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Jul 4 · 22
I Thought You Died
Kelsey Jul 4
I thought you died
Disappearing like a ship in the night
No trace of you
Just a note saying goodbye
Then you appeared
Like some kind of magic trick
And everything was okay
You said you just went away for a little while
And I was angry
And sad
And elated that you returned to me
That you didn't end your life in the company of no one
That we could rebuild and restart
And you embrace me and tell me that you're sorry
And I tell you it's okay, I just thought you died
So we leave it behind us and move forward together
Both alive.

Then I woke up.
Mar 26 · 585
Words
Kelsey Mar 26
Language is so beautiful
So strong
The most powerful thing a person has
Is their words
The ones they speak
The way they say them
When they say them
The ones they keep hidden
Words have the power to change minds
They have the finesse to draw out emotions
They have the ability to flip the world upside down
Or right side up
Words are like candy
They can be sweet
Or sour
They are like the sky
Stormy
Or clear
Words can eat you up from the inside
Or destroy you from the outside
There is nothing more simple yet potent that exists
Words rule the world
So choose yours carefully
Jan 15 · 56
Who Are You?
Kelsey Jan 15
Like a sandcastle built
With the ash from a flame
You're a monster inside
Masking all of your pain

Yes, you do.
It's not you.

Like the void of the world
You can't run, you can't hide
Then you promised to change
Now you're on a back slide

So, whats new?
Who are you?
Jan 9 · 634
Life's Achievements
Kelsey Jan 9
Every day and night

I fight for my life.

So every morning,

I can be proud

That I succeeded at something.
Dec 2023 · 1.3k
Ignorance is Pain
Kelsey Dec 2023
I feel like I'm grasping at straws that arent there.

Like I'm putting myself in the oven and wondering why its so hot.

Like I'm tuning out the real questions because I think I have it all figured out.

As if the meaning of life is too easy to understand, so I bury it just to find it again.

I am overflowing.

And it's all my fault.
Dec 2023 · 590
The Night Time Sunflower
Kelsey Dec 2023
When I was a girl, my mother used to tell me I had shooting stars running through my veins.

That any jolt in my chest or pain down my body was just a star carrying a large, important wish.

It didnt make sense to me, though.

How could a wish be painful?

But I trusted her.

She was my mother after all.

When I was afraid of the dark and looked for comfort,
She would say that I was an eternal light
and that the dark feared me more than I could ever fear it.

And whenever I would ask for something other than health and happiness,
She would instruct me to go outside and look at the night sky.

The vast sea of blackness that held my future, everyone I would ever love, and prosperity in turn for faithful actions.

I was abundant enough, she would say.

Those nights were similar to the one I will have tonight.

I can feel it.
Possibly the beginning of a new novel of mine.
Oct 2023 · 855
Who Am I
Kelsey Oct 2023
Im deep in the throws of finding myself
Caught in the undertow
Tumbling under the surface
After a wave pushes me down
I cant see what direction is up
And what is down
Theres pressure from all sides
Pushing and pulling
Like children in masks
Waiting for you to choose them
Who am I without a clear path?
Who was I born to be?
Does it even matter?
Thoughts jumble and
Twist into knots
Its impossible to untangle
The truth
But they say the truth will set you free
Am I forever to be
A prisoner of my own indecision?
Of my own lack of insight
Into who i am?
Because it is scary,
Getting lost in the current,
And when I can finally come up for air
I hope it tastes sweeter
Than I remember
Aug 2023 · 300
Before We Die
Kelsey Aug 2023
Before we die...
I want to know
That each moment meant something.
That our days weren't spent
Worrying about how clean the house was
Or how much money we needed
To buy a home, nice car or fancy clothes.
I want to know
That each day we gave it our all
Not to our jobs or reputations...
But to learning and laughing
With one another.
To experience a joy
That only exists when we do life together.
I want to know
That every second
We spent together
We experienced the true meaning of life..
And knew it.
For every blink, smile and breath,
We lived our lives truly, authentically
And the way it's always meant to be lived
With love.
A love that transcends the physical world
And follows us through infinite lifetimes.
Because life can't be lived without love.
And love is not love
Without you.
Jun 2023 · 980
F*ck A Timeline
Kelsey Jun 2023
I was given a timeline
An unspoken timeline
A "if you dont do this, then..."
Timeline

You said I'm probably
Fine
That it doesnt make sense,
Im only 29

Now I cant help but think
Its a sign, its a sign
Just make the right choices
And the best will align

So whenever I wake up
With the sun and its shine
I know I can do it
Because its not my time
Mar 2023 · 946
Who I Am
Kelsey Mar 2023
Im not made of diamond or marble or gold
Im fixed together by cracks and bumps and mold
I collapse like a house of cards
Fall like dominoes in the shapes of stars
Im as quiet as a drop of rain
Elephant in the room
White blouse with a ketchup stain
My mind is immersive
Projecting shadows on walls
Singing lies to misinterpret
We're sewn together with purpose
Of which is lost amongst the stars
So search the night sky
To discover who you are
Jan 2023 · 702
A Motivation for This Year
Kelsey Jan 2023
This year
Im going to get angry
To the point of
Silence.

This year
Im going to
Punish
My mind
My body
To get the results.

This year
Will be when
I
Give myself the opportunities
I deserve.

This year
I am going to
Disappear.

Because
This year
Is THE year.

The year
Where I.
Am.
The.
Best.
Jan 2023 · 1.1k
Creation
Kelsey Jan 2023
My mind was made of moonlight and fresh strawberries
Of a sunset kissing the perfect G chord
The interweavings of dreams and earth
A push and pull kind of mentality
Suspended in air
Until the last breath falls
My words are glass,
Sleek and breakable but
Strong against the wind
I dont forget a face
Or a mental illness
My songs are a life of their own
My stories, a world incongruous with reality
I've been sewn together with slivers of ocean foam
I've been given eyes of the first winter breeze
I am incomplete
I hold the world in a box buried in my chest
Beating away
Away
Away
Dec 2022 · 2.9k
Questions
Kelsey Dec 2022
I was thinking yesterday
About how to end my life
About what I could do
To make it less painful
For my loved ones.

Do I find my husband another woman?
Do I make sure my mom has friends to lean on?
Do I get another puppy that my dog can play with as a distraction?

Should I write eveyone a detailed note?
Should I move far away?
Should I pretend I'm fine until the end?

What did my dad do?

Did he have an outline of his plans?
Did he polish up his bank account?
Did he tidy up his room?
Was his note written in advance?
Was he off his medication?
Was his mind always made up?

I was thinking about ending my life
But I dont think
I was prepared to leave.
It'll be okay.
Nov 2022 · 862
Sorry for You
Kelsey Nov 2022
Feel bad
For those that treated you poorly
And will never experience
Your light again.
They missed out
On something truly
Spectacular.
Nov 2022 · 114
Conflicted
Kelsey Nov 2022
I know that I can do anything.

So why don't I?
Oct 2022 · 269
Living Metaphors
Kelsey Oct 2022
Sometimes life is like...

The light switch doesn't work
The car won't start
The door can't open
The room is too hot

The ground is so sticky
The air is blade-thin
The day is too bright
The night is full of sin
Sep 2022 · 418
Be Unapologetic
Kelsey Sep 2022
Dont give up
On the real you
Just because
Others thought
You were
Someone else
.
Jul 2022 · 291
Confidence
Kelsey Jul 2022
Confidence,
Like the moon,
Waxes and wanes.
Jul 2022 · 91
Pess(Opt)imism
Kelsey Jul 2022
Pess(opt)imism
Is the hard brake of your car
After realizing you have a stop sign.
Watching the familiar pedestrian walk across the street in horror.
You could have killed them
If you didnt stop.
You didnt notice them.
Your mind was driving you with negative thoughts.
Snap out of it!
The person staring at the front of the car in fear
Is you.
Your thoughts almost killed you.
But that one good one
Saved your life.
Imagine what could happen,
If you just paid attention to the signs.
Jul 2022 · 639
Truth in Happiness
Kelsey Jul 2022
Seek accomplishment in love

And you will never fail again
Jun 2022 · 1.5k
We Were Written To Live
Kelsey Jun 2022
I am made of the moon and stars
A sparkle of fairy dust drifitng idly in the wind
The glint of sunlight kissing the calm ocean waves
For all I know
The world is beautiful
A balance of cosmic energy shifting from one medium to the next
The electricity bouncing back and forth between lovers
The first gust of air a baby gathers in it's lungs
This is the lulling harmony traced around the world
A silent reassurance
That everything
Will be alright.
Apr 2022 · 426
The Last Time You Cried
Kelsey Apr 2022
I slipped out of the house
Unnoticed
Unheard
It was so congested in there
Expectations,
And family prodding
Scurrying from wall to wall
Furniture packed tightly
Papers and trash littered along the floors
The clock tick-tocking
Piercing my ears.

I stepped outside
Onto the concrete step
Shut the door to the noisy world
Suddenly,
Life was still,
Quiet.
And I could breathe
So I cried.
Apr 2022 · 229
Go with the Flow
Kelsey Apr 2022
What does it mean?
It means to cosmically follow the universe.
To tell it what you most desire.
And trust that the experiences,
The people,
The hard times,
Are all a part
Of how you will get it.
Dont question your situation.
Dont weep or smash or give up.
Trust that the flow is real
And go with it.
Willingly.
Mar 2022 · 672
A Broken Man's Fight
Kelsey Mar 2022
The pain of grief
Can last lifetimes
If it gets the chance.

.    .    .

I dont want it to get that chance.
A quote from my novel. The rawness of grief is a tricky thing
Mar 2022 · 319
Complicated Grief
Kelsey Mar 2022
It's okay to mourn a happy time in your life that you dont have anymore.
Mar 2022 · 962
Believe It
Kelsey Mar 2022
You dont need people
To see your strength
To convince yourself
That you are strong.



You are.
Feb 2022 · 1.7k
To Have Wings
Kelsey Feb 2022
God, please grant me wings
So I can fly up to heaven
And kiss my father
Goodnight

So I can swerve through the clouds
To get to my father
Who waits for me in the glimmering light of the sun

Let me wrap my trembling arms around him
And wet the collar of his shirt
With hot tears

Allow me to scream
And cry
And whisper
That I love him
More than he could know

Please, God, grant me wings
Even just for the night
So I can tell my father
I'm going to be
Alright.
Feb 2022 · 4.2k
Intoxicated
Kelsey Feb 2022
Writing
Synonymous with a drug
Miming the story in my head
Does not take the edge
Off.
No,
I must physically take a swig
Sling the pen on the paper
See the words in their truest form
Word-***** on the page
Drunk with laughter, tears and rage
High on prose
People
And places
I must create
Or I'll die
Just one more sentence
Maybe two
And then I'll find my way
In this bed I'll stay
This will be the last time
I write at 3am
...
I promise...
Feb 2022 · 371
Love Eyes
Kelsey Feb 2022
You are my flower in bloom;

Beautiful, Evocative and Unfurling.
Feb 2022 · 202
Dreadful Love
Kelsey Feb 2022
Slip me the magic word
Let it slide off your tongue
Like warm honey
And too much ***

Grip the fire with your hands
And swim them up stream
Up my legs
Up my dress

****** your inhibitions
Let them dig their own grave
My patience wears thin
For monsters well-behaved

For not a lack of luster
I feel the pain upon your lips
Like a thorn of ****** yearning
May I swallow sorrow's kiss
Kelsey Feb 2022
People ask me frankly,
"Why live as an owl in the night?"
I answer
You can see things in the dark impossible to see in the light

"Why sleep your days away?"
When you're awake, life only has one perspective, but when you're dreaming, perspective is limitless

"And why not speak your truth to the world?"
There is more to learn in silence than there is in conversation
Jan 2022 · 767
A Quote From My Novel
Kelsey Jan 2022
Remember that all things fade.
All creatures must have an end
To bear new beginnings.
And all new beginnings
Come from resolution.
Have been feeling very critical of myself and my writing lately. But I'm learning from my own characters in my novel.
Jan 2022 · 1.1k
Pity Party of One
Kelsey Jan 2022
I cant move from this stagnant state
Im angry and sad
And i need to lose weight

What i love
I dont do
What I need
I ask you

And i hate myself tonight
Because i know whats right
I'm not doing it

Im frozen
Stuck in the same
Back and forth motion

Pleading for a change
Criticizing what i love
And i love only one thing

I cant be lost anymore
I need help
To feel secure

So this is the party I pity
I ask God
To please forgive me

Im better
I know it

I just need
The strength to show it.
Ive never felt so lost, uncomfortable, sad angry and disgusted with myself. I dont know what to do most of the time.
Jan 2022 · 133
Galaxy Dreams
Kelsey Jan 2022
Every night
I pamper myself with
The water of the galaxy
The starry soap
That glints and tickles
My skin

Every night
I float
In the weightlessness
Of the universe
Let the light of the sun
Shower me
In the dark

Every night
I listen to the beautiful hum
Of nothingness
And smell the burning comets
As they
Whizz by my relaxed body

Every morning
I wake up
And wish
To fall back asleep
Dec 2021 · 76
To My 16 y.o. Self
Kelsey Dec 2021
Im sorry but,
We havent changed much
Im still you
In a different body
In a different room

We were wrong.
We dont have children
A fancy house
A happy, stable job

We're leaping on lilly pads
Trying to find the right one
That can hold the weight
Of our dreams
Our happiness
And our life

There is a lot of pain ahead
For you
And life altering moments

But in those bad times,
Know, that we've made it to 27
Almost 28
Remember when we didn't think we would make it here?

We did.
We made it and we're still going
In search of the perfect lilly pad

And we will find it,
I promise.
Nov 2021 · 80
Windowless World
Kelsey Nov 2021
A phone is a window to the world
Of the past, present, future
Of every mistake
Every accomplishment
Of what to care about
What to hate
While the glass rectangles
Constructed in the rooms around us
Wait for us to take a look
To see a blue jay with green eyes
Or red leaves twirling to the ground
Maybe the pass of an oldsmobile
Or the symphonic down pour of rain
A scene that will undoubtedly be remembered
But the window that sits comfortably in your hand
Doesnt want you to see it
Or feel it
Because then you'll realize
There's a bigger, better window
Outside
Waiting for you
Nov 2021 · 166
What Lasts Forever
Kelsey Nov 2021
There are not many things that last forever.
1. Death
2. True love
All of what is infinite.
Which means that
Sorrow
Anger
Pain
Jobs
Friendships
Material items
All eventually end, or disappear
Whether by choice or not.
Take this as comforting.
To know you are never bound by what seems eternal in the moment
Only by the first, which is inevitable
And the second, which keeps your soul alive
Kelsey Nov 2021
Have you ever tried to pick yourself up when you feel yourself slipping?

But you suddenly weigh over two tons and the you thats trying to pick you up is some skinny stick man that couldn't lift a hair brush?

So you just watch as both sides struggle in their own ways?

That's it.

I'm sorry you're sick.
At least thats it for me.
Oct 2021 · 222
Don't Stop
Kelsey Oct 2021
My heart can crack
My back can break
It hurts to carry
All this weight

A ***** is loose
Its back in line
Im falling apart but
Its not my time

I know my worth
I've told my story
But the pen won't stop
Until I've had my the glory
Oct 2021 · 74
A Life; A Struggle
Kelsey Oct 2021
She looked to the sky
And asked God why

She had never hurt anyone
Never hated someone for fun

So why must she feel that pain?
Why think those thoughts inside her brain?

Why struggle and fail?
Grind hard, tooth and nail

Why must it be this way?

As a tear rolled down her face,
She heard a faint voice



"It is life, my child.
It is not supposed to be easy."
Oct 2021 · 73
I Just Need a Chance
Kelsey Oct 2021
I feel it.
The feeling of being
Lost
Confused
Angry
Desperate
Spiteful
Broken
Inspired
Encouraged
And tired
All at the same time.

Not knowing whether to
Bring my head back down
From the clouds
Or to
Add more air

Or whether to let myself feel
Hurt
And betrayed
And stupid
Or to push it away
Not looking back

I'm afraid
That by taking the road less traveled,
I wont be given the chance
To get to my destination

And that's not fair.

That's
Not
How
Life
Should
Be.
Oct 2021 · 555
Be Ready
Kelsey Oct 2021
Im ready to know what it's like
To live my dreams.
What sacrifices must be made,
What joys I will experience
And what sorrows.
How different the coffee will taste,
How soundly I'll sleep.
If the stars will shine brighter
Or dimmer.
If the sun will reveal the best
Or the worst.
Life has a kink
For people who dare to be courageous.
Because not enough of us
Are ready to chase our dreams
Until it's too late.
So, I'm ready.
Fortune favors the bold.
Sep 2021 · 67
I Cut Myself Tonight
Kelsey Sep 2021
...
I think I'm depressed.
Sep 2021 · 1.9k
F*ck You Too
Kelsey Sep 2021
My mind thinks of the worst things I could do to you
The worst person I've ever met
With your slander
And lies
I could destroy you
And I want to
But I won't
Because then I become you
And I could never forgive myself for that.
I hate this person so much. With a burning passion all I want is to see them fall. But i know that is not the way to think if I want to be the bigger person. Its so hard to forgive when they don't think they need forgiveness.
Sep 2021 · 90
Build Yourself
Kelsey Sep 2021
Betting on yourself is hard
When you have no money
But doubting yourself
Will cost more
Than your bet ever will
Sep 2021 · 1.1k
The Artist
Kelsey Sep 2021
Oh, world! Let me write!
Let me sling my pen across the page
Let me smash my fingers to the keys
Make them shake and break and bleed
"Its not easy being me"
I will write on top of a mountain
Write in the middle of a thundering wave
Speak unspoken words to thin-bladed air
Make my voice heard because
"Theres no one like me"
Let me essay the truth
Let me stanza the lies
Whatever you do
Just help me now
And let me write
Until
I ask you
To stop.
Sep 2021 · 1.9k
Language
Kelsey Sep 2021
I ventured into the depths of my unruly heart to find the words that tasted like honey at sunrise.
Aug 2021 · 706
Seduction
Kelsey Aug 2021
Ideas lick my brain at night.
Teasing me to pen the paper.
But indulgence is the oppsite
Of letting go.
I must sleep,
In order to dream.
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