It flows
Like blood
Like fire
Like tears down my face
It hurts
Like love
Like hate
Like an end of the days
I want
I need
I don't even care
I cry
I weep
But nobody's there
The balcony is calling
Softly
Sweetly
It hurts to ignore
The ground below it
What am I waiting for?
The knife is whispering
Inside my head
It hurts to ignore
The peace behind the blade
What am I waiting for?
The  fire is calling
In my hand
It hurts to ignore
It's lung killing brand
What am I waiting for?
**** me
Hurt me
I'm so immune
Stab me
Laugh
Drive the knife home
Unfair with me
But not with them
Because you love them
You love them
You do
I'll **** them
And then **** you
Because I hate you
I hate you
I do
I'm insane
I've crossed the line
I feel the heady
On the Joy of time
After you've taken to much
After so little
I'm insane
I am
I look to the mirror
It speaks to me
I yell as my answer
As I am guilty
The mirror laughs
Like it always does
Then morphs into me
And by then
Through the tears
I can barely see
I hurt, I hurt
But I'll never let it show
Right down to the day I **** myself. No
Point in denying my end is my own
And I'll see to my life, on the way home
My head is collapsing
But my eyes are wide open
My shoulders crumble
My torso dissolves
But my legs keep walking
Until they fall
And fall they do
However, they fall up
And my head is abandoned
While my legs float up
I've no way to regain
The rest of myself
And what's left of me
Is still useless
Collecting dust on the shelf
And there's no one to love
And no one who'll love
There's no one to smile with
No one to talk to
And yet, all in all
I still stop in awe
As I look at those people
That I called friends
Who know so much
But so little in the end
And my family
Which isn't family at all
And my father whom I hate
And mother I abhor
And sisters I despise
What am I waiting for?
I could end it all
End it all tonight
**** them all
And leave at first light
And that's when I remember
I'm not truly insane
I put the knife away
And scold my brain
A stick of cancer at my lips
To chase the thoughts away
And as I inhale
I feel saner in every way
A fake smile that carries me through the day
I show it to my friends
And brush away
My problems, my issues
Because I don't matter
They should be happy
As my heart shatters
Four years, four years
Since my insanity began
I found love
I lost it again
I gave up my body
For hasty "I love you's"
Gave up my soul
Though I didn't mean to
Gave up my heart
I gave it to him
He thanked me
Took it
And left with it
A lifeless
Loveless
Disgusting corpse, I am
A foolish
Hopeful
Shell of what I used to be
I'm still waiting
Still hoping
But It'll never come
Just a bit too ugly
A bit too mean
A bit too caring
A bit too confident
A bit too smart
A bit too dumb
A bit too Me
To ever find love
A bit too paranoid
A bit too hurt
A bit too aggressive
A bit too hateful
To ever want it
A bit too human
A bit too desperate
A bit too needy
A bit too clingy
A bit too expecting
To not need it
And the Balcony calls me
And the Noose calls me
And the Knife calls me
And the Flame calls me
And Death is just behind their voices
And I run
Run
Run
And they follow
**** me
**** me now
I'd like to fly
To be free
Above the clouds
Or at the very least die
For the absence of sound
I'd exalt in that second
Where I would be free
Before the fire's of hell
Would rear up to claim me
I'd laugh
I'd scream
I know I'd shout
As I let the years
Of suppressed insanity out
And I roar it down
Onto the Earth
Until everyone feels my pain
But before I let the thought fester
I shake the insanity away
It's funny how
I think I'm insane anyway
I'm just a normal child
With a bit more pain
Wearing  my heart on my sleeve
In the pouring rain
And so I beg one last time
**** me
**** me dead.

I blamed you before, but not anymore
I'll cry out my pain, stop beating the horse slain
I'll move past the lies, stand up tall and try
I swear I'll be great, when I'm given my clean slate

I won't forgive him, no, I won't hate him though
He did me wrong, yes, but it's time to move on
I'll put down my knives, maybe have one last cry
I'll suit up for hardships, stop running from relationships

I'll fix myself up, take risks and try my luck
I won't be scared of everything, I'll live for the next spring
I won't hang myself anymore, I know fixing me up was a chore
And you won't have to worry, because this time I'm sorry

You'll never have to hurry home, wondering what I've done
Never have to cry, thinking, once again, I've tried to die
I'll start looking for love, maybe give someone my trust
I won't fester in my hurt, I'll actually do my work

I'll be better, I promise
I'll be better, I swear
I'll be better, in time
I'll be better this year

I'll find the people who love me
For being only who I am
I'll find those people and you'll see
I'm no longer the sacrificial lamb

And yes, this is my revenge
Living the best I can
And I'll live to show him I'm better
I'll be better than that man

I'll learn from his mistakes
I'll treat my children right
I know I've what it takes
I'll make it through these nights

So just wait for me
If you think I'm worth the time
I'll fix myself
And take the life that's mine

There was a fork in the path and I chose right
And right was the wrong way to go
I could ponder the holdings that left had to offer
But the wrongs of right are all I know.

There was a fork in the path and I chose the less taken
And it seems it was abandoned for good cause
I could regret and bemoan my decisions now
But I am impossibly and urgently lost.

There was a fork in the path and I deviated from the map
Not a single person told me I'd gone the wrong way
And now I meander down roads not meant for me
Looking for shelter, a place to stay.

Is a pack, is a clique,
Is a group of tightly-knit friends
People who can rely on me
The way I'd rely on them.

                                                        Bu­t people these days are plastic dolls
                                                        Car­bon copies, cardboard homes

And paper mache walls.
Disappointing, fake, humanoid clones.

His little lover drowned downtown the
Emotions little lover found through sound he
Didn't know were too deep, little lover wasn't found but
Little lover sank and drowned.

Her little lover drowned on the highway the
Feelings in the songs little lover played were
Too heavy, even on a good day so
Little lover sank on the highway.

Little lover couldn't swim through pain
Little lover couldn't float on the thoughts from the brain
Little lover couldn't get a single break
Little lover just sank, sank, sank.

And he's crying, and she's crying
Little lover wasn't dead, little lover's dying
No one even saw lover's head above the waves
So little lover's somewhere rotting in the lake.

The funeral had only two attendees that
Weren't paid just to weep and look sad and
Little lover would've hated everything about
That funeral if little lover was still around.

Little lover didn't get a pair of wings
Or fly to heaven to forever sing
And little lover isn't burning in hell
But little lover isn't alive and well.

Little lover disappeared in a second
Little lover ceased to exist then
And little lover didn't tell, not a sound
Little lover just drowned.

I am empty
I have nothing to give
And this feeling prevails in me
Affecting how I live

Something is hurting
Deep inside of me
And there is no direction
In the chaos, the insanity

Something is aching
Perhaps behind my eyes
But everything is okay
lies, lies, lies

Something is throbbing
In the recesses of my brain
And I reach and reach
And find nothing but pain

Something is tired
Ready to be put to rest
Knife at my throat
One last breath

Something is hurting
A dull, aching pain
And I'd give anything
Never to feel again

Something's hurting
Can you help me?
Something's hurting
Make it stop, please.

Something's fed up
Blood down my arms
Something's crying
With only itself to harm

Something is empty
Just a bag of organs and blood
Something is wondering
If it really could

Something's resolving
Something's got a gun
Something's going on
Something's finally won

Because Something's hurting
And nobody cares
And when Something's fading fast
Who will be there?

biting my tongue on words it's too early for
grasping at air like you're there to be touched
craving your voice from sunup to sundown
praying, begging, these hopes wont be crushed

its your magnetism
its what pulls me to you
its the way you inspire me
its the things i want to say and do

i think about you constantly
with you im at my happiest
i want to hear you all the time
as im nursing this single wish

its your magnetism
its your voice your words
its your smile that i adore
its your laughter as my reward

theres a plane with my name on it
thats what im hoping for
theres fifteen thousand miles
and im done with each one, no more

i feel like a child again
the world is my oyster
space is the limit on my dreams
and you're a star cluster

She is unhappy
She feels so scarred
She feels so ugly
She feels so large

She looks so tired
She looks so trapped
She seems so sad
So broken, so snapped

She doesn't cry like an angel
Her eyes are puffy and her face is a mess
She gives silent heaves and wipes at her nose
And she knows she as ugly as everyone says

She ***** in her cheeks
Pinches her nose
Pulls up her brows
Then drops the pose

She changes her clothes
She fixes her nails
She cuts her hair
And no one cares

She slathers on foundation
Stains her lips with rouge
Conceals every imperfection
Stills her hair with mousse

She still feels ugly
She still feels overweight
She still won't eat a bite of food
Until she feels she looks great

But that day isn't coming
She is judged everyday
By that mirror and that scale
And the model on the front page

She's fat, she knows it
She's not in perfect shape
There's no thigh gap
There's no one that likes her face

And she's staring at the mirror
Seeing her reality
She wants to look better
She wants to be pretty

She's staring at the mirror
She's waiting for the image to change
She's waiting for her work to pay off
She checking every single day

And she's staring in the mirror
It's been years and she still doesn't fit
And she's staring at the mirror
But never once has she liked the image

It boggles the simple mind
That one such as you exists.

Adoration, Admiration, Awe, and Respect.

Like water through the deepest valley
Or snow on the highest peak
You exude creativity
So brilliantly bright and clean.

It baffles the simple soul
That one like you remains unknown.

Humility, Modesty, Understanding, Calm.

You're a quiet shock to the system
Of what society's expected
You're a reflection of a vision
Of a utopia unblemished.

I never once said I'd do it for fame
But what else do you call being a household name?
I never once implied I needed validation
But what other use do I have for recognization?

I've never once managed to specialize in a talent
Since when was focusing on a skill such a challenge?
I've never once suggested I needed any fanfare
But who would complain if the world can't help but stare?

I'd never once say I wanted to be idolized
But there's no harm in giving it a try.
This is my denial of my own motivations
I just want validification in the form of recognition.

the cool pressure of the deep
presses down around her
the fish are her friends
the water is her home
beautiful princess
who lives in the sea
not quite alien
but new to humanity
naive and reckless
she swims so free
may she never be touched
by earth's depravity
innocent and loving
she swims away
and she will return again
every single day
she'll frolic, she'll play
until the sun leads her away
beautiful princess
who lives for the day

I expect more from you
Because I'd be willing to
But if its more than you can do
Then I'm willing to do so for you

If you won't take the first step
I'll take it, and all the rest
I'll do whatever comes next
Because it's what you expect

We'll be friends till the day we die
And whatever comes after that time
May the trials pass us by
As we live til', in age, we are ripe

And you'll never once question or
Wonder why I'm satisfied without more
And when death comes knocking on the door
I'll explain that that's what friends are for.

This is where we are not alone
This is where we call home
This is where we put down our knives
This is where we repent for our lives
This is where we put down the masks
This is where we drink our lasts
This is where titles cease to exist
This is where we evaporate into mist
This is where we lay down our pride
This is where we go to hide
This is where we go to weep
This is where we **** the innocent sheep
This is where we wash away the blood
This is where we attempt to trust
This is where we strip ourselves of black
This is where we find all we lack
This is where we find our roots
This is where we bury them in ash and soot
This is where we run away
This is where we all shall stay
This is where we pass the guilt
This is where we slide the knife in to the hilt
This is where we suffer from nightmares
This is where we pretend to care
This is where we hear what goes bump in the night
This is where we go to confide
This is where we find the wild ones
This is where we make them run
This is where we put them down
This is where we feel safe and sound
This is where we are the killers we are
This is where we lick our scars
This is where we dream of death
This is where we sob with regret
This is where we feel apathy set in
This is where we go to begin again
This is where we stay as there's nowhere else
This is us, we're begging for help
**We must be killers
Children of the wild ones
We must be killers
Where we got left to run?

I'll sing my own funeral song
And attend my wake alone
I'll write and read my eulogy
And drive my hearse home.

I'll sing my own funeral song
Send my own soul to rest
I'll pray over my casket
And mourn my life and death.

I'll sing my own funeral song
Place a single flower on my grave
I'll out myself into the ground
And cover my stilled face.

The Tallenge scam is still alive and well
Be careful with your art loves
Before they **** it to hell
Don't give anyone your trust.

I'll get back to you
In a second, in a minute, in a day, in a month
I'll return your call
Remind me ten times, five times, two times, once
I'm not safe for the public
Not today, not tomorrow, not two days from now
I'm not good at friendship
Ask me when, ask me where, ask me why, ask me how.

But in half a decade
I'll want you once, want you twice, want you a hundred times
Wait on me six years
I'll be loving, I'll be sweet, I'll be adoring, I'll be kind.
Forget me completely
I'll chase you ten, twenty, five hundred miles
Treat me meanly
I'll grovel, I'll plead, I'll beg for a smile.

Ignore my words
I'll panic, I'll shudder, I'll crave your attention
Shower me in love
I'll sneer, I'll scoff, I'll hate your affection.
Beg me home
You may bite my dust, kiss my ***, send me west
Leave me alone
I'll ***** myself out, love you down, bite your neck.

Daddy Dearest
With your fingers 'round my neck
Daddy Dearest
The definition of a wreck
Daddy Dearest

Daddy, Daddy
Did you know I want you dead?
Daddy, Daddy
Did you know I've tried to **** myself?
Daddy, Daddy

Daddy Dearest
It's my turn to beat you up
Daddy Dearest
Isn't that how you show 'love'?
Daddy Dearest

Daddy, Daddy
It's my turn to fling you down the stairs
Daddy, Daddy
We've got to play this game fair
Daddy, Daddy

Daddy Dearest
It's your turn to slice your veins
Daddy Dearest
It's your turn to go insane
Daddy Dearest

Daddy, Daddy
It's my turn to tell you you're worthless
Daddy, Daddy
It's my turn to tell you you're useless
Daddy, Daddy

Daddy Dearest
It's my turn to tell you how much I hate you
Daddy Dearest
It's my turn to put down what you look up to
Daddy Dearest

Daddy, Daddy
It's my turn to **** your cat
Daddy, Daddy
It's my turn to watch you cry whilst I laugh
Daddy, Daddy

Daddy Dearest
Do you see what you've done?
Daddy Dearest
The monster has always won
Daddy Dearest

When all I'm doing is enjoying your presence?
When I can't decide whether I want to hear your voice?
When all I'm doing is taking in your appearance
But, to pursue you, I don't plan on making that choice?

This is my version of a crush, I suppose
Subjecting myself to a beautiful Hell
More than ready to be led by the nose
Breaking off bits of my heart for you to sell

I'm not looking for love in this
Just someone to sympathize
And then I'll wonder why I didn't get you
When I never even tried.

the future is a black hole i'm not ready to observe
stagnation; fear, get me out, let me flee
it follows me, stays out of reach, i don't want to hear it
don't want to see it, escapism, cover me, hide me

i'm terrified, what is this, stop asking questions
i don't know, i don't know, i hate it, i don't know
what, when, where, why, how; too much, too much
scratch at the walls of the cell until it lets me go

find it, find something, find anything, a purpose
a meaning, a cause, a reason; i have none
find fun, find joy, find desperation in the correct sense
and for all those born with it, the battle's half-won

are you happy, are you content, are you living your best life
are you intrigued, can you make sense, are you ready to go
are you working, are you motivated, are you productive
no, the answer is this fearful, no

the future chases me, im running in place, let me get away
escapism, stagnation, terror, and terrified apathy
the future is now, it is later, it has already past
drown, suffocate, sprinting and always coming in last

I am a creature of touch
Words are never enough
Say what you will
But prepare to back it up.

A hand on my shoulder
A kiss to the cheek
A tight hug that lingers
Say more than words you speak.

A brush of hands
So slight, I know,
Carries more comfort
Than words could tow.

A hand on the neck
Grounding comfort
An arm round the waist
Soothes my hurt.

Words mean much
They affect me to the nth degree
But if words are all I get
I'll never believe.

No matter what is said
I understand hate
And I believe I garner it
I bear it's weight

I crave contact
I crave touch
I'm a tactile creature
Words are not enough.

Poetry is for those losers
Who understand life better than you
When you're ripping up their paper
And stealing their lunch food

Poetry is for that loser
You pushed down the stairs yesterday
Who wasn't and isn't at school anymore
Because the hospital's trying to fix the breaks

Poetry is for those losers
You beat down with all your friends
Who you threaten not to tell anyone
Or you'll make sure that they can't

Poetry is for that loser
Whose slicing up their skin
Who you laugh at daily
Until they go and cut again

Poetry is for those losers
Who won't eat a single bite
Because you always call them a "******"
And they cry through the hunger at night

Poetry is for that loser
Who always makes straight A's
Whose homework you steal and shred
Until they can't salvage their grade

Poetry is for that loser
The one that always cried
The one you least expected
To commit suicide

I wish someone would put me down to my face
So I could run and cry while someone stood up in my place
I wish they'd stand tall and tell that person that really, I'm quite great
I wish, I wish, I wish, but no one will stand for this face

I wish they'd say "she's just hurting"
That it's fake, the smile on my face
I wish they'd say "she just needs to do some crying"
That I don't have confidence, just self-hate

And I wish the person who insulted me
Would then comprehend
Everything I try to be
Versus who I really am

I wish they'd change their ways
And love me like I always craved but never had
I wish they'd dig past the craze
And see that I'm not all that bad

I wish they'd laugh at my jokes
I wish they'd see when I'm hurt
And never succumb to the pity I evoke
I wish they'd see how hard I work

I wish they'd see the knife in my hand
And kiss away my tears until I let it go
I wish they'd see the noose round my neck
And tell me "No, no, no"

I wish, I really do
That someone would get me
That someone could see
The frown behind the smile of a clown

But no one ever does
I've too much pride to tell them myself
So I'll let the bitterness fester
And live in my self-made Hell.

I wish, I hope
But bitterness is an acidic dish
So even though it won't do any good
God, how I wish

I can almost imagine how red you get
At some of the things I've said.
The way you fumble for words and
Get flustered, it's adorable, my favorite.

It's the tiny explosions of tingles
That erupt in my spine, legs, and chest
The words you say-- I can't respond--
They're cloying, saccharine, my favorite.

We'd both argue we're better, more apt than.
(You win, this time, whatever, I guess)
Got to have this competition, got to have the race
It's revitalizing, livening, my favorite.

I'd ignore a comedy to hear your laugh
It's contagious, it always brings me with.
I'm a buffoon for a single chuckle
It's addictive, amazing, my favorite.

And it could be silence that wraps around me
And it could be that razor sharp, sassy wit.
It could be questions and answers and information
But it's you foremost, so lovely, my favorite.

Don't take me places
You know we can't go
I'll want to stay
You'll raise my hopes

I'm crushed by disappointment
I'm sick of seeing possibility
I'm sick of being told
"Don't want everything you see"

I'm willing to use some effort
To reach the highest slopes
But you won't even consider
So please don't raise my hopes

I'm fragile, I swear I am
I can't handle too many falls
I can't take to much hope
So don't raise mine at all

I can't seem to correctly explain
Just how hope can stab me through
Because I fight to be pessimistic
But when hope joins the fight, I lose

When I lose, I see options
I see every possibility
I see everything you won't
I see everything I need

I could idealize anyplace
If it so appealed to my hope
But I'll always be let down
I've grown used to these old ropes

So leave me be, I don't care
This is a downward, spiraling *****
And you must be a sadist, this is torture
Please, don't raise my hopes.

The inferno blazes
It is too hot
But we cannot bring ourselves to separate
As our hearts beat quickly as one
And we are enveloped in each other.

He is radiant
He is the sun
And as his skin slides against mine
We ignite and are consumed in
A conflagration of desire.

You incinerated us with your passion
Your smile, your joy
You did enough. You did well.

We’d wish for double your time
Triple, quadruple, more
But you did enough. You did well.

I am proud of you, as one of many
Who know you as much as they didn’t
You did enough. You did well.

I love you and if there’s an after
I know you are in it
You did enough. You did well.

Similar to body language
My typescript is a message
I sign every comment
To maintain a sense of distance.

I am an open wound
I can only try to heal
I push instead of pull
I rend rather than seal.

I want no one near me
I will run from closeness
I want someone near me
It makes no sense, but I digress.

My body language is open
My typescript language closed
My language itself undecided
As I type
                 feel
                            speak
paradoxical prose.

We're getting to be good friends, but first, I must say:

There's nothing wrong with you
Lift your head up high

You always seem so trapped
But just this once, you can fly

You're quiet and reserved in person
But, ****, do you get by

You're unique and that's alright
(Jesus, how much incense do you light?)

You're art is amazing, kudos and kudos again
Did you need to hear that tonight?

You're intelligent as hell
And you don't even try

You don't spout *******
Though others always lie

You're not egotistical at all
You don't use "I" all the time

So yeah, I just wanted to say
You're doing good in life.

Now I'm hoping you don't read this
Because this is literally just what I thought
Of you with a little rhyme scheme
As well as what I think you're not

But if you do read this
I kinda admire you
You're one of those surreal people
Who still lets reality through

I like your personality
I like the way you smirk
I like the way you dance
I like your little, cute quirks

But I like your body more
I'm a shallow, callous girl
I like the way you move
Won't you take me for a twirl?

I like those body rolls
I like the way you sway
I like the way you gyrate
God, I ******* crave

The body
Your body
Your abs are so illegal
The body
Your body
That voice you have is lethal

I want you to rock me
Don't cuddle me
This isn't a romance
I want to move through me
Use me
I want to dance

With your body
With you
With that smirk you have
Just us two

And this is how it goes
I want you to rock me
I'm a shallow, callous girl
And I'm attracted to your body.

You'd think there'd be words there.
That was a stanza's worth of space.
You'd think there'd be hidden meaning.
But there wasn't. Whoops.

I thought poetry would keep me.
I thought rhymes would hold me.
I thought feeling would guide my hand.
But it didn't. Whoops.

I thought I'd write forever.
I thought my creativity would last.
You thought there'd be worth here.
You thought this was time well spent.

But.

Whoops.
There's nothing here.

They teased
And laughed
She smiles
But it hurts

They complain
And hate
And she apologizes
But it hurts

They ignore
They return
She accepts them
But it hurts

They confide
They don't listen
So she's quiet
But it hurts

They're confused
They don't understand
But she's gone now
And it doesn't hurt anymore.

Hello, New Year, will you be kind?
I doubt it, I doubt you, and this is why:

Last year you were cruel, you ripped good from Earth
You watched tragedies happen without a bit of shame.
You couldn't be bothered to reverse your stroll, reverse time
And that doesn't change simply because you changed your name.

As to take my hands
And break every single bone
If you'd only be so kind
Take my heart and leave me alone
But don't touch my mind
My body is yours to harm
But if you'd be so kind
Please, leave me my mind.

My age may harm me in eighty years
And you may still peel my skin from muscle
But if you would show me a kindness
I swear I wouldn't struggle.
Death doesn't scare me
Neither does pain
I can take on the world
With little more than my brain.

I'm liable to survive
Through what I'm put through
Then come back with a vengance
And rip the heart out of you.
So you may hurt me now
Go ahead, be my guest
But if you leave me alive
I'll have your last breath.

She's been running longer than I
On this dark, dilapidated road
And you, longer than her
Covered in deep, deep potholes.

And if the night should take you
While you jog just ahead of she,
She will write your eulogy
And continue ahead of me.

But I will not shed a tear
Though, on this road, I will stop
And fling myself into the nearest pothole
And smile until I collide with the rocks.

And when my marathon has ended
She will show me the same respect she did you
But her feet will not cease moving
She will see her marathon through.

And if the night should take you
It's fitting only she will survive
Because you begat me and her
Yet life has yet to dim her heart and eyes.

Oh, if the night should take you
Understand, I would not care
As the bitter, bitter memories
Are simply buried just under here.

And though I would not survive without you
It's more a means of self-defense:
I'd rather slit my own throat
Than return to live with him.

If the night should take you
Mother dearest, mother hated of mine
Just as you promised me
When I spoke of suicide:

I will go with you
You will not be rid of me long
Come heaven or hell or nothingness
I will come quickly along.

There is something to be said
For a hideousness so potent
That mirrors are perhaps an enemy
Or something to be avoided.

There is something to be said
For a self-esteem so insubstantial
Not even the most excessive false bragging
Can repair a single shamble.

There is something to be said
For a weight so displeasing
That the scale can cause a panic attack
Cheats heaving, troubled breathing.

There is something to be said
For a body so scarred
Not even summer can shorten the sleeves
Or remove the stiff collar.

There is something to be said
For a voice so deep yet not quiet
That it jars the ears, scathes the mind
Until it simply remains silent.

There is something to be said
For a boredom so immense
Not life or love or fun
Can spark a sliver of ambition.

There is something to be said
For apathy of so great a measure
That the thought of suicide
Simply requires too much effort.

There is something to be said
For a face makeup cannot beautify
Not even when applied heavily
Does it become pleasing to the eye.

There is something to be said
For a personality like a punch to the gut
That changes constantly yet remains unpleasant
Mimicking every emotion, save love.

There is something to be said
For a complete waste of space and air; see
Not to be around the bush, it's easier to say:
There is something to be said for me.

I get....excited
Because I'm insecure
I want to cling to what I have
And what I didn't have before

I get hyper
I have to hold on tight
So if I come off badly
It's so you don't leave my sight

I'm very....possessive
I can't give what's mine away
I need to have the people
That I really want to stay

I get loud
To attract attention
I'm versatile
I want to be mentioned

I change depending on who's talking
To better fit their expectation
And when they like me
I chain myself to them

So, my bad
I'm a bit manipulative
And yes, my bad
I don't want to be hated

I get... mean
When things don't to plan
I gravitate to those
Who'll take my outstretched hand

I'm envious of most people
Who can show what they feel
Because I don't want to feel pathetic
So I never act real

I get...anxious
When I don't feel in place
So I fake self-confidence
And let come what may

I've no self-esteem
And I'm very bitter
When I boost up others
And I feel no better

I get...jealous
My friends are mine alone
And I will not, I cannot
I refuse to let them go

So, my bad
I know I'm a mess
I can blame it on my past
That I've never put to rest

And yes, my bad
Please don't hate me
I know I'm not ideal
I know I'm crazy

I'm actually quiet
I'm actually paranoid
I'm actually misophonic
I actually hate noise

I don't like most people
I pretend that I do
So I know it's my bad
If I've mislead you

Because I get lonely
My mind has it's own agenda
I pull people in
Because I feel horrendous

I get...overwrought
And I swear off food
And I cut my arms
And I sit and brood

This is all my fault
Please don't be mad
I swear, I can change
My bad, my bad

Crimson and thick
Down my fingertips
With a coppery smell
Drip, drip

Oops, oops
I cut to deep
Oops, Oops
I bleed

Mommy, go away
I don't need your help; not today
I know I hurt myself
Go away, go away

Oops, Oops
I'm fading, can't see
Oops, Oops
I bleed

I wanted to write
A poem about you
But I couldn't find anything
Catchy enough that describes
What you do to me.

You come and go
Like the ocean waves
And if I try to stand
Still, safe within your grasp,
You wash away the ground
And leave me stumbling and falling

You control me
Like the owner controls the dog
You beckon and I run
You call and I'm there
And I'm so eager to please
That I'll never realize that you, indeed, own me

You love me
Like the female angler fish loves the male
I'm not much more to you
Than a bag of blood and organs
Ready to be eclipsed by all you are
Forgotten and fading

You raise me
Your hands push me to the sky
And I can feel the weight of the atmosphere
And I've never felt so right
Until your hands disappear and I remember
We are quite wrong.

You smile for me
But you hate me
You cherish me
But you can't stand to see my face
And I always seem to forget
When you come back
Just why you left in the first place.

I want someone to understand
What I can't communicate
To sweep me off my feet
And hug the pain away

I want someone to calm me
More than a flash of sharp steel
To comfort me sans blood
To show me what is real

I want someone who mends me
Without the help of pain
Who undoes my ragged stitches
And rewrites my brain

I want someone who'll support me
When I'm too weak to stand
When I want to cut, steal, smoke
Itching like the addict I am

I want someone to love me
More than I hate myself
To hold me when I cry
Always ready to help

I want someone who apologizes
When they say hurtful things
Who realizes and is remorseful
When the tread on my self-esteem

I want someone who indulges me
And the paranoia I carry
When I can't even leave home
When the world is too scary

I want someone who'll see through me
When I'm wearing my fake grin
When I want to cry so badly
When the facade stretches thin

I want someone who'll listen
To the story of my life
And hold me and rock me
And put away my knife

I want someone who'll reach out
When my apathy arises
And I don't bother to keep in contact
They push past my devices

I want someone who'll see me
When I can't see through the mirror
When the image is all wrong
And I still need to be thinner

I want someone who'll watch me
Put an extra scoop on my plate
Who'll make sure I eat the food
And keep down what I ate

I want someone who'll hide me
From society's expectations
And wrap themselves around me
Block the accusations

I want someone who'll hold my hand
Who'll hold me through the night
Who'll make me feel safe and at home
Someone who'll treat me right

Here
Doing this
With you
Silence

I am satisfied.

Music
Noises
Calm violence
Hazy sense

I am satisfied.

Little laughs
Large smiles
Floating
Buoyancy

I am satisfied.

Peace
Unhindered
Uninhibited
Intrigue

I am satisfied.

I'll climb the highest mountain
To prove my worth
And yet and still
I am inadequate

I'll walk across lava
As testament to my bravery
And yet and still
I am incompetent

I'd do many things
So foolish just to please
Just to be judged
And not found wanting

And you'll judge me
Knowing you too will be judged
And yet and still
You find me lacking

And I am lacking
I am not unique
You won't see me in the window
With all the timeless antiques

You won't catch me and feel proud
Because I'm not short of supply
And I'm not high in demand
As I do not satisfy

I am but the inadequate
As quantifull as air
As unique as dirt
Nothing special by any means

I don't make the quota
I'm not significant or memorable
I'm not the one
I'm not an exclusive individual

I'm not much at all
There's nothing to see
Don't look for diamonds
In this rough of inadequacy.

Do you think you're better off alone?
When the ceiling of a ***** room
Is the night sky and stars and
You're getting comfortable in late night gloom.

.

I'd hate to go home alone but I never left my bed.

.

What's worth the air in your lungs today?
Is it the people you forgot to keep in touch with
Or the helpless yearning for something
Or the life you remember you used to miss.

.

I smoke cigarettes for the warmth in my lungs
And the burn in my throat
Like one thousand bright suns.

.

You could've been vulnerable and explained that
You'd **** for an hour with warm arms around you
And a listening ear, and ****** movies on Netflix
And that cry you refused to allow yourself to do.

.

If any less of a **** was given about your problems
The whole world would be constipated
Permanently.

.

I could've pretended awkward hands in the dead of night
Meant true love, meant something, meant, at least, mutual 'like'.
But denials' for people who don't think so much
And thinkings' my best ally and my worst crutch.

.

You should take hold of your life today, get up, do something
But this bed is safe, this bed is familiar for the ambition-less
And you're the only one who shat there
So sleep in it.

.

The futures' only bright for optimists and I'd never be accused of that.

.

When I'm getting tired of wrapping a lack of feeling
Into precise stanzas, lines, and rhymes
Maybe I'll figure out what I've been rambling on about
Stand up, and live my life.

.

Eenie, meanie, miney, mo
What the **** is life good for
I'll trade you a penny, you give me a dime
And we're all still running on borrowed time.

.

You're too tired to sleep today; three more and you won't wake up.

.

This is the end, I've picked out a date
Got everything planned out, no one's awake, no one can stop me.
Wait. I chickened out, missed it again, failed like the failure I am.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

.

Isolation's only fun for the people with nothing better to do.

.

There's no good way to end something that began badly.
I should remember that
It's a good line
Almost proverbial.

Because you have to be;
What problems do you have anyway?
You're doing just fine, you know
No one wants to hear you complain.

You're doing just fine;
You're rotting more every day.
You're doing just fine,
No one cares what you have to say.

You're doing just fine;
There are people who have it worse.
You're doing just fine,
As long as you're outside of a hearse.

You're doing just fine;
You're brain is clawing it's way to your heart.
You're doing just fine,
As long as no one sees it rip you apart.

You're doing just fine;
You're not in pain, you've no problems.
You're doing just fine,
You're terrifyingly, apathetically numb.

You're doing just fine;
You'll last another day, another year.
You're doing just fine,
Just the same as every one else here.