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Everything, is fine,
it is. Fine,
If I have that again, it will, make me sick
It will always get stuck in my throat,
I would choke. Sick,
that I don't need, Don't eat.
leave it out? Totally.
Someone might see,
know, help, me? Getting worse.
Help myself. Normality,
keeping things usual. Work.
Pull myself together? get over it, don't be silly:
That's not helpful,
don’t say anything.
What's happening? I've never passed out before.
You in my head will you explain
What to do, yes you; I'm losing,
help me?
see things I'm missing. Ignore.
Remember being sick ? I don't want that, leave,
I Need food to keep the same.
Not. Change.
Food others have makes me feel unwell. Don't eat.
I. Tremble, consider, stare, UNABLE TO EAT MEALS,
Eat: with everyone, sit, quiet, be slow,
as much as possible, I will leave.
At least I tried. To observing eyes. I did well?
Touch leave, take leave tremble, later, maybe. No.
Don't want to, yet: need to think,
what I'm going to have? where I'm going to eat?
you can tell me, yes, no.? Safe food list, alters,
becomes not safe. It has changed, different cold.
Leave it. If it's not the same, colour, shape, smell,
not safe, Wait. It's on the list. Avoid it, the date is old,
milkshake
best.
In therapy, I speak, I listen, you unravel.
Best?
help me? keep to timetable? Its achievable.
What has really happened.?
Avoid? Try? Listen. Try, try
Is it fine?,  me  trying, still worried, concerned.

Not what you thought
(ARFID)  Michael C Crowder  September 2018
Words and observations of a two year continuing battle happening to someone I love very much
It took a long time to get a correct diagnosis, most people suspected Anorexia which is so different from ARFID.
Korina Mar 7
He came over...
We spoke...
One of the few
Blasts from my past
Red wine
Poured out in a glass
In substitution
Of how I poured
My heart out
To potential
Which did not last...
At last...
We spoke.
And what I thought
For a split second
Could be some kind of
Re-ignition to my fine
Cashmere woods scented
Candle wax...
Instead became an unsteady flame
Over a firmly molded
Candle frame
Of a woman...
Who has had enough.
We spoke...
About what he saw as a memory
I saw as trauma
And there was no more tears
To be cried
Over his baby mama drama
And that his words
Fell on deaf ears
When he said he can lend an ear
Because a promise is that to a fool
And a fool...
I no longer bared...
I am in love...
And although that love
Had not come alive
And although that love
Is what I will seek
Till the day I die...
And that love is the only love
Worth years of tear drops
From my eyes...
I am in love...
We spoke...
I never meant to end up so cold
I never meant to make your ego
Feel like a joke
I didn’t even mean
To invite you to my home...
But at last...
We spoke
No longer my Prince Charming
This princess was now
Anointed as Queen
And this Queen awaits a true King
And it takes more than a hug
And a kiss on the cheek
To make me weak
It takes more than
You telling me of my beauty
Which took me your absence to seek
... your assurance my darling...
I **** sure don’t need...
I am in love...
With a man
Whose actions
Speak louder than his words
Who pushed me
Through my darkness
Who struck chords of movement
Who got me to love...
And actually mean it...
Who saw my poems...
AND ACTUALLY READS IT....
We spoke...
And in that moment
I realized...
I don’t need a title...
I just need to exist.
Don’t say it...
Feel it...
We have spoken. .
For more follow me also on my Instagram @primapoetess
Sandoval Feb 2018
I really don't know what to tell you.
I try to be the best human I can be,  I
sometimes care too much, I care a lot
about many things;

and it makes me depressed..
I've been depressed ever
since I can remember,
and i'm just really sad most of the time..
and not being happy, is the most awful
thing I could do to myself..

So before I can love you,
I must first love the grey pieces of my
old, echoing soul.. and if you wait,
wait for the sun to replace the moon.

I will gift to you, the buried light inside
my dusted, shivering bones..


*Sandoval
Sandoval Nov 2017
This road was wide

enough to let you run away,
and help you find your way.

But never long enough to bring
you back home, and

make you stay..


*Sandoval
Sandoval Nov 2017
Without your voice,

calling my name. My

silent muse, I am

deaf to it all ..


*Sandoval
Sandoval Nov 2017
About my love life ?
I read the same
book, over and over..
Having a shelf full of
them at my every
reach.. That should
tell you everything
you need to know
about the way I love..

*Sandoval
Sandoval Nov 2017
Poor girl,

sometimes you love so
much, so fiercley,

and so madly, that
you forget

not everyone is half as
mental as you..



*Sandoval
Sandoval Oct 2017
She was the

type of girl

who breathed in stars, and

spit out

constellations.


*Sandoval
Sandoval Sep 2017
you
Before* you,

there was no one.

And after you,

there will only be your
shadow..

*Sandoval
Sandoval Sep 2017
We were roses,
washed ashore.

Floating in an
endless universe.

Full of magic,
full of hope.

Carrying our
decaying beauty,

everywhere
we go..


*Sandoval
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