i betray myself every night,
when i sneak off
and see you in my dreams.

he hung up before i could even say ‘thank you’
for being so strong when i wasn’t,
for being so patient when i couldn’t be,
and for loving me..
for the both of us.


he hung up before i could even say “i’m sorry,”
for not loving hard enough,
for being selfish just this once,
and for choosing me...
before us.

you’ve engulfed me,
in foreign waters..
drowned by this sea of
petty lies and empty cries,
so you could keep me around
for your well-being
but never asking
about mine.. or, how i’m doing
you never really cared about me,
you never really gave a thought about me.
you’ve only picked at my insides
from a distance..
ripping me piece by piece
while you struggled to stay whole..
     i know you prayed i’d stay blind,
          and now you’ve lost your mind.

                     because i didn’t

i can’t form the words
to tell you how i feel,
and even if i could,
no words could expresss
the pain that i feel.

the smell of love and regrets
the smell of you
on my lips

DOES NOT
DESERVE YOU.

same feelings,
different person.

it’s got me wondering…
what is the lesson in all this?

crazy how
i let all this **** happen
just cos i didn’t wanna be the one
to hurt you...

no hangovers,
just leftover
memories from last night,
too faded to remember
what happened last night

No more temporary highs,
to hide away the hurt.
No more lies,
No more “good-byes”.
No more temporary fills,
to fill the voids,
or making homes of
what we should avoid.

i’m not sure what to hold onto anymore.
everything seems new,
though i’ve known it all before.
am i living my truth,
upholding my truth?
who knows...
i’m not sure what to hold onto anymore..

i guess my biggest fear is
giving the best parts of me
to someone who brings out the worst…
it’s stripping myself of pride and ego
while they bathe in their own illusions
it’s welcoming you to make a home of my heart
while you leave me banging on your front door
crying for comfort, dying for shelter

i’ve been stuck in the same place
since, i don’t even know when.
my mind, soul, and body
welcoming nasty thoughts,
whispering ***** things,
i‘ve become anew.
yet so lonely,
so confused, and so lost.
there are cobwebs growing
above my head where i sleep.


who am i really?

I’m afraid to let people in cos i’ve seen too many go.
I can’t trust your words cos i’ve heard it all before.
From different people
with different stories,
but the same intent.

It all ends the same.
And the honest truth is...
I’m just tired of getting left behind.

you know,
all i’ve ever wanted
was to feel a love like mine.