i dreamed a pair of arctic eyes that are
so burdened i mistook them as mine
violet frost fingertips caught in time
shackle the withdrawn soul for his ****** crimes
i didn't know who it was
the corner of my eyes darkened in a way i don't recognize
but *******, when my heart would've leapt
i decided to tie it instead
like a beast that is fed
with leftovers and lifetime debts
i discouraged the feeling of staying alive
not long after their blows left me on the brink of defiance or
just waiting
to die

i tamed my heart, pray it won't be naive
because for some reason, that man in my dream
was too late before he realized
when they beat you and you scream in pain
you mustn't be the one to apologize

but for this i want to say sorry -
i'm sorry for befriending my demons enough to know my way
around this hell
and survive