My smiles are fake and sad.

Just look at the crease between the putrid corners of my lips.

Chapped and corroded.

Don't kiss me. I might infect you...

If there truly is a balance, then for all the love we put out, there must be an equal amount of hate.
Love and hate can never truly conquer each other, so we're forced to balance on the middle of a teeter totter that only gets faster and thinner as time takes its own separate toll on the body.
I've been assured that life is a gift, but what is a gift to someone who doesn't like to receive but would rather give..?
And quite frankly, I'd rather give up.

I feel awkward in my own bed. This square no longer feels like home. It no longer belongs to me. I don't know how to describe the feeling. I just feel empty, floating within a small space. I'm floating, within nothing. I'd like to die.

Your tears of a golden hue roll as tumble weeds across a pasture

Sweat beads travel through a highway from your chest towards your hips

Arms raised to the sky waiting for some kind of rapture

The rain drops move the ponds edge to match the quiver in your lips

Even small shakes are formed at the core

Bored and alone, scorned off your throne might be the case

Or you might just stare at the abyss

Within infinite possibilities, where is my place?

Where can you trace the third eye beginning to paint its own cyst

Wandering through a series of articulate hallways

Finger paintings and rough sketches define this maze

A quill dipped in blood rewrites the phrase

To be or not to be

To me its honestly just another phase

A life long transition towards death

I feel so alone
Just my thoughts and I.

I hate them,
Though they must love me.
They follow me everywhere I go
They are the base of my dreams
They are my breakfast, lunch and dinner
I'm overweight with thoughts
But I have a problem
As full as I get, I never seem to stop being hungry
Always this feeling of an empty void
A swirling black hole that will never be satisfied
No matter how much I put in to it
I will forever be obese

Appetite for Self Destruction

I'm nauseous

Ahh, yes.

The most philosophical inquiry of our times

Why
Am
I
Like
This
?

We used to ponder about the stars

Now I wonder why I feel so sad every time I watch them twinkle in the vast loneliness that is the reflection in my eyes
.
We used to question gods and create epics and fables to better understand the world around us

Now I want to never see this planet again
I'm tired of fantastical stories, unrealistic expectations and faith based interpretations of my broken reality
If there is a god, it owes us all an apology
.
We would strive
A pursuit of knowledge, the ultimate form of nirvana

Now I wish I didn't think at all and could be a mindless, happy follower

But I know too much

And somehow still manage to be a fool
.
Why am I like this?

I sit around on the floor, naked and alone
Waiting for the phone to ring to take me home

How am I supposed to reach out when it's not manly to cry

Or want to die

Or want to give up when everyone tells you to smile

Your arms can't embrace my soul
Only the carcass that holds bile
No one wants to deal with your *******
Not even for the slightest while

You're better off dead
Or offline
Or on meds
On your off time
On your soft bed
With one leg

Swinging off the edge



Hoping there's no bottom when you land upon your head
Because

You've landed on your feet and broken both ankles
Pulled a muscle
Tore a meniscus
Bruised your hips
Split your lip trying to stand
Just to be told
Don't beat yourself up

What the ****

Am I both the bully and the victim?

Can this vicious cycle called life create such a ****** up system?


I'm no martyr.

I'm just a sorry ******* who hates himself knowing others have it harder
And still feels so desperate

Love is such a desolate area in my chest that it
Seems remote and unwelcoming
But with a well rested estimate
Of all the energy that it takes the human body to frown

And make sure that there is still enough fuel to run that trip, but not turn around


I swear I'll drive us in to a river.

Say one more thing to **** me off
I've been searching for the excuse to deliver.

I don't just want to die
I want to erase any part of my existence so no one will hurt or cry
Or wonder why

It would make it all so much easier

Life's not a *****,

She's simply a tease with no way of ever truly pleasing her.

You watch a smile as it drains the life from your cold lips.
Speechless.
Amazed and disappointed.
Painful joy.
Bittersweet, as they say.
But i say...
Fluttering
Fleeting
Fleeing
Feeling too ******* much.
You watch as starry eyes turn yours in to a black hole sun
Star man.
Your flight is over.

Yes, I

Pitter patter
On a bitter pattern
Of broken memories that I chitter chat about with little matter

And according to the middle latter statement

I'm a little out of place when
I reminisce about that nasty past

That mask... THAT mask.

The one that covered the area where my face belongs


Which matched PERFECTLY with the shoes I would step in **** with

Telling myself:
"My socks are still clean"

Thinking I could use more chemicals than a Sheen to be Pristine
But that's just artificial heat from a blanket with no seams..

I try to tear apart this quilt
Threaded with empty promises in vain

Inside veins that don't pump blood
They pump shame

I'll never be wrapped in this again..

Covered in unfamiliar skin
Wearing a questionable grin

When in the hell did I begin this transformation?

Self surgery.

Murdering false idols!

******* the very fabric of entertainment.

(Yes I can be a ****)

But I rock an S on my chest over the D..

I'm so sick

My thoughts are so vile
They will leave you ill on your lying lips

There is no use in trying to switch
The shattered reality you now have as a dying wish

If jumping to conclusions was an Olympic event..

I'd have my medals stripped after finding performance enhancers in my blood.

Being the best isn't always a good thing.

I see empty beer bottle corpses scattered around a ***** lobbie

While ciggarette butts twerk around these lonely bodies

If only there was a light that didn't come from a dead matchstick

Slumped over and burnt out

Because we turnt up

Then it turned out that we're made from plastic

Fantastic.

This dull pencil has filled me with lead and weighed down my soul

This canvas is blank
Save for the bruised marks of an angry quill

I shake as hard as I can
But the pen has fallen to the might of frustration

I am but a broken type writer

I often contemplate the half a plate that I ate with half a face

Half this juice is past its date

I can tell by its after taste

More than a little bitter..

And the only decency is buried deep beneath the middle

But

Now
The bottom of the base of this cup is leaking too.

Or

Is that the regrets of my heart speaking through?
...
It's hard feeling like peaking when its the weekend and you're thinking while everybody is sleeping

All alone with no reason other than being a rolling stone

That just can't get no satisfaction of his own

I tainted that
So paint it black
Take it back
And make it fast
Please don't make it last

I feel as naked as a monster with no Jason Mask

I feel a weak grip on me...

In a Kryptonite crib built with a crypt
For me

Plus a wet blanket stitched

Just like a quilt!

For me.

I can't tip toe around these eggshells on stilts

You see

This poet is just a character I've imagined up

To handle the damage I've been handed

To saddle up

And steadily battle these matters up

Because the aftermath and after what is after us

Disasterous

If it catches you faster without an Acura

Or master bus pass

Must last through the night though

Tomorrow.

We'll bother to borrow somebody's light pole

The sorrow
So sour
It gets more intense by the hour

So pucker up and feel fates lips drip with power

You are an out of body experience
I feel my soul lifting out of the grave and in to a garden
You hit me like sunshine by the beach after a rainy day
Like a big gulp of water after a long day of work
You turn the mundane in to the insane
And I love it
You are a collage
A barrage of colors
An explosion of ideas and creations
You must have honey in your veins
I haven't even seen you
Yet
I feel like I've known you in past lives
My mind feels so connected to yours that sometimes I wonder how I could be so lucky to cross wires with that impressive mind of yours
You short circuited this broken drum pad and made it work
You are music to my ears
Poetry for the soul
I went from tip toeing on egg shells to dancing under a waterfall
Niagara falls but with you I rise
Your words are candy to my new found, child like curiosity
You are wonderful
And fill me with wonder too
Fill me like an empty bench at the park, you know which one
The one you created for me to laugh and smile in while admiring the scenery
Except
You are the scenery
The best scene in this film
I feel like a star when we talk
But we both know who the celestial body is
Your energy lightens and powers and gives life to my world
You destroyed the walls and foundation of the cell around my heart and mind
And finally let the innocent prisoner out
You tattooed sun flowers and orchids in to my mind
Over the scars
Over the layers of dead skin that now get goosebumps when I think about you
To quote Pablo Neruda
"I want to do to you, what spring does to cherry trees"
And watch you blossom
And tend to your dreams like a careful gardener
And sit under your shade and breath the air you provide
I'm terrified
But it's the same positive fear I've felt before something amazing happens
Like my first concert
Or my first song
Or my first lyrics
Or my first performance
You're the first person I've ever met that makes me feel like I can do anything
But anything means nothing without you
Your self doubt is beautiful
Your self doubt is amazing
How can someone fill me with so much, yet not be full of themselves?
Truly a wonder of nature
Truly a unique diamond in a world full of rhinestones
Your intelligence is a strong, silent one
That sings in multiple octaves when you think
When you create
I see entire universes
I see the sun and moon
The flowers and the oceans
The movement of a couple waltzing under the stars
The reach of a childs hands discovering life for the very first time
I could learn every language on this planet
And could still not find the words to describe you
And still not find the right combination of sounds to tell you how amazing you are
Not even Stradivarius could have crafted such an instrument
Hendrix himself could not play a better chord
Bocelli could not sing a sweeter note
Aesop could not craft a better fable
You're like a legend
Something that only happens in the peak imagination of the most imaginative writers
I've seen you in my dreams
I've heard you in my music
I've felt you every time I smile
I've been looking for you
I thought you were just another pipe dream
But you hit me like crack and I can't get enough
I'm addicted to your art
To your thoughts
Your opinions and your vocal disdain for this bland world
You are the shining light at the end of this tunnel
I thought that light meant death, but you've proven me otherwise
You must be an angel
That brought heaven to earth
And in to my home
Thank you for being you, and for reminding me of who I am
I truly value your soul
And for tearing mine out of Hades and back to Olympus
You're unreal
You're dreamy
You're like None Other
You're like my favorite song
And every remix of it
You're the hand the Beatles wanted to hold
And the one heel Achilles still had
You stand your ground so hard the earth trembles
As do I
It's a wave of energy the likes I thought were extinct
Tectonic plates shift when you think
You rock my world
Like a meteor from a distant universe

You know..

I was someone's unicorn

But she didn't know I was just a broken horse with a horn from a failed suicide attempt

Until I bucked with my words and she fell
.
And for the first time
....
She saw me from where I see myself and ran away

I did not turn off my feelings.
Only my phone.
I am sorry.

The birds are chirping
The sun is rising
Yet my eyes have not set
Delusion
Illusion
Disillusion
Lusion
I don't know, I wouldn't listen to me right now

I'm exhausted from having to force a smile




It's not socially acceptable to be sad in public

So **** it

I guess I'll just die with a broken face.

These seeds have taken me to an empty plot hole
A shattered *** bleeds where it's been swallowed
By the earth, so barren, scarred and mismanaged
Showing evidence of struggles and miscarriage
Dead trees left to crawl and sink
Crumble and stress the pressure pressed enough to turn them to ink
Dipped with the end of a quill taken from a broken wing
Used to write a suicide note you can harmonize and sing
And get a whole group in sync with you
Sit around a broken heart and have them think with you
Analyze every vein that turned dark and pumped pain
Wear your grief like a shirt and become the blood stain
Now get up off of that shelf
You're like a broken mirror when you look at yourself
You bonsai, your wilted branches weep
Discolored flowers, dead roots planted deep, just go to sleep

You've got a lot of doubt and resent, I understand
I too, have fear in my heart, and sweat in my palms
Yet, I can't help but think of you
It might be a problem
One I don't know how to fix....
Sometimes I don't even know if I want to
But it's only fair to you
Why are we so scared to be happy?