Falseness becomes you, little plastic angel
marble eyes roll, liquid sky drops of ***** coolness
never-changing
hair so fine, my heart wants to glide along your ribbons and silk like
figureskating
welts glow red on my skin as your bronzed alabaster shimmers respectably
kiss me once more; i want to taste the diamond on your lips
glitter glitter glitter
until it's time to tear away the mask
and then what are you?

I've always loved the idea of you
but whenever I think of it--
how your hair touches your ears
how round and deep your eyes are
how your dimple on your left cheek shows
how you laugh when I whisper my lame jokes
how you go for a drive when you're not in the mood
when you remind me to do my papers even when you miss talking to me
how you send your good morning messages
and how you struggle to type when you're sleepy
when you listen to music almost the whole day
when you listen to my endless stories
how you smile while watching chick flicks on cable
how you strum your guitar
how you find it cute when I rant
how you fancy our ear piercings
when you share how your day went
and your someday plans with me
how you make pancakes
and my every days--
every time I think of you
I feel this addictive pain in my chest
and every time I do
I wish that it would be the last time

Hush little darling, don't you cry
The more you cry, the more the demons will come by.
Hush little darling, don't say a word
You wouldn't want to be heard.
Hush little darling, don't move an inch
The more you move, the more the demons will make you flinch.
Hush little darling, don't you dare sleep
For once you close your eyes, you're theirs to keep.

(a.d)

Romance, for he is the one who seemed to be trapped
A sea of melancholy
Oh, the beauty
Quite unbearable
How he hides what is deep inside
Having no patience nor the time for idle cares

Little by little he loses his way
This is what I call an unhidden heart
You can see it
But the thought isn't really there
Appearances at first glance
With any pair of human eyes
Are what seems to be love

Little by little he loses his way
A deeper dig you find that what you thought
Was a heart
Is an empty abyss
Little by little he loses his way
Without knowing
His personality is switching

Little by little he loses his way
Meek and darkness overpowers
This was fact
Till the day he met
Emotion
She was stirring, dancing
Throughout the clouds



Feelings bursting without warning
She was everything
That Romance was not

Automatically,
Almost robotically,
Semi-impossibly
They fell in love
Without a care

Emotion was unafraid
Unafraid to unveil her heart
Slowly but surely
Romance learned
His shell was wrapped airtight

Unfolding, slow
Layer by layer.
This took time, no rush
He became free
Time and patience
Letting go of the past

Automatically
Almost robotically
Semi-impossibly
They fell in love
Without a care


Ready to move on
Letting Emotion show him, her ways
To live
Not only to live,
But to thrive in happiness

Carefree
Their love
A melody
Priceless, a gold you could never purchase
A light, blazing rays, a golden star



Who could not hear the beating of their hearts?
Rich and pure
Together they were a spirit, complete
Hidden in each and every one of us

We are all individual
Yet we share their story
Fate takes its course

Little by little you lose your way
Yet automatically,
Almost robotically,
Semi-impossibly,
They fell in love without a care

Fate once again brought two strangers in love
No questions
No ponders
Unexplainable

Love does not need an explanation
Self explanatory
This is your story
Find your Romance and Emotion
But first
Little by little you will lose your way

there you are:
brown mop of hair,
glasses you refuse to keep on,
teal green eyes,
broad smirk,
thin body stretched over 206 bones
a man
not my little brother –
no,
when you were little
you sat in that carriage and I read to you:
hours upon hours of stories you probably don’t remember,
but that I cherish
and when you were little
I would ask if you were a boy or a girl
and because I wanted a sister you would always say the opposite of what you are
and most of all when you were little, I shielded you
I carried you
I picked you up
but now you are a man
trapped inside his head
I see this shell of you, my brother,
but sometimes I can’t find you
sometimes all I see are your teal eyes
and not behind them
and there are moments where I wish I could peel back your skin
layer by layer
and go into your mind and see the chaos
like a busy city,
your mind,
cars honking
smog emanating from the tallest buildings
people milling and shouting and cursing
there is no pause
there is only go
one man in your brain carries in a black briefcase your fears
those worries that stop me from seeing you behind your eyes
and this man with a grey cloud overhead,
cloaked in a hood,
wanders your mind
and passes this fear from one person to the next
until slowly,
and gradually,
your whole brain is filled with grey clouds
and cloaked figures
and black briefcases
and shouting and whispering and laughing
and you disappear
from right here
back into your mind
“come closer”, they say,
“why live in this world when you can live in ours?”
and I hate these men; these people
distributing your fears
when it started, it was simply a fear of food,
but then it was
a fear of the world,
a fear of an illness,
a fear of yourself,
my little brother,
who smiled so brightly and vividly it was distractingly beautiful,
who draws so intensely and maturely and incredibly,
paints pictures of wisdom at sixteen,
who has rules and standards to the depths and validity of music
my little brother is trapped
and my stomach sinks when I ask:
“are you okay?”
and he only replies
“…yeah…”
and I feel so helpless when he looks so tired with his sunken eyes
because those men control him
they take all of him away and leave only a shell of my little brother
my bravest brother
my inspiring brother
my strong brother
whom I wish I could wipe clean of all the briefcases
and cloaked figures
and men
and fill his mind with a string of white lights,
Christmas lights,
and layer it with the smell of brownies baking in the oven,
and screens on which are projected his favourite shows and movies and videos of him,
my little brother,
who fights these men every day
and he deserves a medal of honour
because there is a war in his mind
and he battles incessantly
and I know, very soon,
even if only for a little while,
he’ll get a break from this city of his mind
and he’ll win.

Do you know what it's like?
To be imprisoned
In the past?

I am
Locked up in a cell
Of unforgiving memories
And mental stains I tried to hide
And blood underneath
My fingernails
And I just can't
Scrub it all away
I just want it all to end

This *******,
Nonexistent road of endless
Turmoil and boiling hatred
And emotional leakage
I am so
******* lately
And I just don't give a ****
About the things
I used to give a **** about

Have you ever just
Not cared
Awakened by hostility
And sedated with
"It'll be alright"
No, *******
It won't be alright, okay
Because it's not worth my time of day
To pretend
Like the little things don't matter
Because they do

They really do

They say "it's for your own good"
"You'll understand when your older"
After 17 years of living you'd think
I would know by now,
It's hard to wrap my head around,
Around a concept not so profound,
A life which my parents want me to live,
Which would mean it would be my life I would have to give,
I respect you,
And stay true,
True to myself and others too,
The values and lessons you've taught,
Which no amount of money or things could be bought,
For it's time to treat me as old as I am,
I am not once that young girl you had planned,
The one in love with feathers and lame tv shows,
The one who always carried her heart in her hand,
The one with dazzling brown crystal shone eyes and wondered around the land,
The one who didn't want anyone to get hurt,
The one now learned from the grime and dirt,
The one who wouldn't stop asking questions,
The one who always said "did I mention.."
The one who's eyes would fill in tears after getting a 'booboo'
but would be all better once you kissed it too,
The one who would be by your side holding your hand
The one who was daddy's little sidekick,
And who was momma's little measuring stick,
The one who didn't grow all too much,
The one who would be scared of movies and your arms she'd clutch,
The one who dreamed to play basketball,
The one who would be supported no matter how many dreams she had,
The ones as absurd as that,
The one who's hand would wrap around one finger,
The one who would laugh at everything you'd say
The one who love to watch the stars and lay,
The one who would love to play,
The one who you'd tuck into bed every night,
The one who would make you turn on a night light,
The one who was daddy's little girl,
And who was mama's pearl,
The girl in those summer dresses and a flower in her hair,
Is standing tall and strong as she shows you she cares,
She's going to make you proud,
For her words may not speak loud,
She's a runaway,
Off to a place unknown,
To explore a world,
And be who she wants to be,
The girl who wants to be free,
Just like how she did when she was young,
Just her and her heart,
Completely alone.

We wanted to be big girls since we were little ones
we used mom's lipstick
and pretended we were mature and pretty enough
to have red, bright lips
and shiny, size six golden shoes

mum used to tell me I was pretty
and she let me use her lipstick
but I didn't really like it
so I rushed to the backyard

I tangled wild flowers in my hair
usually mixed with dandelions
and mint leaves
sometimes a couple of ladybugs came by

and after that I just stood there
being happy
and crowning myself
as the Butterfly Queen

and mum got angry
because I was a mess
and my hair was tangled
and full of dirt
seems like flowers in my hair
didn't make me pretty at all

but now I am a grown up, and I am happy too,
because I can put eyeliner without getting teary eyes
and I can tangle mint leaves in my hair:

*mum can't yell at an adult now, huh?

I want to be a princess,
that's all I ever ask,
When I meet someone I only hope,
their promises will last.

But things always go the same way,
like a flower plucked when ripe,
Relationships they dwindle,
flop,
and lose all hope of life!

So, is it really worth it?
I find i'm questioning me!
A partnership's not destined,
it's the single life for me!

All I know is I wanna feel,
like someones number one,
The first thing that they think of,
and the last when the day is done.
I want to be their Princess,
it's the little things
that matter,
like phone calls right out of the blue,
for a cosy, loving natter!

I don't think that what I'm asking for,
is too much, to be true.
Cos, it's the little things that really count,
when someone declares they love you.