and now
becauseofyoubecauseofyou
all i can write
i can't even write
just
wavescrashingwavescrashing
waves of
c h a o t i c p o e t r y

Transcribe my sine wave,
     Rays like the sun.

Describe the unending normalcy.
   waves crashing: one too many.

Laser-focused against the (g)rain.
        Tsunami enraged.


Defiance is my resonant frequency,
      sorry to disappoint.

I am the way.

And with just one word,
I watched as my dreams crashed down,
unable to hold
when life's harsh realities
beat down on their fragile frames.

When I was young
You were  my entire world
You built me up
And gave me confidence I never knew I had

Even when you began cracking under the pressure
You stayed strong for me
Guiding me
And showing me that I could find strength in anything

The more I grew up
The more that image of you began to fade
Small scratches turned into small cracks
Until the glass began to shatter entirely

Other people never made it easy for you
Breaking you down
Until nothing was left but the hope that one day,
One day it would get better

I watched your world fall apart in front of you
Almost like the Black Plague
Everything was dying around you
And you were convinced it was because you touched it

Tell me that you'll be okay
Because without you, I am nothing
I depend on you for my happiness
But I know that I shouldn't

So, I started looking for happiness in others
Until I found out that their smiles were fake
Their friendship was fake
Everything was fake

So ... I started walking alone
Who needs three musketeers
When I can trust only one
And even that one I'm suspicious of

You were my entire world
But when that world came crashing down
I wasn't strong enough to build one
With you still in it

So ... dear self
It's been a long time without you
But I still have hope that one day
You'll return home

music is important
to me

my father doesnt like music

I cant see why or how,
its a distraction
from the noise

the droning noise
that follows me
everywhere

even when i'm alone
when i'm at home
the droning
the noise

ringing
crashing
screaming
crying

the noise that is drowned out
by a simple melody

a simple hum when driving
whistling when walking
music when crying

music is important

the feeling is back yet again

the feeling of slowly losing myself,
succumbing to the darkness in the depths

watching my mind darken, taking traces of the person I built up

crashing down the doors from the subconscious to conscious,
making my eyes burn, the pain slipping out

the pain i buried away last time

i'll slip again,
but this time,

no one can know

just let me slip alone

You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me

But

You left me
In the middle of the road,
Knowing that I would come running back to you.

You left me
Stranded in an open sea,
Knowing that I would swim endless miles for you.

You left me
Thousand miles up in the air,
Knowing that I would come crashing down to you.

You left me
In the midst of a solar fire,
Knowing that the ignition in my heart will last forever.

Slowly becoming conscious of the fact that I was indeed
Lost
In
Reality

Running back to your arms,
Just to see you holding someone  
With the very same hands you pushed me away with.

Swimming endless miles,
And finding myself
Drowning in my own tears.

Flying thousand miles up in the air,
And realizing
That I was crashing down to rock bottom

Stuck in the center of a solar fire,
Being oblivious to the fact  
That it would turn me wild
And burn me alive

Red, yellow and blue
Never have I thought  
That I would be able to see something
So dangerous yet so beautiful  

Oh to what surprise
I was just blinded  
By your flame
And the words you spoke

You’ve got me under your spell

Captivated by your beauty
And enthralled in your whole being

Just let me go
Take your hold off of me
Begging and pleading
Take your spell off of me.

And finally,
I awake
From the spell that you have cast unto me.

You are the worst thing that has ever happened to me