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Tasman Suitor Nov 2016
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Today was my greatest accomplishment,
An achievement round which I rally


And yet you're another absentee.


I drank from the pool of triumphs sweet,
Bitter as you would not share with me


For instead you're another absentee


Do not mistake their value is rare to me
But it seems an incomplete victory


Without you,
Absentee
After having climed and descended mt. Bogong. There is phone signal at the top and it was a moment I shared, but not with everyone I wish I could have
Tasman Suitor Aug 2017
This body of mine, bears no resemblance to the creature that lives inside.

Certainly the mind is willing but the flesh is weak. Or is it just that the mind isn't willing enough?

Trapped.

Every angle, every turn.

I can't defeat the fatigue that comes with an unyielding beat.

I can't control the pulse that races,
the limbs that twitch
and the torso convulses.

These hands that trace shoulders and arms, a body clean from these inside scars.

The fingers like daggers wished for seem, to distract from this nightmarish dream.

But beneath this frame that trembles and shakes, there is a boy with hopes unseen.

A man perhaps trapped through habit and fear.

A person whose body though battered and bruised, scarred and used, wishes
to be just like you.
Sometimes I forget what my body can't do. Sometimes I wish I could forget what it can
Tasman Suitor Oct 2017
In this cucoon
My world though smaller
Isn't much better
But at least I'm king
Yes, my bed is a favourite place of mine
Tasman Suitor Oct 2016
My subconscious keeps me honest
It knows just who I am.
It knows my darkest secrets,
It knows my whole life plan.

Sometimes in dreams it tells me
The things that I forget
The things I have left behind,
The things I wait for yet.

I guess at times I've divorced myself
From the person that's inside.
From the flaws now hidden,
From the dreams I hide.

But my subconscious wants me happy
And so I'll listen now
And so I'll feed subconscious
And so I'll make me proud
Tasman Suitor Nov 2017
Safe, warm, though not in love's embrace;
But just your voice in it's place.

Drifting in comfort on a sea of bliss,
Knowing that come light I'll miss this.

Because moments like these seem to forever extend,
You'd never dream from here that one day they'll end.
To everyone that has ever meant something to me.
Tasman Suitor May 2017
I lay awake, taunted it seems,
By memories long dead.
Faces and places clear in ink,
Waiting to be read.

Why hold onto this now lost dream,
Filled with hurt and pain.
Instead I walk into reality bright
And maybe love again.
Goodbye and Hello. I like this reality a lot.
Tasman Suitor Oct 2016
I watch with pride as you stand there
Just as handsome, same dark hair.
Doing what you've watched me do,
Before: you'd let me help you too.

You talk with strength you learnt from me,
You teach, you learn, you serve, you lead.
As your hero though, you don't quite see,
You four are my greatest legacy.

Not the awards, or triumphs or stories.
Neither my work or former glories.
For as I watch, you still so young
You already are so far along.

The things I wanted and crafted for,
The person that I wasn't before
You've become the heroes in my eyes,
I guess it shouldn't be surprised.

Because you look for something higher
You've learnt my greatest skill: desire.
It makes me proud because I find,
They are just like mine.
Tasman Suitor May 2017
Pony Tails belong on Ponies,
And yet she still insists,
To have one on her head
Swept back in utility bliss.

From there she can study
And run her errands
Paint paper, not her hair
And hide away split ends

In truth it is beautiful,
Even if it is just function,
For finding ways to live a dream,
Really takes some gumption.
Messing around one night challenging a friend to write about the most random things we could think of. I got pony tails but probably ended up writing about them.
Low
Tasman Suitor Oct 2016
Low
Grappling. Grasping. Reaching. Sinking.
Cocooned in this pit of mine.
Enveloped in its darkness.

Calling. Shouting. Hoping. Nothing.
No rescuers left to help.
Just me for company.

Accepting. Settling. Slumping. Resting.
Tired of survivals effort.
Weary of the ache.

Holding. Listening. Thinking. Waiting.
Waiting.
Waiting.

Sinking.
Luckily I managed to learn to climb.
Tasman Suitor Apr 2018
I once would stare at stars above
and ask them where you’d be.
I don’t have to ask them anymore;

you’re right here next to me.

And now when stars above
sleep under blanket cloud.
I remember those questions asked,

and smile because you’re found.
I never thought that I wouldn't be disappointed by a cloudy night sky.
Tasman Suitor Oct 2016
If I was my life to read,
I think I'd find a tragedy.

But with each page I turn
I'd find something new to learn.

Perhaps on one I'd shed a tear,
On another I'll fill with fear.

At times I'll be an action drama,
At others something calmer.

But as I run out of pages and space,
A bleaker ending I seem to face.

Each character highlights a new flaw,
And I wonder how there could be more.

This book may brings its highs and lows,
But it's ****** no one knows.

That is one thing I can't forget:
I haven't read the ending yet.
Tasman Suitor Oct 2016
In looks on faces
And movie lines
From quiet places
To remembered times

Always I seem to find
I cannot but stop and think of you.

The old ticket stubs
And restaurant meals
Our sporting clubs
And running in heels

Always I seem to feel
I cannot but stop and think of you

The brightest smile
My favourite yet
Every mile
Was worth the debt

Cos since we first proper met
I cannot but stop and think of you
Tasman Suitor Nov 2016
Here it is.
My downward flight,
Printed clearly in black and white.
Numbers falling
Clear to see

But behind it is the death of me.


Yet there is also
A hopeful bounce,
Signs of a demon trounced.
Numbers climbing
Clear to see

The story that is making me.
Tasman Suitor Oct 2016
I'll show you these scars and the stories they tell,
The things that I carry and the things I hide well.

You'll listen with the grace and poise that's expected,
But I'll fear when I'm done I'll find myself rejected.

Some time has healed, while others have not,
Some I've fixed, while others I've left and now rot.

You'll try to soothe them through kisses and words,
But deep inside me the river of pain is still stirred.

But they're not yours to fix and not mine to keep,
It's not through you my relief I should seek.

I've carried these things and I carry them still,
I can overcome them now through my own will.

I just ask that you'll believe me and on me risk,
A life we can build on a first and a last kiss.
Tasman Suitor Apr 2017
Apologies for the apology.
The backpedaling from foolish mistakes.
Traversing the sincere to the desperate,
Watching this world crumble around me.

Sincerely though I'm sorry.
It gives me no right to expect redemption
Nor do I, for I know the damage caused.
And truly that's why I wish this apology.

Could do more than just fill air.
Tasman Suitor Aug 2017
You see the ink of this pen was pain, it was all there was to feel.
Bringing shade and hues to a painting that was being lived in black and white.

I said you were my muse and yet the ink ran out:
I had no sorrow to write about.

I didn't need prose or couplets or stanzas, just the knowledge that when I'd wake up you'd be there too.

For life may make beautiful art and writing, but it's the living it that makes it so inspiring.

Yet now this salty ink flows again, but I don't wish it in you too my friend.

Because the love that I felt too, means I only want the happy best for you.
So much to say but not words to say it. This garbage work will have to do
Tasman Suitor Nov 2016
I cease to forget under this endless sky,
A starlit expanse filled with moments clear.

Each twinkle brings a vision burning,
The silent void brings history to ear.

In panorama each scene, each line;
Taunt now through time’s sure distance.

They wash over, flooding a marooned mind,
Memories from which I have no resistance.
Eltham Memorial Tower
Tasman Suitor Oct 2016
We are strangers now,
Well strangers again;
My life is empty of you my friend.
Back to where we once started.
You pass me by like a ghost,
Out of everything it hurts the most.

It was meant to be a new life:
But this is not the one I wanted,
For now; I am haunted.
Every call, every message,
I hope to see your name there.
Now though I wonder if you even care

Do you wander too?
Through these streets alone.
Do you feel deserted in your own home?
Are you kept up at night,
By dreams of what’s passed.
Wonder of how long the pain can last.

We are strangers now,
But only by choice.
Yet oh how I yearn for this strangers voice.
Sun
Tasman Suitor Oct 2016
Sun
Dark. Cold. Alone.
Watching for day break,
Counting the hours,
Wondering if a sun will wake

Slowly it crests,
Natures beauty on display.
Promise of warmth,
Promise of a new day

Brighter the light
Fills an empty space
Warming the chill air
Leaving new life in its place

Warmer the day gets
Warmth turns to heat
Some embrace it
Others hide from nature's feat

Fear of the pain
That comes from burning
They hide from the sun
And the warmth they're yearning

But Evening comes
Now they bask a little longer
Now longing for the mid days heat
But sun grows no more stronger

And so returns the darkness
Retreating life to home
Another night to face,
Dark. Cold. Alone
Tasman Suitor Sep 2017
Every
          Second
                       Closer
                                  Yet.
To what though?
Happiness? Reward? Regret?

Unchecked though, time now still advances.
Leaving me to find the answers.

What task today have I completed,
What time today have I fleeted?

Railroaded though by time it seems,
Only ticks bring closer dreams.

How can I fill the expanse life gives
From outside will others say “he lives”?

For now I live each second given,
Allow my life by time be driven.

And maybe one day find the path
That will bring me to my last.

I'll choose to use my time set

                                Every
                   Second
       Closer
Yet
Insomnia blows. Mocked by the clock
Tasman Suitor Feb 2017
No words describe,
The voice inside
That speaks.
In Feelings,
Not in prose,
Emotions in mind closed.
Tasman Suitor Sep 2017
You used to call
At times like these
From the dark of a starless sky.
Filling the night so perfect yet cold
And the stillness I lived in.

You used to remind
At times like these
From the shadows hidden in.
Searching for a place to lift
Bringing the light abandoned

You used to laugh
At times like these
Creating dim lit memories
That shone unyielding I hoped
Though time erased

You used to say
At times like these
Nothing at all and yet
It meant everything needed
Simply knowing

You used to
Well I don’t know
Some, mirrors need no sight
Because the future is ahead of me
And used to is used.
As much as I write about the pain, there have been good times I swear.

— The End —