was,
And my humanity got lost.
Now I am standing here,
My shield, still in my hand,
But I have made a hole,
To look through it instead.
I am not ready to uncover,
How damaged I am underneath,
I am not ready to discover,
My truth and my uncertainties.
I'm wounded, but I am alive.
I see it although I still hide,
Under the shield,
A perfect game,
The sun, the rain,
They're all the same,
No light comes in,
And storms stay outside,
But I am here to live,
And I have to decide,
Can I let the illusion go,
Am I ready to meet with my soul,
Am I ready to show the world,
Who I am and who I'm actually not?
Truly, I didn't even know,
I held this shield through it all,
I just saw it in my hand and realized,
I am not as much a hero, as I fantasized.
In fact I feel really hurt and blind,
For the waking up is cutting within
At the same time I realize,
It is time to let life and light in.
It is a very small, though heavy step to make.
I am still shaking insecurely, I have fears.
I need more courage now,
Than I ever had,
And I'm glad, that now I understand that.
May 16, 2019
May 16, 2019 at 8:30 AM UTC
so what's a pornhub?
lies every man alive
for shame
and what are we really like?
(in the dark)
hides everything breathing
insecurely
and what do we really want?
(as a question)
always complicates bartering
and *******
so how do i really feel?
and for a dollar i might tell you
why eye contact's endangered
why shame's a commodity
why so many of us humans
seem so ******* petty
so ******* empty
but i don't think i need to
(as you already know)
. . . about that
May 30, 2018
May 30, 2018 at 2:25 AM UTC
Back to the wall
Music playing
Something slowly arising
Preparing me to fall
Light and giddy
Swaying and saying
Words which stumble out
Sloshing and without
A drop of sense
Fingers tapping each tiny letter
Attempting to convey
The strangeness taking over
Wondering if it would get any better
Alas, it only gets worse
Before it gets better
Lying on the floor
Limbs stretched and curling back in
Laughter erupting in bursts from within
Wild, untamed and oh, what more
What more did come?
A loss of time,
All left in fog
Alone and lightly afraid
Yet thoughtless
Like a small child hearing a rhyme
Fragments
Moments of time
Glimpses into memory
Much left unseen
Slipping into sleep
In my head did I weep
For what I do not know
Kneading the carpet insecurely like dough
Awakened not an hour later
Stiff and unsure
Climbing to my bed
To rest my confused head.
- Jay M
September 6th, 2020
Sep 6, 2020
Sep 6, 2020 at 1:53 PM UTC
I get so scared.
Because I always **** up. Over attached insecurely depressed and you'll leave by the time that you figure this mess.
I get so anxious.
Because you're all so intimidading. With your arms and your hands and the scents of these men and I try to stop fantasising of it but I can't.
I get so weak.
Because I give you my spark. And I loose all my strength to the thought of a man loving me for the things that I no longer am.
I never liked any of you.
I just love doubting myself.
Jun 11, 2014
Jun 11, 2014 at 3:44 PM UTC
You are a slave to that refrigerator
Rummaging its contents for your self-worth
consolation beckoning from its abundant shelves
You're in a relationship with that refrigerator
insecurely quelling yourself with the emptiness of the jarred-full shelves
You break up, you make up
starve-binge, starve-binge
yet absent in every bite and every purge is your self-love and self-worth
spirits do not hush at the flavor of delicacies
and with every neglected rumble, it shrinks more
your soul is broader than endless contents
and starved for complete contentment
not for empty contents
You mean more than the solid handles of that refrigerator
learn your worth.
May 17, 2019
May 17, 2019 at 7:37 PM UTC