Addicted
craving and sleeze
Because every time i breathe
Adds a prescription of anesthetic I need
To benumb shaking hands
And passive aggressive thoughts
Passing when our eyes
Forget that our demise could be prevented
With one gentle cry of mirth

My skin screams from all the sights it must take
And every touch on this earth
Crawls with aggressive ****
But my gentle breaths
Make my heart flutter without beat
And that is all, not of death,
The world must ask of me.

How long have you sat there,
With your hands folded into your lap?

Or are you even a painting,
Maybe just a statue of marble and glass?

Painting a statue could be considered a crime,
In a way, plagiarism  
Whereas chasing after a thief of natural beauty,
Would be worth more of the time

Such a cruel trick to play- stealing such a gift
From someone who had received it
From the best sender yet
If the thief thought that the victim should prove herself
How wrong he would have been
If she had not been worthy or ready
It would not have been sent

The anxiety that builds up in your chest
Makes it harder to take every breath

The cascade of tears that drowned you in fear
You need someone but no one wants you near

All these broken promises and cuts on your heart
You're just one choke from falling apart

You embrace your hunger and eat in fear
Maybe one day this will all just dissappear

Your enemies are just outside the door
Maybe you just can't take it anymore...

But wake up my soldier, pick up ur knife,
Maybe it's time for one last fight

Open that door and let those angels in...
Your enemies will break you down, but you will never let them win

They're the reason why you're here... The reason why this started...
It would make no sense now if you gave up and departed

Hold on to that last hope,
Hold on to that rope,
These dangerous items won't even help you cope...

I know that
Im supposed to follow the love
And supernatural goodness
In this life

But i love the feeling
Of sweet sorrow
The humanity
Behind pain

The beauty of
Sobbing every
Raw word
Musicality out of sight

Will I not reach Heaven
For finding beauty
In such pain?

Taken from me,
my will
or these shatterings,

Pieces of every sensible answer,
what helped me
through these insanities,

Pride
I thought I had
in this glass box of mine

Which makes it funny how
when I let it slip through my fingers
love of myself was all I could find

Drawing out the words it contains,
To my cigarette, it lights its flame

Reaching for the blunt-reverse psychology
It turns around, burns its hole inside of me

So my lungs continue to thicken
Fog that will reverse my death from a quicken

Keeping me out of reality infinitely
So my cigarettes become my life
My poetry

I am but a rose of beginning green,*
imprisoned to darkness all day,
within a monumental fiend,
who covers up the radiance that I want to give away

Occasionally a small opening would be sewn
into the darkness' fiery grasp
and your pure radiance could be shown
concealed in a kindhearted mask

Share your light with me
and for you I will light the way
wrapped in an unfamiliar livery
prepared for our intimacy till the end of our days

We will cross waters on a homebound stretch
and become fuel for our endurance,
so beautifully etched

I'll take my chances, following the sun
the garden we grow
means that together, we are one

Share your light with me,
and forever I will stay.
my petals can become your livery
we need each other, I daresay.

If I tried to leave
Would you put up a fight?
Or would you watch me go
And only remember me for the night

When was the last time
That you took initiative
I cant remember the last time you tried
To show that I mattered in your life

And i want to leave
My heart says i wont last
But what if you still care for me
Would I be giving up too fast?

I feel like ive done everything
Ive thrown my whole self in
Grab me
Please
And hold me

Show me you care
That there is something left
In the me that i gave to you

Because i cant tell
Whats real
Or what just feels good

Her heart beat at each crossroad
and her breathing demanded her not to slow
so she dosed herself with the signs and senses
and let the blood flow to deep crevices


Decisions, not an answer she could steal
From Everything, her gift was not to feel
But empty, oh empty brought pain
It was narcotic, keeping so many sane


Everything, Compelling Everything;
thought you had a way for me
Right under your nose, I fill my senses to the brink;
making me feel just so beautifully

Everything, Oh Everything,
how could you possibly see?
I love the way you keep on laughing
at us for breathing our own fatality

I remain silent . . .

but I'm afraid

that . . .

I have been

Silent

for so long



that I must speak on the inside

but on the inside I can only scream




These screams are so loud

it hurts

and I am afraid that

I have busted my ear drums

and can no longer hear myself anymore,

inevitably stuck in an endless silence, unaware that

I am hardly alive anymore

Dead or alive.
How can I know the difference,
either way, I've been "useful" all my life.

No love from life
nor life from love
until it was taken away,
by a man who's manipulation drove . . .

Tears I took for my savior
and joy from a dripping arm.
Crimson for my delicacy,
he claimed he didn't mean any harm.

His carnal needs only shoved
visions, a painful lance.
I will gladly fall from love
with a first and last glance.

Please save me from the ungloved,
forceful hands creeping down my intimates . . .

A Way with words
A Way with wonder
A Way with thoughts
A Way with ponder

A Way with daydreams
and lucid reminiscence
A Way with bursting at the seams
with thought's threaded essence

A Way: The wrong way it is
for seriousness to attend
A Way: The wrongness from righteousness
of so many acceptences to bend

Help
Ive let myself slip
Living in this asylum
Im losing my mind over myself

Caretakers
Accuse themselves of being careful
All i could hope for as they held
My heart in their hands
But nailclippers are not allowed here

Of course I know im insane
Becuase those caretakers
And anxiety
Are the same

Why do tears drip down our face
Droplets of anger make empty a feeling
When all we want is an embrace
Yet nothing does much healing

Inside I feel anger
Sometimes it floods out my eyes
This smile just might be my disquise

Inside my anxiety creeps up and holds my neck,
But sometimes i wonder if i were on the verge of death,
Would it be a joy to take my final breath?

Your eyes are usually winning,
Yet the blood keeps on dripping
Onto the floor i try to hold..

Pouring out of my soul following the void,
The bright light has wonders untold

Why do tears drip down my face
Droplets of acid make nothing a feeling
I guess I'm just a disgrace...

In the mirror you make no glisten
yet you are so real
and I still have to listen;
my reality, my dreams steal

My mind binds me
away from trusting;
why must I not speak
to the only things that amount to something?

Why are you so quiet?
Silence eats at my insides
anxiety bites
my stomach, decaying matter resides

My infectious disease
quite ugly, pain filling with ******
You ruined me, I miss your thrills
left my tongue with stretch marks from abundance of pills...

On the Dark Side of the moon
where the ground lay frozen
is a prophecy due soon
although its forgotten words are left unspoken

It begins with a tale of violence and slaughter
while a wanderer prepares himself
for his encounters with these monsters

They say its all in his head
he believes people call to him,
"Save me from this dread!"
if only he knew the truth, but it may be too grim

He thinks he's Superman, and holds the power within

On the Dark Side of the moon
where the ground lay frozen
is a prophecy due soon
although its forgotten words are left unspoken

It begins with a tale of violence and slaughter
while a wanderer prepares himself
for his encounters with these monsters

They say its all in his head
he believes people call to him,
"Save me from this dread!"
if only he knew the truth, but it may be too grim

He thinks he's Superman, and holds the power within

Hold me
Not for you but for me

Look at me and see
My happiness as something
You want

Not for you
But for me

My grandfather’s house
Was extremely far away
In memory and physical distance
Yet I still remember everything to this day

I was small, and the pebbles beside his path
Had seemed at the time fairly large
And the weather- so windy and cool
The beach had always ensured

The piano that stands near my living room now
Was the same one standing in his
It was the one on which I learned how
To play and read the notes written in dark ink
So perfectly varnished before
My grandmother’s piano, then his

I will especially remember,
His love for pistachios
And how I could not open them, not ever
I don’t think I loved them as much as he did
But I will love him forever

The last time I saw him
I realize now I had never seen someone
At so much peace
My pistachio-loving grandfather
Someone to never forget