If I could have just one wish
I know just what it would be...
I would wish for you to be okay again
And not have anything to cause you pain.

If I could have just one moment
I know I would spend it with you
I will hope for the day that you can see
I'm falling for you once again.

If I could have your time
I hope I could make you see
That you alone can make my day
I just want to do the same for you.

If I could have one wish
I know I would use it to help you
I would wish all your pain away
And maybe one day I can help you,
The way that you have helped me...

It doesn't matter anymore
If I stay or if I leave
All these made up stories
Of wanting me to stay
They don't mean anything
It's just a way to fool me...
I wanna cry

It's getting so much harder
I cannot see the light
All these messed up feelings
I just wanna die
They stop me from feeling
It's just a way of seeing me...
I can't go on

I'm almost over the edge
There's nothing left anymore
All these messed up daydreams
I just want to cry
They just want to see me die
It's just my head all alone...
I'm done now

It's too hard to carry on
There's nothing for me here
All these made up stories
I just want to hide
They just want to see me crash
And burn inside my mind...
I'm finished

Whispers of true friendship.
Is what you gave to me
And yet you've turned your back
And I can barely see,
Through the tears that blur my vision
And the pain that holds my heart.
The funny thing is, is that you promised
You would never leave me alone.

Whispers of I love you' s
And promises of forever.
By best friends words
That meant the world
Seem to be crashing down.
Kindness that I cherished
The person I so dearly wanted
Pushed me away in fear.

Whispers of true friendship.
Too many promises of I'm here
The gentle words you spoke to me
Have been torn out from my mind.
So many long, tight hugs
Making me feel wanted
Are now broken and shattered
On the cold blood stained floor.

Whispers of fighting together
Never leaving or parting.
Helping eachother through thick and thin
But now that seems to be leaving.
So many distant memories
I'm trying to cling on too.
The words forming in my head
Over and over and over....

I needed you there....
I need you here

I know this all seems so blue
And you feel you're gonna lose,
But one day you'll see
Just come with me...
Come take my hand,
I promise you this...

When life is like a sad song,
You feel you can't carry on.
One day you'll see
Just how brave you can be...
There will be some sunny days
So just stay strong...

I know you're tired of these days
Don't want to carry on,
But listen to me
I promise you'll see
A reason to hold on...
Just follow me

When life is like a sad song,
You feel there's nowhere to go.
One day you will see
How strong you can be...
There will be light again
So just stay strong...

I know it's hard to go on,
I'm there too but I'll help you.
I know that it's tough
But I'll promise you this....
When you sing a sad song,
The days will brighten up

Soft red liquid
dripping down my arms.
Scarlet crimson colour
possessing my thoughts
and mind.

Thoughts of death and spirits
clouding up my mind.
Death notes written
thoughts of death
crossing my mind.

Trying to hide my pain
away from those so called friends.
Trying to hide the tears
that come so frequently.
I'm not who i used to be.

Pain is just apart of life,
apart I've grew up with.
Another day of trying to get by
but no-one see's me cry.
I hate this so called life....

So many times I have sat and cried,
You've wrapped your arms around me
And comforted me until I was done.

So many times I have faked a smile
You've seen right through it every time
And told me everything will be alright.

So many times I have forced a laugh
But with you, you make it real enough
And you bring the light to my world again.

So many times I have wanted to let go
But you've gave my world meaning and purpose
And you fight along side me for a better day.

So many times I have failed to see the truth
But you help me realise the many reasons
And told me what you think of me.

So many times I have lost faith in me
But you've held onto me until I'm strong enough
And you tell me you will never leave my side.

So many times I want to be in your arms
But I know what you've been going through
And we both promise to keep eachother going strong.

Lights don't shine as bright as a thousand stars,
Reflecting off moonlit rivers
Formed by a thousand tears.
Lights don't lead you through the darkest of nights
Unlike the moon's beams which guide you through clouded thoughts
Leading you from their eyes into their very souls.

Falling leaves of autumn linger along deserted streets,
Scattered like a thousand memories
Desperately clinging to life; to be remembered.
The autumn leaves rustle on a bitter, cold night
Reminding you of his unforgettably warm embrace,
Not completely gone but just out of reach.

The darkest nights of winter hide your placed dreams,
Smothering your happiest moments
Until you long for the newest of beginnings.
The coldest nights of winter give you hope
Curled up by a fire remembering summer nights
Of how his kiss would leave you smiling like a fool for hours.

The gentle caress of waves and summer breezes
Enlighten your heart to new dreams and new beginnings
That coax you into new adventures.
The graceful movements of budding cherry blossoms
Opens the soul to new adventures
Threatening to take you to new heights of pure bliss.

Seasons morph and change as time goes on,
Counting down each day until the end
Waiting to become something new.
Just like the seasons we morph and change,
Ignoring the complexity and greatness of life
But just like the seasons we have the opportunity to be great.

"FAT"
"UGLY"
"WORTHLESS"
"PATHETIC"
These words fall from their mouths
Like a thousand poisonous daggers
Piercing my mind and soul.

"WEAK"
"USELESS"
"WASTE OF SPACE"
"NOTHING"
So easily thrown at me
Like a million punches.
I'm stuck inside a war I'm so desperately trying to escape!

"LIFELESS"
"MESS UP"
"NEVER GOOD ENOUGH"
"NO ONE COULD EVER LOVE YOU"
Oh how I remember these words falling so freely from peoples mouths
But this was never anyone other then myself.
I realised too late, I was my own worst enemy...
Causing my own self-destruction.

You figured out I fell for you
But we both couldn't say those words.
I know I had my chance before
But I need you in my life.
You are my best friend
And I can't mess this up
But you told me I would get that chance again
We still talk but avoid that topic
When will we get this second chance?
When will we admit we want this change?

There are so many critics
They all want something more
I'm sick and tired of faking
That I am happy still.
There are so many demons
They all want to break me down
I'm sick and tired of trying
To make everyone else happy.

So this time I will hold my breath
Count to three and pray it be over.
I just want to let it all end.
There are so many helpers
But I still feel so **** helpless.

I'm crying here
All alone left on the floor.
I'm dying here
I want help but can't accept
That you're there for me all along
That you want me to stick around.
But I know I'm not better here
I'm scared I'll let you down.

You have tried so hard to help me
But you just don't understand
No matter how much help I get given
I'm still sick of being around.
I know it's not fair to do this
But I'm not quite sure you see
I want the help I really do
But I always feel so down.

I'm crying here
All alone to face my fears
I'm dying here
Even though I know you're there
But there's one thing I can't help but think
Is this the way it's meant to be?
Am I meant to try and hide my pain
To try and prevent it all from affecting you.

I'm not sure if I can do this
I never meant to hurt you bad
But I needed to know you would be there for me
No matter what went wrong.
But I guess  I pushed it too fat
I had nothing left to say.
If I could change the way things played out
I would never of hurt you.

Oh oh oh
I'm crying here
I'm pushed you all away again
I'm dying here
I want to change the way this all worked.
But I'll never get the chance
To tell you that I mean this
I'm sorry for what I've done
I never meant to push you away
I need you around.

I don't think I can do this,
I've done to much already.
I'm going to leave you all alone
So you can carry on.
I'm not going to be there to hurt you all
Or to make you worry anymore.
I'm not going to watch the pain in your eyes.
I've got to keep away....

When did I come crashing down?
When did I reach the bottom?

I never realised
Just how much I seem to cry,
Every night without fail.

I never realised
How bad I really was
Till I blacked from loss of blood.

I never realised
How much it hurt
Until I could no longer feel.

I never realised
That I no longer cared
If I never woke again.

Maybe I'm getting weaker,
Slowly giving up all together.
I never realised, well I guess I did
I just lied to hide the truth and pain.
Truth is I never knew the right words to say.

When did I lose my rich on reality?
When did I only long for death?

I'm strong enough to leave you,
Weak enough to need you.
I don't know what I'm still here for?
Maybe it's in case
You're strong enough to leave me
But weak enough to need me...
Maybe you'll miss me and come back to how we were...
I need that now more then ever!

I've tried to be so strong
But I guess it's failing.
I've tried to hold on
But I can't see the light.
I'm scared I'm gonna lose you
So I can't say what I want too.
I don't want to break what we have...
I don't want to mess this up.

I've got this fear of failing you
Or not helping you enough.
You mean the world to me
And I can never give you up.
I've seen you cry
And held you tight
To let you know I'm there
And I promise you, I'm never going anywhere.

You are my best friend
You said we always fight together.
I have you and you have me
Never alone to defend ourselves.
The things you've told me
And no one else makes me feel worthwhile.
My dearest friend who means the world.
I hate to see you so hurt.

A promise is a promise
And for that I will never leave.
I love you company and hate to leave.
I'm just a call away when you need a friend.
This will get better for us
The words we say so much.
I'm here until the very end.

We've cried together
We've laughed together.
I've seen you so very low
I want to take this all away from you
And help you see your worth.
I can't help but think I've failed.
There is so much I want to say to you
But I'm just too scared.

In denial from the moment I found out,
Knew if it were true I have to turn my life around.
Ignored the fact that you were there the whole time,
knowing I was never treating myself right,
maybe that's why you were taken too soon.

A little life I didn't know if I even wanted,
Coming to terms with you being there always.
Trying to fix how I walked through life
'cause I knew I had to do right by you.
A little star that I never got to meet.

Although you had barely began to grow,
you never got to hear my voice
I never got to feel you move...
Now a days I wonder if it was my fault you never made it here,
if it was my fault my little star was taken too soon?

A little life I didn't know if I even wanted,
Getting everything on track so I could meet you.
Without being born you managed to save me
from situations I should have never been in.
You were my little star that I never got to meet.

Why can you never find the time for me anymore?
Always something you would rather do.
You tell me you love, tell me you care
But your actions speaking of a different truth.

So for one more night
I’ll let these tears fall because of you.
And for one more night,
I’ll tell you I’m tired and you’ll misjudge the meaning.
Make me feel unwanted so much of the time
Then you’ll turn around say you’re sorry but nothing will change.

Tell me, tell me now
Is this all worth it?
Tell me why you speak of a future
But can’t even give me today?
Ask me why these tears keep on falling.
It’s because I feel like you dont want me to stay;
But don’t have the nerve to say...

Goodbye!

I guess its been a while
Since I've felt okay,
Since I have smiled.
Me, they say is so put together
But I'm lost inside.
I've forgotten what its like just to feel okay,
Just praying for a day when there is no more rain.

Now I'm
Left here breaking down,
Crying all through the night.
Just hiding away from the world.
This time I'll keep it all inside!

I hardly feel alive,
Just going through the motions
But I'm done with trying.
This pain that's inside, unbearable,
Just getting worse everyday.
I wish that I could hide away!
I wish that I didn't exist!

Now I'm
Left here breaking down,
Crying all through the night.
Just hiding away from the world.
This time I'll keep it all inside!

I feel so low,
I've hit the bottom
With nowhere to go.
I just need to escape!

Tear me down till I am nothing more than a pile of broken dreams.
Beat me till my body is black and blue
Your vicious words tear into my skin like a ship caught in a storm
But this time there is no one to see the cries for help.

Haunt me, till I’m too afraid to face the day because my nightmares are becoming reality.
**** me, slowly tearing me limb from limb until I’m nothing you told me I was.
Cry yourself to sleep you stupid, pathetic girl,
No one cares, its all just lies when they say they do.

Cuts, cuts, cuts, litter the once clean skin of a messed up mind
You’ve proved to me time and time again I am worth nothing to you!
I’m just someone you claim to love, but I’m worthless
A worthless nothing, better off gone!

I guess I wanted you more,
that's why I let you hurt me the way you did.
Tore me down till I was worthless,
But in the pictures you don't see the tears I shed
The photos taken between tear stained nights
will never show the way you hurt me so.

I guess I wanted you more,
as I tried to overlook the way you spoke to me.
Degrading and demeaning - never worthy of your time.
But when I look back at our memories
no-one could have seen the way I was dying inside
Because these pictures are so good at hiding all the hurt!

I guess I wanted you more,
By the way I fought for you through all the pain.
Maybe it was a moment of weakness,
But I hated myself more with you, then on my own.
So while I fight for my freedom
At least now I know, I don't need you!
I don't need you anymore!

Like an old house that stands alone and forgotten,
I to feel like abandonment is all I will know.
Like the waves that crash upon the sand at all hours,
I to feel a little broken and beaten down.
You see I always believed that on cloudy days,
The sun can seep through but not anymore

Like a child running scared from the monsters,
All my darkest fears are coming true.
Like an outcast at the freak show,
I’m mocked and forced to act like it’s okay.

Like the mountains that have been worn to crumbing stone work,
I too feel like I have been worn down.
Like the dead man made path upon the forest floor,
I too have been walked over till I feel nothing at al.

I’m sure you never mean the things you do
Or at least you claim to know how much it hurts.
Yet you never make attempts to amend it,
You just expect me to allow this bad treatment all the same

The fog is like a locked door
Without any key.
The candle is at the end
With little wick to burn
There is no longer a light at the end of the tunnel
Just a moving train, hurtling at full speed.
The night is never ending
Longer with each passing hour
And the cold, it lingers
Like a never ending winter.
My mind, soul and body has succumbed
To the dark thoughts it held dear long ago

Sometime it's better to be alone,
This is just one of those times.
So please understand I'm not shutting you out
I just want to be all by myself.
It's better and safer this way.
At least you won't get hurt.
Sometimes it's better to be alone,
This is just one of those times.

What if I ran away?
Through myself in front of a train?
What if I cut too deep?
Let these pills take me to eternal sleep?
Would you cry at all
Or miss me?
Am I going to be easy to forget and move on from?
Am I worth anything to you?
Would you care if I took
My life?

There are too many times when i feel so alone,
when i can't wait to close my eyes
but there are nights right now where i fear for my life
as i remember all that has happened.
So as days turn to nights and i watch the sunrise.
I can't help but wish i wasn't alive!

So tonight when i close my eyes
I'll beg for the nightmares to stay at bay,
but the nightmares they're always my memories,
of his hands all over me till I can't breathe.
I wake up in tears, wishing that this would all go away!

I remember the times that this happened,
wishing everything would just end.
I thought i was supposed to feel safe in myself,
but now i feel like i can't trust a soul.
Why is it men feel like they can have everything they want?
Now i'm left here so broken, afraid i can never move on.

A knife in my hand
I'm wishing it will end.
I know how easy it is
To make my mistake.
Wishing for the end
So I guess....
Here I go!!!

Time will say nothing but I told you so,
When the leaves fall down and begin to decay.
When the sun goes away and the rain clouds come out to play.

Time will say nothing but I told you so,
When the laughter drifts away and memories begin to fade.
When you haven't the chance to say hello before having to say goodbye.

Time will say nothing but I told you so,
When the music starts to come to an end before you've had the chance to listen.
When the poems all lose their meanings and lyrics become just jumbled words.

Time will say nothing but I told you so,
When you don't say the words I love you enough to all those that you hold day.
When the world starts to fade away and you've barely chosen to live.

Without so much as a thought,
Time will say nothing but I told you so!

A picture perfect serenity
of waves crashing at the shore.
The reflections of stars so bright
giving a new lease of light (life).
You see the wonder of the world lay out in front of you;
how I wish I could see the world through your eyes, even if just for tonight?

We are nothing but marks in the sand
waiting to be washed away with the tide.
The black abys of nothingness the sea offers up,
tempting fate between life and death.
Do I dare to risk being washed away in wishful thinking?
Or, do I let the cripplingly cold waves take me under?

A picture perfect serenity
of waves washing troubles away.
The reflections of a million dreams illuminating the night
providing quintessential peace never experienced before.
You see life as if it were a painting unique to us all;
everyone sees the beauty, even if not always understood.

We all leave our marks across the sand,
basking in its never ending beautiful optimism.
The unknowing views of opportunity amiss,
the most sacred, forgotten hearts finding salvation.
Do we dare to try taking risks into the unknown, no-matter the price?
Or, do we hold onto what we know, always playing it safe?

I can fake a smile,
I can force a laugh,
I can sing and dance if that's what you ask.
I can hide the tears,
I can mask the pain
I can come out of hiding if that's what you ask.
I can shelter my heart,
I can distance my feelings,
I can keep secrets and silence if that's what you ask.
I can shatter my hopes,
I can burn all my dreams,
I can turn away from you and them if that's what you ask.
I can be true,
I can be blind,
I can hide my true self and thoughts if that's what you ask.
I can say goodbye one final time,
I can do it all now,
I can end it all and watch it burn if that's what you ask

On the shore I stand staring out
into the waves of pure wonderment
and the dark sullen sky, filled with stars
knowing that you were once one of them,
shining within the night sky
before being picked for a life here with me.

The people laughing and playing
oblivious to the absent feeling lying within.
Children enjoying the soft warm sand beneath their feet,
now you never will know such simple joys.
These are the days where I feel as fragile as a china doll
Knowing that I lost someone I never really had.

Looking out across the sea, how it stretches for miles
wishing you the peace and serenity this scene gives me.
Hoping you may get a second chance at life,
back up there among the stars where you can dream.
My little star, someone I never really had at all
but knowing what could have been I still look up to see you shining!

I ask for your time
Yet I'm left all alone.
I long for those talks
But I'm scared of getting too close.
One day I will not need you always there
But right now I do
And you never seem to care.

My friends I can't stand to be around
I'm afraid I'll hurt them so.
My family I can't stand to see
I know all I do is let them down.
I long for the end of it all
The day that I can finally rest.
I hate getting to close to anyone.

I don't want to be around anyone
It hurts to see them hurting.
I can't stand to let you all down
And now all I want to do is change this.
I know I've got to do something about this.
I'm too scared to put down my defences
They are  slowly creeping higher.

I think it's better if I leave.
Nobody to hurt anymore,
Nobody worry for me.
I can't stand to be around.
I think it's better if I go.
I'm never going to be that person,
Never going to be missed at all.
I can't carry on.
So here I go....

I can't do this,
I'm only fooling myself.
I can't go on like this,
I don't feel right here.

I think I've dealt enough with this.
Too many people I've let down,
Too many people I have missed.
It's better if I'm gone.
I think I've put you through enough.
Too many tears I've seen fall,
Too many fears I have held.
It's so hard to go through.
So here I go...

I can't go on like this,
I've fear of hurting you more.
I can't go on like this,
I'm scared of losing you.

I think I've made many mistakes.
Not ones you're likely to let go,
Not ones you will ever forget.
Let me go now.
I think I've done too much damage.
No one to hold anymore,
No one to tell me I'm okay.
Let me go now.
I'm ready....

Busy!
A frivolous concept meaning I don't have time for you.
But what happens when that time runs out?
You wake up alone
Wondering where all that time went.
Regret!
That is what "busy" means!

I need a form of light to follow,
I need some kind of direction to go.
I may of lost my way again
Now I'm bruised.
I kind of need a friend to take my hand
Or a hero...
Is it you?

I need a pulling, cause I can't seem to sleep
I need your warm embraces to make me feel safe.
I feel lost without you
My minds spinning, I'm confused
I kind of need someone to help me through
Or a hero...
Is it you?

I said I love you
And you said it back...
Do you mean it the way I do,
Or just as friends?

There's a dark, empty feeling taking hold of me.
There is only so many times you can fake a smile.
Silent breakdowns in the dead of the night,
Just so no-one can see that I've become so weak.

I didn't think I would relapse this hard,
After a year or two I didn't want to fell back at the start,
But now I've become accustomed to starving myself
And hurting whatever part of me I can hide.

There's an unnerving tention inside of me
Feeling overwhelmed at almost everything around.
The only think that keeps me feeling alive
Is feeling the pain whilst watching everyone live a successful life...

Just like rain drops
my tears fall
watering seeds sown
from my past.
Before too long
they will flower
into wonderful opportunities,
stunning all those who see,
never knowing the damaged roots that lay underneath.
For you see the colourful bloom reached for the sun,
Illuminating the world in a sea of colour,
ready to take on life's next adventure.
Just like rain drops
my tears fell
watering seeds sown
ready to bloom into wonderment.

I want to scream,
I want to shout
But I know I'm on my own.
I want to cut,
I want to cry
But my hands won't stop this shaking tonight.

I wish somebody knew
That I can't do it tonight.
I wish somebody knew
That I feel like I'm losing myself.

I want to hide,
I want to fade away
But I know it's not worth it at all.
I want to live,
I want to die
But oh how I long to be buried 6 feet underground.

I wish I didn't have to hide
All these tears that are falling down.
I wish someone would hold me tight
All I want is someone to refuse to let me go.

I want to bleed,
I want to be invisible
I know I'm capable of doing this.
I want to go,
I want to never come back
I wish I had never lived.

I'm done trying to show you
Who I truly am...
I'm done trying to help you
If this is the thanks that I get...
So say goodbye, i'm letting go

Thought you said you would be
But now your turning away.
Thought you meant what you told me
Did this all go to your head?
So goodbye...

I know that I've let you down,
I'm bleeding out but I like this...
I feel it slowly running out
I think it's my final goodbye...
I'm letting go..

Thought you said that you cared
But now I see your new face.
Thought you promised to hold on
So why am I slipping away?
My final goodbye

Is that me done with you?
Do you care that I worry about you?
What if I let you go,
would you care enough to tell me no?

Is that me done here?
Does anyone even care?
What if I died tonight,
would you even notice I was gone?

Is that this over?
Is there any reason to hang on?
What if I ran away for good,
would you miss me at all?

Why do you do this?
Why do you insist on breaking me down?
What if I disappeared right now,
would you even give a ****?

I wake up every morning wishing that I hadn't and its a battle to get up and ready for school. When I manage to go in I act happy and cheerful and no one seems to see through my disguise. That's why it's so hard for me to find any reason to stay alive, I know no one would care or notice if I disappeared tonight or tomorrow, no one would miss me.
   School is hell to me. It used to be my only escape but now it's where the people speak and whisper their lies and rumours. It's where they bad mouth self-harmers and suicidal people, it's where they don't care who they hurt as long as they stay cool.
   Coming home after school is a nightmare, I know it's where my mum's disappointed face awaits me to question me about my day. I know it's where one of my little sister rubs it in my face that she is better than me, and finally it's where my youngest sister is so sensitive and naive that the cuts on my wrists are mysterious to her. All I do is fail, disappoint and let people down.
   Evening comes and my thoughts are even wilder then they are through the day; this is the only time I eat a meal and I fell backing  about that. Evenings are were I get worse, where I feel myself slipping under. The evenings are the Times when I long to **** myself. I hate life and when I finally fall asleep I wish I never wake again.
   One day my story will change; I would have no morning and I would  have no night, I would have a coffin and a whole in the ground. I would be happily dead hopefully sometime soon.

I feel so drained and tired
yet I can't sleep...
I don't really eat and I barely drink anything
Yet I feel so hungry...
I've cried near enough every night
Yet I cannot stop...
I feel like this barrier I have been putting up is slowly breaking down
I can't control it...
I feel so weak and fragile
That one single thing could throw everything out of proportion
and I crash...

Why do you tell me I am strong
When I break down and cry.
Why do you say you need me
When I can't help but bleed.
Why is it everyday I forget
How to look ahead and see
That I am not going to be this person
The person you all see.

I am weak, I break down.
I always cry and get lost.
I feel alone and so empty
I have nowhere else to go.
I'm too weak to carry on.
I need you more then you know.

Thought the professionals knew best?
I tell you I hate life,
That all I want is too escape
But all you do is send me away,
Tell me I'm fine and that I should just smile.
I thought you professionals knew best?

Thought that friends were there to support you?
I tell you I'm down and that I'm done
But you push me away
And ignore my cries for help.
You tell me I'll be okay when you don't have a clue.
I thought friends were supposed to support you?

Thought that parents were supposed to care?
I say I feel hopeless and like I've failed you
But you ignore my plea
And tell me I'm being stupid.
You say I don't know what you've done for me
And that I need to stop being so selfish...
I though parents were supposed to care for you?

I thought that professionals could help you out?
Well I guess they can't because they can't see my cries for help!!
I thought that friends were there to support you?
Well I guess they don't understand that I can't do this on my own!!
I though that parents were supposed to give a ****?
Well I guess that they don't when all you do is cause trouble!!

When your tears fall each night,
You can't help but sit and cry.
You know you've messed up once again.
When you smile but it cracks
Yet nobody seems to see
The fact your wall is breaking down again.
You spent so long hiding
Your real smile has gone
Replaced by this fake faded smile.
Now I'm only one person
But that should be enough
To make you see I'm barely hanging on.
I'm tired of holding on
My strength is fading fast
I'm not sure how long I'll make it.
When your tears fall each night
You've forgotten how to smile
Your not even sure you've got a place to go.
Just know I'm not the only one
Who feels this way.
My strength has gone
I'm so close to the edge...

No more lies
I think I should tell the truth.

For every time you've asked if I'm okay
I'm not even though I say I am.

For every time you've asked if I need a helping hand
I do more then ever even though I try to push you all away.

For every time you've offered your shoulder
Is it still available I'm close to tears.

For every time you tell me you're scared when I cut
I lied, told you I had stopped,
I haven't and I'm scared too.

For every time you asked if I still want to die
I've told you no to keep you from worrying
But honestly the urges are stronger everyday.

For every time I've answered your questions with a smile on my face
Please know I'm lying, I need you to push me
To save me from myself.

The hardest thing is picking up the phone
But having no-one to call when you're at your worst.

The hardest thing is screaming into your pillow
Because your crying so hard that your chest feels like it could cave in.

The hardest things is telling someone you're not okay
But having to comfort them because they don't know what to say...

The hardest thing is knowing you once had that person... Your person
But now they have gone without a look back, not daring to check in.

The hardest thing is pretending I am okay everyday
Because I am completely alone with no-one to call when I'm at my worst

I'm trying to fight
But this weakness is strong
It's taking over me
And I can't find anything worth holding onto.
These voices in my head
Pull me under the waves.
How am I too carry on
When I can't find the strength?

I'm holding onto what's left of me
But I've failed too many times
To even try to believe that these anything worth holding onto.
I'm slowly letting go
Because I've lost all hope,
I can't even find a dream to get me by.
How am I too carry on
When I can't find a reason to believe?

Whispers of true friendship.
Is what you gave to me
And yet you've turned your back
And I can barely see,
Through the tears that blur my vision
And the pain that holds my heart.
The funny thing is, is that you promised
You would never leave me alone.

Whispers of I love you' s
And promises of forever.
By best friends words
That meant the world
Seem to be crashing down.
Kindness that I cherished
The person I so dearly wanted
Pushed me away in fear.

Whispers of true friendship.
Too many promises of I'm here
The gentle words you spoke to me
Have been torn out from my mind.
So many long, tight hugs
Making me feel wanted
Are now broken and shattered
On the cold blood stained floor.

Whispers of fighting together
Never leaving or parting.
Helping eachother through thick and thin
But now that seems to be leaving.
So many distant memories
I'm trying to cling on too.
The words forming in my head
Over and over and over....

I needed you there....
I need you here

Those times when you want to let your tears flow
But you know you can't.
Keep them locked up inside,
Don't let them out, don't let them show.
It's just a sign that I'm weak, I'm broken,
I just can't go on.
So here I go, I'm an emotional wreck anyway.

Tell me not to give up on life
Are you even listening?
I'm through with all this pain,
I'm sick and tired, just torn to pieces.
Don't tell me to take your hand;
You know how much I'm breaking,
All we do is seem to fight each day.

I wish I could say how much it meant to me
To have you in my life,
I guess that's not so hard to do.
I know it feels like forever
But I promise you'll get better, just take that leap.
I won't stick around and hurt you anymore,
I'm falling so hard, torn from the inside out.

I never meant to let you down so bad,
Now I'm stuck in this place.
I'm stuck in this storm with the rain so heavy
It beats my skin, opening these scars.
I'm done with letting everyone down so often.
I've just got to get away,
I'm falling apart, into a million pieces.