You and I have fantasised
About too many golden sunrises
And yet we always sleep through dawn
Always wake up seconds too late
When grandeur has faded into familiarity

Our bodies are bruised
From all the invisible rocks we have hurled at each other
Our lungs tired from breathing toxic air
Our ankles sore from dragging chains
My fingers are covered in papercuts
From the edge in your voice

We have handcuffed each other
And put leashes around our necks
Confining each other to this birdcage house
Afraid to be the one that has to watch
The other fly free

Yesterday I tried to find the movie stub
From our first date
And instead found my pockets
Stuffed with fist-fulls of receipts
For things neither of us bought

Like the black hole in our bed
That occupies centre stage in our polka dot bedsheets
It swallows the words we speak
And refuses to let them echo
How many conversations have we drowned
With alcohol and tears
How many keys have we thrown away
To lie in a mound ten feet tall
Keys that could have opened the doors
To our secret stash of confessions and apologies
That could have saved us
On the nights that you wrap your arms around me
I can feel your body curving along the edge of the hole
Trying not to fall through
Determined to maintain miles between us
Even though I can feel your breath on my neck

Our living room is covered with pictures of strangers
Because we are afraid of stapling our own faces to the walls
Afraid of calling this prison a home
Afraid of making what had started out as temporary
A permanent affair
So instead we crawl from day to day
Skipping each sunrise as it comes

Heavy chest. Chained limbs.
Vivid senses, but a blurred vision.
Awake, but hope dims
As the bed becomes a grim prison.
It's from these deceiving dreams, I believe,
And the tempting embrace of slumber
Into which woes I'd sought to relieve.

Alas, here I lay.
Frozen senses, but some - sound, sight, touch -
Remain to parlay
Those who love the shadows o so much.
Is that my mother? No, it can't be.
But who stands there, watching at my side?
Could it be my sister to wake me?

The same vague figure
Always at the ready to deceive
And eager to lure
Me, tried and worn, from the bed to leave.
Possessing my mother's sweet, soft voice,
Imitating my father's presence,
Holding me down, leaving me no choice.

Tied at all my limbs,
At the chest too; there is no escape.
I hear the grim hymns
Of that shadowy figure, whose shape
Embraces my body - I can't breathe!
More than my mind, at times, it will ****.
All I can do is hope to be free.

It all feels so real.
To the bed I'm pinned as these horrors
Make way with such zeal.
I can't even scream, despite the tortures.
Breathing heavily, I try to move,
Watching what else the figure conjures.
It's for these nightmares, to sleep, I rue.

You are Persephone coaxing riverbeds of lush green to flourish from each man’s desolate home
And as romantic as this seems;
if something isn’t your burden to carry,
You have no obligation to.

You may be tempted to pick up other people’s trash to spin them into gold,
but save some of that compassion for a rainy day.
You’ve got enough of your own baggage to deal with.
Heal yourself before you heal others.

It wasn’t a rushed lunch hour or waiting for one running late,
Everyone wonders why she is in this poor state!
Don’t pity her, it was a choice she made,
She didn’t bat one eyelid so stop throwing her shade.
An unapologetic introvert although not the socially awkward,
She sat at the table rewinding it backwards.

It was the hardest thing she had to do,
She has been living up to the expectations of two.
So she took a little walk, so we could have the talk,
While everyone else around her gawked.

She talked for long hours,
Solved numerous problems that leaned higher than these towers.
A soul that matched hers, the one she remembered in tears,
Enough fire to burn down a small town,
Sometimes she’d even play the clown.
They weren’t lovers nor were they friends,
They were in it for life and knew how to make amends.
It was her! Always had been, the daytime fortresses she built,
Set her free without any guilt.

It was the easiest conversation to start
and the most difficult to finish.
This is why she hid from the world and picked up where she left off.

She had been here before,
Didn’t expect company any more,
She walked up straight and said aloud, “Table for one, please!”

‘Will there be a join?’
‘No, I’ll pay by my own coin.’

Table for one and it’s completely fine.
She used to sit at it and eat and read and sleep and cry and wine.
She ate alone, blissfully unencumbered by any concerns,
And all the while the world turns.

I'm a prisoner of myself
A prisoner of my past

A prisoner of my memories
A prisoner, a precast

Solely hanging
chasing time and sand

with bruised hands
I barely crawl

out of an abyss
I dug by my own

I boomingly scream
with silent pleads

a swan's wings
tattered to soar high

an aghast dream
clipped with savage scars

with crimson lips
I chuckle and laugh

with crimson lips
I shed an abandoned cry

passing by the winds
devoured by the nights

I'm a prisoner of myself
chained by the fading lights.

Oh Gravity,
Take me with you
Void me of all emotions
Oh Gravity,
Let me free
Detach me from these strings
Break the chains that bind me
Oh Gravity,
Help me forget
Give me a moment of peace
Oh Gravity,
Devour the melancholy in me
Drown me in your emptiness
Oh Gravity,
Put out the fire in me
Erase the darkness within me
Pull me away from these shadows into the world of light
Oh Gravity,
Let me sink
Let me disappear
Oh Gravity,
Take me away from here...

I feel so caged.

It's like I have to mind my every word, because if I don't I might make you angry or sad.

I feel so chained.

It's like my feelings won't let go, holding me down everywhere I go.

I feel so trapped.

Stuck in the same endeless circle of mistakes, hurting me more than ever.