I knew it from the beginning
this love is at fault
to look at you – it’s not allowed
and loving you will be a bigger crime

I know
that you will never
look at me
with the same glint
in my eyes
as I look at you

we all know it's a lie
deny me when I say
'I want to let you go'
see through my eyes
heal the tears inside
kiss my lips that lie

I'm gonna give up this fight
you never once laid your hands on.

— I'll surrender the hopes I fight with

on depiction on books of fairytales
stories that were put to me as a child
to be tied on another being
pinkies and a red string— a promise
to spend an eternity together
with a perfect stranger in this world
that still do not put sense into me
to this day, but at some way
it made my heart feel at ease
that somewhere out far there
is looking for their other half as me

Here I am praying that we could meet
Anticipating the moment our eyes will catch one another
Yearning for a glimpse of your beady eyes
And the stares of your eyes oh so melting into mine

I want to thank you for brightening up my day
To let you know that I truly admire and adore you
I want you to know that I love you
Even if you do not know my name

How I wish to meet you dear
So that both our hands can intertwine
As much as my heart wants to veer
It wishes to call you mine

I've always wanted
to write the perfect poem for you
but alas, my hands cannot create
nor my tongue cannot convey
a better way to represent such beauty
Though I ask myself
how can I even begin to surpass
an epitome of imperfect perfection
right in my very eyes
Darling, you're already a poetry
I didn't even need to write at all

— you're my everything

Even if
I look away
my heart seems
to find your way

Even if
Our gaps too far
I know
we could meet somehow

Even if
it's not today
our paths
will cross someday

Even if
my love's not enough
I know I'll love you
more each day

Even more
than yesterday

The sound of your voice
can melt me anytime
When you sing your notes
in my heart you aim

The way your fingers move
as you make your beat
It sounds like the rhythm
that my heart's resounding

I don't know what to do anymore
The white noise in my head
seems to go away
whenever and wherever
You enter my peripheral vision

“Why is it you always write about the night?”/ he asks as he sees her scribbling down her thoughts again late at one in the morning.

She turns to him, unfazed and gives him a smile meant for the sun to shine down on.

“Because I feel there’s more sense into them. The night and us have something in common— something only the two us get.”

He lets her words sink into him, now looking over her shoulder with wonder in his eyes. He touches her ink stained fingers, pulling it close to his chaste lips.

“I do feel it.” He nods wholeheartedly, letting his eyes flutter with the beating of his heart echo in each other’s mind. She do hope he feels hers, too.

This is what she meant. It’s the silence and wishes that surrounds them. It’s the serene feeling, the stillness between them, that’s meant to be under the stars and the moonlight casting over their skins.

She finds comfort in the stars as it reminds her of his bright lit eyes. As he feels safe under the moonlight every night; it’s her softness that draws him the same with the moon in the sky.

The moon and the stars will not bat an eye as they just continue to look after you.

It is the night that hears the most silent and powerful prayers from the heart.

And I do hope at some nights, no matter how far we are, he would be awake as I am not visited by sleep— he would think how somewhere out there, there’s someone wishing to be a moon to another like him. There’s also someone wishing to be closer with the stars.

— ironically, I wrote this at dawn.

how could it be
that someone who doesn't
even know my name
have this much effect in me?

why must be apart?
to truly know that our hearts
chose to draw each other closer

— fate leads us to each other

when can I be sober again?
I want to come back
into my senses again, please

let’s stop drowning for awhile
let’s take a break, heart

Must I stay
to know that
I can’t really
let you go?

— not-so-sober thoughts

It's hard to believe that that didn't even exist in the first place.
It's harder to deceive oneself of the reality that that was it all along.

isn’t it sad
when you can visibly see
the embers of a star
slowly dying?
up in the night sky
from a galaxy far away from me
don’t you ever look up
looking for the signs of me?

my dear, I plead
for an apology
nowhere within your reach
I am sorry
for this light to be fading
for letting it cease from existing

my love, I have always been praying
for our dream
that’s never meant to be
to our stars that never will align
not for once, nor till I ever die

my darling, please I beg
for this light to lose its glimmer
‘it’s already dim though’
is there anything I could do?

my dearest, can you not hear me?
at least hear me out on my pleas
in my last twinkle,
please be reminded
that it’s only the light of my remains
this dream has been dead long ago
‘a dream of the impossible’
my light has been long gone,
before then it can reach you

Luster all you can
Shine until I am blind
You're the gem
I ought to protect
and the treasure
I'll sought to find

You were never mine,
but you made me feel as if I were
in your arms,
my hands fit so right with yours

You were never mine,
but your songs seems like we once were
By the melody, we are deep in love
With your words of parting
of a meeting that never once occurred

You were never mine
But sometimes I wish you were
Always but I keep myself hidden
I knew—
from the risk of falling
It just cannot be—
So I fall back
Even if I knew it was a moment too soon

You were never mine,
I knew from the start.

You were never mine.
My love, you were never mine to keep

But you made me feel
like I was yours
And you were mine

— la douleur exquise

sometimes my dear
I feel sorry for the times I lean
towards such light like you
like a firefly lured, I am blinded
by your shimmering glow

why do I only reach out to you
whenever I feel lonely in his arms?
but then you can provide me the warmth
his hands isn't able to give into mine

how could I even appreciate a sun like you
only when the moon is already at peak at night?

all these times, you've only brought me hope
you made my heart soar miles
it fluttered farther than ever before
you've brought me sunshine beyond compare

my knight, your back stands safety and comfort
your eyes resembles the sharp edges of the stars
but then your smile radiates a thousand suns
you are the sunshine to my beating heart

how many times should I learn
that you are always there for me
you have always been
even if it's clouded in the distance
you're always at bay

If you were beside me
At these instances my dear
would mind filling the space?

If you were across me
with your eyes locked unto mine
Could you melt the tears falling?

If you were here
Would I feel less alone?
Can you not let me feel lonely?

If you were here beside me
At times I feel empty
would you mind filling the space?
of the other side of my bed
of the cold sheets with your warmth
of the gaps of my hands with yours
would you mind filling the space?
of my lips that's longing for your taste
of my soul seeking its fated mate
would you mind filling the space
in my heart
that's been longing
for your angelic face?

I’m losing my mind
You took it with you

— take out this heart as well

Lately, I’ve become a hurricane
Caused by the imbalance of energy and
due to the excessive heat I’ve absorbed
which I couldn’t bear

I cannot control the raging winds I’ve created
That leaves people into the midst of aggravation

I make a mess out of everything
Every being I pass through
Sees the desolation I am holding
And I might further obliterate their paths as well
Sooner or later, they will cave in through the vexations within of me

I just want everyone to leave me be,
Let this walking disaster pass through

Besides, who would want chaos into their life?

at times I wonder,
from an elusive time
and place unreachable
where time no longer exists for me
this one's for the generations after mine
what would they do, as they
come across my poetry
and as they seep into the pages
they will delve into the sadness
of my sweet sorrow letters for thee
will they ever thought the same?
thinking more of our narratives
that should have been—
but was never put into paper
of a love that never came to be
wishing that it became a love story
rather than a story of me
loving thou unrequitedly

the way you look at her
is different from how you see me
I sure miss last summer
when you only have eyes on me

but it was my own fault,
it haunts me every passing day
I'm sorry; I regret
when I left you hanging last May

for once I want to come clean
let me taste being sober
even for just a while

— drunk in you

this must be a writer's curse
to feel everything, to not feeling at all
it is to let the mind pump to its beat
and letting the heart up high to soar

alas, this is where I have put my fate onto
to write and write and write
and let the pen scar the paper’s skin
for it to run its ink to the course
running, and running till the end of time
as long as till my hands bleed ink
it is to miss the things that doesn't exist
or at least in my head, it's there they reside
as it makes the rhythm of my heart reverberate

they are now a part of me, it always have been
it just took long for me to find and master it
bend it, and let it go onto my will
as much as I don't want them to be
it became my limbs, my everything
it is a part of me
the words are flowing down my veins
I am not alive if it wasn't for words
my heart won't ever grow tired
as it's the purpose why I'm living
and no one can take it away from me

Like each star on the night sky,
you're shining like diamonds
You're worth a millions
So beautiful, I could only sigh

I love the smell of wood
the coldness on my skin
as the wind blows

I love the sun shining bright
the vibrant pigments it reflects
on water and on land

I love the skies to vast
with clouds moving freely
so serene and dark at night

Most especially I love you
the sun to my day
the warmth on my land

Your gentle face against the sun
as your hair flow through the wind
No stars can compare to you shine

I love how the nature feels so right
Just like your arms wrapped around mine so tight

describe how my eyes pierce through you,
beyond the windows of your beautiful soul
tell them how my glance
stayed with you for weeks

can maybe for a moment,
your breath hitched
and that static surged
from a brush of fabric?

see the skeleton in my body
and how they shivered
at the sight of you
see the depths of my soul
and how they're raging in fire
see how the trillion cells of my body
react in front of the likes of you
tell them how it left a mark
on your mind for days

I wish the warmth of my presence
linger bit longer than I hope it did

I want you to say in your chaste lips
'she had such a sad smile,
but she would laugh
till her rib cage tremble
beneath her tan skin'
I want to make you pause for a sec
'her laughs are like cries of a raven,
how it oddly resonates
a maiden hiding in plea'
I want it all pierced by your tongue

describe me like the lyrics you write
when you're needing of company
on lazy afternoons, even late at night
times when you write with your soul
and not with your hand on paper
melodies that could carve deep
into people's hearts
recite it like you're missing a place
from a different era in time

let this serve as a favor
all I wish is for once
the remnants of me
pass through your lips
sing a sad love song
dedicated for me

— a poem I wish you'd write for me

pause the doubts
let the stream be drought
there will come a time
it will all fall place in line

shove it down my throat
suffocate me with my words
please do it in my sleep
let me ask you gently

It’s that look in his eyes. How easily he can trap me into his world. It’s so easy for me to be lured with such wild eyes. So mysterious, so captivating, and oh so warm like the earth.

They said that the eyes are the window to someone’s soul. If that’s the case, I’ve been in love with his eyes long before… it’s as if I’ve been drawn to them in a time far from here.

I’m in love with your soul…

Maybe that’s why I’m so scared for you to look away. Because of how much you can look me in the eye can bring me weak in my knees, just like that, you also have the power to stare at me, and shatter me all in one blink.

it is not the matter
of distance or chance
getting close to you
but where my heart
compass to

— it still leads me back to you

on a place far away
I believe our laughs play
by the bay till dawn
it is somewhere days doesn't end
as it traps time in our own little land
there is no song unsung,
no cries tears shed,
only our smiles would replace the sun
just a perfect wonderland
where both our hearts would lead

— too bad no such place exist; like us

at these times when the stars dip low
as the night sky is a shade darker
I feel myself fall deeper into blue
often times I cannot comprehend
how the world can be cruel to its ebb
haven't I sweat enough buckets to fill a lake
to get more to what I can ought to take?
as I hid in the shade at afternoon's peak
when I beamed when the sun rays kissed my skin
even though the rigor and gravity pulling us deep
we made it through
I thought the universe paid me off
with little things to keep me warm
— such little things, I say,
meant so much little more —
as I have hidden far too long in the dark
He had sent me gifts to treasure all through
— but why must you send off things
that also meant the world to me?
I do not have the right to question You this
but can I even make it through?
all along the deepening way of the night
with only a lamp post to guide me through
I cannot help but feel restless
letting these fears and doubts creep in—!
the twisted thoughts have taken over me
same with the fellows who got me through
we expect a night of toss and turns,
as we ready ourselves how this unfolds
how can we even sleep soundly this night?
when the monsters that is visiting us
is what used to be the light who helped us through?