It was six months ago today when you drew your final breath.
When I found you in my kitchen, I learned about your death.
It was the day that every pet owner dreads.
At about 10 PM, I learned that you were dead.
You were my baby doll and I loved you a lot.
If people wonder if I'll ever forget you, I will not.
You were my dog and a companion who was a loyal friend.
It was heart breaking when I saw that your life came to an end.
When such a beloved dog dies, it's something that is hard to bear.
You were my baby doll and when I go to Heaven, I hope you'll be there.

I want to share a story of mine.
It's about how to never have to wait in lines.
If you listen to me, you will no longer have to wait in line at stores.
If you take my advice, you won't have to wait in lines anymore.
A few call me smart but most call me a punk.
Every time I go in a store, I always carry a skunk.
When people see my skunk, they always run.
When it comes to being in lines, I'm the only one.
The salesclerks get nervous as my items are being scanned.
Sadly, when I go in a store just once, I'm always banned.
A lady still stinks because when she screamed, it caused my skunk to attack.
The store owners put on gas masks and always tell me not to come back.
You should listen to my advice even though people call me a dunce.
But if you carry a skunk in each store, you'll only be able to do it once.

Something bad has happened, we've lost Dawn Wells.
Her friends and family must be going through Hell.
When we lose such a talented person, it's hard to understand.
For a few years she starred on "Gilligan's Island" as Mary Ann.

She died because of Covid-19 complications.
Her demise is sure to cause devastation.
Her family will find it hard to let go but they will have to try.
Dawn Wells has perished and it's sad to have to say goodbye.

It was the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Santa stole all of my stuff and he ran off with my spouse.
That fatso stole everything that I had.
I was shocked because Santa went bad.
All that he gave me for Christmas was the finger and some coal.
I decided to get even this morning when I went to the North Pole.
I gave his reindeers liquor and got them drunk.
When Santa started flying, his ship was sunk.
His reindeers crashed and Santa has a lot of broken bones.
And to add insult to injury, I pelted the punk with stones.
Now Santa is in the hospital in a body cast.
I got even for what he did one year in the past.

Certain people believe Sean Connery was the best James Bond and they're right.
He also starred in "The Hunt For Red October", "The Presidio" and "First Knight".
When he died on Halloween, his family and fans were sure to grieve.
He gave a wonderful performance in "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves".
In 1958, he starred in "Another Time, Another Place".
When he died, it was hard for his friends and family to face.
When we lost such a talented actor, it was a shame.
Talent should've been Sean Connery's middle name.

You died and it's something that I don't like to remember.
You won't be with me again on the 25th of December.
Nine Christmases ago was the last Christmas that I spent with you.
When it comes to your death, I wish I could say that it isn't true.
You were the most unselfish person I've ever known, you loved to share.
You wanted me to be happy and it was wonderful to know how much you cared.
You gave giant print Bibles to people while you lived.
You were so very special because you loved to give.
It's very sad because we can't be together on Christmas ever again.
Merry Christmas, Mom, you must be having a ball up there in Heaven.

He was a great actor but now he's gone.
He starred in seven movies as James Bond.
Connery was awesome in every role that he played.
He gave a terrific performance in "Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade".

His first Bond movie was "Dr. No".
His death was a devastating blow.
He was born in Scotland and died in the Bahamas on Halloween.
Sean Connery was one of the greatest actors that we've ever seen.

Saint Agnes is what my mother should be called.
When she died, I was both saddened and appalled.
I admire women homemakers more than women who work because Mom was a homemaker.
I was devastated on March the 6th of 2013 because my poor mother needed an undertaker.

Mom wasn't actually a saint but she was as close as a person could get.
You would've been very happy and fortunate if you and Mom had met.
She was a wonderful mother and that's something I'm proud to confess.
She was one in a million and she should be called Saint Agnes.

When repo men come to my house, I order my Dobermans to attack.
They take chunks out of their butts and those repo men don't come back.
The finance company wants to repossess their stuff and other repo men are sent.
They're not going to get their stuff back, they should be able to take a hint.
They continue to send other repo men again and again.
They're going to have to stop, they're running out of men.
They want to repossess my car and my furniture as well.
But when my dogs attack the repo men, it hurts like hell.
One of my dogs bit a repo man in the ***** and gave him an instant vasectomy.
I saved him the money to have it done by a doctor and he is grateful to me.
Other repo men will be sent and I'll continue to order my dogs to attack.
Those people should learn that they're not going to get their stuff back.

When you died, it brought about sadness, pain and tears.
You died three months ago today, that's a fourth of a year.
You died ninety-two days ago.
Your death was a devastating blow.

You have been dead for a little over thirteen weeks.
You had brown fur and you were special and unique.
On July the 11th, my heart was broken because you passed away.
You were my baby doll and your daddy will love you for the rest of his days.

Gospel Music is fantastic music because it praises God.
When it comes to Gospel Music, it's something to applaud.
Anything is good if it praises the Lord.
When it comes to God, he should be adored.
Gospel Music is incredible music and that's a fact.
It's awesome and that's a statement I won't retract.

I tied a sausage to my leg and for a short time my ex-girlfriend was fooled.
But she dumped me flat on my *** when she learned her leg was being pulled.
Because she didn't like the deception,
I didn't receive a friendly reception.
She thought that I was well-endowed, that is what she believed.
When she learned the truth, a broken nose was what I received.
She also crammed a lit pack of firecrackers up my *** and it sure did make me jump.
Now it hurts like hell every time I take a dump.
She dumped me even though I decided to get down on my knees and beg.
If you're a man and if you want a girlfriend, don't tie a sausage to your leg.

It was very sad when your life came to an end.
You weren't just a cat, you were also my friend.
You became my cat after you were born in 2002.
You were good to me and I was good to you.
You were black, white and gray.
I miss you because you passed away.
You made me feel better whenever I got upset.
You were my big buddy and you were a great pet.
You were very pretty and friendly too.
It was a privilege to have owned you.

When you died, I was devastated and didn't know what to do.
If you hadn't died, today you would've turned seventy-two.
The love that I felt for you was special and it knew no bounds.
My heart was broken when you were lowered in the ground.
If you could hear the words I'm saying, I'd want you to hear me say "I love you".
When you died, my days were filled with unhappiness because I was so blue.
I grew inside of your womb until I was born in August of 1971.
You were spectacular and it was a privilege to be your son.
I suffered when you died and it's something I wish others wouldn't have to go through.
Happy birthday Mom, if you hadn't died, today you would've turned seventy-two.

You were without doubt the best dog I've ever had.
Your death has broken my heart and I'm very sad.
When I named you Agnes, I named you after my late mother.
I was your owner and you and I had a lot of love for one another.
You were a Chihuahua and you were an Applehead.
It tore me up when I learned that you were dead.
You were pretty with dark brown fur and you were small.
You weren't just a dog, you were also  my baby doll.
I owned you for almost seven wonderful years.
I found you dead in my kitchen and it drove me to tears.
What I'm about to say is no lie, it's one hunded percent true.
You were my baby doll and your Daddy will always love you.

It's with great sadness when I say that we won't see her anymore.
Lena died in March of 2020 and she was born in March of 1944.
She is survived by her husband who is my Uncle James.
Losing such a special person is sad and it's also a shame.

James Greene Junior and Sharon Redmond are her two children.
After living for seven and a half decades, she has gone to Heaven.
She died just twenty-four hours before her 76th birthday.
Her loved ones are heart broken because she passed away.

My wife and I both worked at a video game store.
They closed and we're not working there anymore.
They closed their doors because of this **** Coronavirus.
We're unemployed and no other businesses are willing to hire us.
We got out twelve hundred bucks from the Government but we had to pay a hospital bill.
We're in a sinking boat and it's going down fast, I wish that the Coronavirus wasn't real.
Our families and friends can't help us and we need cash.
I'm so desperate that I'm about to do something that's rash.
I need money because I'm out of a job.
I'm in a liquor store that I intend to rob.
I just pulled my gun on the owner and he has grabbed his gun as well.
He just shot me in the chest and in a moment, I'll be sent straight to Hell.
My wife will get my life insurance money because I'm going to cease to live.
Please talk to my wife on my behalf, please beg her to forgive.

The year is half over, today is the 30th of June.
The first half of this year went by pretty soon.
In just a few days, we'll celebrate the 4th of July.
Firecrackers will pop and bottle rockets will soar into the sky.
Because of this **** Coronavirus, America has been gripped with fear.
I certainly hope that things will get better during the second half of this year.

He did drugs for many years and he finally had to pay.
Because of his drug use, he died one year ago today.
He overdosed last year and sadly, he could not survive.
If he would've had the courage to say no to drugs, he'd still be alive.
When he first started, he smoked *** and later did worse drugs like ****.
He grew up around the wrong kind of people and that caused his eventual death.
On June 3, 2019, his family and friends had to say goodbye.
If you also do drugs, stop it or you will also eventually die.

Something bad happened in 1990 on the 28th of May.
It turned out not to be such a great Memorial Day.
I saw a very beautiful girl who looked like she was sixteen or seventeen.
She was one of the most beautiful girls I had ever seen.
I wrote a note and put it in her storm door.
She was younger than I thought and her parents were pretty sore.
She was only fourteen, that was four years younger than me.
They told me to leave her alone and I agreed.
But I really liked her and it was painful not to be able to date her.
I wonder who she's with all these years later.

Today is May the 25th and it's Memorial Day.
We're paying tribute to those who fought and died for the USA.
Many brave soldiers gave their lives.
We're paying tribute to the ones who didn't survive.
Many brave soldiers have fought and died.
They were heroes and that can't be denied.

Some call him a ******* and others call him a ****.
But everybody hates that dog that's on Duck Hunt.
When you shoot at ducks but miss, that **** dog laughs.
It makes you so mad that you want to unleash your wrath.

I want to tell you about a discovery of mine.
I've learned how to shoot and **** that canine.
To get the secret, you'll have to pay me $29.99 but that's cheap.
People would pay $1000 to **** that dog because he's a creep.

Every time that dog laughs at you, it makes you shout.
But with my information, you can blow his brains out.
That pesky dog has laughed many times before.
But pay me $29.99 and he won't laugh anymore.

Poor Steve Cash decided that he wanted to die.
When we lose a good person, we always ask why.
He made "Talking Kitty Cat" videos and that was great.
But when he took his life, it was something we would hate.
Steve suffered from a mental disorder and it was a terrible ordeal.
He was Bipolar and I'm paranoid Schizophrenic, I know what it's like to be mentally ill.
When poor Steve took his own life, his fans sure didn't love it.
If I could've talked to him, maybe I could've talked him out of it.
I would've told Steve that life is worth living even if a person is mentally ill.
If you have a mental disorder, I know what you're going through and how you feel.

Jerry Stiller has died at the age of 92, he lived to a ripe old age.
He starred in movies, television shows and also on stage.
Jerry starred in both "Seinfeld" and "The King of Queens".
He also starred in "My 5 Wives", "Hairspray" and "Sweet 15".

In 2012, he provided the voice of General X in "Foodfight!".
He guest-starred on "Rhoda" and "In The Heat of The Night".
He also guest-starred on "The Love Boat" and "Archie Bunker's Place".
Jerry was a talented actor and he was also a credit to the Human Race.

When my friend and I finally got chicks, they decided to leave us.
My friend's name is ****-Head and my name is Beavis.
I thought that I was pregnant even though I'm a boy.
Because ****-head and I are stupid, people get annoyed.

I become the Great Cornholio when I eat too much sugar.
I'm actually a mental case who eats his own boogers.
When ****-Head and I meet chicks, we're sure to sexually harass.
And if you have a teenage daughter, you'll end up kicking my ***.

If you meet us face to face, we're sure to cause great anxiety.
We are both juvenile delinquents who are threats to society.
Don't come near us or you'll get so mad that you'll cuss.
You will be happy and better off if you stay away from us.

This is the eighth Mother's Day that has come around since you died.
You were one of the world's greatest mothers and that can't be denied.
Time flies, it doesn't seem like eight Mother's Days have come around.
Life stopped being as good when you were lowered into the ground.
When the doctor said you would die, I didn't like what he had to say.
You're no longer with us but I still wish you a happy Mother's Day.

When I died, I arrived in Hell and there was a lesson that I quickly learned.
Satan is using a new kind of torture, people are no longer being burned.
It's a rotten, terrible and cruel thing for Satan to do.
Now he tortures people by forcing them to watch the new Doctor Who.
I did some really bad things while I was on Earth and now I'm in Hell because of what I did.
I'm being forced to watch the new Doctor Who and I can't look away or even close my eyelids.
I've always known that Adolf ****** was evil but I was wrong when I thought that he's tough.
He screams like a little ***** as he watches the new Doctor Who TV show, it's pretty rough.
While I was on Earth, I was a liar, a thief and a despicable ****.
Now I'd do anything if I could receive a blindfold and earplugs.
As I'm being forced to watch the new Doctor Who, I scream and cry.
I didn't know that such a bad thing could happen when a person dies.
I'll tell people on Earth how to avoid my fate instead of just giving them a hint.
They'd better be on their very best behavior because Hell has a new torment.

I'm proud of myself and I have something to say.
I quit smoking last year on the 3rd of May.
It was one year ago when I smoked for the last time.
When it came to spending money for tobacco, I haven't spent a dime.

I was coughing up phlegm and I quit smoking because of my health.
My uncle died of lung cancer and I didn't want to do that to myself.
Because I was able to quit smoking, I know others can too.
If you smoke but decide to quit, it will be an excellent thing to do.

While I was driving a Monster Truck, I ran over Mister Ed.
I accidentally ran over that talking horse and now he's dead.
Mister Ed said "F* you" to me with his final breath.
Millions of people are upset because of his death.

That horse let out a smelly **** before he died.
When his owner saw what happened, he cried.
Wilbur Post called Peta and that got me in a lot of trouble.
I was sued and the only lawyer I could afford was Barney Rubble.

I lost the lawsuit because Barney is stupid because he's from the Stone Age.
When I couldn't pay Wilbur ten million bucks, the cops locked me in a cage.
Please listen to my advice or you may go to jail and your spouse will get a divorce.
If you ever drive a Monster Truck, you'd better not run over somebody's talking horse.

A man who made Youtube videos has died.
On April 16, 2020, Steve Cash committed suicide.
He made "Talking Kitty Cat" videos.
All of his fans hated to see him go.

Steve suffered from a mental disorder and sadly, so do I.
He was Bipolar and everybody is having to say goodbye.
He died because of a self-inflicted gunshot wound.
He was only forty and the world lost him too soon.

Today is Talia Shire's birthday and she's turned seventy-four.
She starred in the Rocky and Godfather movies and more.
Talia Coppola was her original name.
It's not surprising that she found fame.

The Landlady was my favorite movie that she starred in.
She also gave great performances in Prophecy and Old Boyfriends.
When it comes to Talia, there are two things that I know for sure.
She is very talented and millions of people love and admire her.

You may find it to be amusing but I don't think it's one bit funny.
I have a twenty year old son who still believes in the Easter Bunny.
I tried to raise him to be normal but sadly, I was bound to fail.
He also believes in the Tooth Fairy and the Wizard of Oz as well.
When it came a tornado, he started singing "Over The Rainbow".
He thought that instead of being killed, Oz was where he would go.
Luckily, that tornado wasn't severe and no people were killed.
I've failed to convince my son that the Easter Bunny isn't real.
When he sees kids hunting Easter eggs, he says they were hidden by the Easter Bunny.
Will somebody please take my son off my hands, I'm prepared to pay a lot of money.
I'm scared of my son because he's obviously a lunatic and I don't know what to do.
Don't laugh, you could also end up with a grown son who believes in the Easter Bunny too.

I didn't die when I was struck by lightning but it was a terrible fright.
The bolt of lightning struck me in the head and gave me second sight.
I saw my neighbors daughter drown in a vision.
Her parents ignored me and it was a bad decision.
If they had listened to me, their daughter wouldn't have drowned.
They don't believe in second sight and their girl is buried in the ground.
Tears rolled down my cheeks when their daughter died.
I couldn't save that poor little girl even though I tried.
Some say I have a special gift but it's irritating when people don't believe.
When I'm ignored, bad things happen and misery is what people receive.
I told a man that I saw him being killed by a train and he flipped me a bird.
He told me to go to hell and he said that my visions are fake and absurd.
He tried to beat a train the very next day and it hit his car.
Because of ignorance, cemeteries are where two people are.
I just had another terrifying vision and it's about you.
You'll die in a plane crash and my vision will come true.
If you ignore me, you'll die but if you listen, you'll remain alive.
You better take what I say to heart or you won't survive.

I dumped my girlfriend when I learned I was being used.
She decided to get revenge, I was falsely accused.
She said that when she came to my house, there was no escape.
She said when she refused to have *** with me, she was *****.
She's a ***** and a two-faced liar, I didn't lay a finger on her.
But when I looked at the jury, I believed that I was a goner.
I was wrong because I was found not guilty because of lack of evidence.
My ex-girlfriend became enraged and things became scary and intense.
She pulled out a gun and shot me.
Luckily, I survived after I had surgery.
She shot me in the courtroom and her fate was sealed.
The only thing that she's sorry about is that I wasn't killed.
I was found not guilty by a jury of my peers and I didn't have to do hard time.
My ex-girlfriend tried to ****** me and she's rotting in jail because of her crime.

People are afraid of catching the Coronavirus, we've seen better days.
What we should do is to take precautions and it won't hurt to pray.
Regularly use an alcohol-based hand rub or water and soap.
People can avoid catching this virus, we shouldn't give up hope.
Stay at least three feet away from people who cough or sneeze.
If we avoid touching our mouths, eyes and noses, it can help to prevent us from catching this disease.
When I went to a Shell Station, the sales clerk was wearing a mask.
I knew it was to protect her from the virus, I didn't even have to ask.
It's a bad epidemic and it's hard for people to cope.
Pray and take precautions and never give up hope.

Kenny had a God given talent and he was bound to succeed.
His death has pricked people like a thorn and they will bleed.
He was both a singer and an actor who had skill.
People loved to hear him sing The Gambler and Lucille.

The world is sad to lose Kenny.
He was a Leo just like me.
All of his fans are heart broken because of this ordeal.
People loved to hear him sing The Gambler and Lucille.

He starred in 'Wonder Woman' as Steve Trevor.
Sadly, he passed away and he's gone forever.
He guest starred in 'Charlie's Angels' and 'The Love Boat'.
He also guest starred in 'Happy Days' and '******, She Wrote'.

He made guest appearances as himself in 'The Golden Girls' and 'That '70s Show'.
He also came close to being Batman and millions of people hated to see him go.
He starred in 'The Carol Burnett Show' and this man had style.
He died in March of 2020 and we have to say goodbye to Lyle.

Millions will panic and they won't know what to do.
America is about to experience a Great Depression II.
I just learned that tomorrow the Stock Market will crash.
I'll be broke and I'll lose my house, my car and all of my cash.
My wife said she and our children will leave if I end up broke.
When I say that certain people will commit suicide, it's no joke.
I'm going to **** myself because I will lose everything I have to live for.
The economy will go to Hell in a hand basket and people will be dirt poor.
This Great Depression will make the first one look like a Sunday School picnic.
Millions will struggle to make ends meet, they will have good reason to panic.
Hard times are coming for every American and people better be prepared.
When the Stock Market crashes, people will have good reason to be scared.
If you're religious, now would be a good time to pray.
America is about to go through Hell, we've seen better days.

Your leg was infected and the infection spread.
You had an abdominal aneurysm and you're dead.
The infection spread to your stomach and you hid your illness from all of us.
You didn't want to go to a hospital because doctors were people who you didn't trust.

If we'd known how sick you were, you would've seen a doctor immediately because we would've made you go.
When we found out how sick you were, you were too ill to put up a fight, you were too ill to be able to say no.
You were taken to Fort Sanders Hospital in Knoxville but sadly, it was too late.
You suffered tremendously before you died, you experienced a sad and tragic fate.

I woke up in the hospital and found you lying motionless in your bed.
When you had a deadly aneurysm, you would have no future ahead.
When I learned that you hid your illness from us, it made me feel pretty bad.
I love you Mom, you were the best mother that a person could've had.

Every person on the Simpsons is sick and they will die.
They're suffering from Jaundice, that's the reason why.
Every fan of the Simpsons will have to nurse a broken heart.
They can say goodbye to Homer, Marge, Maggie, Lisa and Bart.
I'm the bearer of bad news but I'm not trying to be mean.
The people of Springfield have the worst cases of Jaundice that has ever been seen.
I give all of them just six months to live, nine months at the most.
They will die from Jaundice, that's what the doctors have diagnosed.
People will be happy to be rid of Sideshow Bob and MR. Burns as well.
Because of the strangelings Bart has received, Homer will go to Hell.
Everybody in Springfield is very upset because they're going to die.
After being on TV for over 30 years, they can kiss their butts goodbye.

The story I'm going to tell is something that isn't good.
A registered *** offender moved to my neighborhood.
A child molester moved to my neighborhood and I didn't want him here.
When I told my neighbors that I wanted him to leave, I made my point clear.
But the idiots said that everybody deserves a second chance.
Sometimes that is true but not under this circumstance.
All of my neighbors said that we should forgive and forget.
They ignored me and it was something they would regret.
Less than two months later, a neighbor's daughter was molested.
The police were called and the creep was handcuffed and arrested.
I told everybody time after time to make him leave but they ignored my advice.
And because of their stupidity, my neighbor's underage daughter paid the price.
I have a message that each and every person needs to receive.
If a child molester moves to your neighborhood, you should demand that he leaves.

The world lost a talented actor one year ago today.
After being on Earth for almost 83 years, he passed away.
He starred in 'Keeping Up Appearances' and 'The Old Guys'.
People also loved his performances in '1990' and 'Pack of Lies'.
He also entertained us when he starred in 'Othello' and 'Born and Bred'.
His entire fanbase has grieved for 365 days because he is dead.

It was the worst thing that ever happened to me.
My life went straight to Hell because of the lottery.
I got $100,000,000 when I won the Powerball.
But after just two years, I'm broke, I lost it all.
I bought expensive cars, mansions and a yacht.
I went broke partly because of the things I bought.
I also had family and friends begging at my door.
Two years ago I was rich, but now I'm dirt poor.
When it came to my money, I should've been tight.
But I was generous, I handed out money left and right.
I gave $250,000 to my church but ended up being sorry.
The preacher used my donation to buy himself a Ferrari.
I shouldn't have chosen to get my money in one lump sum.
Now I'm living in a cardboard box because I'm a ***.
I also lost money because the Government made me pay tax.
I wanted to go after those Government Officials with an ax.
The Government took the money and I told them where to stick it.
If you want to avoid being in my shoes, stop buying lottery tickets.

He was my neighbor for over forty years and his name was Jim.
When I think about what a good man should be like, I think of him.
He and my uncle were former co-workers and friends.
It was sad when I learned that his life came to an end.

Many people know that he was a credit to the Human Race.
Poor Jim's life has ended but now he's in a far better place.
When a man goes to Heaven, he celebrates his greatest reward.
Nothing can be better than being in Paradise with The Lord.

We became neighbors in 1977 and that was a long time ago.
I used to listen to some beautiful music when he played his banjo.
When I say that he was a good man, it certainly isn't a lie.
His family and friends are shedding tears as they say goodbye.

When I built a time machine, I traveled back to 1977 and gave my younger self a hard smack.
When I was a child, I bought the Star Wars action figures and removed them from their packs.
I told my younger self not to do that because it ruins the value of the dolls.
Even though I traveled back in time, he ignored me, he didn't listen at all.
He continued to remove the figures from the packs and so I traveled back in time again.
This time I took a gun with me and I got so angry that I shot my younger self in the shin.
I begged him not to remove the figures from the packs but he ignored every word.
He told me to f* off and then the little ******* gave me the bird.
He thought I was bluffing and he left me with no choice but to pull the trigger.
That bullet was painful enough to convince him not to ruin the value of my figures.
That bullet is still in my shin and when I sit down, it really hurts and I cry like a little *****.
But it's worth it because a collector paid me $1,000,000 for my figures and now I'm rich.

Because of my upbringing and education, I'm a man who has substance and class.
But nobody will believe that if they learn that I have a hairy ***.
I have hair sticking out of my **** crack and hair on my **** cheeks.
I'm afraid that this information will be discovered and posted on Wikileaks.
People must never discover my secret, nobody can know.
And if they discover my terrible secret, they will have to go.
Yes you heard me right, when it comes to preserving my secret, I'm prepared to ****.
When it comes to my secret being discovered, I must make certain that it never will.
My sheepdog has less hair on his entire body than I have on and sticking out of my ****.
Don't you dare reveal mt secret to people or I'll come to your house and you will get cut.
I have an awesome job that pays over a million dollars each year.
But if people learn about my hairy ***, I can say goodbye to my career.
My wife has agreed to keep my secret but she complains and we bicker.
I shaved my *** a couple of times but when it grew back, it was even thicker.
My *** is hairy and my wife looks and smells like Jabba the Hutt.
Nobody can ever know that I have an extremely hairy ****.

It was a meal that my late mom cooked but it sure didn't please.
Every New Year Day, Mom cooked hog jowls and black-eyed peas.
I always ate it but it was something that I didn't enjoy at all.
I would've rather had pizza, Domino's was who I should've called.
I don't have to eat those meals anymore and it sets my mind at ease.
Thank God that I no longer have to eat hog jowls and black-eyed peas.

Prohibition began one hundred years ago in the USA.
People had their right to drink ***** taken away.
This made people unhappy and they began to whine.
And this caused Al Capone to start peddling moonshine.
Capone was evil and because of him, people were killed.
On December 5 1933, the 18th Amendment was repealed.
People were very happy because prohibition came to an end.
They were as giddy as school girls to have the right to drink again.

At midnight tonight, the second decade of the twenty-first century will be no more.
At midnight tonight, the third decade of the twenty-first century will be what's in store.
At midnight tonight, billions of people will welcome and celebrate the new year.
At midnight tonight, some will celebrate with champagne and others will celebrate with beer.
At midnight tonight, it will be the first day of 2020 and the first day of January.
At midnight tonight, give your wife some razor blades because her legs are hairy.

My Wife looks like she's pregnant but she's just fat.
People have been congratulating her and she hates that.
My father yelled "Woo Wee!" because he thought he was going to be a granddad.
But when he thought she was pregnant, she saw red because she was so mad.
She shaved his head bald and then she beat the crap out of him.
And when others congratulate her, she does the same to them.
Half of the people in my town are wearing bandages and they're bald.
She makes people pay because being pregnant isn't what she likes to be called.
People run because I'm living in a town that has been gripped by fear.
She did the same thing to a man that is done to a bull to make it a steer.
Please don't ask her if she's going to have a daughter or a son.
Because if you do, she'll get ****** and you will have to run.