You're always in my mind
Near or far, at any time
Memories awaken every time I smile
The warmth from your palms
Wraps around my soul
I'll stay and never leave your side
All your gentleness, all your kindness
I feel it whenever I hear your name
I promise I will embrace every part of you

I will be with you, protect you for harm
I love you, you are my beloved
With my feelings laid bare, I am exposed but I wouldn't have it any other way

Like the stars flashing above us and sparkle in the sky
And the raindrops falling into the sea
Let's intertwine now, just the two of us
You are my everything

I've always had really bad wax
Still do
I use q-tips
to pull out bits and pieces
and I can hear the world

May trigger those with mental issues

I cut myself occasionally
It keeps me calm
And though it stings a little after
It has become less and less necessary

I did it again today, one small cut is enough to satisfy me for weeks
I'm not crazy
I'm not crazy
It feels good

It doesn't bleed as much as it use to
And that's good for my health
But the blood is so pretty
So crimson and thick

I'm not crazy
I'm not crazy
I'm not crazy
I'm not crazy

Love is jank
Life is jank
That scientist who said the male seahorse has the babies is jank
Laundry is jank
Corona is jank
I am jank
You are jank
This site
is dank

I am transgender
I am different
Though I often feel looked down on
I am beautiful

The sky is red
It is time to go to bed
Close your eyes, dream ahead
Hear me sing
Hear my voice

Oh one with purpose
The gods will guide you
To where?
Who knows
The ground will lead you there
The winds will pull you down and drag you into the sea
I once was there

There you will be met with a boy
And he will repeat these words to you
One with purpose
One I believe

Youth is a moment
Not all can hold it
But like a river
It'll slip away
My own reflection
I feel as if it's deception
How can this be my face
(my face)
My perfect body will not appear
At least not with the prayers I send each night
(Each night)
(Each night)
My body ruined
It will be roughened
Oh
I will wait for it
(For it)
When I was younger .Wish I could be that again.
Innocent, pure as the rain
Memories do not change
Though life will
Always, people will be cruel
The lakes pure surface reflects growth
Everything that everyone wants again
It shaped us into who we are today
Like the tides changing by the moon
Oh look how far we've come
(we have come so far)

Our writing are the personification of our sickest obsessions
The pen can manifest your darkest fantasies
Writing isn't bad
It makes you human
You're an animal

Writing helps you succumb to your depression
For this poem
My blood is the ink
And this knife is the pen
Now lets all write poetry to show all our friends!
Writing can make an impression
To suffer is an artists true catalyst
And the biggest agony is to exist

Last year I discovered this beautiful game that calms my anxiety
It's called Stardew valley
Farming
Fishing
Foraging
Mining
Fighting that doesn't make me anxious
Talking to NPC's
Finding love
Making in game money

It's great

I left all my dreams in the wind
To follow you to any length
The names are too much to bear
But I don't care
Because you told me that you would show me a brighter day
And you led me into the ground
Sometimes life is cruel
But I promise I'll stay with you.
Someday I'll see you again
And I will never forget
All the times you shared with me
Even though it was brief
Our relationship was a journey
Although I'm drowning in tears
From the pain you caused me for years
But I will overcome this wall
I'm strong and I will carry on


As if you were never there

I recently called out a mate over text for ghosting me
And he actually apologized
Yes, you were a ****** friend
Glad you admitted that

And yes
I am still quite hurt
You are on this website
So the odds of you seeing this are high
But you really did hurt me
I love you
But I'm hurt

I can't be open with stuff again
You broke that trust
I'm not gonna tell you stuff

All I have
Are these items you gave me
But how can I live
When the ground is a mile beneath my feet
All I need
Is a sign that you are okay
But I'll look around
And all around me is a grey empty sky

I won't plead my case to you
You don't know what I'm fighting through
Though I may shatter
Life has glued me back together
But this time added strings to hold me

All I feel
Are your words that will haunt me
So why even try
When you won't either
Unlike you
I have several lights that will guide me
Yes, this is a hard time
But you could at least say Hi

I'm done making excuses up for you
I'm always fighting through
Though I may crumble
Life has stuck me back together
But this time stuffed me with paper so I can hold my own

I sit on an island
In the middle of an ocean of equations
The island is sinking in the water
With nowhere to go
The tiniest island
With the worst person I know
It's awkward as hell
I will soon become desperate
To get away from him
So I stay away
The tiniest island
With the worst person I know
The waves become stronger
The waves become aggressive
He is approaching there's no where to hide
If I say the wrong thing
Or even look his way
He'll surely make me feel bad

Deep under the ocean
Of Sinful ambitions
Lie the fears I hide away
The storms inside are always there
My nightmares take flight
Let me not suffer alone

If I should be sent away
May the sun and moon
guide me back

I had fortune and power
Admiration wasn't my plan
Feared I was before
How the tides have turned
My spirit rots, my veins burn

I never loved them, but they were mine
Though we shared a space
Dare I show myself once more
And return to fighting for worthless trust

Curse my past actions
I have changed
I'd say

Yet here I am trying to take back what was mine
Behind closed doors
I have plotted my revenge on you

I will step forth
Who needs cooperation when you have plans for cessation
I don't need riches, fame pleasure
My soul has wandered
And yet I've grown stronger

They will follow me through the thunder inside
I will tear them asunder

Deep beneath the ocean
Of sinful ambitions
Will soon lie their fears of me

Every shadow hides a true hero
A shivering cold heartless creature who sold their life to the shadows
The demons are our friends
They follow us and watch us sleep
Keep us safe whenever you go into sleep paralysis

Hi Sunshine
I love you.
Hi Sunshine
Are you okay?
Hi Sunshine
Do you want to play?
Hi Sunshine
Can I talk to you?
Hi Sunshine
Can you keep a secret?
Hi Sunshine
Why do you ask?
Hi Sunshine
We can’t be friends.
Hi Sunshine
Why not?
Bye Sunshine
You ain’t worth my time anymore.

You don’t get a choice
You don’t get a reason
To not adore me
To be blind sighted by my voice

To be manipulated
Swim or flight it's still the same
Your fate is still the same
In trance by my beauty and voice

I woke from a seemingly never ending abyss of a dream
A desk
A pen
A single page of paper
A chair
A single spotlight
And me
In a single room
For 8 hours
Writing
Writing
Writing
About the horror of my own thoughts.
The afterimage of a previous page of paper
On a never ending loop

I used to speak and sing more often
Until some more people came so my voice was forced to soften
I would tell funny stories and I knew I was a riot
Until someone came up and yelled at me to be quiet!

The sun can't come out to shine without the moon
And every stories character needs a boon
So that everything can be fair
I suppose I can't always win
But I can at least show my grin
But instead all I got was a glare

I know I'm funny so why am I being put down
Especially when it takes less muscles to frown
I wanted to speak my mind and let myself be heard
But I knew all my words would be blurred

An actor can't come out on stage without a crowd
And it wouldn't be a cool fall day without at least one cloud
It wouldn't be me without a smile
And it wouldn't be a child's room without a pile

So in this time of fear and dread you can at least try to smile
Even if you get bad looks you know it won't be vile
So get yourself out there on a zoom meeting or something
And maybe read something that's not crushing

A writer can't write about something that carries no weight
And a fish isn't likely to bite without bait
So before I drop my pen to go pet my cat
Why don't you reach out to a friend to chat!

Don't assume you know me
Cause you don't

Don't make up **** about me in your head
Yes, I'm anxious, but I can do stuff on my own

I am not a baby
We are the same age

You say you're a man
Than act like it instead of hiding behind the veil of depression everyone hides behind

I used to hide behind that veil
But that led me nowhere

You say you wanna be a writer
But you have to not hide behind that notebook

Come out from behind those pages
And face me

I'll give you one hell of a poem to write about

Last summer

I tried to cut off a part of my body

The scar is still there

I'm stupid

But my ******* aren't a part of me anymore

It is Tuesday March 17th
Stuck in the house with my family
School was cancelled
Friends cannot visit
Therefore I am here
I made a *** of mint tea for me and OJ's little sister
And did a lot of work OJ had not done
Checking email periodically to see if anyone died
I got up at 8 to clean the bathroom
Enjoyed some coffee with a waffle and jam

As I'm here I await a message from a friend on Skype
Staring at the screen as I write out this poem
As the words flow through my mind

I take a break and watch an old fashion loony tunes cartoon

I am engulfed in nothing but darkness and light

Fading
Fading away

Pieces of myself shatter into the abyss
Then I wake up

I'm in the hospital again
It's cold and smells strongly of chemicals

The moonlight shines through the window
And shines on my pale face

I close my eyes for a second
And I open my eyes to a small blonde girl with piercing blue eyes

She was obviously a hallucination
But she felt so real

She flung herself onto me
And told me itll be okay

She rubbed my neck
"That rope doesnt belong there"

She, after awhile stood up and looked at me fall asleep

And seemingly joined with the moon

There's nothing more important
Than you
When you tried to hold my hand but you couldn't reach it cause you have short arms
When we snuggled into each other
When you kissed me
You not only brought back a dormant part of me
But you ******* the British man
Your gentle smile and touch
To your honesty and kindness

It all is so beautiful
You are so beautiful

It is kind of blinding
To you
The boy who I was honest with
The boy who I let my guard dog down for
The boy who I trust
To you
I give you this piece of my heart

When given the chance to write ****

I thought

I pondered

I ******* reflected 

What is my purpose?

To be the alter who protects the lustful urges from reaching to the top?

Oh yes!

That's it!

My only purpose is to hold back some healthy thoughts

After all; all teens want to ****

Right?

When I was 16 I had already ****** 4 guys at once

And this boy

This boy

Is scared

Scared of ever having those feelings again

It's kind of sad

*** is great; the spotlight is on the one receiving pleasure

But he

He had other interests

Like this silly book

I'm no author but

He can do better things with his time

Like go talk to that cute girl with the E-girl haircut

Oh wait- she has a boyfriend

Or work out

Put on a bikini and show off your gorgeous body

Oh wait- dysphoria is a *****

But in all honesty

You,

my dear,

are the catch of a lifetime

Nothing can be similar to the feeling of holding someones hand

Nothing can be like petting your pet

Nothing 

Nothing

Nothing

Nothing is what is in my stomach

Nothing is what is wrong

Nothing

Nothing

Nothing

Nothing is never in my head

Nothing is just a word

Warning this deals with topics of suicidal tendencies and eating disorders reader discretion is advised

Tick
Tick
Crash
Glass from the now broken picture frame rubs against my palm
I squeeze the glass in my hand
Harder
Harder
Till blood comes out
I place the ****** glass down on a piece of paper
And lick my hand to clean the wound.
This is what I deserve?
"Yes keep going"
The bitter taste of blood fills my mouth as I try to wash it away
"You wanted to eat? Right?"
I look around my room for some way to clean the wound
Tissues that had been used from previous nights like this fill my desk
"There's a protein bar in the left drawer, OJ, eat it."
"Stay out of this, Maxwell, we both know you can't do anything"
The two of them argue as I get up to lay in bed
"OJ you are nobody to everyone"
His words haunt my head as with the last bit of strength I have left
Take the glass
And with the blood still on it
I write no
"Left drawer"
"You don't deserve it, you are a nobody OJ you don't deserve to eat"
He was right
The next morning I gave the bar to a homeless man
To someone who isn't a nobody.