you're only 3 months older than i
but i'm afraid our souls
are centuries apart.

when i lay my head on your chest,
it's the best.

your heart whispers in my ear
tells me how much you care

did you know your heart could talk?
it has killed my writers block

that little whisper left me glowing
through me your love is flowing

He's the heating blanket
That melted my paralyzed heart

you are the voice
of my most cruel thoughts
remind me of all the
tears, and nightmare i have fought

you tear me down each day
haven't seen you in years
but you're still here
one of my greatest fears

tortured by the memories
you've cursed me with
ask me if i miss you
i plead the fifth

please get out stay out
stop living in my head
stop making me scared
to live for myself instead

i can't be haunted anymore
but you linger here
never fading out
i need you to dissapear

i don't get attached
i don't cry over boys
i don't take them serious
i treat them like toys

i like to be liked
but not to be needed
want you to want me
or my ego will be deflated

what a spoiled brat
probably just messed up
i don't care about things
my feelings are corrupt

i want to feel something special
with someone brand new
but i don't know if it's possible
maybe it could be you

i wanna drink up your love
and swallow it twice
for you i'll be naughty,
**** being nice

push me against a wall
bite my neck and my ear
tell me i'm a bad girl
and let the neighbors hear

let me make you feel
let me make you moan
let me taste your skin
let me not be alone

Is it cheating if I had you first
if we never got over it
your fingertips echo on my skin
& you two just don't fit?

Because in my mind
she's the other woman- not me
you were mine then hers
but where would you rather be

I want to lay so close to you that the air I'm breathing in is the heat radiating off your skin

Spring
we were new
learning each other
& staying so true

Summer
so much heat
we were so passionate
and never discreet

Fall
and the lies started
the fire went out
no more kisses when we parted

Winter
we no longer speak
you pretend i don't exist
and i'm feeling so weak

in my head you're on a pedestal
not even real celestial
like a statue carved by artist
you make me feel less heartless

but i've hardly gotten to know you
i don't want it to be true
because what happens next?
it's like another vortex

like to keep it casual
trying to be adaptable
but your good looks are intimidating
what could i be implicating?

can't breathe
want to leave
have to quit
can't do it
just a broken thing
a phone that doesn't ring
i'm worn out
want to cry and shout
someone end it please
i have an interior disease
pull the trigger
can't do it my self
go figure.

inhale
barely living, surviving
day dreams of being hit driving
crying myself to sleep
doesn't work to count sheep
hating who i am
minds a broken dam
thoughts flooding inside
i just want to hide
i never want to wake
nothing to give or take
feeling done with it all
fist punching the wall
am i mad
or am i sad
i don't know anymore
my inside is sore
i can't be fixed
feelings so mixed

exhale.

the first time i gave a guy head
it was in a strange house
in an unfamiliar bed.

i barely knew his first name
i acted like i had experience
treated it like a game

the first time i had ***
it was a similar experience
but hey- what'd you expect?

i was drunk on a bathroom floor
he ****** his tiny thing inside me
and after called me a *****

My first time was my last
he destroyed my confidence
i regret the past

I should title all these after you
but then it'd feel more true
you're still all i write about
i think of you and want to shout
i ate up your lies
you ignored my cries
and now it's you i despise
so i've cut all our ties
but then i see your picture
with her, her and her AND her
what's a girl to do
when all she ever knew
walked out the door
left her alone on the floor
i always think i'm over it
but it still does hurt a bit
                              
~S

we promise not to see each other
but i see you every night
i close my eyes
and know soon you'll be in sight

i time travel in my bed
back to you, back to us
to a future where we thrive
with no fights or mistrusts

it's torture to spend all night
with you in my head
and then when morning comes
wake up all alone in bed

i showed to much of myself to you
now i hide away
i regret letting you inside
every single day

2 yrs is not enough time
to get over losing me
it's not you that i miss
but who I used to be

i miss being open
and i miss all my friends
i pushed them all away
did a social cleanse

always wear a ***** face
to keep them all away
don't want them to stop &
ask is everything *okay?

i crave the taste
of stale cigarettes and beer
cuz it was the taste of your mouth
what happened here?

i long for
the misspelled drunk texts
that once annoyed me
phone buzzes i flinch, reflex.

i ache for
the feeling of your chest
under my head as i fall asleep
only way i could rest

i hunger for
your love
-all to myself
we never should of.

i still smoke out of your bowl
i like to pretend i can taste you on it
even though i've cleaned it twice
all the time i get lit
to make my mind feel nice
cuz thoughts of you echo
throughout my whole body
i feel you in my blood stream
it makes me wanna scream
but your magic bowl fixes all

wow
guess i'm relying on you still
gotta get my fill
you've made me so ill
brain cells killed
i don't want to feel.

people use me like a rest stop
all my relationships are brief
they get what they need & then leave
they think i'm ok with it
that i'm so "different"
but i'm waiting for the person
who sees that it's a lie

you played me too much
i'm worn and done with this game
sore from being dropped so much
and trying to be tamed

you used me and threw me out
like nothing more than trash
it's obvious to you i'm disgusting
like a highly contagious rash

a porcelain doll tossed around
now all that's here is broken glass
I'm useless and damaged
not a person not even half

the devil on my shoulder
is also my best friend
not because i enjoy his company
but he's the only one who will listen

the angel on my shoulder
left after too many mistakes
said i was breaking his tiny heart
didn't know how much more he could take

so the devil now is my only confidant
the only one who helps me out
sure we get into some trouble
but he never has a doubt

he doesn't leave when things get hard
and i know why that is
he likes to see my life spiral downwards
because then it relates to his

the thing i like about cigarettes
isn't even the buzz
I just like the feeling of breathing in poison
and blowing it right out

I enjoy seeing the smoke leave me
and float in the air
like a ghost
until it disappears
to me it's beautiful

cigarettes are deadly, but that's something
most people know
but baby my addiction to you is even stronger
bet it will **** me first too

see I can quit cigs and deal with the
headaches and ****
but giving up you is still tearing me apart
shredding my insides

i wish that when i inhaled the poison
that is your breath
it would have been as easy to blow it out
and get rid of it

just like a cigarette though
you've blackened my insides
you darkened my heart
they darkened my lungs
but you didn't come with the warning label

take me to the ocean that's where i want to die
thats where you sat and held me every time i cry
but now my tears are because of you
so it's the only thing i want to do
you're my anchor so release me
and watch me drown at sea
i can see you're done trying
which means i should be done crying
but these tears will never end
into the depths i'll descend
my insides are already sinking
caused by too much deep thinking
so please let me drown in the sea
don't pretend that you'd miss me

everyone assumes the worst of me
my family and my friends
i hear all of the insults
and cry until it ends

i really do try sometimes
but really there's no point
they'll just assume the worst
so i just light another joint

they never try to see my side
they don't really care
but they're poisoning my soul
until there's nothing there

sure i've made a few mistakes
and then i get the blame for theirs
everything is my fault
is there anyone who cares?

i lay in bed whenever i'm home
just to stay away
my soul can take no more
not another day

I've been drinking about you baby
trying to drown you out of my head
but the poison makes you stronger instead

I've been smoking about you baby
inhaling you into my lungs
i miss the feeling of touching each others tongues

I've been pill popping about you lately
to make me feel more numb
the fact that i still need you is really pretty dumb

When people talk of beauty- I only picture your face
you think i'm wrong and should be put into place

When I tell you how perfect you are
you just list every imperfection and scar
but you'll never change my mind
wherever you go i'll follow behind
if you don't want me just ask me to leave
I will not be happy without you i grieve
I crave your touch when i'm alone
i'll still love you when we're grown
because i fell for your soul
your looks just a bonus making the whole
i love every inch of you
believe me i do

you're perfect in my eyes
even after all the lies

you're constantly checking
that photo you just uploaded
2 likes in 20 minutes
you start thinking of everyone
who has seen it
what did they think of it
obviously not that you're pretty
they couldn't click a single button
to make you feel a little better
ten more minutes go by
only one more like
from your great aunt
it took you 13 trys to
get the picture just right
you liked it at first-
so you thought
now as you re examine it
you see the flaws
no wonder why no one liked it
how embarrassing it's been up
about 35 minutes now
finally you delete it
before anyone else can see

        -S.E

For years I tried to play the hero
always did my very best
gave everything my all
worked hard at every test
always wanted to save the world
but couldn't even save myself
now I'm my own villain
hero dreams on a shelf
I didn't save a single person
and now my dream is gone
wish I could've helped the world
but I did not have the brawn
maybe I'll be my own hero
though I'm not too sure
promise I will try my best
but the future is obscure

~S.E

we're just two stars in the sky
two souls that will not meet
our paths will not cross
you could be living down the street
although i'll never know you
i want to wish you luck
the world can be so cruel
but please do not give up

~S.E

my life is quiet now
there is no sound,
was once filled friends & family
is now empty and unfound

i don't know what i'm doing
and don't know where i'll go
for everyone has left me
out here all alone

there is no place i'm calling home
and no person i can trust
the world is big and lonely
for a little speck of dust.