I managed to survive again.
Every time I wanted to scream but chuckled.
Every time I needed to cry but sighed.
Those moments I felt alone surrounded by people...

I did it. Once again. I made it to another level.
I am alive for another birthday.
I hope my fellow day-sharers can say the same.

Don't pick
And Choose
Your words
Like Jenga
Or you
will reap
their brittle
foundation.

The days that
Descend aren't what
Should be scaring us today
But how we use those gradually
Ending days that seem to only become
More chaotic and predictable and unoriginal
Almost as if it was all being crafted to make a big
Picture, that once done in its appearance and vividness
We will be mortified by the outcome and want to hide in fear. ====
|For|There|To|                                              ­                                  ╠╣
|Be|A|Ladder|               ­                                                                 ­╠╣
|For|Change|There|                                            ­                           ╠╣
|Must|Be|A|                                                   ­                                 ╠╣
|Sacrifice|For|It|           ­                                                                 ­ ╠╣

I want you to talk to me
But you're shutting me out
Like the world does with impending doom

But do you think that it's helping
Cause if you do, I bet you've doubt
You're not the only person in this expanded room

I'm here, waiting, with my arms open wide
When you come to me, and I comforted you, don't be surprised
I only want you to feel love, joy, and cared for

I will never leave you to fight the battle alone
Because I've been living in this world as a ghost all on my own
I am forever your best friend, and I am your ally in this war.

Sometimes i let the weight of the world crush me,
But i don't even have to hold it...



i've been in hell, have came back, and couldn't tell the difference,
but what i've learned, and what i've endured prepared me for the blessing i was going to inevitably have.

All I had to do was not give up.


So...don't give up. A blessing is on it's way.
Let's do this together.

I've tripped on a pebble colored by the rain,
I've stumbled and fallen, but little there pain,
Continued my journey, not much thought I've gained,
Just caution is key, nothing really to blame,

Go walking and walking along the paved path,
Hope this time I won't trip and fall on my ***,
No trouble there was for me to form a laugh,
Sometimes a tumble can be more good than bad,

So Life, a game, where struggles will double through,
Though winning is simple, surprisingly true,
Just value the memories, let out your laughs,
Cause once the games over that will be your last,

Life, life, oh what a grand game,
Where knowing something and winning aren't the same,
Life, life, the tales it entrusts,
Be wary, or you might end up in the dust,

So now that you know a little about it,
I hope you have fun, or at least just a bit,
Cause no matter what, you are here, you must play,
And no one fully knows what's after either way.

Have you ever felt unheard
But felt that you were being watched
Cause that's how I'm feeling right now
My mood is colors that are splotched
I'm not saying oh woe is me
But I hate no one sees the woe
A game of tag over the sea
Alone, because no one would show
They say loneliness can create
A second copy of your soul
But this one is much gloomier
And where a heart should be, a hole

Some of the best moments in life are done alone.
Don't worry if at this moment you're on your own.
Let that silence be a peace to your beautiful ears.
Cherish this lack of entropy in a world bounded by fear

Set into a journey of solitude
A game I never asked to play
But I have no choices of any magnitude
I get no power in what I say
I follow the whispers that play through my head
In a game where you are utterly alone
You make your friends and then you shed
Who will remember you were gone
Silenced by time to dance solo
Drifting in life, lingering soul
This feels like a shot from a bow
This journey has a subtle toll.

Is it me la
Is it you la
What a world I wish I knew la

l al a lala la lal alallallaaaalllaallalcall

I peep a spy watching for clues
Follow me, am I dying
A want to grin but i'm crying
I feel myself getting so ill

Well what's the point of even trying
Hahaha shun you all
Green to blue to black and all
From pink to green to red to blue to black to clear to weird and fall

I feel like where I go I solo
who wonders what that is that wallows

Poured a potion into a glass
I must pause pain just for the day
Make breaking down a distant past
A few gulps in, lots less to say

Numbing the cold cumbersome wind
Feeling the nice, warm, sensation
Silent smiles, eyes rolling in
I've missed this lone meditation

Imagine you've cut a cake five or six times, each slice having the same color, however, a different shade.

Now replace the cake with sides of oneself.
Now Replace oneself with Me; I am that cake.

The me that is of a higher mind, which I consider my conscious.
I have a side of me that only manifests when drunk.
A side of me that only manifests when high.
The me who is sober.
The me that represents my thinking.
And then there is him, Malum.

The darkest slice of the cake. He lurks, spectating, snickering...planning.
He's the voice in my head that wishes I were dead...so that he could swallow my vessel and turn it into his own.

He and I have a contract; I am to control and maintain my body, so long as I never been put into a full-on life-or-death position, or I am not mentally sacrificial.

I've witnessed potential realities in which he had control...and it's terrifying.

I hope he never gets out.
I am not afraid to fight, because I fear failure; I am afraid of Malum and what he will do. He is not human...and he definitely doesn't fight for humanity.

He is the me that wanted the world to burn...and he still does. He has no empathy, no sympathy, and he craves destruction. He's calculated, analytical, and he lacks love. He is pure evil...and he is waiting.

He is waiting for me to die.
So that he can swallow me alive, and turn the world upside down.

If there was a button to erase existence...

Good memories
Bad memories
All that lives within existence
Everything you care and lack care about
Gone and devalued...


Would you press it?

Do I have a meaning?

Sometimes I feel like I am without value. Like the pockets on women clothing. I sometimes irritate people, like the nat trying to say hi to your eye.

It's easy to tell someone that they mean something when you don't understand the meaning behind the questions..

I am not asking if I can be defined.
I am not asking if I am at all valuable.

|I am merely asking whether or not I hold any significance in the grand scheme of existence...|

Am I going to be a family member that held no power in my voice, no motion in my hands, no pathway with my feet, no story with my eyes?

Won't I be a beautiful poem of history? Or am I doomed to be a fading memory...?

I don't really have friends.

I mean, I have people to talk to...
At work...
At school...
In my hea-...

Err, yeah; I'm typically alone. Sometimes it's the most relaxed I am...

...And other times, it's the worst experience you can have without literally freaking the f*ck out.
Have you ever felt so small around people who pretend they're so open and nice and caring?
Like, shut up! It's not easy having to watch people laugh together...

Overhearing something funny someone says, and then you quietly enter the conversation from afar. Pretending you're a part of their group.

Then go talk to them.

Right, I'll go and put my biggest smile on. I'll come and sit down at their table and make their day about me. That's the perfect thing to do, right?
.
.
.
Maybe you're just alone because you don't get out there.

Ha! Getting out there and expecting a change is like buying a lottery ticket and expecting to win because some psychic told you that you would.

Don't get confused. I am complaining...but why is it bad to do so?
Just because I don't tell myself a lie and pretend that that lie is true, does not make me wrong. If I am annoying for complaining about a real thing...then you're dumb.

Then what are you really trying to get from this?

I wonder what anyone is trying to get from anything.

Maybe what I want is to be loved...
Maybe I just want this pain to go away.
I might just want to get high.
I don't know anymore.
All I know Is that the world works like a game.
You can either have a guild, group, duo or play solo...

Some people don't have a choice...
I'm just happy that being alone doesn't mean that I am necessarily alone...

The day was going so well until I got smacked in the face by a soccer ball...

And what makes it worse is that I felt it coming.

yeah, that's my life.

Honestly, I don't know
Some dead and numb, and some left to sew
Cold sweats in this chaotic energy flow
I don't believe I've ever been in a place so low

Does the moon depress when the sun shines its light
When the tides collide like they're all ready to fight
In a darkened world coated by our human blight
There's no fixed star or light to guide me through this hellish night

When did reality start to feel like it became a game
Losing loved ones, like money, as if they both were the same
If bad luck gave attention, guess I'd be drowning in fame
Lacking grip to my sweating, can't tell if I'm really sane

I'm not well, i'm so lost, losing to this circle of hell,
A pattern stuck onto me, maybe i'm stuck to a spell
A world of hurt doesn't shock me, it's where I usually dwell
I wish I could provide better, but i'm broken, can't you tell

I'm just a boy in a sea full of stars
Wishing that I could share what spans wide and so far
In this litten abyss going farther than mars
It's a wonder-lit-land that's where our spirits are

And you're just a boy, just like little ole me
Wanting something so close, full of love but believe
That this story will stream farther than we can see,
Cause it's you and it's me and my love, we're a team

That goes on and on
Like the universe
We go further, stronger when we are immersed
This is our union, united in love
We're ourselves with each other
Formed from two into one

Yes, I'm just a boy who was once one before
Who had no one to hold, I was me, just a bore
Then I found me my star still living in my heart
Came to life now you're here, caused a new beat to start

As I fill up again sharing life hand-in-hand with you
Holding me closely cause that is the plan
Where you build me on up and I same on to you
Come transformed and better, a journey for us two.

Hello,
To the wave of emotions
Pulling me onto the bay on a gray and stormy day
Who would have known that the bay would be quicksand
Sinking quickly, of course, but there to save, not a single hand

Woke up, it was a dream
But this reality is much similar on gray days like this, closer than they seem.

Yes, Katy, I've felt like a plastic bag, drifting in the wind, wishing to start again.

Being a firework sounds great, but sounds kind of...temporary, ya know?

I felt like a ghost, drifting every coast, wishing the solitary would end.

I'd rather fade the light of the sun in the sky and show my shine, you'd recognize that I'm a starry sky

Bigger than the view in your eyes
I'm always here, but I don't always shine

Never really had a bully bigger and worse than my emotions.
Come as a friend, shift into a demon, pour so much sadness into me
I
Could
Drown...

                Such a scary enemy, my emotions can truly be. Playing tricks on me...am I the kid?
Playing tricks on me.

Thinking thoughts that thwart the trail
Blocking bypaths because bullies behave brashly

All these puzzle pieces sinking my mood quickly uh-oh

Constant circle back to him, causing my fear oh no
No wonder I cower when my emotions bully me.

He comes for me when I'm sleeping,
He comes for me when I'm awake,
He won't stop freaking obsessing,
My heart cannot get a break,
Why won't he leave me be,
Can't he see my panicking,
He's everywhere I can see,
He won't ever let me free,
I feel my throat closing in,
He'll just revive me over again,
I can't leave him alone anyway,
He can't leave me be for my sake,
Harder to **** every single day,
Distraction is key but I won't get my way.






My mind's a murderer,
A real ******,
Imagine being locked up,
Somewhere inside limbo,
Not being allowed to freeze,
**** near hard to breathe,
For my sake, I need some peace,
My mind doesn't know how to cease.

One kiss upon a star
Wrap my tune in a charm
I just want to feel whole
Please erase this twilight
No peace in this world
Cease this world of harm
Planet come down, please
Wonder when this hell will freeze

If you want to truly consider the light, you'll have to experience the dark.

Watching people play who could have the hardest heart is like a bunch of minnows pretending to be sharks until their lives are ripped apart by a real shark.

This is not a game, not a fairytale, this is the reality.

And until people start to humbly accept and live in that, we will continue to grow in our casualties.