Silence doesn't have to be awkward
The mutual happiness  of each others presence
Not bored not excited but content
But sometimes silence is intense
Raging riots inside the rambling mind
But conversation is not everything sometimes
It's just your presence and alittle time
Because silence can be alone
Clocks counting down your abyss
Harassing your mind with every constant click
Judging down more then you would like to admit
Overthinking under commit
Sometimes silence is all you can get

Iv never wanted to punch a wall so much
Another knife wound lead by misguided trust
"We will be here for you"
Iv heard that a million times
So ether people are deaf
Or just like to ignore my cries for help
But if I died tonight it would be a bunch of people claiming how they knew me so much
But If you did you would have known your presence would have been just enough

I want to speak mind but the screaming in my head always lead me to another dark pit
Another struggle
Me resisting that you resent me
Fighting a memory of something we used to be
So when you ask if I'm okay
Okay is the best I could be

this will be the countdown to my coma
Fishing inside these bottles for something real
Reaching out to touch something but there is nothing to feel
Mixing alcohol shrooms and pain pills signing a bad deal
But I guess done running on this treadmill
Going no where
So when you see me or if you see me
....I'm sorry

Everyday I wake up on my cloud in the sky
I have a great view inside my condo
But don't go outside
It's lonely on the top
But would I give it up to kick rocks
And chill out in the parking lot
Drinking shock tops with people who never stopped loving me
You know it
Cuz money ain't everything
My friends made me golden

I Tried So Hard To Keep You Happy
I Forgot No One Ever Tried That For Me

Dark room brought light to my dark thoughts
And another day wishing my promises weren't half hearted
I mean I broke yours so I figured my other half would be quite a bargain
It could have been a parting gift but how our eyes don't drift when we're in the mist of the social gigs a goodbye would be a total miss
So I wonder if the next time I see her lips
Would it be everything she wanted to say or
Another or last kiss

I love her
But maybe it wasn't the write time
But it seemed like her mom had her trained to read the plan line by line taking away any characteristics  that made her mine
And just maybe our relationship would have Been fine if she was blind...
Her mom hated me because I was black
She openly said it to my lover
But she never really did defend me
Maybe cuz I was supposed to be her knight
But those racist shots always got to me
And even tho I love her I had to flea  
Cuz I would go to end to fight for her
But she wouldn't face her mom for me

Me and her are from dark places
She's from sharp razors of anxiety  
Cutting her vocal cords scared to speak of reality a broken voice that striped by her so called family
But to finally have some have someone listen to her raging thoughts and non parted lips seemed like an anomaly
So she told me what was on her mental
About the abuse from her dad
The fear of men who whistle at her
Men you harass like kids in a crowd yelling hey batter better to grab her a attention and tears fall from things she didn't want to mention I hug her and tell her what's wrong with me the loneliness of being in a room of people the depression creep and nightmare of creatures on top of me so from then we decided to speak with me taking care of her and her taking care of me

"This might be my grand finale the world will be quite fine with out me falling out with a smile on my face  but at least I'm going out with a bang" - Larry Fisherman

Fine line between my mind and I must be useless or two face to late to easy to be replaced and it may be just lady fate has s great hate for me or my tape recorder mind replays how out of place I can be realistically I feel like I'm being drowned out at sea but there is no vanity cuz if I die out here there is no one here to see

Just open your mouth please
I'm tired of watching you die from the inside
But you say your heart resides in mine but all the the signs say different and I can only bear witness to the pain you show every day
Or the anger you show towards me makes me question even if you want me to stay

Iv been floating around city to city since i was born
was physically there but emotionally torn
mourning the loss of my long lost friends
the older i got i hated doing this over again
afraid to fall in love cuz disappearing after a kiss
or make new friends but a year later all their birthdays i will miss
and they write that they miss you and you want to reminisce
but 18 years in a new place and the loneliness really hits home
and  it must be in my heart because that where my past friends have grown

This cigarette box holds comfort, secrets, and weakness
when i open the top and stop when i spot what she wrote...
*Do You Really Need It ?

I remember the little evil by every little kiss
Open the box to get my fix
To open the box once is a sin on the top shelf
But it seems like the smoke helped me heal my self
Flip back the box and steal my breath
My lungs can feel the death
I know it will hurt me
but not as much as the rest

Once we entered that room I could feel the eagerness
our lust and single touch was a catalyst
a butterfly kiss that gave the perfect reaction
in that one action the ****** tension would be crushed like a dry leaf while my fingers memorized your body
I could feel the passion through  your heart beat
I could feel your soul quiver through  your breathing
I could hear your thoughts through the sound of you trying to keep quiet
we were in sync like a clock pendulum
we moved together like an Olympic figure skate duo
and me and you know
anytime we find time to be alone and adore
its the only time we don't have to worry
whats on the other side of the door

Silence in my room you can hear it for miles the more i think about it
the farther i seem to drown
until my feet hits the floor
and the bottle hits the ground
the high may take may take the pain away
but the thoughts they stay around
oh they stay around by my self


i wish id sleep it off
ignore every question
knowing your not here is much far from the best thing
for me or you
the truth is im wrestling
my feelings and my self and i dont see me winning this at all
no matter how high you get
you best know to fall in love

i sleep every night with a ghost
its a ghost of my past who i wish could be here present
that would be the best gift
its a ghost of my memories who reminds me all the smiles and laughs
the softness of her skin is a bitter punishment so her touch just moves threw me
and glues my eyes to the ceiling
trying to sleep but cant get over me missing the feeling
and our bodies shifting like tectonic plates in an earth quake
but the ghost next to me has me wide awake
just the thought of her bring me to split
from smiles to tear hopes to fear sober to beers
but lets make one thing clear
i cant wait to replace this ghost
with the girl who wishes she was here

I don't if you're a saint or ghost
Its a blessing to have you near
Haunts me when your not close

Cross my heart and throw me deep
Lungs of water, my minds asleep
A lonely town where wonderers weep
Another kid with no place to be
I'm a ghost and dads a mystery
Moms a saint
But church is no place for me

She is my everything
if i wanted to get her a wedding ring  
i would have to sleep on it
she has supported me though the rough and the bleak
comforts me and watches me sleep  
but people wonder how i can have a relationship so discreet
with girl who only talks in creeks  
only loved when in these sheets
she's felt every inch of my body
witnessed me do any hobby  
and even though im a little sloppy
she waits to lay with me
and even though ill go from ocean to cactus
across the globe and threw the atlas  
you will always be
My love  
My dear  
My mattress

somehow her hair halts me at every sentance
a dark brown finsh over a cute slinder face
her personalty speaks rhthmic poetry
like a connection over mortal things
and the only thing she said was hi
normaly i would forget a greeting
but it seems so inviting  if the whole world went left it seemed like the right thing
so like lightning i respond hi
tripped over my words
and got lost in her eyes
a pale blue that could unviel any disguise
she said my name is hannah
and so nearly 2 hearts almost coldide

Hearts with hands reach out to feel
to get affection that can't be received over wifi connection
and  with a doubtful mind hopping for a heart to heart seems like a shot in the dark  
aiming at a mark mile away afraid of walking up to talk and having nothing to say
so you stay in your same tame space to fill the hole to mesh in the mold or just someones hand to hold
or share jacket when its cold or are these love clichés getting old
I should be trying something new
sipping on the old coffee but I need new brew
then maybe soon this single heart will turn into two

in this small seculuded spot
where our actions speak louder then our thoughts
but our mouths spoke the words of mimes on the 9-5
broke the silence by asking the time while waiting on the divine moment
...where your hand was right next to mine
a movement so suttle seemed like moving mountains
or sneaking threw land mines
so i reached across the dark blue seat
to form a forgien handshake the place  our palms would first meet

sometime love its told like a joke with a bad punchline
but would would rather be punched to the deepest black and blue
then get a ***** in the heart but the ***** in my heart was you

i get lost in my mind with my eyes closed
been walking around my whole life with blind fold
what has time told?
that all repeats or just flies out the window
the older you get it gets less simple
but you will never notice until its to late
got pay rent put food on the plate
is it fate to have everything that you wanted
or is it all just thrown in the air and you pass or you bomb it
nonsense we all got a hand on the wheel in the cockpit
it don't matter what happened in the air its how you land it
granted we didn't have the best plane or the best crew
but your pilot of your life its always been about you

I never understood the secrets in my house hold
in the place where your parents are supposed to hold your hand and guide you
all i got was scared wrist and glass threw
loud arguements nights of long crying and then denying it ever happend
the crack in the family's foundation breaks down to the weakest link
leaving them broken and wanting to be set free
so we find ourselves in pills , drugs, alcohol
to escape this place we call home
in a house full of people but all alone

What is the problem
the disappointment in your face
the sadness in your eyes
that sly somber smile you use as your disguise  
the feeling of wanting someone with you
...and then no one at all
Are they the problem?
Piercing; judging with their looks
whether it be about the person I love  
if I believe in up above
or if I keep my head in books
Am I the problem?
for being so self conscience  
for letting depression grasp it's hands on everything I've conquered  
am I wrong for taking on peoples problems  
so I can ignore mine
even knowing once I'm alone again they will be on the rise
I'm the problem
They're the problem
The problem will always be there and always true
and now that you're done with mine  
**whose problem are you?

sitting in the bus
I hold these moments dear
maybe if im silent the time will slowly still
looking out the window it doesn't slow the pace
just tell me im not someone who will be surly be replaced
I don't know any words to ease your pain today
all I know is that soon ill be on my way

suppression of feelings in my head tend to come out at night
a killing since of loneliness that causes me to wander out in to the dark
and sometimes I wonder why....like is there something im chasing  looking for longing to see
but someday ill find me..maybe after all the long night walks the sleepless nights the drinking
I wont need those things to escape...I wont need to avoid my problems by helping others

i couldent tell you whats wrong even i tried
and i tell you that im alright dont assume that just lied
sometimes i just need space and just alittle time
i got alot of secrects but half of them arent mine

Bright lights shine a silhouette and show the glowing eyes of dark souls
in a frenzy of rapid motion i feel the pulsing  of the bass drum the screaming of the cymbals and the gallop of the toms this is no energy you can escape from it creeps between the crack of every dream and the dark of every nightmare the animalistic ties you have will take you over until the drums stop and show is over

while i was looking for seat on the bus
i sat without looking in a rush
i suddenly looked up and there she was
A brown haired angel
a face sculpted with perfection in every angle
with hazel eyes that seem to peer though souls and dreams
a voice that flows elegantly like a steady stream
i put my music on hoping i wouldn't bug her
but soon in the trip she ask would i mind if she put her head up on my shoulder
but as quick as it started we got home and my day dream was over

Though the pain and the shame
We will rise to make a name
for the kids with scars and the voices in their head
reach for the stars and take note on what you read
Because the people who don't believe in you are better off dead

The obscured room you lay in
as confined the things in your mind
with nothing but pitch black in sight
i wonder what people think about when they cant fall sleep at night
do you think about the fake smile you put on or the pain you still feel down to the bone
do you think about the the things they said or reason you always feel alone
everyone hides the scars they had tries to keep them silent
when they ask whats wrong we try to stay strong and remain quiet
do you think about what you mean to others whether if your cherished or just not worth the trouble
mabye one day my thoughts will reach the light
but what do you think of when you cant fall asleep at night

Burning bridges from everything we had  
But you still jumped across flaming gap just to know I heard what you said
you can burn everything I gave to you and every note from me you ever read
But every memory we've ever had I know its still in your head
Now I'm staring at my watch while life just ticks away
With every path way cut from you i wait as time will heal the pain

even when there is black clouds for miles  in the sky
just keep going because there is always light on the otherside

Trapped in your thoughts
And your brain jumbles when she near
After some time its just you and her
the sunset clashing with the stars
with the spark in the skies you both will lock eyes
and the dangerous game has begun
after a few months the bonds broke
you over think every situation
the trust is gone and your mind will cave in
now she’s gone with your mind re-wired
you try to drink away the pain but it adds to the fire
in-between your hands you feel the spaces
and you can’t get her back you will be replaced then
sitting in the bath tub with a bottle of ***
the stage of loneliness hits whille you stare and the celling
numb from the pain and losing all feelings
so just stare the sky and let your mind clear

You dare to judge those you don’t know
Just a black and white picture
And maybe to you they are a broken figure
That you would have be erased by a pencil
But your judgment is fools work
You know nothing about their colors or there stripes
When you look twice it might bring the picture to light
A hero you didn’t see before
But you stuck them down before they could be more
Painting to the colorblind you only see black and white so in your eyes no one could truly shine '

laying in the sand
face first in the water
i see you in my sleep
mabye you'll be here tomorrow
the dephts are at my feet
to wash away my sorrow
the pressures crushing me
maybe your love will set me free
Go meet me at the shore
show there could be much  more
the tide is rising as we sit down the pier
when your ready to leave this town the waves will  and we will disapear