Extremely ****** at
everyone around me.

so I'll blow 'em up
like balloons at a party

or chop-chop-chop and
make some beautiful confetti.

You took time
made sure I was taught

to act responsibly
to not get caught

up in this mess
but your advice was for naught

And I'm back to no longer caring about anything anymore.

I don't want to sound rude,
but what about me?

like the moon draws in the vast ocean,
I felt you walk into the room.

Should I post it?
Should I not?
Should I tell her what I thought?

Do you get it?
Of course you don't.

No one ever does.

Watching her sing along
She knew all the words
And it was easy to tell
She felt them
I fell in love
All over again

This
         place
                   makes
                               me
                                      unhappy

I disappear
down that
long
dark
tunnel

Run around
this
crawl under
that

no one will find me here.

Oh how nice
would it be
to be alone

I think it'd be better
for you and for me
If I were gone

Not necessarily
just like that
but its an option.

The six month mark
For that one time in the dark
Safe from December breeze
You laid on top of me
And left my hair a messy mop
Then you flew to the bus stop
Leaving me very confused
And I'll admit, a little amused
Is four days near
(Should we celebrate and cheer?)
I wonder what we'll do next
For a secret fling, you're the best
Yet I've come to love you with my whole heart
And hope this never tears us apart.
When I think about our future, I'm pumped
Although, our relationship leaves me stumped.

My frozen heart
Thaws quickly
because you
are my apricity

Your life.

                                           Not theirs.

You got this.

                                           Stop asking for help.

You don't need it.


                         Neither do they.

Hey there
my sweet baby sis,

I just wanna say sorry
if it felt like you missed,

out on a great celebration
of your special day,

it's not fair to any one
of us the way

things have been lately.

mommy's been shaky,
daddy yells irately,
Maddy changes daily,
and I haven't cared greatly.

But you can bet your happy little birthday cake,
you know the one we made together
with all your favorite candies,
that It will get better.
And I will always be here for you.

He sat down and wrote
Complaining of his exclusion
And the life of extreme seclusion.
You must be surprised if you suffer
A danger that I cannot name.
I am the chief of terrors so unmanning.
Lighten this destiny.
Respect my silence.
The Dark Influence smiled
With the promise of peace of mind.
His life, so great.
A change of words must lie
For some deeper ground

I feel like writing
but there's nothing exciting
to tap onto my computer screen
it just sits there and gleams
back at me
mockingly
as if to remark
that there's no spark
in my heart
this time when
it comes to the pen
scrawling across the page
in neither love nor rage,
I just stare back at the page
ready to engage
but there's nothing inspiring
away from my creativity, I'm retiring.

I squished a bug
rubbed him out of existence with my thumb
quick, minimal, forgettable experience

I wonder,
are people like that?
Am I like that?

This canvas
was better bare

paint already covers it
so who really cares

only get worried
when it starts to tear

Fake Fake Fake
that's me
that's what you see
lighting up your computer screen
nothing but a phony
everything I say is baloney
anything to be seen
as the girl cranked out of the same machine
I steam
I scream
tears stream
I conceive

You believe.

Her Understanding:

Hands that caress
melt my stress
are silky smooth
in a rhythmic groove
that's hard to regret
and impossible to forget.

--

His Reality:

My hands caress
what fills me with stress
her skin is smooth
but that doesn't soothe
all my regret
he's just impossible to forget.

Too afraid to be creative
Because I know it wont end nicely
people will get upset if you don't
say what they want precisely
and I like my little molds
of phrases that are rhymey
its easy just to talk about popular things
without feeling oh so slimy
just be vague, no taking sides
unless there's an obvious winner
then log off without thinking twice
and try to choke down your dinner.

I know it
I hate it
I embrace it
I regret it
I run away from it
I come back to it
I accept it
I choke on it
I break from it
I smile at it
I cry at it

just go away

I've said it maybe a million times
that "things will be okay"
and yes, my love,
they will be okay for you
but it is I who is so uncertain
of this life and what I make of it
I know I've been acting off
I get so emotional anymore
everything is making me crumble
I fear soon I shall be nothing but those crumbs
and what happens to crumbs?
they are swept away
on an amazing journey
airborne in their container
false hope making them believe that they have won
they are rising, getting where they need to be
and, I guess, in a way they are getting there
to that wonderful trashcan
and I bet at first that seems great
so many people are around them,
i bet they even act like them
this is shattered by reality though
even a small dose, lover, is toxic
they too soon realize that they are losers
everyone around them, like them,
everyone breathing the the same
grimy as they are, is just a loser
and maybe thats not the worst
i think the worst would be knowing
knowing that there is no way out
other then to be thrown out again
joining many other crumbs on a final journey
to being incinerated, crushed, and maybe
even put in the ground to rot
and, lover, I think I got off track
maybe, but not really
What I'm trying to say is that
Do not let yourself become crumbs
Do not rot away from the beauty of life
Do not follow in my footsteps
Do not become me.

Your lip balm
is ******

It singes
until I char
but glues
me to your heart

I don't appreciate
bleeding for nine days straight
Flow so heavy I wanna die
at the silliest things I start to cry
the annoying things never made me twitch
but now I just go full *****
I just lie around like a lump
And everything, I want to ****
Simply, I have no motivation
Golly Don't I hate *******

My head like
My heart
Open and
Confused.
Willing, scared,
Excited

I feel like I
Was tossed into space
Drifting through stars
Completely lost
On my way too you

I write things that are stupid
and she likes to disagree.

I think these rhymes are putrid
yet, they fill her up with glee.

sometimes it's easier
to not say anything.

sometimes it's easier
to fix all of your problems.

sometimes it's easier
to just get over it, let it slide off my back.

sometimes it's easier
to become numb to how i should feel.

Because I don't even know how to feel these days.

But in the end
I don't mind getting hurt,
if it means everyone else is happy.

it's just easier.

Here's one thing
I'm having trouble
comprehending:

Why can't my
Story have a
Happier ending?

Fabricate
Fantasicate
Just how fake
that heartbreak
was to take
was to face
was to brace.
How'd you place
the blame
on  his chase
to fill your space,
when his heart raced
and heavily paced
when the idea graced
to be your mate?
I guess one could state
that this is fate
though the gates
at which she'll wait
will have low rates.

I told myself I'd quit writing on this ******* website
But then I find a way to **** up giving up
My mind's never straight
I need help
but then I'm happy
and its ******* sunshine everywhere
later I'm sad and i dont understand
then im ****** at everything
you, and then me for knowing its my fault.
I'm a failure
someone messed up
the blue prints
gobackandfixit
gobackandfixit
I'm not right
never was, never will be
until I'm fixed
so fix me
even if you need to break me in the process.

I'm no good with words
when it comes to describing you
and I kinda assume you know that
which is why I hug you so much
I'd like to take a moment
to apologize if that comes off as creepy and clingy.

To the real point though Amber,
you are my best friend and without you,
jesus ******* christ, I dont even know where I'd be.
we've been through a lot of crazy things
we've spent every single friday together since sophmore year
and I don't ever want that too stop.

I love you.

no, not in that creepy
"let me ******* hard hurrhurrhurr"
I love you kinda way,
but more in the sense of
"dont you ever ******* leave me hurrhurrhurr"
(both contain "****". whoa!)

I want us to be the best friends
that are each other's bridesmaids
(you can catch my bouquet. im getting married first <3)
(jay kay i dunno, im trying to be funny
cause I'm no good in serious situations)
we'll fight over stupid things
and then cry and eat lots of food
and cry more at more stupid things
when we're old.
and our kids will be best friends
maybe they'll even call each other cousins
because we'd always be together.
(that would be freaking adorable
dont you even lie.)
(my kids are so calling you Aunty Amber, get over it)

I'm off track, huh?

yeah..sorry.

<3

bottom line.
you is my main *****.
and I need you.

Let's be blunt.
I can't wait until I'm ******* dead.

How can life be fun
When you're sad in the sun

How can life be fun
When you'd rather just run

How can life be fun
When you know that you're done

How can life be fun

When you're sad in the sun

How can life be fun

Here I feel irrelevant
shoved in the back of the closet
of this **** website.
its like you all know you're better then me
and you make a point to prove it every time you can
and it hurts
but its only in my head
I know I can't write or rhyme correctly
I just need someone to blame
but its not your fault
that I might stop writing for a while.

well at least here.

good morning world,
I'm facing another day

where pain seeps and swirls
while pushing people away

but I'm a new girl
and my feeling can't be swayed

I'll give this new moment a whirl,
and there's nothing you can say