I can't sing,
Or play the piano.
I can't draw
Like you do.

But I love you.


-- Eleanor

I wish they invented
A sorrow cleaner
That would **** up
Pain and loneliness
Into its vacuum
So you would never
Complain again
About the shattered bits
Of my heart
That I left on your carpet
The day we parted ways.


F.Z.N

I spent a big part of my life not doing
things because I had no reason why I ought to,
I mean, so what?
But one day I woke up and found myself
loving you and putting more effort into
our relationship than I've ever done
into anything else.

I mean, I told you I loved you
and your response was, so what?


F.Z.N

And we're all
Just passing the time
Trying to forget
We're going to die


F.Z.**N

First shot of *****
You are not here.
Second shot of *****
I forget about you.
Third shot of ******
I **** someone new.


-- Eleanor

It is in the very feeling of hurt
That I begin
To feel
Nothing.


-- Eleanor

I look up to a pale blue sky
With apologetic eyes
And a heart so very filled
With dim.
Take me back
To the empty box I was
Before I began feeding myself
Gin and jokes of grim.
God, please wash me off my sin,
Or take this foolish thick layer
Of skin.


-- Eleanor

We haven't talked in a while
that's right.
I wonder,
if  you ever think back
of those lazy hours
where silence felt at ease
and we laid in bed
where our bodies were entwined
yet our thoughts never rhymed.

I wonder,
if you ever wonder
if I wonder,

I wonder,
if you ever remember
that I remember,

I wonder,
if I'll ever see you again...

We haven't talked in a while
one day I am going to die
and you aren't going to be surprised...


-- Eleanor

my heartbeat dances
to the sound of his breathing;
short, fast, deep
soft, slow, heavy.

If you want to **** me,
just hold your breath.


-- Eleanor

It's funny that once ink is skinned
it's pretty difficult to take it out.
It becomes hypodermic and almost eternal.

Could it be the same case
for the those who hurt you
carve a part of their memory
deep deep inside your bones
and make a wreck of you?

I don't know,
all that I know is that I want to destroy
everything that reminds me of those.


-- Eleanor