Abundance laughter hides streams of tears,
a broken heart is shaded by cheers.
The happiest smile hides the saddest soul,
the people who love, their heart has a hole.
Giggles of fun hide the loneliness of one,
their painful wails are heard by none.
Delighted and joyful they seem to be,
but deep inside is a withering tree.

I wait all day for the train,
But it has been delayed.
I sit a few feet from the tracks,
As time just slips away.

I finally escaped,
But my getaway,
Hasn't come to take me away.

And my past will soon catch up to me,
I guess I'll never truly be free.

I know I will get through this alive somehow
I know my heart will still beat
It is almost too inevitable to bear
Stuck in place, can't move my feet.

How can I stop destiny when broken?
Fix something that can't be repaired?
We can go upwards from where we
are
From rock bottom towards cleaner air.

Lacking strength to fly with broken wings
Rain and thunder remembered from yesterday
This is how I am pressed to face fears
Shards embedded, eventually I'll be ok.

May take awhile to feel intact
Threads tearing one by one
No longer perform efficiently
Discourages until I come undone

You saved your heart from misery
I learned and now my own I hide
It's much easier to be broken from the beginning
Then there's nothing left to shatter inside.

Here I am
where I've been so many times before
                              nothing    is   wrong
                              yet everything is off
                              everything is wrong
My heartbeat is too fast for this to be
right,
fine,
good.
I'm
Fine.
Why does this happen?
Why do my mind and my body disagree?
There should be no inner conflict such as this
                                                            Cry
                                                        Die
                                                   Hide
                                              Abide
                                         Starve
                                   Survive
Who would want this life
the life
of a broken
individual?


me.  I do.  I am broken.  I am strong.  I am proud.  I have potential,

                                                                                           and so do you.

I hide when I should fight,
Fight when I should hide.
I cry when I should smile,
Smile when I should cry.
I retreat when I should attack,
Attack when I should retreat.

Sighs

I'm lost,
I want to be found.
I'm stuck,
I want to move around.
This goop keeps holding me,
Within this circumference;
In this perimeter;
Hidden beneath shawls.

Life is hard.
You'll never get what you want,
Or wish for,
Or deserve,
All life gives you is lemons-
Lemons and limes.

I want
my heart on a platter
so I can see the ins and outs
Want the act to matter
See it mirrored, my mouth, it shouts

Feels like
standing in front of the mic
singing of losing track of time
remembering this certain chime

Means I
don't really know how to defy
feeling lost in the rubble
of uncertainties and trouble

I hide
behind buckets full of the tide
I filled when the ocean didn't look
all I could see I took

I keep
time in a place safe and deep
live inside a moonlit jar
an ocean filled reservoir
read my own memoir
and said au revoir

I am difficult most days
I'm guessing because I'm a mess
Eats me up to know I'm damaging
People close get hurt and I am distressed

I cannot take their advice
Or tell the truth so instead
I silently float in a pool of omission
At the bottom scribbled words unsaid

Desperately trying to hide and deny
Dysfunction under a thin cloak of happiness
Like fireflies in the cool evening wind
Each smile fizzles out giving way to darkness