It sounded like a gunshot
Ripping through an open door
I never know what I want
But I've never wanted something more

Don't take me as an insult
Lying on my bedroom floor
Life sounds so simple
Treat me like a mind explored

I hate myself
And I just want to feel alive
I found out all I find
Dies just the same in time

It sounded like a gunshot
Bleeding out for a taste of fun
The wound is looking red hot
I am waiting here for anyone

To survive
Who will make it out alive?

I survived
And now I feel so lonely

Ha

Surprise, its me again
Full frontal, coming up again
Stripping out your mind
You all look just the same
Take your time
How'd you like a name?

Just survive, and you can have it

i dreamed a pair of arctic eyes that are
so burdened i mistook them as mine
violet frost fingertips caught in time
shackle the withdrawn soul for his ****** crimes
i didn't know who it was
the corner of my eyes darkened in a way i don't recognize
but *******, when my heart would've leapt
i decided to tie it instead
like a beast that is fed
with leftovers and lifetime debts
i discouraged the feeling of staying alive
not long after their blows left me on the brink of defiance or
just waiting
to die

i tamed my heart, pray it won't be naive
because for some reason, that man in my dream
was too late before he realized
when they beat you and you scream in pain
you mustn't be the one to apologize

but for this i want to say sorry -
i'm sorry for befriending my demons enough to know my way
around this hell
and survive

What compels one to believe
That they must seek permission to feel free
To express themselves openly
When neither does any person own the worlds
Nor do they have any right over you.

And as the soul reacts to the
Colours that you paint it
And as the soul emits a cry of agony
The swirling walls seeping into its body
It reaches out
On a two dimensional plane
Laid bare with the souls of all, strewn
In whatever manner each soul can take
Because each soul has its due
And each soul must use
Whatever it can to survive.

I'm lost, the road in front split in two
So little time, with so much to do
The woods around me, is so dark
Each thorn I touch, leaves its mark
I grow tired, with each step I take
"Next time", I think, "my mind will break"
Every day, strangely, I survive
Each accident and problem, leaving me alive
How much longer, will it take?
How many sacrifices, will I have to make?

Sometimes when I'm all alone,
I listen to my favourite song,
I close my eyes,
I get lost inside,
Inside my mind,
Inside my fantasies,
Inside my dreams.

I feel safe there,
It's my safe place.

In my safe place,
I find hope,
I restore my energy,
I patch my all so broken heart,
I find peace,
I smile,
I'm happy,
I'm myself...

Then reality kicks in,
Troubles,
Stress and worries,
Toxic people and environments,
Hopelessness,
Loss of faith,
Discouragment,
Sadness,
Hatred and guilt.

Guilt of everything I want to do,
But never do.
Everything I feel,
But never show.
Everything I dream for,
But never reach for.
Everything that's me,
That I suppress.
Everything I like,
That I replace.

All that I am,
Is living a lie,
Trying to get by,
Like everyone else,
Just to survive,
But never to live,
Because I'm afraid,
Of the thrill.

But more than all,
I am afraid of you,
Your judgement,
And your hatred.
You scare me more than a life not mine.
You scare me so much my life is yours.

That's the saddest part,
All my life I have been wanting to break out of my shell,
And all my life you are the one who keeps me inside it.
I let you control me,
When I should be controlling myself.
I let you decide my destiny,
Because I'm afraid to fight back.
You are my biggest fear of them all.
It's you I hate and you I have to impress.

I want to break free and just be me.
See what I can be,
Control my own destiny.
I'm lost within my own chains,
In my own selfmade prison,
I let you imprison me,
Because I'm too afraid to try.
Someone set me free,
Someone show me how.

What is my life worth if it's not lived?
What is my life worth if my soul's already dead?
What is my life worth if it's not owned by me?
What is my life worth when I don't let myself be free?

I need to set myself free.
Help me set myself free.