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jas Jun 2019
-
a shower does not wash my sins away
seeping deep into desperation
hold my breath just a bit longer
I rest my eyes
but my mind wanders

how did I make this a habit?
-
jas Aug 2018
-
keeping me satisfied
sensations in my body arise
tingling vibrations
goosebumps jump on my skin
the taste of you, keeps me alive
all through the night
baby, your so fine
can't resist temptations
,
jas Jun 2018
,
**** the pain away
;
jas Nov 2019
;
I can't come to terms that this is my life
what I'm living in a day to day scenario
of the ****** disgust and anguish
of the self depleting and small-minded likelihood
company around me
it's atrocious
to say the least,
?
jas May 2020
?
my hearts pounding in my chest
if I knew any better, I'd say I'm depressed
endless thoughts stranded in my mind
the only way to release them is to cry
forcing myself to want to exist
if I was gone, would I be missed?
?
jas Feb 2020
?
enjoying you from the start
the start of something new
no one could have ever predicted
the thought of me and you

you distanced yourself from the beginning
before I knew what I was feeling
how could you know what was real?

time continued to pass
yet you remained the same
love knows the truth
?
jas Dec 2019
?
caged up emotions
bottled deep down inside
my mind is a zoo
slowly eating me alive
inch by inch
I can't even begin to tell you what's left of me
if I introduced myself, you would never recognize
bruises and scars invisible to the crowd
existing just to die
is this life?
??
jas May 2020
??
i met someone
kind of reminded me
of a particular place
although i can't place it
funny
the mind plays tricks on me
or I'm tricking my mind
either could work
between two worlds
there is two more
and i can't seem to find which two are mine
not that they belong to me
but if i belonged
would it be to them?
how can i figure such a question?
i could terribly be in the wrong dimension
but no one eve
r speaks of that
and why is that?
why?
can't answer for myself so how am i expected to know everyone else?
the easy way out is just not listening
noticing
imagining
just not
don't let your thoughts exist
except i do
can't help it
and maybe that's my problem
that's the joke that was so funny
in the beginning

except, i never laughed.
/:
jas Aug 2019
/:
staying up late
i just can’t sleep
can’t resist the thought of me
staying out late
it’s predictable
it’s more than you should know

i’m dying
straight up i can’t breathe
if the world were to end
at least i’d be beneath

my life in ******* cycles
.
jas Jan 2018
.
in
love
with the
ideas
of you
day 15 of 365
.
jas Feb 2018
.
haven't felt myself
in quite awhile
lonely thoughts
an empty heart
drinking it all off my mind
if only for the night
..
jas May 2018
..
it’s been awhile since i’ve written
all of my thoughts on paper
but who listens?

am i doing this for myself?
am i doing this for the approval of everyone else?

the want to feel included
yet left secluded

retract back into hiding

tell me , how long till someone finds me?
..
jas Mar 2019
..
i've been living outside these doors
the pain I couldn't take any more
so if I had to choose
it would be myself

i could never choose anybody else

this pain
i feel it in my heart
i admit just a bit distraught
i'm way to young to be feeling this way
..
jas Nov 2018
..
“i can’t take this anymore” , she whispers.
With a kiss goodbye ,
gone with the wind
trickle on your neck
the next chapter begins..


“i’ve been waiting for you”...


alas , this isn’t her voice
yet so familiar
something that triggers
a part of your memory
alone within your thoughts
sitting pretty
hours seem like minutes
...
...
jas Sep 2018
...
white girl runs through my veins
driving me insane
lost in a moment in time
i can't tell you why
but i'm telling you i'm fine
i'm just doing what i have to do
to take things off my mind
#
jas May 2018
#
planning a future
your not here and the atmosphere is anything but delicate
thoughts roam around the air in a gentle breeze
distance is between us yet i feel your soul as it breathes
an uneasy feeling of the past
scars on my fingers for holding on tightly
yet the rope collapsed

this is present day
2018
and you are not here with me
as i stand and take a look of what surrounds me
the future as i thought it not as clear as it seems
to live life is to be free

seeking into the past
into the role i was perhaps miscast
actions were drastically misshaped
a setback for love got me off the right track

*the future is a present to the unknown past
jas Feb 2020
Do you ever feel like no one can hear you? Haunted by our consciousness, leads to peculiar disguises. Distancing yourself from the commonwealth is just one of the many talents you have overcome. Yet, camouflage can only go so far.
             Gloom fits the setting gently, at first, casually dimming the skylight. Your skin no longer detects the warmth from the sun rays. Trees that are doomed are no longer mount with poise and leaves once flushed with green no longer dance in the wind.
           Imagine being at a standstill while the earth spins indefinitely. Time lies petrified yet inconspicuous to the problems that we face. Inevitably, in our path, the more we try to escape is the more it snags onto any narrow existence.
The death of dreams develops into nightmares which gradually phases to reality. Although, reality tends to contradict itself. Can one really live if they're afraid to die?
writing one's thoughts.
24
jas May 2018
24
twenty four years
pour a glass , cheers
do you like what you see in the mirror?

one time a year
celebration of all life
and all what you have in sight

a new beginning
a new promise
grab within reach
what is in your sight
or reach for w fight

another year only known of life

twenty four ounces of a glass
pour yourself a drink..


happy birthday to myself
<3
jas Mar 2018
<3
aesthetically pleasing
is what you are to me
shut my eyes for just a minute,
you are so dreamy
in my mind you tease
my very inner feelings
of wanting forever more

energetically,
my body rushes with dose of morphine
that you've put into my brain
making my heart insane
so i don't feel pain

hypnotically,
you've got me under a spell
your the hunter and im trapped like a gazelle
living in color while the world is full of pastel
im in love on this never ending carousel.
<\3
jas Mar 2020
<\3
asking for attention
begging for forgiveness
at the end of the story
tell me , what’s the difference?
between you and me
struggling
to love one another
a far fetched dream
a common misinterpretation
easily dismissed
forever , i will miss
the worst
jas May 2020
who
am I? if not another ruined soul amongst these tortures of will
what?
if at all
is there to discover about me,
or if you even care?
when?
is all of this happening if not back in my mind then in this horror of a lifestyle
where?
can I find myself
definitely not amongst casuals
why?
if at all am I chose to exist in this lifestyle
if I am not the one doing the choosing?
jas Jun 2018
her words scream...

agony ,
betrayal,
confusion,
denial,
empathy,
forgiveness
guilt
hope
insecurity
jealousy
kindness
love
maturit­y
negligence
outrage
passion
questions
realism
sarcasm
tears
unit­y
vacancy
warmth
x...
youth
zen
jas Sep 2020
I wanna see the world
through your eyes
take me on an adventure
lately, I haven't gone out much
but I'm willing to quench
my thirst
willing to jump through obstacles
like it's the Olympics
the only game that id want to play
is if I'm going to win
rocky mountains
pacific ocean
take me on a destination
I want to kiss your lips
over the sand dunes
I want to taste your skin
in a world-class museum
so why don't you take me
book me a flight
where we sleep all-day
and up all night
the kind of adventure
the one I would write
if only I could see into your eyes
jas Jan 2020
i am the moon
that sent you through
it all
cam you imagine?
can you believe?

living together is not what it seems

i wanted you to know
i am capable of learning on my own

if you could imagnie
jas Feb 2018
let me tell you a joke..

about my words,
about self worth
loving yourself , enjoying the perks
of being happy
its been brought up a lot in hopes of
speaking things into existence
so a million and plus times a day
'realize your self worth' is what I say
and I say it so bravely, confidently,
inspiring not only me but others as well.

and there comes a time I can no longer bear the words that I have uttered..
actions are to follow words yet I make no sudden movements
frozen in time itself, or realizing that although I speak of such things I cannot bring myself to comply.
no matter how much I try.

actions > words
words < actions

hypocritically funny.
try self worth unknowing
jas Sep 2020
im alone
but im tired of feeling lonely
stuck at home
like nobody wants me
the sun shining in my window
only brings me down

pull the covers over my head
enough to hide my frown
sitting in bed
staring at my phone
can't remember the sound
of my ringtone

you'd think I'm in hell
the way my chest is on fire
yet my skin's so pale
my coldest desire
a bottle of gin
makes me the worlds best liar

two's company
and three's a crowd
if you invite your friend
things could get loud

take a shot for me
make it a double
might get into trouble
the nights still young
but we're not having any fun

you could keep me warm but the sun is bound to rise
back to my covers
leaving feelings undiscovered
if only you knew
what I dealt with, to begin with
then maybe things could be different

so ill be lonely
if it means that you will call me
but don't leave me hanging
while my eyes get drowsy

don't leave me all alone
jas Dec 2017
‪invisible
miserable
yet disguisable
and amongst peers, admissible.

ironically
happens constantly
hidden sardonically

life is nonetheless comically
to me
jas May 2018
trying too hard to please you
don't you know I want to
just to make you happy
I would do anything
anything
anything...

anything, just to make you happy
I'm so blind in love
I cant see
I cant be free
not unless , you let me

oh you see, love is not always meant to be
but meant to live in the moment
and not in a dream

but once again, ill try anything...
jas Jan 2018
ok get this..
you chose me as a pawn in this game
simply to be moved around
to your expense
used and abused
that's your taste
bitter isn't it?
making me the weakest piece
is just so easy
I was fooled
blinded by a fantasy
and so here I am
uttering my last few breaths
drowning myself in the suds of alcohol
the sour taste in my mouth
and the black empty space
drilled by your immaculate actions
a pawn, no more, no less
is all i'll ever be
in your game
that you only play.
day 25
jas Jan 2018
what is going on?
really, please tell me.
inquiring minds need to know
as in me, im the inquiring mind.
im struggling to find my own self
you see,
I've built this persona , right?
so you may meet me and perceive me some way that fits into your mind
or the other hand
you can know me for awhile
and
built this persona of me, slowly yet surely
so you understand
except I seem to surprise you
I take you by whim
catch your breath kinda thing.

ah, so you don't know me?
or you thought you did.

question..

here is your info..

two sided individual
anti social introvert
unknowingly kind
yet blunt

so which am I?
today?
tomorrow?
the next 5 mins.?

tell me,
what do you think of me?
do you have me figured out?
what is my persona?
jas Dec 2017
in the dark
blind to the eyes
opening of a mind
i seek
i search
unsure what to find

& in the blink of an eye
my mind
goes blank...

the light
at the end of the tunnel
i can barely capture the essence
heat radiating upon my face
as i open my eyes
the thing i sought
is in view


struggling to seek reality
a key
right out from under me
alive in a senseless dream
hello, do you hear me?

found, at last
hold my breath
but could it be
that certain thing
that one wish
that i would seek
jas Jul 2018
this world is anything but a place to live in
these people around the globe are anything but friends.
the air we breathe is merely oxygen sustaining us to exist for a few seconds while we attempt to gain knowledge of the unknown.
of this great world ,
a simple atom
you & me.
finding stability, our basic needs to be fulfilled
our desires to rise the thrill traveling deep inside our veins.
jas Mar 2018
an artist of words
to those who seek
a way to express these feelings
and simply choose to be
any pick of the read
that dives into your minds that feed
that common search for wealthy knowledge

writing is me.
jas Feb 2018
golden hair and blue eyes
the indefinite sun, how it shines
radiances amongst your warm tan skin  
glowing from within

soft ridges of the waves
sway back and forth
towards your board

the high you get from urging to touch
those soft pink skies
and the rush of the water building intensely
as you approach

alas
with a  cool breeze
this moment is felt at ease
taking it all in as you take a breath
a few seconds of blissful peace

the moment your feet touch the grainy sand
reality hits back
dripping wet yet scrounging for thirst

you sit there a moment with your board
and gradually embrace today
as you look back at the sun meeting the water
you bid farewell
just until tomorrow
for that one surfer dude
jas Sep 2020
reminiscing on what we once had
tired of my thoughts taking me to the past
don't want to remember
what we once lacked

it wasn't love
yet my heart never gave up
over time
realized what you were made of

apologizing for the **** you did to me
left alone at night
choking on my own tears
you caused, i couldn't breathe

until one day i opened my eyes
wide enough to see through your lies
no longer hiding
no longer looking the other way
while a piece of me dies

bittersweet
when i think about the ripe beginning
we once enjoyed
yet you amazed me
how easily it can be destroyed
jas Apr 2020
crying my eyes
they burn red
down the stream
where I can't breathe
drowning
scars burn into my skin
knives feel like velvet
the touch between us
jas Mar 2018
you know, in todays society,
we are forced to blend in
to fit in
be different but please don't,
nobody will accept you.
EVER
we hide ourselves under our fake smiles
such a great audience to a brilliant actor
the less they know the better
except that
it eats us up inside
slowly ripping apart
our soul.. mind.. body
if nobody will accept us
why fight it?
jas Jan 2018
a bottle of wine
due after a long day
as I pour myself a glass,
set aside on the table
a box of matches
and a vanilla scented candle
anticipating the aroma filling up the room
a silky robe,
pressing up against my soft skin
after a warm hot bath
this is bliss
I wish it would never end
day 14 of 365
jas Dec 2017
sometimes a person shows interest in you. "you look beautiful today" & so those simple words make you fall . fall for him or perhaps it's the idea of him. he smells good , you ask to borrow his jacket so you can feel secure as if your wrapped up in your own little cocoon , filled with nothing but him & you. your safe now , nothing could get to you.  his lips are sweet and soft. kisses you so gently that eagerly you want more. that look in his eyes.that look that made you understand the saying 'the eyes are doors to the soul'  for sure you knew this could be real , how could it not? he took you out , you met his friends & showed you off as you would vicariously have make out sessions right in front of them. but you didn't care bc you were in love. young love. young naive love. but than that's the idea of him. bc he leaves you and your heartbroken. your clothes drenched from the tears he left behind. how could he? just leave like nothing. to forgot all that's happened over a few months. but if you take a step back than you would have noticed. how walking hand in hand down the street , smiling & laughing but too much to notice he'd be eyeing all the girls that walked by. or was it at that party where you searched for him after coming back from the restroom only for him to say he also went to the restroom. but clearly you would have seen him , wouldn't you? but you were naive. and so you trusted him. nothing could go wrong. but when did things start acting strange? & so you relive every night you went out. or fought. or kissed. or was it after ***? that's when he stopped all of the little things. & maybe you did notice he wasn't that into you anymore. so you gave him more ***. thinking that would make him stay. in his mind you were old news already. tiresome. & he was ready for a new fling. & you were left to pick up the pieces that he had broken.

he had broken you, into two.
jas Mar 2020
i’m supposed to be asleep right now
but somehow I can’t seem to get my mind right just because I close my eyes
doesn’t mean
I’m in the right mind to sleep if anything
it’s just a dream but all I ever  dream is  nightmares
forever in the dark that leads to the day
the sun shines with his shade
burning on the outside reaching in
the fire and his flames
have found me
jas Feb 2018
the flames flicker back & forth
dancing around
a duet , a trio if you will
on top of the everlasting candle
the scent soothes my skin
almost like the sweet savory taste of your lips
such things make me reminisce

amber teak wood is on the label
seems unordinary , much like a fable
the flame much like you
kept me warm at night
the aroma held me tight
made me feel safe
much like a cradle

how you use to embrace me
but now you can't face me
the smoke blurs your eyes from what you don't want to believe
from what you don't want to see

three wicks on the candle
that's three chances you couldn't handle
play with fire & you'll get burned
when will we ever learn?

& so the aroma may fill the room
but much like the candle
chances with you are forever doomed
the flame may burn but only until it's reached the bottom
or better yet i can just splash some water
and be unbothered

but i will let the flames flicker back & forth
for i know my own worth
& the scent is just a reminder for what i deserve
the warmth of it fills the room once more
& at the end it's one thing i admire
the notion in my bones when i light it afire
jas Jul 2019
i can still feel your breathe on me
i can still your heartbeat
i can feel the sound of your voice traveling underneath
my skin

can you imagine
if you werent here because i cant
i cant
can you imagine
me without you
oh i cant
i cant

its too much
its too late
the stars have already written their fate

the way that your skin brushed across mine
i'll never forget

never be forgotten
the actions that you did
lost in paridise-  evanescense
jas Jul 2018
can you stop
putting words into my mouth
can you stop
when your actions go down south
can you stop
im so tired of forgiveness
if its the last chance
than i beg of you
can you stop
jas Mar 2019
wo oh-oh-oh

hey ey yeah yeah


he said he would change
I guess he couldn't make
a difference
in this life

if its the end
than it's the beginning of
a different reality

oh, and he swears he's gonna change
swear to god by black bear instrumental
jas Mar 2018
we become our surroundings
the outer world tries to mold us into soulless creatures
shaping us into the next generation of disease,
blind to the fact that we are destroying cultures
like its the next big thing
lately, im starting to realize
im the wrong piece to this puzzle
i do not fit, i am the black sheep
fallen off of the never ending cycle

in order to change we must first change ourselves
the one bright star must shine its light onto the others
so that they may discover
there is more than hate out in this world.

the question is time
the question is when
the question is how

to break our habits
pushed onto our neighbors
searching for a cure
in this reckless place on earth
will we ever find the answer before were kicked
in the dirt?
jas Jan 2019
I'm giving you changes
You finally made it
it's safe to say
if I may...
give you my time

will I relapse
give into lies
I need to know

it's just an illusion
i know the confusion
but i disagree
you'll always be mine
one and only


if you knew
what it takes

your body

hey

changes

in the end

changes

in the ennnnnnd
jas Jan 2018
cheers, to the pain
to the boy who forgot your name
to the one who makes you crazy
to the ones getting faded

hold your head up high and your drink up higher
day 26
jas Dec 2017
its dreamy ,Christmas eve
all these presents that I cant believe
could never be for me

its dark
truly a silent night
above all,  I never let out a fright
alone

holidays and such
so I say tis the season
but im leaning on a happy ending
that's not mine

Santa baby
I know you hear me
I'm begging you please
its Christmas eve
and im alone
if someone could answer the phone
than maybe
i’d have a chance to be with you
jas Aug 2018
my dreams turned to nightmares
and i'm afraid
i'm not getting anywhere
running circles passing myself by

day in , day out
the seasons may change but i never do.
always the same
____
i wake up the next day and its always the ******* same
my life is stuck on repeat like starting over a game
that you lost but i'm getting nowhere
not learning anything to help me repair
its all too much and not enough.
the CD has a scratch that i cannot buff
much like my problems, i'm so fed up.
screaming in my head 'like what the ****'
life goes on, and i'm still messed up.

______
my dreams turned to nightmares
and i'm afraid
i'm not getting anywhere
running circles passing myself by

life is funny , fate misleads
what does it cost to just be free?
the devil is waiting to be unleashed
into a never ending circle
to be continued...
jas Sep 2019
you got me spinning around
wrapped around your pretty finger
i've been too up and down
like a rollercoaster

I'm chasing you too much
and you're not reciprocating my love
I'm such a fool when it comes to us

running in circles
wishing for a miracle
post malone - circles
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