I keep waiting
every single day
for your return
with a bag
full of memories
and good times
that we shared
Where are you?
I can't see
the slightest hint
of your presence
What about those
promises of 'forever'?
Why did you
start an end?
Now I wonder
if you will
ever come back
in good time
or will you
let me down?
Now I fear
you will return
zestful as ever
hopeful to run
but I won't
be able to
for I would
be too exhausted
of this wait
only to run
away from you.

Should I wait sometime
to tell her how I feel for her? If so,
when does the coral reef know
when to spawn? They say on the fifth night
after the November full moon. Her birthday
is too far away to see from here; her eyes:
two flashes of light on the horizon.
My mother and sister mentioned I stay still
12 weeks, Lao Tzu said until my mud settles.
Tamia and Charmaine insisted now. I looked
to Rumi, and he smiled back patience.
A patient person does not have to ask how long?
And here I am: counting
the minutes between her texts,
on her replies as breaths;
poring over
the pictures of her - in my hand, in my mind.
One moment she feels close, the next
she is the grain of sand I try to keep in my palm.
Patience is praise, says Rumi.
In it the right action will arise, added Lao Tzu.
That is where I must be, whispers my heart.

-

Sitting by the phone
sipping my iced tea

waiting for your call
to reassure me

that you got home safe
and there's no worries

All good things take time.

If you see him and your heart-
doesn't flutter

your tummy-
doesn't feel like there are butterflies in it

hang on;
give the caterpillars time-
for time will tell you
what really matters.

Hide my little smile
Every time you say my name

Hide my blushing face
Every time you say something sweet

Hide every leap of my heart
Whenever you call me yours

How long do I have to hide?
When I can tell them you're mine?

Got all these thoughts inside my head
And you're the only one who understands.
Why do we have to be apart?

Feels like I'm living on a ferris wheel
My world is spinning all around me.
Why is this so hard?

I'm trying really hard to be sensible
But the stars seem just out of my grasp.
It's driving me crazy.

I tell myself to just move on and forget
But your voice won't get out of my head.
Am I actually complaining?

2000 miles, dear, how do we fix that?
And everyone keeps telling me to stop.
I can't see the end here.

All I know is that I love you.
All I know is that I am willing to wait.
Is that enough?

Why did you fall in love with me?
Why did you make me love you?
What do we do now?

I was a stranger to closeness. To entangled arms and whispered conversations. To tracing lines in my palms like a map, to fingers drawing down my back. Exposed but not uncomfortable. I had never been held. And the thought bewildered me as I realized that my companion thus far was loneliness. Loneliness like a pill I could not swallow so I learned to breath around and wait out. How do I explain this loneliness? It gutted me until empty was normal and the dull ache was a regular occurrence. Like the desperate need to cry out all the water lingering in my body but having nothing to give. Shaking and fighting against the vile feeling in my throat that would never move. I was accustomed to loneliness but how could I not be when I'd never been held, or touched, or felt like I was worthy of love? I blamed my body, adopted silence, fuelled with anger as time passed and I waited, I waited, I waited, and waited - for nothing.
Nothing could ease what I had never known but somehow always desired. And here it was, real, and it felt right, why would I say no to the feeling I begged to taste. It didn't leave my tongue numb, it didn't let me down. It wasn't what they told me it would be. It didn't feel like I was giving anything away. It felt like being held, being whole, my numbness subsided as I just felt. Felt my loneliness melt away, felt my skin being brushed and caressed, not loved but not alone. It wasn't beautiful but it was more than I had before and I clung to it until I couldn't anymore and in my car the loneliness buckled itself in and I drive it home where it helped me wash my face clean and wrapped itself around me like my blankets as I caved into the hollowness of its home. I realized I don't have to drown with my anchor heavy heart. I could find closeness in a stranger.