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Sep 2020 · 321
this is not a poem
jas Sep 2020
the fact that the price tag is still on the beanie you bought me,
claims the truth
it's not that the little things were priceless,
it's that they turned up worthless
up to no point in return
I'm such a hypocrite saying that I never ******* lie
lately, it seems that I do it all the time
all of the poison that I drank
from the cup you gave me
I should have never accepted
I must have been ******* crazy
you would never deserve a poem from me
I'm already speaking too much
you were never worth a moment of my time
wasted in more ways than one
this bottle of gin never loved me more
the fact that the little **** I see
reminds me of you
and the thought I was once loved
makes me sick
I wish I would have known before that I was meant to fix you up
call me a ******* repairman
man, that's ****** up
what did I ever do to deserve this?
the biggest heart
and never a flinch
but when you look back
you call me a *****
you say the opposite of everything I've ever done
I don't understand that logic
at the end
you're the one who ran
at least after the end of reading this
I can still stand
*caution explicit**
Sep 2020 · 114
jas Sep 2020
giving someone the option to discover what's buried deep inside frightens me
the chance of me opening up screams vulnerability
my demons are aching to break out, rattling the chains so loud
to the point where I can't seem to hear myself think
thoughts are scrambled and anxiety kicks in
who'd ever think to love a villain?
Sep 2020 · 80
jas Sep 2020
been in this world for decades
watching as everything fades
one glance and it's gone
not long enough to form a memory
forgotten into existence
until the next 'almost', rolls around
Sep 2020 · 88
jas Sep 2020
I wanna see the world
through your eyes
take me on an adventure
lately, I haven't gone out much
but I'm willing to quench
my thirst
willing to jump through obstacles
like it's the Olympics
the only game that id want to play
is if I'm going to win
rocky mountains
pacific ocean
take me on a destination
I want to kiss your lips
over the sand dunes
I want to taste your skin
in a world-class museum
so why don't you take me
book me a flight
where we sleep all-day
and up all night
the kind of adventure
the one I would write
if only I could see into your eyes
Sep 2020 · 61
jas Sep 2020
I left behind
the ghost of a girl who thought humanity was breathless
the thought of losing you
leaves me reckless
my mind is chaos
worse now than before
burdens on life weigh heavier,
dragging me to the floor
I left behind the ghost of a girl who believed in dreams
who once thought there was a chance with you and me
reminiscing into a fantasy
always wondered what could be
I guess there is a reason people call it ghosting
because you're never there
it's really just a memory
Sep 2020 · 61
jas Sep 2020
reminiscing on what we once had
tired of my thoughts taking me to the past
don't want to remember
what we once lacked

it wasn't love
yet my heart never gave up
over time
realized what you were made of

apologizing for the **** you did to me
left alone at night
choking on my own tears
you caused, i couldn't breathe

until one day i opened my eyes
wide enough to see through your lies
no longer hiding
no longer looking the other way
while a piece of me dies

when i think about the ripe beginning
we once enjoyed
yet you amazed me
how easily it can be destroyed
Sep 2020 · 146
jas Sep 2020
when I wake up
I'm always starving
with the thought of you on my mind
the taste of you on my tongue
the way you fill me up
breakfast in bed
the way i like your legs

day dreaming
glance at the clock
it's almost time for lunch
searching for you like a hawk
excuse my pardon
but i'm starvin' like marvin'

it's almost time for dinner
i hit the lottery
winner, winner, chicken dinner
i can just feel ya
nice and juicy
as i bite into your leg
all of these emotions i can barely take

maybe after midnight
i want a snack
you're the good thing that happens after 2AM

I've been hungry with you on mind
if you have strings
I'll pull them aside
swear baby, I just want to unwind

you make me feel like a ******
why am I always hungry?
Sep 2020 · 108
jas Sep 2020
you got me daydreaming
about your eyes
I almost forget to breathe
when you stand right next to me
you get me so high
you're out of the universe
the way you got me locked
it's like a curse
i'd never wish this upon anyone else
am i selfish?
only want it for myself
Sep 2020 · 41
jas Sep 2020
your eyes
are the only ones that I want to get lost in
your smile
makes me want to be the reason
your laugh
is music to my heart
thinking of your skin gives me goosebumps
lately, I've been craving your taste
I can never get enough of you
hearing you talk to me turns me on
won't you please baby
crave my satisfaction
out of everyone in this world
you're the one for me
I truly believe dreams come true
but baby, if we're being real
you're more than a dream
Sep 2020 · 42
i just want to feel good
jas Sep 2020
empty and broken
but you never noticed
how quickly I was falling apart

didn't wanna open my eyes
you couldn't open your heart
was I asking too much?

late-night talks
wondering what I did wrong
always felt like a **** up
finally thought I found the right one
but I guess I ****** up there too
shoulda known we were too good to be true

all you ever did was ignore me
so i tried to drink the pain away
swear i tried to fix the problem
all it did was turn me into an alcoholic

i just wanted to feel good, with you by my side
but all you ever did was make me cry

you couldn't decide what you wanted
why'd i have to get caught up in all of it?

i don't want to be broken anymore
loving you shouldn't feel like a chore
constantly looking for excuses
didnt help heal the bruises
left on my heart

i just wanna feel good
get you out of my mind
never wanna be that blind
Sep 2020 · 44
growing apart
jas Sep 2020
sitting here, staring at the screen
wondering what happened to you and me
I saw this coming from a mile away
I guess i just didn't want to believe
Sep 2020 · 45
jas Sep 2020
it's late at night
i've been crying
can't seem to get you out of my mind
got me up all night
wondering why
I was never enough for you

I gave you my all
and then I gave you more
I gave you my heart
but you threw that out the door

I tried to be the girl that you wanted
but I couldn't force you to want me
even after all the tears I shed
I was too blind to see
you weren't the one for me
Sep 2020 · 112
~ alone ~
jas Sep 2020
im alone
but im tired of feeling lonely
stuck at home
like nobody wants me
the sun shining in my window
only brings me down

pull the covers over my head
enough to hide my frown
sitting in bed
staring at my phone
can't remember the sound
of my ringtone

you'd think I'm in hell
the way my chest is on fire
yet my skin's so pale
my coldest desire
a bottle of gin
makes me the worlds best liar

two's company
and three's a crowd
if you invite your friend
things could get loud

take a shot for me
make it a double
might get into trouble
the nights still young
but we're not having any fun

you could keep me warm but the sun is bound to rise
back to my covers
leaving feelings undiscovered
if only you knew
what I dealt with, to begin with
then maybe things could be different

so ill be lonely
if it means that you will call me
but don't leave me hanging
while my eyes get drowsy

don't leave me all alone
Aug 2020 · 45
jas Aug 2020
im there but im not there
Aug 2020 · 51
jas Aug 2020
ive been pushing day and day
been pushing wrong from night
i just want to what's right
Aug 2020 · 62
jas Aug 2020
its passing by
don't you realize

when i open my eyes
i wonder why
another reason to live

here i am
Aug 2020 · 43
jas Aug 2020
sometimes i can't even think
i can't even write
bringing me down, to the last memory
that i had,... don't you worry
Aug 2020 · 47
jas Aug 2020
another sip of a gin
here we are again
night of darkness
seeping in

don't you ever want to take control?.

when we touch
i feel it all
Jun 2020 · 60
jas Jun 2020
all of my life
i could never control inside
it was always
in my mind
for the time
Jun 2020 · 2.3k
savage love
jas Jun 2020
should have known from the very start
you were only going to break my heart
why oh why didn't I see the signs
should have known every day I cried

begging you to love me right
all you ever stayed was quiet
they weren't lying when they say love is blind
couldn't lose you without a fight

but you proved me wrong
over and over again

savage love
you really broke me
savage love
why can't you see
what we coulda been
written to the beat of savage love - jawsh 685
Jun 2020 · 63
jas Jun 2020
never felt so alone
stuck in my room
such a dark place
never felt so cold
chills run down my spine
Jun 2020 · 47
to my followers
jas Jun 2020
I know that most of my prompts have been a bit more on the depressed side than usual. That's because I feel myself going down the rabbit hole far too quickly to keep up with my emotions. I can only put them in so many words. Writing is one way to release these pent up emotions that scar me on the inside. But even writing no longer seems to help. Nothing makes sense to me anymore. No, I am not on the verge of killing myself so I guess you can't really call me suicidal. But, I can say I have thought about dying every day for at least a few months. Thank you, to those who spoke up. I am merely from a standpoint frozen in my mind... frozen in bad thoughts.

it never ends.
May 2020 · 60
jas May 2020
my hearts pounding in my chest
if I knew any better, I'd say I'm depressed
endless thoughts stranded in my mind
the only way to release them is to cry
forcing myself to want to exist
if I was gone, would I be missed?
May 2020 · 88
let go
jas May 2020
it's not that i want to let go
it's that there is nothing left to hold on to
you've proven me wrong each and every time
and yet i have hope
or maybe it's just love
May 2020 · 59
if i died..
jas May 2020
what if i died today?
who would care?
what if i showed my true colors?
empty and bare
I'm dying on the inside so i guess I'm halfway there
sick and tired of hearing that life isn't fair
it's on my mind all the time
in a war between emotions
im tired of fighting
im tired of crying
so what if?
life would be easier if it didn't exist
i can't keep pretending
but if i don't fantasize how will i get by?
never considered myself a liar
but I lie to people every day
because i am not happy
it's been years and only getting worse
i have myself to blame
bc if not me then who else?
you wouldn't care
you don't
if i died you wouldn't even pick up the phone
would you?
May 2020 · 53
jas May 2020
im broken
im bruised
im cut up
im used
May 2020 · 49
jas May 2020
crying myself to sleep
seems like I got a routine
seems like the worlds against me
fighting for a will to love
is it ever enough?
what else can i do?
what else do i have to prove?
May 2020 · 36
jas May 2020
I don't want to let go
but what's left to hold on?
reaching for your arm
for a touch that's so warm
it feels like love
i don't want to let go
but maybe you do
May 2020 · 35
jas May 2020
as i type this out, tears fall from my cheek to the laptop
lately, it seems like I can't stop myself from crying
maybe it's all the alcohol running through my bloodstream that supplies the never-ending tears
as i keep typing i realize, i can't remember what it's like to be sober
to be happy
to breathe
this pain may not be physical but it hurts just the same, maybe worse
when all I ever ask for is reciprocation
and maybe that's too much
this lump in my throat followed by a swig of gin makes me feel less and more simultaneously
all i want is to not feel anymore
to be numb
I only have myself to blame
i guess a toxic trait of mine is putting myself into horrific situations
i just can't seem to learn
when will i?
as i continue typing, i realize words don't do anything for me anymore
it's all about action
but maybe that's asking too much.
May 2020 · 38
jas May 2020
why do we choose toxicity?
we crave peace and tranquility
but we survive on the drama
the intense emotions that rise up inside us
keeping us alive
May 2020 · 53
jas May 2020
will i ever be enough?
crying myself to sleep
tears fill the void just deep enough to drown in it
forced to swallow emotions
sometimes they get stuck like a big lump in your throat
anxiously waiting to be spit back out
whose perfect in this world?
dying to fit in so much that there's little to live for
I guess they were right when they said, "born alone, die alone"
but they forgot to add the part where you go through life alone
I wish there was an option for 'do not disturb', in real life
unless if you count ignoring someone
May 2020 · 51
5 w's (rough draft)
jas May 2020
am I? if not another ruined soul amongst these tortures of will
if at all
is there to discover about me,
or if you even care?
is all of this happening if not back in my mind then in this horror of a lifestyle
can I find myself
definitely not amongst casuals
if at all am I chose to exist in this lifestyle
if I am not the one doing the choosing?
May 2020 · 45
jas May 2020
everyone around as we know it
fights their own demons
whether it be the mind
their body
the people that surround them, constantly
it's so repetitive and yet we choose to ignore it all

it doesn't diminish any priors of the past
the memory can haunt you forever, if willing
May 2020 · 42
jas May 2020
i met someone
kind of reminded me
of a particular place
although i can't place it
the mind plays tricks on me
or I'm tricking my mind
either could work
between two worlds
there is two more
and i can't seem to find which two are mine
not that they belong to me
but if i belonged
would it be to them?
how can i figure such a question?
i could terribly be in the wrong dimension
but no one eve
r speaks of that
and why is that?
can't answer for myself so how am i expected to know everyone else?
the easy way out is just not listening
just not
don't let your thoughts exist
except i do
can't help it
and maybe that's my problem
that's the joke that was so funny
in the beginning

except, i never laughed.
May 2020 · 69
think about it
jas May 2020
is reality your nightmare or is your nightmare reality?
May 2020 · 41
love is?
jas May 2020
this feeling inside me devours every inch of my brain
just picks at it until there is nothing left but scattered ashes
left is the remains of what was
absolutely nothing

gravity isn't the thing that weighs me down but it's the thing that keeps me standing upright
I guess that's the one good thing about living here on earth

you know, I have heard a saying "hell is other people", but in this case, hell is living with myself.
living with the idea that once was,
am I to blame myself for not receiving the energy I so wish to deserve
let alone, being enough to deserve anything

love is outer space
enough to view the twinkle in the stars at night
or the moon and all of its phases
it's enough to feel the warmth of the sun glistening on your skin
to embrace the clouds and the sunsets that exist so effortlessly beautiful

yet, far from me to even reach
to want something that is just in the tips of your fingertips but not enough to grasp onto it
fighting for a feeling to live a love that flows carelessly

if I should disappear, would I still exist in your mind?

at the end of the day, what's left to hold on to?
May 2020 · 52
jas May 2020
chasing after energy can leave you effortlessly tired
you attract what you give out and yet it's never enough
Apr 2020 · 47
jas Apr 2020
I want to be the flower that you pick
it's orange and yellow with a bright green stem,
shouldn't have been picked just yet
but that's what you chose
it was me
I mean it could have been
but there was a time in the past
that I was still seeded in the ground
and wasn't able to allow me to grow
and that's when you picked me
I wasn't ready
or maybe you couldn't nurture me
which is it?
Apr 2020 · 41
jas Apr 2020
hurting myself seems fun
the salt in the wound
gives me a run,
for my life
just wanna live enough
to give me that edge
maybe it's all I ever needed
Apr 2020 · 50
jas Apr 2020
thought i had someone
to love
i was in love
to someone
forever felt that one
in my heart
it beat for you
Apr 2020 · 47
jas Apr 2020
all my life
i've begged for peace
I can't imagine what you'd do with me

all these years
my hearts have been aching
can't you believe it?
Apr 2020 · 43
jas Apr 2020
don't want to live
or breathe
or set foot int this world anymore
I think its too much pain
I have to endure
why should I?
Apr 2020 · 43
jas Apr 2020
tired of being alone
would you even bother to pick up the phone?
begging for attention
is not what I ever wanted
Apr 2020 · 45
living hell
jas Apr 2020
tears bleed red
down the stream
where i can’t breathe
the taste of salt coming into my mouth
burning down my throat
stabbing pains start to feel velvety
as i wither away to numbness
i watch the scars imbed themselves into my skin
and then i wake
i awake the demons lurking in the shadows of my mind
they remain dark unbothered my the sunlight
anonymous to everyone but me
hell becomes reality
Apr 2020 · 52
jas Apr 2020
crying my eyes
they burn red
down the stream
where I can't breathe
scars burn into my skin
knives feel like velvet
the touch between us
Apr 2020 · 31
jas Apr 2020
alcohol on my mind
alcoholic brain
read the signs
you know I'm not the same
here I am
Apr 2020 · 28
jas Apr 2020
i don't like being
six feet apart
my own feelings
it tears me apart
don't you kno
what did you mean to me?

a whole catastrophe
Apr 2020 · 33
jas Apr 2020
so i've been thinking
chills run down my body
how could I even know?
Apr 2020 · 31
jas Apr 2020
tired of feeling this way
how can I ever stray
away from the fact
this is my life
Mar 2020 · 44
jas Mar 2020
trying to bring you closer to me is only pushing you farther from my reach
connecting to a ghost is a pale memory of wanting to exist
amongst the rest
an endless cycle of highs and lows
a constant rollercoaster
breaking down in the midst of it all
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