Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
574 · Aug 2023
Draft
stillhuman Aug 2023
A writer's hands
are soiled in ink
and I know it
'cause I've written your name
over and over
and the black covers my skin
while I write of all your love
and all your pain and heartache
stillhuman Dec 2020
An empty crown
Stands on my head

And a young girl
With big dreams
And cocky smile
Looks up at me

yet my crown is cracking
hollow as my mind
as i whisper

"Im sorry I couldn't make it"
The use, or lack thereof, of capital letters is an artistic choice. After all poetry is as sensible and malleable as clay.
566 · Dec 2020
Codependency
stillhuman Dec 2020
My skin has melted
in the shape of your core
and I move
like a shadow
right beside you.
I've felt more like a shadow than anything else.
562 · May 2021
Relief
stillhuman May 2021
It usually starts like this
My heart beats loud and angry
cracking my bones crushing my chest
My breath escapes me
empties my lungs as if i have run
My mind creates a thought
a terrible thought
then exchanges it for another
and another and another
moving too fast making it hard
to follow the line of thought
that causes my lips to bleed
from where my teeth bite them
and to others i look calm
barely pensive
maybe stressing
but my body is still like rock
and hot like fever
it can't catch up with my thoughts
and the voices in my head
i didn't do enough i didn't stop it
i didn't care enough why didn't i drop it
it should be me suffering not you
suffocating in cluttering feelings
and conversation smothering
everything you are

And then
I hear you
and You are fine 
just too busy
to answer my calls
So it falls
My chest from where it was tensing
And I
breath
I could never let you know this feeling, the guilt would eat your heart out
546 · Apr 2021
Perfect me
stillhuman Apr 2021
I see her quite often, you know

She hangs around a small apartment
decorated with little potted plants
and empty coffee mugs
she smiles while taking inside
the clothes left outside to dry
she wears a comfortable jumper
the air around her is warm
and she smells so sweet
her soul is bright but scarred
she's been broken before
but her heart is still capable
of so much love 
So much more human
So much more real
and truer
than this
mess of thoughts
and blood gone bad
in a bunch of rotting meat
with shame stuck to skin
like dirt
Just spitting words that i found looking into space
540 · Feb 2021
Devote myself to you
stillhuman Feb 2021
In your big warm hands
and in the smell of cigarettes
and that cologne you wear
that clings to the nice suits
that seldom touch your skin

I find that here
there is only safety
and the crushing guilt
that has always forced
my head down
and my shoulders to curve
on myself to hide
just how many scars
are visible on my face
-I find it gone,
suppressed,
blinded,
by your light
and your warmth
and I forget
its taste in my words
and its shameful existence
in my core
And I only care to be
embraced and devote myself
to you
Maybe you didn't put the sun in the sky but we could enjoy it together while it lasts
539 · Dec 2020
Promise-keeper
stillhuman Dec 2020
There won't be another day
When I lie and say
That it don't matter to me
That you won't let it be

Crossing your heart
You did your own part
Promising devotion
A new, familiar start

It wasn't the first
Nor the second or third
But it counted as such
In my eyes, to my touch

It felt real, your affection
Your regrets and confession
My bleeding self took blame
Didn't give in to the flame

Guess it wasn't enough
Loving her and having me
Tempetation sure is rough
To tied hands who can't flee

Just meant to be myself
And mean something to you
But guess my body itself
Was more distracting than good

Figured my heart didn't deserve much
But icy nights in desertland
And for my soul to hush
Its complaints to strand

You promised
Tied the knot to my finger and yours
But if we're being honest
Your promises kinda blurred

Guess you weren't the promise-keeper
That you promised you would be
Guess you are a kind cheater
That just won't set me free
502 · May 2021
Pining is my natural state
stillhuman May 2021
I find that I can't
just erase nor scratch off
all my feelings
for You
You're engraved in my head
495 · Dec 2021
Squalor
stillhuman Dec 2021
My brain is soaked
in lukewarm squalor
stagnant it stays
the same darkened
soiled rotten pictures
and I wade
through murky water
of memories
and I
feel at home
Yet I survive in this state of mind
471 · May 2021
Prayer to the higher self
stillhuman May 2021
Thirty days and thirty nights
i spent in agony
panicking
suffocating
this pain isn't unfamiliar
with its sharpness
and nauseating consistency
i pray in fear to my higher self
to be stronger this time
but my hands are shaking
and i receive no answers
No one else gives you courage
gives you strength
like you can do
No one else can give you change
to make it easier for you
Only you
Only me
Take a step forward
457 · Dec 2020
Again, I feel
stillhuman Dec 2020
So I stranded
on the island of the lost
Someone "here your heart be mended
if you stay and pay the cost"

Salty and black tears
in open sea they flow for years
Decades lost trying to forget,
memories themselves hard to get

The isle is warm
but beings stay torn
For it is a mere rite of turn
barely enough time to learn
Barely enough time to grow
456 · Dec 2020
Conversation
stillhuman Dec 2020
My eyes are fixed on you
while you give a little
of yourself away
to me
in small fragments of memory
and I'm captivated
by your voice recalling
simple moments, harsher stories,
funnier realities
and all at once
the air feels clean
and bright and fresh
like a breath of spring
in the December cold
that sparks
with our connection.
I can't help it, it feels like spring when I'm with you
454 · Apr 2021
Soft
stillhuman Apr 2021
I miss you
looking so soft
with your oversized jacket
and your glasses
almost falling off your nose
your hair covering half your face
and your hands hidden in big pockets
and you smiling
because of something funny I did
while your eyes keep that sleepy look
and this memory of you
feels just as soft
Does anyone know how to hug a memory?
442 · Mar 2021
Decision-making is an art
stillhuman Mar 2021
No paths are bound
no roads are taken
the future's only
what we make it
You don't have to follow someone else's path. It's your life, not theirs. Make your life an art.
354 · Jul 2023
Ode to unfulfilled love
stillhuman Jul 2023
There's this empty void
when I look to you

It's all those things I don't know
about you

All the times you got your heart broken
and the ones you spinned that too.

I remember your laughter
when it was real and it was not
and your eyes after disaster
when they would be downcast
and filled with plaster.

So hard to reach you at times,
it made it all the worse
when all I wanted was for you to look
and see me whole.

There's not enough words
to explain what we would receive
if I could be honest with you
and you with me.

Either way,
I wish you only the best
while I have you
in my dreams.
Only so much i can say to you like this
352 · May 2021
Making me better
stillhuman May 2021
i don't quite understand
if i miss who you are
or who i am when i'm with you
I don't understand how you can eradicate all fear from my being when we're together
309 · Dec 2020
How to stop loving you
stillhuman Dec 2020
How to stop
My thoughts from running
To you
From painting
Phantom pictures
Of soft touches
Warm words
Festive times
Spent together
In each other's arms
Where only happiness
Can be found
And the safety
You provide
When everything feels scary
And I feel wary
Of every choice I make
You feel right
How to stop
My hands from shaking
My blood from boiling
My thoughts from wandering
To your face, your smile, your embrace
To your scarred hands
Caressing me
As I tremble
How to stop
My mind from pretending
You didn't take your knife
Of self-centered crap
Of idealization of my body
As if I'm nothing else
Than my body
My *******
My ***
And stop myself from forgetting
How the wheels always turn
And come back to the same
Unique
Mistake
How to stop justifying
Your actions
As to not
Lose you
While I
Lose myself
How do people fall out of love?
303 · Jan 2021
Damage control
stillhuman Jan 2021
It burns
My chest
My eyes
My face
With shame

The tears
Were meant to heal
But instead they broke,
Caused me to choke

It was meant to be fine
Shouldn'tve dismissed the signs
Signs of you not being mine
And having me in your mind

Doesn't matter each way
Dismissed my feelings in the ashtray
Put them all where
They won't see another day

I miss companiable hugs
Instead of mental drugs

I don't need no rush
No guilt or shame
For loving who you are
And hating you the same
It kind of feels like eternity when I'm with you
293 · Dec 2020
Poetry
stillhuman Dec 2020
Our knees were touching
And my hand was shaking
Eager to hold yours

Your voice was too
Reading that piece of poetry
Making me chuckle

I can't wait to miss these days.
So warm, the feeling of you
290 · Jan 2021
Waiting for tomorrow
stillhuman Jan 2021
Today I hate you.
My blood boils thinking
of all the times you burnt me
with your words
your indifference
your disrespect
My hands get cold
with nervousness waiting
for a fight to break out
My eyes water
with shame
Because I remember
how you don't take responsability
how you put the blame on me
how we have always argued
how you demean my worth and feelings
how you shaped my reactions
my instincts
my image
to something I never wanted to be.
So, today I hate you.
Today I can't bring myself to forget.
We have nothing left to do
but wait for tomorrow.
I guess love is more complicated than just "yes" or "no".
267 · Jan 2021
En plein air
stillhuman Jan 2021
I love life
in all its uglyness
and all its beauty
I love people
so complex
and imperfect
and true
I love the world
with all that it has to offer
all that we've created
And Nature
for always being there
for feeling like home
I love
And love
And love
And one day I'm sure
I'll even love myself
It's just a feeling I can't explain. That one that takes your breath away for a second and you're smiling so much but your eyes want to cry because you're just so happy you get to be alive
264 · Dec 2020
Humans are beautiful
stillhuman Dec 2020
To care for each other
Their eyes somber with pain
But their smiles warm
Reassuring
Peaceful
Sweet
Familiar
Their heads full of contradictions
But hearts beating, steady
Strong
Alive
Persistent
Their mouth bittered by heavy words
But emotions so soft
So pure
So pretty
Humans are complex
Humans are much more than words can say
They are beautiful
I'm in love with humanity
208 · Feb 2021
Please be okay
stillhuman Feb 2021
Love hurts
And that's an understatement
Cause it hurts when i worry
It hurts when i care
When i can't see you smile

I can't see you smile

I haven't in a while
It hurts to not see you smile
201 · Dec 2020
Easy to say, easy to forget
stillhuman Dec 2020
One night
I called you in distress
My hands were not mine
Nor the thoughts nor the mind
My breath was missing
And my room had distorted
And my only comfort
was you
Your voice kept me grounded
And I had to open my mind

And then you said
"I like you more
Than I think I should "
Ignoring my heart
Beating out my chest
You continued to say
"A break is in order
For me and my lover"
And I forbid it
But it stayed in my head
To idea of it all
The idea of you leaving her
for me

But then you forgot
Every word you said
As if it was light
And easy to say
And to forget
But I couldn't do the same

So I'll try something new
But similar to you
I'll tell how I love you
And then move on

I'll make your name
Easy to say
Easy to forget
Words you say like they are nothing more than that
71 · Dec 2020
Feet planted, hope lost
stillhuman Dec 2020
We'll waste it all
For an automatic bomb
We'll forsake it all
For a cold human's wish
We will lose
For standing still
57 · Dec 2020
The Traveller
stillhuman Dec 2020
As traveller I find
the ******* called time
only provides a blurry mime
of moments rich as wine.

I visited the dark corners
and opened ****** doors
where only lost ones you could find
bleeding out on broken floors.

But then again I've seen the warmth
on my skin like a healing balm
made of kisses by the sun,
closing wounds and glowing hearts.

There ain't no road with just one end
for where you came from
from exit to entrance it can bend.

— The End —