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Jul 25 · 251
Middle Summer
stillhuman Jul 25
Crimson clouds cloud my vision
I see red all over
My reflection's blurry in the mirror
and its eyes look for cover
They're ashamed of what they see
as I dream of redemption
of wrongs rectified and apologies made
of certainty in my being
but spiders keep on crawling
in the shadows they build webs
of guilt and of me, missing you
while the sun is out
and the flowers sing with their colours
It is bright
so bright it hurts my dark eyes
they're not used to this light
of your hand touching petals
in a  different kind of summer
Apr 25 · 760
Natura Morta
stillhuman Apr 25
It's poisonous claws
scratching up from the inside
of my chest, they open
a path of lurid squalor
festering the internal wounds
with rotting meat
that spreads from within
to the skin that crawls
and dies, cell by cell
into the empty stale air
surrounding our conversation

The words float
from one breath to another
without ever really landing
to a precise spot
of connection
They just mimic meanings
and thoughtfulness
when they are void of any feelings

There is no spark of life
no life itself
denied to us
by the putrid scent
we ignore the existence of
No knowledge of pain
or reality
just a dull sense
of immortality
as we still
like the dust suspended
motion our lips without sense
nor sense of self
Corroding second by second
by second 'til we
become dust ourselves
"Natura Morta" is the artistic genre of painting still life
It resembles us so much at times
Mar 29 · 653
stillhuman Mar 29
A search of Justice
in righteous anger
in the simple existence
of the unbecoming

Death strips us of
our quirks
our thoughts
our selves
Even as we breathe
still, undead

It was polite
unbearably so
to give and take
your breathe from you

It turned
body into corpse
grief from perseverance
stillness from movement
Memory from reality

I still hear you
but you're fading
Though your essence
will stay intact
No more body
nor memory
It still lives
in us
Your memory tastes bitter, which I never wanted
I wanted it to stay warm
Feb 24 · 718
Bloom of Freedom
stillhuman Feb 24
Spiders are crawling
on every flower
and they have feet
caked in gun powder
They invade the blooms
of roses in the winter
The world is shadowed in doom
and my fingers bleed with splinters
from the homes of freedom
crashing down to rot
but this is the hope of a people
that grow like moss
on fallen trees
they stand like those flowers
and march like bees
They are the bloom of freedom
in the dark ages of evil
These are my thoughts on the Ukrainian situation. I stand with you and applaud your strenght and resilience. Let's not forget the reason diplomacy and democracy exist.
Jan 31 · 1.2k
stillhuman Jan 31
I wish I were a god
so that i could let you drink
the milky way
and swim through galaxies
and sleep on stars
and ride on comets
to visit all planets
and marvel at all the wonders
i created for You
"There's a pain, it does ripple through my frame, makes me lame"
Jan 17 · 1.5k
Season Smoke
stillhuman Jan 17
Remember that summer
when it was dry and heavy
but in the evening
the breeze would gently
sway the smoke
of your cigarette in my hand
when you were trying
to teach me how not to choke

And I remember coughing
and laughing it off with you,
how smoke had always
been around me
but my lungs were funny
'bout this direct approach

And we talked 'bout everything
from heartbreak, to lovers, to family
And I truly felt wonder
at the simplicity of those moments
and how much they meant to me

So much I look back to them now
when it's winter and I'm alone
missing your warmth, your voice
and itching for a smoke
everything matters
Dec 2021 · 297
stillhuman Dec 2021
My brain is soaked
in lukewarm squalor
stagnant it stays
the same darkened
soiled rotten pictures
and I wade
through murky water
of memories
and I
feel at home
Yet I survive in this state of mind
Dec 2021 · 974
Stuck in the forest
stillhuman Dec 2021
Stumble after stumble after stumble
I have stumbled
through the roots of this forest
there's no light
passing through branches
just the sound of life
right outside it
And I try to reach
outstretch my hands
but my fingers get scalded
as I point them in the wrong direction
But all paths look the same
in the forest
as frantic I try to find
my way out
When they said "it's time to experiment", I should have assumed that meant "trial and error"
Oct 2021 · 1.1k
Three-years long
stillhuman Oct 2021
Carpe diem my ***
you don't catch the moment
you don't capture life
you just take what you please
and then leave me with ease
you just do as you say
nothing really matters
not tomorrow and not today
you wash your hands
***** them up
and dry 'em on my spine
then you raise your belt
your stomach full
your brain dead
all around people are stopping glass from breaking
but your gaze is lost into the future
a future where I don't exist
and my figure is but a vague image
lost in the mass grave of shadows
you've met and forgotten
while I took on more
And more
And more scars on my back
from carrying all of your weight
but you don't see
You are at peace
no better place for you
than someone else taking the fall
I have never been capable of being angry at you and I never thought I would. But you've taught me to expect the unexpected.
Oct 2021 · 1.3k
Dream in the dark
stillhuman Oct 2021
Everything was dark
in our house
but our home was safe and sound
and we were laughing
like Gods had nothing on us
and life was fulfilling for us
and the night would go on
for hours on end
without us felling tired
and our wishes had been granted
Sep 2021 · 732
stillhuman Sep 2021
I drink it all
like a thirsty creature
from the scarred hands
of my God
Tell me all your stories
I drink them all up
Sep 2021 · 688
stillhuman Sep 2021
I lay
as the colours of the world
spin around
This state of mind is poison that you ingest on your own
Aug 2021 · 1.8k
Status: Strangers
stillhuman Aug 2021
You tell me
you're strong
And I can see it
in your eyes
The way your stories lay
right behind
It's much easier
to trust a stranger
than your own kind
and tell them everything
that's been on your mind
Status : strangers
Relationship : high
Relationship: high
Humans truly are a wonder, this is inspired by a real conversation I had with a stranger today. I loved listening to them, they had so much to say, it got emotional
And we parted with smiles on our faces and felt connected
Beautiful, isn't it?
Aug 2021 · 400
stillhuman Aug 2021
I lose my smell
when I try to fit my words
in a conversation
and I try to fit myself
in someone's life
and my body
in someone's space
I find that I lose my reflection
It looks back at me
blurry eyes are dull
and unresponsive
A vanishing phantom of those I tried to be
stillhuman Aug 2021
Not unlike lights turning off abruptly
the rumble of the earth underneath
the waves of the sea rushing
unfamiliar faces passing
dark grey clouds gathering
blood tinting the river
and a lifeless corpse falling

Dread clutches my throat
and drags me into the abyss
It shouts in the emptiness of a lonely broken-down greek theatre
stillhuman Aug 2021
My shadow is kind
blurry at times
and darker some nights
But she hums so sweet
and one time she said this

"Make a wish
on that shining star
It is pacing the sky
passing the time
endeared by your kind"

And I did try
for my cry to reach that high
of what I couldn't wish for
in one starless night

I looked up to the star bright
admired it shine with my eyes
open wide as I smiled
and I wished for that childish delight
to never leave my side
as it didn't that night
So that I could still fight
when the scorching sun would be high
and the feathers of my wings
would feel light
Make a wish on that shining star
Make it true, make it shine
Jul 2021 · 311
stillhuman Jul 2021
How do we clash
so harsh
and yet sparse
but it lasts
anger blush
as we laugh
I guess love has its price
stillhuman Jul 2021
I see my feet tracing back
my previous steps
And I can hear my throat
choking on itself
My insides are in shamble
and I feel them all, my organs
as they tremble
and I don't understand this feeling
Just that I miss you
and that might be the meaning
I've never felt more uncomfortable with the idea of bothering you
stillhuman Jul 2021
I dreamt of you
letting go
and because
that had never happened before
I woke up
I've kept you in my hands for so long I had no other space to grasp new things.
I let you go now in the box of my memories
Jul 2021 · 742
Human kindness
stillhuman Jul 2021
I knew already
what has again been proven
that people are kind
and human kindness is moving

After all the hurt and trials

they reach out
with velvet hands
to carress a small dog
their voices hightened
to make it wag its tail

they smile back brightly
the child in each of them
still thriving
as they look out to the world
in curiosity and wonder

they open up their hearts
so easily so willingly
as if family means much more
than what it says on the tin

and flustered
they take compliments
and share their wisdom
with eyes and minds full of story

Such small things
really make you wonder
how we could create war
when there's beauty in our core
Guess the city taught me more than the smallness of my existence, huh?
Jul 2021 · 534
Life lessons in the city
stillhuman Jul 2021
It's taking all of me
to not spiral
out of control
into madness

The world's capacity is full
and i'm a grain of sand
Why is it so menacing to just exist?
Jun 2021 · 946
Can't thank you enough
stillhuman Jun 2021
My most persistent insicurities
the ugliest ones
always begging for attention
they become cherished parts
of me
through your eyes I saw their beauty
and I can't thank you enough
Of all that you gifted me with your presence, this is still the one that gets me the most
Jun 2021 · 2.5k
4 a.m. window
stillhuman Jun 2021
I look at city lights
in the distance
They flicker
but quickly come back
and I feel that someone
somewhere understands
while the night air
awakens my warm skin
It gives us hope
new life
I could be catching up on sleep, but the world sometimes needs to be admired
Jun 2021 · 843
Mirrored eyes
stillhuman Jun 2021
I get you
we're one
I feel your essence
and you feel mine
and my loneliness
in crowded spaces
with eyes pretending
to understand my thinking
and my pain
and my mending
You get me
get my anger
and my shame
and my torment
and how everything hurts
my skin tense
like needles are stuck in it
and tearing it apart
and i think i exaggerate
and i make up things in my mind
to try and survive
all the horrible darkness
the average human knows
but you tell me
that it's fine
it is mine
I'll survive
day by day
step by step
and that this pain is real
though it can't be seen
and i tell myself that i fake it
but it causes me to cry
at random times at night
when all else is still
but all is blurry inside
and i get a sense of clarity
when i'm hurting
cause i'm trying
to make sense of my reality
and you get me
and it's alright
and we promise each other
we'll be fine
It really ***** when the pain you feel inside your head affects your body but the people you love still can't see it
They are doing their best
Jun 2021 · 1.4k
stillhuman Jun 2021
I'm a bit delusional
but i guess we all are

like how we shut the door
to stop thinking of death and the end

just to pretend for one more second
we can outlive it.
Yep, I'm in that mood
May 2021 · 801
Stranger in the night
stillhuman May 2021
Stranger in the night
come on, i will bite
now, what is on your mind
as our destinies intertwined
caused us both
to need someone to confide
the worst thought on our minds

At almost 2 a.m time
we both need to remind
ourselves of the imperfection
of humankind
and I really wouldn't mind
a hand to be kind
and a shared glass of wine
to blurt out
all those slimy thoughts
that won't leave

And for less than that
I would listen and chat
acceting your words spat
out to relieve the constant combat
going on in your head

So, drink up with
you stranger in the night
and if the wine doesn't help
I think talking just might
I feel some sort of companionship when I find someone awake at 2 am
May 2021 · 551
Darkness like yours
stillhuman May 2021
I have never seen darkness
like yours
So palpable
Terrorizing me
hauling my choice
to ever forgive it

It felt like a knife
inches away
breathing on my neck
cold like the dead
that never said goodbye

I had to fight it
stand rightous to its madness
keep it contained
like blood spilling
from my hands cupped
trying so hard
to just
save it

And I won
or i thought i did
but the darkness remained
still kept me hostage
behind your back
you didn't notice
you didn't see it
the bruise from impact
the apathy covering
hiding sheltering
the obnoxious selfish heaving
of my trapped naked self
enveloped by darkness
The one that almost took your life
The one that ruined our night
that still holds me tight
as i try to survive
and it was never your fault, it never was
May 2021 · 357
Pining is my natural state
stillhuman May 2021
I find that I can't
just erase nor scratch off
all my feelings
for You
You're engraved in my head
May 2021 · 1.0k
Goddess of my past
stillhuman May 2021
Perfect creature
shining sky eyes
of fulfilling life a teacher
of the sweetest smiles
that taste like cherry

Forever held in that moment
like a Goddess
with my feelings growing
even more for every promise

and your arms closed around me
as you teach me how to dance
and for your beauty has no end
i bow down to your every glance

sand flows down from your head
in curls and sways that pool on your bed
where we laid in friendship as we promised 'cause my heart was on fire but you didn't notice

your smooth ivory fingers
would comb through my hair
and your touch still lingers
but to reciprocate i didn't dare

I was fine with just your eyes
though I shied from them all the time,
your love afterall couldn't possibly be mine
all my time wasn't worth a dime

And I miss your warmth and tears
I miss your smile and your fears
And now I think if we'de been here
we would have stayed a hundred years
Is it pride month yet?
May 2021 · 290
Making me better
stillhuman May 2021
i don't quite understand
if i miss who you are
or who i am when i'm with you
I don't understand how you can eradicate all fear from my being when we're together
May 2021 · 379
Prayer to the higher self
stillhuman May 2021
Thirty days and thirty nights
i spent in agony
this pain isn't unfamiliar
with its sharpness
and nauseating consistency
i pray in fear to my higher self
to be stronger this time
but my hands are shaking
and i receive no answers
No one else gives you courage
gives you strength
like you can do
No one else can give you change
to make it easier for you
Only you
Only me
Take a step forward
May 2021 · 566
Old man on the shore
stillhuman May 2021
Dragons, witches, monarchs' sons
all of them forcing me to run
never allowing acceptance nor grief
no people involved, only politics

With things like this I must say
all that I had was yours to take
and my life too I would gift you
if only death had not coloured you blue

Early as the sun when it shines first
a beam of light from your smile could burst
and the warmth of it would haunt me for days
as did your words when you begged me, "stay"

And I would hold you tight
through day and night
if only it might
lock us still forever in time

But, golden hair shines no more
and blue eyes are known through ancient lore,
but as the old man who walks the shore
your presence is still intact in my core
Need I say more?
May 2021 · 441
stillhuman May 2021
It usually starts like this
My heart beats loud and angry
cracking my bones crushing my chest
My breath escapes me
empties my lungs as if i have run
My mind creates a thought
a terrible thought
then exchanges it for another
and another and another
moving too fast making it hard
to follow the line of thought
that causes my lips to bleed
from where my teeth bite them
and to others i look calm
barely pensive
maybe stressing
but my body is still like rock
and hot like fever
it can't catch up with my thoughts
and the voices in my head
i didn't do enough i didn't stop it
i didn't care enough why didn't i drop it
it should be me suffering not you
suffocating in cluttering feelings
and conversation smothering
everything you are

And then
I hear you
and You are fineĀ 
just too busy
to answer my calls
So it falls
My chest from where it was tensing
And I
I could never let you know this feeling, the guilt would eat your heart out
stillhuman Apr 2021
Your scarf still smelled like you
So I wrapped it around my neck
for the rest of the night
and let myself imagine it was you
Longing has been my best friend for years
Apr 2021 · 454
Perfect me
stillhuman Apr 2021
I see her quite often, you know

She hangs around a small apartment
decorated with little potted plants
and empty coffee mugs
she smiles while taking inside
the clothes left outside to dry
she wears a comfortable jumper
the air around her is warm
and she smells so sweet
her soul is bright but scarred
she's been broken before
but her heart is still capable
of so much loveĀ 
So much more human
So much more real
and truer
than this
mess of thoughts
and blood gone bad
in a bunch of rotting meat
with shame stuck to skin
like dirt
Just spitting words that i found looking into space
Apr 2021 · 809
Not now
stillhuman Apr 2021

I finally get up, i leave you behind
Now i'm free


I cry of joy as mom holds me in her arms
Now i feel


I paint 'til i can't feel my hands anymore and my cheeks hurt
a sweet ache caused by my smile
Now i create


I look in the mirror
I don't see a stranger
Now i am

But not really
I'm not
Not now
Practice makes progress, i guess
Apr 2021 · 363
stillhuman Apr 2021
I miss you
looking so soft
with your oversized jacket
and your glasses
almost falling off your nose
your hair covering half your face
and your hands hidden in big pockets
and you smiling
because of something funny I did
while your eyes keep that sleepy look
and this memory of you
feels just as soft
Does anyone know how to hug a memory?
Apr 2021 · 875
From Artist to Muse
stillhuman Apr 2021
An artist in name fact and form
I keep on creating a reality that's torn
from the Truth and its Lies
that forced me still to stay blind
with no passion nor time
to mind the withering eyes
in my portraits
But artist I stay
even when my brushes lay
on a white cold place
and my muse has died
through the shapes that she tried
to take on and survive
so she walked out the door
and the colours are no more
with my hands painting still
the lonely emptiness of my core
Apr 2021 · 1.2k
stillhuman Apr 2021
Of all the anger
and hurt and pain
I am left with
Nothing but a mere memory
Nothing but two bare bodies
lost deep in understanding
each other's pieces
and muffled laughter and
glee kept hidden
as to not overthink
each carress
and fond eyes looking back
and trembling hands
touching so soft
barely there
All I remember is your tenderness
Apr 2021 · 913
Keep you
stillhuman Apr 2021
When I saw
the look on your face
talking about the past
the hurt, the last humiliation
your anger and disgust
suppressed by layers
of years and self-aggretion
I felt it in me
the absolute, disconcerting need
to keep you
in my arms
to keep you
to keep you
warm and kind
Because I can't stop picturing
the look on your face
when I keep you
I hope you saw mine too
Mar 2021 · 625
Change means light
stillhuman Mar 2021
I always saw change
holding hands with pain
I thought it was scary
and crushing
and hurtful

I thought to myself
"then just let me be
let me cuddle my demons in the darkness
let them take a hold
let them make my choices
let them keep me
in their hands
ready to disappear
no trace left behind"

Let me be abused by darkness
Let it change my thoughts
to keep me chained
to the same ones
that say I'm not good enough
and it would be easier
to just force myself awake
by bleeding out
or falling off
or shutting down

But change doesn't
mean pain in itself
It means rebirth
It means experience
It means growth
It means becoming
who you actually already are
without painful thoughts
like phantoms haunting
your days and mind
and ways of acting
and not taking care of your own self

It means learning
the value of the life
you hold in your hands
and the potential
you hold in yourself

Change doesn't mean pain
Change means light
Inspired by my latest meditation mantra.
Mar 2021 · 952
stillhuman Mar 2021
I got mad at you
for not remembering my birthday
though your head was full of thoughts
of bills and bitter family issues
and I knew

Half-way through
I realised I wasn't angry
and I stopped talking
because I wasn't mad at you
I was mad at myself
Jealousy was tearing my mind to pieces
and was yelling at me "He never forgets her"
"Guess you aren't that important"
"Finally, you notice how little time
you spend on his mind"
And I got silent
even though I knew
you would worry that I was mad
and i knew

Today you brought me pastries
and made me blow out candles
made me feel loved
not so much alone
But then again
I knew
how you care
how you love
how you're there
even when you aren't

And I knew then
and I know now
that I am happy
just being your friend
'Cause I've never loved someone as much as I love you
Mar 2021 · 451
stillhuman Mar 2021
When I feel lost in this world
full of potential
and twists and turns
When I feel I have no place
in structured conversations
and I barely recognize my face
When I have no friends nor foes
or at least I can't see them anymore
my aunt, my cousin, my dad propose
that art is always open
that poetry will always listen
and my history is my token
I am the culmination
of my family's art
So I will work
and tear myself apart
with verses and rhymes
and paintings and designs
'Cause our history has no end
so long as on my shoulders it dipends
Happy International Poetry Day!
This is to remind myself of my family's history with art. My dad writes poetry and used to paint, my aunt created beautiful art and my cousin is a pretty well-known painter. It truly runs in my family and I'm the last artist so far. I hope to make good use of their wisdom and love
Mar 2021 · 912
stillhuman Mar 2021
There is something in the air
no more ice nor vampire lairs
The sun rules over night
and brings forth all things bright
And the flowers greet him with glee
all shining and rising among the ****
As the maiden smiles to her tummy
her child smiles back in the shape of a bunny
It's the breath of spring,
balance and growth with it brings
So let us blossom my dear
make our intention and power clear
Merry Ostara to all who celebrate. To those who don't, I wish you to blossom this spring
Mar 2021 · 348
Decision-making is an art
stillhuman Mar 2021
No paths are bound
no roads are taken
the future's only
what we make it
You don't have to follow someone else's path. It's your life, not theirs. Make your life an art.
Mar 2021 · 542
stillhuman Mar 2021
Through yellowing pages
I've travelled many places
And tasted pastries from that baker
And held a man when he was crying
And seen the sun when it was raining
And fell in love when I was hurting

To trees now gone to create
a contrast strong in black and white
I feel thankful for creating life
Who knew paper could be so magical?
Mar 2021 · 1.7k
stillhuman Mar 2021
I saw you in a dream
unexpected but nonchalant
as you always are,
your skin touched mine
and sunlight covered us both.
It felt like summer,
like time had stopped
and never progressed
to the moment you let go
of whatever was left of love
and affection and reverence.
I awake to chilly night air,
no sun nor arms to warm me
I check my phone, it's two a.m.
It's cold.
How is it that even now you still haunt my dreams?
Mar 2021 · 878
Chat with my demons
stillhuman Mar 2021
"Can you hear that sound?
Do you see those tears?
Can you feel their pain?
Do you know for real?
Are you actually prepared?
Can you do anything?
Will you let it fall down?
Will you make it easier for me?"

I will
Mar 2021 · 923
If you need me
stillhuman Mar 2021
That's why I'm here
I'm here for you
to hide in fantasies
in your living room
We don't live in a perfect world, but I'll still be by your side when you come back to it
Feb 2021 · 191
Please be okay
stillhuman Feb 2021
Love hurts
And that's an understatement
Cause it hurts when i worry
It hurts when i care
When i can't see you smile

I can't see you smile

I haven't in a while
It hurts to not see you smile
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