This silence is *******

You don't realize, that just because you choose to decieve me...

It's only an attempt...

You look away as to make it clear you are mad

But I see through you, even though you are full of ****

I am wrong, because I rarely let the little things go

You are wrong, simply because your an *******

I can't make excuses for my moods, *******, or **** like that...

But you, your cruel just out of boredom or spite and it's making me change

I pray and pray for positive strength, for both you and I...

But now I fear my hearts weakening under this distress

I can't seem to find forgiveness

I only feel contempt for you

All of these arguments shall be the death of neither you or I

The death rather shall be of us

Pig headed, time wasting, complicated, now cold us...

My words are simple like our fights, our arguments shall be the death of neither you or I

This ******* will be the death of us

I find myself taking breaths but not breathing

Gasping even for the slightest chance of a comforting breathing pattern.

This anxiety has me on my knees. Like a thief it's stolen my breath and my strength

The dizziness sprinkles hovering over me slow and faint...

I'm lost, but not lost...

I'm here, but the room spins, and I fear I may faint

The more people I see and hear the more dizzy I get

Eyes find me...

They watch me pretend to be fine

I'm pale and clammy

I want to disappear

Tears want to fall but I'm able to keep them in for a while

When they finally fall I say that I'm fine

I only need to sit down and get home, I say I am tired

This will pass, it always does

Another day ruined, because I have to go home...

My families face blanketed with disappointment...

Another trip failed

I feel their eyes and thoughts of shame and frustration

In my mind I hear the wishes

This kills me more than the burden of anxiety alone

I feel as if I never should have left home

I want to be part of my family, but when I'm in my room...

I feel they are much more happy and things are as they should be

These thoughts bring me tears even now

I'm so **** tired of letting them down

I spiral into darkness and depression, with an anxieties jacket

And I feel them question me, as if I wasn't cursed and this was just me being mean

I sink down inside me and pretend I don't know what they think

Once in a while I'll hear I'm a control freak

Once in a while I hear I am ******

I get blamed out loud for all of my *******

Since I'm definitely flawed I know there's truth to it

This...

This, is what's heart breaking to me

And me, knowing I'm broken, it sends me deeper into my room...

I'll take my **** meds in an attempt to **** what feels like hate

But on this journey I'm still alone, even when they say they understand

I've seen way to many eyes rolls to think that they know my torture

And they will never understand my real guilt...

They will never believe that even with my emotions fighting inside my heart and soul, my real torment is that I ruin thier day

And I'm afraid that it makes me so much less...

To them.......

I feel some times I shouldn't even exist

My selfish heart won't let me leave...

I love them, so much I can't imagine giving in

I love them so much I feel shame and selfishness....

When it comes it's like the wind, sometimes slow and calm
Other times with violent force giving no warning

My anger radiates like that inside out of my physical and mental self

You think, you the receiver of my non discriminating anger bares you the cross... the sting of agony ...

But I wear the suffering torment of my own unwelcomed affliction

I am enraged like the heat of red the founder of chilled hearts
My mind bends and bends with pain and misery that reaches the depth of me...

That part of me, even I can't see

I feel the wrath like ****** for fun
Like the monsters that breath only to see blood

I conquer this vacant passion, which I have not the strength to duel

Beelzebub sits satified, nodding and smirking as my thoughts and words curse

He's content with my blood that boils as he commands

He waits for the person who will release what his soulless soul demands

There's moments I feel my every vain full of fire, begging me to surrender and give in to Lucifer's desire

But.....

My HEART...

It still beats and the only part of me untouched by darkness, provides me the vision of what makes me human

It grants you....
Me...
Mercy

It allows me a breath

As I become some what the me that I recognize...

I am torn

What was that rush

How did I realize me

I'll sink deep into my bed

Inside my dark dark room and like a vampire I keep hidden...
Not from the light, but from you, so the furies won't be tempted to use me like the instrument which beckons your cry at my whip

I shall be me alone stable...

Alone

Harmless...

Alone

Protector of you...

Protector of me...

Alone

Away from the feelings that suffocate my heart and blind my mind

Away so I am me, sweet and loving, endlessly giving

Alone...

So I am not ALONE...

Furious tides, black black skies

Water chilled, like my heart

Waves fierce begging demise

Hollowed soul, beckons my blood.

Fire tears guiding my hate and your deepest fear...


Curse you resentment

Shower me with faith

Relieve this demanding desire to bludgeon spirit and hope of the one who keeps me living

Fail me not heart so fueled

Let me surrender this which makes me merciful or set this evil in the stone, so I can transform

Let me be kind or let malevolence reign

Dominance sway no more

Rivers wrath o' sin, utilize my entire being

Or strike my heart with life, and rid this vengeance so pure

Bring the rays so warm with it's beauty so sweet and incandescent all that is right

Or swallow me whole, and blacken my eyes so all who encounter me have time to flee

Let them destroy me with true affection...

overwhelm me with good intentions

Or shatter every shred of my beauty...

Contort me to my selfish form of desire for pain, drenched in the fear that I bestow

Hummid, disgust, gasping dirt darkened night

O' sun obliging comfort O' generous warmth...

Bless me calm winds.

Take in the light and rid me of sin

Save me...

Condem me...

Do as you will...

Just do it quickly and leave me fulfilled

Put you there
slide deep within my thighs, warm and dampened
kiss me with your fingertips hands feel me inside
Fingers deep and as strong as you
find my moans
Let the river flow

Thoughts at the speed of light only a genuine lust can conceive

Sparkling skin, wetter with every touch consume my physical soul
Screaming lips and a caressing tongue don't save me now devour me whole
Movement sweeter then any slow dance, the power and precision of any known art

Bodies closer then my own flesh
Gripping hands led only by fierce eyes and *****
Rip me open ramming stealth
Quicken me till my breath won't allow
Hurricane tongue soften and drink

Take my nails and craving teeth
Slow and steady, rough and and hard
Take it all
Give and give me all
My skins tingling take your ravenous bite
Drain me now as I drain you
Finish with a rhythmic pattern
Beat us colliding shooting thunder

Bind us with our rain
Drain drain drain us
Till beautiful pain and sensual screams are no more
bodies release, and fall weak...
Want no more...
Don't kiss me sweet
Kiss my feet
Goddess, queen
You my king
This marriage is only our bodies vow
Natures wonders all of them felt

Echoing forever sinful smile
Lingering passion I'll savor
In my most precious darkest liquid dreams
And when we meet again...
No sheets

When ears refuse the sound of a loved ones words, the world cries out in despair

When we have lost the compassion to listen from those we hold close...
We find ourselves more alone than when were actually alone

Tongue twister of depression and selfishness....

We are more alone with our loved ones, than we are when were actually alone.....

More...

Alone...

Until people learn to listen...

Till people learn to listen with thier hearts...

And until then we are all strangers

Loved ones...

We are strangers...

And alone...

Remember when your ready to care, use your heart and not your gavel

I am ready to not just hear

I am ready to actually listen and just plain be there

War has begun no shots fired no blows draw blood

Instead words are exchanged

Her hearts broken
Her heart is broken

Have you heard the gossip

Friends now enemies...

Its come to this

Nobody knows how tight we were
But planted jealousy and whispers seem to push our end

Its what they planned...

I'll never be the same
You will never be the same

We broke one another's trust with belief of words never spoken

I sit here now
You sit there

We both speak battle words that scars us deep, and the pain that spills can't be cleaned

When we pass in the hall's it's cheesy and sad...

We both pause...

You look back,  and so do I
But you will never know for sure that it's an I'm sorry and neither will I

We clicked from the start, so open, so sweet
We both were smart
But that strength and stubbornness we valued in each other

Well that pride...

Its what broke us, because we are selfish

And you nor I did not know this

Its me or you who's right...

It's me

Both our heads held high

*******

**** this

Your just a .......

Hey Mr. I used to say
Hows your morning
hows your day 

Your my wisdom my teacher my caregiver

When I need you, you said you'd be there
 
I did my best as a kid to give you attention and appreciation for the simple life I lived

Presents and notes to show I cared
 
Thank you cards of admiration and words of ill always be there

I was a kid, it was pretty much all I could give
 
Mr. you said one afternoon were going out to dinner when I get home
then I remember how you bailed
That’s ok Mr. I know your busy  
You would say then Mr., maybe tomorrow if time permits me
 
I remember Mr. a few times you said get ready in a while we will go shopping… 

But we never did 
Maybe tomorrow Mr. said  

I know now its better not to hold my breath 

Help me pick up this house Mr. said 

But I am tired and on my way to bed…
 
Ill do it tomorrow I promise 

To that Mr. replied tomorrow never comes
 
And he went on to explaine, tomorrow there will be tomorrow… And another one…
 
Out in the world now 
No longer a girl...
 
Hey Mr. I  hate to ask… 
But I need your help and I need it fast 
The bills are do, my checks on its way but I need to pay my bills today 

I know tomorrow my check will arrive I can pay you first thing in the morning
 
I remember you were fast to say I'd  help you.....

but you would learn nothing and then you would say...
 
you say you will pay me tomorrow…  
but I know better if you need money now tomorrow you will be no better off

Sorry Mr. your probably right…  
I'll be ok its just one day and one night...

you were strict all my life, but you taught me well to never count on anyone…
never…
not ever in my life will I be optimistic

I'll never be anything, but protected and shelterd

forever never free all my days...

when I was a kid...

I remember it all to well

you gave me what I needed… 
and nothing els 
no memories of fun
no memories of any extra attention...

sometimes I feel you as cold as ice  
Mr. I remember I'd  often look at you twice
 
You never smiled you were always in a rush
 
I was a child and in the way… 
Way to much... 

Mr. I wish I learned your lesson sooner
that you were a promise maker...  
and most importantly a promise breaker
 
I know you may have not meant it,
but finaly…
I finaly learned your lesson, Tomorrow never never comes
 
And Mr. when you say Ill be there for you tomorrow…
 
I know now tomorrow never comes 

Still Mr.
I love you today… 
I love you forever,
but never tomorrow.. 
Never ever
 
Ill continue to wait though for you to come around to all the love I gave

All my love you never found 

Ill wait today…  
I'll wait forever 
Ill even wait for you tomorrow again  
even though I know tomorrow will never end……

If only everyone could appreciate all of our heroes

The ones who left home to protect home, not just the ones who fight here in our homeland in our streets

Love is protection and protection bitter sweet

Cold as ice

I should have known

You turn on your emotions like a light switch

Ever so safe

How I wish you could feel my sadness right now

Cuz it will be nothing compared to the loss you will feel when I walk out

But you think I'm crazy & dumb

And you believe I'll get over everything

Maybe I might...

But, maybe today, maybe tomorrow

I'll leave this place and let go of my sorrow

I know you believe that this game will last forever

But I'm not dumb like you think....

I just love you

I might cry, but freedom will give me happiness

you will be the one to realize you shouldn't have taken my love for granted

I might be older
I might be bigger
But I'm still a prize
And I'm still beautiful

I might be hurt right now

But your hurt won't start till I leave 

I might be hurt right now, but your hurt won't start till I can breath

Why was I gifted with intelligence if it won't allow me to fix or make sense of our shattered lives

I feel ignorant to everything as memories and thoughts embrace and drown my mind

I gasp for air and fight to sort them, but they come in so fast and strong...

I can barely keep my head above this harsh tide

Life you curse me

Then you punish by taunting me with the slightest hope
of an answer

Like the moon I can see...

Still ever so far as to touch or explore, as it passes when it fades with day

My mind is there just as the moon, but it's only use is to  help me survive
barely giving me enough strength and hope to linger

If I can't use my wisdom to help me, help her....

Take my mind

Make me dumb

Make me numb

Just don't leave me helpless

Give me something to give her

Or give all of my strength... every ounce of wisdom,
all that makes my heart beat, and smile

Give it to her
leave me none
Make her mend make her whole
Or simply make it not so....

My heart stopped as I gasped for air

At first silence...

Followed by an uncontrolled cry

It must have been torcher for thoughs who heard the cry

They know to...

That there's nothing anyone can do

Rip out my heart, please

I can't take the pain inside of me

What should I do when there's nothing I can do

I'll hold it in, so I can think

I know there has to be something.....

There's has to be

I prayed like I do every day, but today when I prayed...

I prayed questioning God...

I prayed asking why, instead of being greatful
I prayed for strength for many but most for her

This poem speaks of my pain

And without words my deepest fear

But this poems not mine

Because I could never love,
or cry out for me
like I did for her

As I write I hold myself from from weeping

I write with a lump in my throat and a pain stricken heart
A mask of strength on my face and so many words inside

Help me...
help her please...

And as I write I still can't believe...

And as I write I'm strong
I hold back most of my tears...

and put an end to this poem...

With all this mess that we made
I'm not sure if there's anything left to save

As we try not to sink
I believe it's our struggling for air that drags us beneath

Proving were right or wrong
the question of faith

I'm afraid it's pushing us closer to hate

Will we survive

Will love conquer all

Will we ever agree and be happy
Or will we continue to fall

I remember falling when I found you
I never knew we might part or that I'd fall when losing you

Take this heart and save me the time

Let me know the future

Will he still be mine

Let me cry now
I'll flood the world

Then I'll be okay,
me, free
and a happy girl


If the future holds you in it
Let us get past this

Let us see, hear, love, forgive

Let us be us
not you or just me

Let us be honest and free of secrets

Just let the us part simply be

Let us not be blind
and let us not take our love for granted
If were meant to be let us simple be forever together happy

Your my world
my sun, and moon,
my water, my air,
my food to

With you here, by my side
I know not fear or sorrow

Only loves bright light

I can't express all that I feel

I can only say that it's something that heals

It's difficult to write of you

My minds so cluttered with thoughts I fail to find words as beautiful as you....

And so instead I'll write something true.....

Your my baby, my heart and soul
Your all that mushy stuff that the word love holds

With what few words I have found, you should know

I love you like that cheesy line.... from head to toe

I was saved years ago

Saved from the drugs and crime I was so close to finding

All the abuse and sorrow I lived was now fading slowly, as he grew like a seed inside this teen kid

All the hopelessness slipped away

I had a reason to behave

Forced to grow up far to early

Today I'm exactly who I was meant to be

I'm a mom...

A few times over

But he's my first experience with pride...

The very first true joy in my life

People say I was brave to raise a child

Truth is he gave me purpose

He gave me life

All of the pain I almost drowned in, almost gave in to...

All the me that was left,
he found and saved me to

And he did this from simply existing in my whom

That little boy gave me the will to learn from my lifetime movie past

My angel, my heart, the first boy to steal my heart

The night you were born it rained so hard

It washed away any chance of being consumed by the dark

Loves the best thing in the world and you are my proof

Heart you babe......

I love you

I'm here, but I'm not

Consumed by my own demons and yours

Weakened by my past and afraid of my future

Forever dumb, useless

Digging my own grave using fear as my shovel, and love as my soil

I'm sure I'll have a beautiful funeral with lots of tears

Of course I won't notice till I'm there

With life's struggles I still loved and caring came effortless

It's myself I can't figure out

Pride for myself is honestly pride for others...

I know my value is somewhere in my mind, but fear and failure are far to strong

I'm ok

I live for the love I give

As long as they know thier loved and safe

I'm accomplished in the best way

God put me here to bask in love

My pain is the hurt of the world

The ones I protect myself from and pray for

Loved ones, your ever so close, but most of you are blind and until I die and you find my life's notes.....
You will never know

That's ok.
I'm ok.

I lived for your not your praise

As I fade from your site

I slip slowly away from the light

It's so cold in this place

It screams silence so loud my thoughts are forced into a paranoid, irrational state

With time I'm hot with bitter anger
Frustrated, because your a stranger

I'm now that girl you called crazy
the very one you pushed away and isolated

I hate myself for playing your game

I hate you for bringing me so much pain

You sit so high on your thrown

Looking back...

I should have known

I'm a little crazy

I must admit

And it's not so cold now where I sit
All that hate and shame I felt...
Its all yours now...
And no one els

Take what you are and make it real

Never hold in what you feel

Cut to the chase and be free

Don't let anyone tell you who you should be

Open up don't waste time

Remember the opportunities you may let pass you by

Pretending to be what they believe is right will only lead your unhappy life

Take what you feel and embrace who you are

Forget people who won't accept you

discover the ones that appreciate you

Be you the best you, you know

Go out into the world and enjoy life
and attract the kind of people who will support you and be proud by your side

They say loss gets easier.... But years later my heart cries along with my eyes....

Had I known

I had would of wrote her more letters and many poems

I would have used our time wisely,
And hugged her much more tightly

I would have forced her to take a deep breath

To truly relax and admire all the beauty she inspired

Had I known I'd let the rivers of love, appreciation, respect, and pride flow....

And flow....

Had I known.....

I would have never let her go.....

When they fall and you can't catch them
You fall much harder
But they will never know

You get the tears and throbbing in your chest
lumps in your throat
and become even more helpless then they feel

Watching because it's not your place
or your simply allowing them to grow

Watching them watch you watch

Taking in their anger and frustration of the fall

You try not to enable them preparing them for life

They want and need indepence, but its a journey
made for one

Hopefully they will forgive and understand what must be done


To love is pain
To learn is pain

And so we choose our battles

And we pray were right

We do this so that one day
they can bring themselves  the same pride they bring us

And we watch them fall, because we know they will get up

We watch them fall because we must.....

If only they knew how hard it is to watch........

Cross your fingers
Knock on wood

It's not so....

This is not real

Say your prayers and accept this test

Brace yourself and try your best

Life's to hard much to cruel

But then you think of the time she spent with you

All this is much to much
But all thoughs memories...

The ones you miss are the reason you loved to live

She may be gone from this world but she watching with her heart and won't allow to see you hurt

Look around she's not here...

But there are others whom you love and they are near

Smile for her enjoy life for them
Find happiness for yourself and let life begin

She's not far
She's within
She's your new strength and
Your secret friend

Let her smile watching you laugh

And embrace your life and her soul in the sky

You want to watch me fall....

But your to late

My knees are scraped and from down here

I can only see one way to go

My knees are raw

So I guess it's time for me to get up...

Follow me through the shadows and the pain

Beyond my acid tears and my hearts deepest fears

Follow me past my endless weeping rage
Above my fog of wasted hope

Lay with me in the dark pits of my heart
l and drown beside me in my hurt

Journey with me and know my shame

And when it's over awake with my secrets and breath relief

Remember it always...
and be thankful you get to leave

Broken much...
That I am

Broken pain
Everywhere and nowhere

I've got words thousands clutter
I can't choose
I can only say they are all broken full of sorrow rage fear and emptiness

My pains so great physically I'm numb

I'll save my emotions deep inside, because what I want to yell.....
I wish to hide

Holding tears
I'm almost a pro
Broken...
No one knows....

Numb and feeling incredible pain
I pray that I will indefinitely break

Take my heart and freeze it till It shatters and bury it someplace
Anywhere it doesn't matter.....

She dresses and fixes herself in such a way
that might make him turn his head
Eyes lined black, lips *** red,
Passing him with her seductive scent and catches the eyes from all, but him

His heart she holds, but time passed slow
Safe with her love, he chips at her confidence

She reigns

She's loved, and passionately enjoyed

Her beauty obvious...

She never fades...

But in his world she's apart of him, as they are one, and so in love....

He forgets the thing that sparked thier start.

He was handsome, unique with two shades of brown eyes
**** she thought with his scars, and crooked smile
In his shoulders she saw as *** inspired art

She still watches him with passion in her eyes, and reminds him exactly why

She was beauty.....

She still is, but what he sees.....

She forgets.

The love, the passion it's still there, but the stroking  words he forgets

And his sweet stroking words

she forgets.....

In the midst of all my happiness and all that makes me proud

The window of life is wide open....
Without curtains I can't help, but notice the sad, lonely, heart broken lives outside.

The ugly world keeps my world small.
The less I let in....

The less I see.

The less I hurt....

But the Windows open and there are no curtains.....

And my heart is open and broken.

I'm am but one person. I do my part, but it's never enough and then there's thoughs who are dealing with loss....
As I myself deal with loss.

There's no remedy only an attempt to comfort and hope for relief.

My window and heart wide open....

Am I also spreading sorrow....

I was crowned, made popular, by the friends that found me.
Every girl was sincerely friendly.....

The jealousy a secret ever girl kept.
Competition fierce, and Manipulating.

Now friends were enemies.

Whispers of lies beckoned my fall.

Still innocent my friends knew.

From thier lips gossip grew.

They took my values and the truth, like magicians who I was, disapeard.

As a teen I began to break, little games and silly names.

My so called friends tried to create my prison.
In self defense a new me had risen.
Like a vampire my heart grew cold, my words cruel and beyond bold.

I held my crown, to win the fight....
I held my crown and cried at night.

They didn't break me, I survived and rose up high.

The crown they bestowed wasn't a prize.

Shallowness sent them my way....

I didn't understand they saw me as clay.

Inside I stayed me all along

Just a little more aware and much more strong.

Just a little less me and a lot more wrong....

Just a little less....

and a lot more......

maybe is a powerful word
full of hope and disappointment at the very same time.

A poem of words unknown or simply forgotten for a life so harshly or wonderfully lived.

Break out your dictionary, because lives we live are far more extravagant then words most hold within.

Nothing makes a darker heart
Than a heart that lives in false light.

A heart so sheltered from life's cruel embrace is much more fragile.

Unknown to the pain of loss of love, blinded by forced smiles, unknowingly bought friends and won attention.

Nothing darker than a heart so naive.

A heart as such is far more dangerous.

It's defense for the light is exactly the darkness it will seek.

Nothing can keep a heart in the light like the cold distance and shelter of the dark.

The world and it's splendid beauty is only wondrous because of the incredible depths of love and the eternal grief in loss.

Nothing more precious then a feeling so delicate.

Nothing more appreciated than something, somewhat lost.

Nothing more human then to welcome inevitable pain, when opening the doors to true love.

Rejecting such hurt will harden your heart
Allow It to feel.... 
Really feel and then cry.

For the dark of love follows with vast light.

How can anyone hear me
When I can't hear myself
When I don't want to hear myself

Will I be lost forever
Will I ever find comfort in myself

It's not so tragic.... I have some descent moments.
But times like this....
My heart weeps of  loneliness.

It seems sometimes hopeless
It seems a waste.....
But once in a while I get a glimpse and my emptiness subsides.

I don't love my pain. It's a very heavy cross to bear.
It's my familiar place.... It feels safe.

You can't be broken while invisible.

I can't be anything.... Not even me.

As safe as I feel.... I'm so lost.

I'm lonely  watching the world pass by.

Is this what should be , cause with all this pain......
I can still see beauty in the world.

Let me smile a bit more.
Let life open some happy doors.
Let me share the love inside and accept The love outside.

Right now I matter not, but perhaps some day soon I will.
And hopefully I can be a better me that smiles to.

Why struggle to push yourself through a day,
for others .... Just to find that you were invisible anyway.

A slight grin.... her sacred smile overwhelmed with spiteful sin.

Tread lightly friend for her smile of seduction resembles that very grin.

You want her Heart, but it's not hers. Its been ripped out only shadowing her.

She's wears Broken very well. Pretending that she's yours till she knows you've fell.

She leaves many of victims in her path.

Smiling now with victory... She will never be had.

You get a glimpse of her secret grin, but your hoping to be the one she let's in.

Broken and dangerous she may be.
You see beauty & possibility.

A prize above all to be won.

A love you hope has already begun.

Tread ever so lightly She is broken.
Tread ever so lightly and remember the words spoken.

Forever Lingering, smiling, and crying aloud.

Strengths, and Fears, sometimes  broken inside.

Screaming, reaching, it swallowed you whole.

Warm and cold, pure as nature it grows.

Eternal, free, and stolen from me.

The Windows of my soul darkened and fierce.

With no curtains the light shines in.

Taunting me always, with loves cruel jokes of loss full of agonizing pain and a touch of hope.

Happiness, passion, excitement uncontrolled.

Its all that's good..... my greatest  enemy.

It's the instrument that plays my life's song.

The words that Drain me.
The words that Make me.

All that is me, every part.
It's my whole life.
It's my heart.

She added beauty to my life.

From the second she was realized.

It was then plain to see an incredible life was meant for me.

She filled the holes in my heart and gives all my days a fresh new start.

She grows and changes everyday.

I see her then.

I see her now.

I could never be more proud.

I'm uncertain of her future.

I only know it's important, and nothings off limits.

She's precious inside and out.

Heart so warm, her smile with endless height.

She's flawless with her imperfections.

She's perfect with her flaws.

She's my past and my future.

The love of my life, and one of my favorite wishes.

She's is flawless.

She is all.

She is my daughter, and I'm her proud mom.

An argument.
Another one always over something dumb.

When will we learn to choose or battles?
When will we learn to hold our tongues?

What happens when nobody learns?

Will this bickering end us?

Or is this dumb mess, just our game?

I'm not sure how old this can get....

All I know is it's not over yet.

He works so hard though the week.

How can I wake him from his sleep?

My body wants him. My tongue to.

My mind is racing on what we will do.
Should I wake him from his sleep? Gently kissing him, starting with his cheek.

I'm awake I always am, but should I wake this hard working man?

We had fun. We played today.

Touching each other in wonderfully messy ways.

He led me down. He ate out.
It was all that love and lust should be about.

Lips were licked and necks bit, bodies one, and finger fun.

Ankle gripping, legs were spread.
Then he bent me over the bed.

So fulfilling and ******.

Sweating, panting.
*** perfumed room.
Held hands, hair pulling and ******* to.

It couldn't be better don't get me wrong.
But all this writing and he won't be sleeping long.

I said if I woke him I would start with a gentle kiss on his cheek, but being reminded.... That would be weak.

When he wakes he better be prepared, because all this passion Must be fed.

So I'll wake him, and I'll wake his friend.....

I can't wait to start again.

With insomnia I've been cursed, but sometimes...... I know things could be worse.

Please let me sleep tonight.
Let me rest before the light.

Curse end.
And let me sleep before night descends.

**** curves, addictive words.
Sweaty bodies,
Lust is born.

Insomnia through the night.
Lingering through the light.

Twenty four hour affliction.

Thief of sleep and so much more.

A new poem to express me.

A simple one written to feel free.

In my work I share my heart.
Hoping to reveal a work of art.
My canvas is my life, my paints my words.

Everything written lingers within.
Till I get a hold of a pen.

Emotions are the colors of my paint.

My fears, weakness and my sorrows.
My heart, my soul and dreams of tomorrow.

The words flow heavy.
My paint drips. I'm a messy painter.
I know it's true. Still I continue and follow through.

Here I am vulnerable with
with each word.

Setting myself up to be heard.

As I write I find myself.

As I write I'm someone els.

Who am I in my poems?

Who will I be?

How will I read?

I'm not sure.

I never am.
I just wait and start again.

Sharing my poems, pieces of me
with strangers and friends, I'm
an open book.

Sharing what's inside me honest to a fault.

Sharing me,
I may fall, but its my life and my call.

Good or bad, this is my release and most of time writing brings me peace.

She was a child and broken to, father gone a mom lost to.

All Alone she took on the world.
She was so young and her surroundings misleading she lived a life of crying and pleading.

Friendly faces mostly grown took advantage of her. She had no home.

A home is comfort, a home is love, a home is shelter. And she knew none.

She grew fast, still a kid pretending to have fun with the older worldly kids.
They took her in, what they could, but they to were broken and didn't do much good.

She played house to pass the time, and didn't realize the game was life.

She dabbled in this and she dabbled in that, she didn't realize how lost a person could get.

Years flew by.
Ahh the things she missed, her daughters first period and first kiss.

She was lost... Off the grid.... She was broken, but no longer a kid.

She played house a long time ago long enough for a daughter to know.

She was broken all her life, but during her game of house, before she left, her kids were loved and it was clear
but now she had to escape a new fear.

She was dealt some pretty bad hands and couldn't seem to trust any man.

She stayed lost a good while.

Then one day she came around.
She was grown, smart, and settled down.

Yeah, she was lost far to long, but when she was found she was her, and she was Independent and strong.

She was lost far to long, but it was never to late to be my mom.

I've held her close in my heart, no matter the time or distance apart.

She was my mom, and she was broken. She missed a lot I did to, but her journey wasn't selfish. I now know. She did what she did, cause she was still that kid.

She was broken And frozen in time, broken by all She left behind. Love and drugs, deceiving friends and long long nights she prayed would end.
I was angry when she left, I was broken within.
But she was lost, she had no home. For years she was all alone.

It took me a while to catch on, that our lives were lives that made us strong.

She was lost, but she was my mom.

She was lost and all alone, but now she's found and has a home.

She found herself and found me to. Even though there's no rewinds we have something special and real. A love that a mothers and daughters feel.

There's no blame, no lost time just a mother daughter love that's hard to find.

Now I'm a mom, that took a different path. A stronger mom because of our past.
God they say gives us only what we can bear. My moms been home for many years. And now all thoughs struggles and her fears are what's lost, because now she's mom and grandma to,loving, caring and free to.

He said they are sad. Far to gloomy.

The poems I write so negative and finger pointing.

He sees only pain and anger. He sees for him no future.

I'm broken. He broke me, that's what he reads.

But the emotions that haven't made it to paper, aren't because they don't exist.

They haven't made it, because I haven't found them yet.

Love is the the only thing worth living for. That's what I tell my kids.
The very best thing in the world, that's what I say.

So when my poems seem dark and lonely it's because my heart feels so strongly about love that I haven't a way to explain all the joy, pride, and fulfilment my loved ones bring.

He said it's mean, the poems I write and he thinks I can't see the light.

My heart is beyond happy my loved ones make it so, he doesn't realize that darkness, is just what flows.

I'll find the words, hopefully soon so he knows I love him & my family to.

You read my poems. You think you know.
I spill my words on to paper my whole heart and my anger.

You Read my poems and think you know.
I'm broken, emotional and my own failure.

You read my poems and my fears are clear.
You read my poems my hearts with them.

You read my poems. My relationship is so over.

You read my poems. I'm in love.

You read my poems.....
Its obvious I wept.

You read my poems, I'm far from home.
You read my poems, I'm all alone.

Your Reading my poems, I must be bipolar.
Your reading my poems, but they are far from over.

I'm this, I'm that of that your sure.
Your reading my poems, but there will be more....

Another day gone to slow. A life replay, I wish I  didn't know.

The best of times are to few. To much of me putting up with you.

This rollercoaster is no fun. It gives me headaches. I'm so done.

The life the love its still there, but it takes two.....  

I know its been said many times before, I cried you lied, we dance again, but life's to short there's no understanding.

This dance is old and no fun.

Another day, gone to slow. Another day, we already know.

I'm here not alone.
Happy in our home.

The lives around me smile and laugh. Plans for tomorrow plans for today. Plans for us all, but I'm so far away.

My heart smiles, and it's full of pride.
My family is beautiful, so perfect, so full of life. All of our futures shine so bright.

All is well. All is fine.
I get to have them, they are all mine.

I hold me together day after day and hope that this sometimes loneliness goes away.

I'm not alone and I'm beyond happy.
They are my life and they are all doing great.

I'm not alone. Its not possible when I'm home.

Let me just bring some light to blend with theirs. Let me bring them pride and plan some plans.

I'm not alone. I am blessed.
I'm not alone, but I am a mess.

Day & night. The games you play. Taking advantage, knowing I'll stay.

Your sweet and warm, till your bored, and now your cold. You get rude, so very bold. I tell myself it's so old.
Conversations get rushed, you have excuses for excuses and become defensive. You point your fingers you think I'm distracted. Telling me how I over reacted.

My instinct has spoken time and time again. With the your silence, instinct is my friend.

I tell myself it's only a matter of time when I control the light, when I say it's night.

I'm sweet. I'm in love, but I'm not blind. I see you baby.

You see me small, blind, and so sweet. You see me, so you think.

Love is blind so they say, but that was me yesterday.

Now I sit and I wait.

Soon I'll say when, and it will be so. I'll be a new me, the one you don't know. I'll be the one you made with dishonesty.

I'll bide my time. I'll be prepared.
I may be broken even shattered, but you see what you want to see and I'm not me.
You see what you want to see and I'm not me.....

Love so sweet, love so honest.
Love of my life...

You make my heart smile, you make my heart warm.

You make weak in the knees, and even laugh.

Butterflies, and starry skies, Sun sets, and beads of sweat. Hugs and kisses. nights never to long, mornings to soon. Long conversations.

Time flies with you...

Love letters, poems, roses, romance galore.

Love so passionate, love so kind, Love of body and mind.

Spooning, swooning, and all that stuff. Our naked bodies, so much lust.

Petty arguments, *******, cursing lots of pride.

Jealousy and ignorance all collide.

Love my friend.
Love my enemy.

My love, my lover in love with you now and forever.