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Day Feb 2022
Baby here we are at our grave
Time has come
Can’t be saved
At least not now
They say sometimes
It’s not the right time
Tired of the night time
But I don’t know when the sun is coming back
And I cant make you wait
Baby here we are at our grave
It’s my fault
Please just look away
Dont be scared
You wont fall
Day Oct 2015
misty words lead to foggy days
stumbled lines lead to straigtened ties
aching bones lead to creaking chairs
lost library books lead to fines
i dont even know
Day Oct 2015
tired of wasting thoughts on this.
Day Oct 2015
a young me tattooed your love on my heart,
never knowing that it would last forever,
never knowing how much regret she would have.

now its too late
Day Oct 2018
Sweet sadness engulfs me as I walk into my favorite place,
the library; its been over a year.
Somehow I always find myself back here and it
seems to always be an important moment in my life.
When did this site become my personal blog?
Posting gentle reminders to
never lose myself.
Oct 16, 2018.
      I am constantly reminding myself that I am not alone. 19-going on 20 year old me finds herself in panic mode almost every day and can't seem to figure out why.
     I ask myself the question "What am I doing with my miserable life?" every morning and I keep expecting an answer to suddenly appear.
      It's been harder to write anything with structure lately, but I have started experimenting with a more free-style( even though my work has always been pretty loose).
     Today I feel like I am always struggling with a feeling of "passive suicidal" but it never gets so bad as to really affect my day to day living. My thoughts have been pretty dark though and I'm trying to work on it.
      Started a new relationship not too long ago and am attempting to not be consumed by it (HA). It does make me very happy though. He seems to really care and I hope our relationship makes both of us happier and mentally healthier.
Day Feb 2017
,but a red paper cutout can never replace the hole you left in my chest.*
*the smell of clearance candy can never mask the smoke you left behind
Day Jun 2021
Last night I dreamed I
slipped and slit my throat on stacking bills

I called the repo man
,he said he didn't give a ****.
Told me that they took his car too.

I gave up on being angry.
Gave up on having hope.
Seems like, I always end up in this boat.

Sorry for myself? Maybe a bit
Mostly just deeply despise
the person I begged myself not to become.

Turning into my mother's -
Plural.

The first - alcoholic
Child lost.

The second- pitifully poor
Child raised to learn how to never ask for help.

Never smart enough to help themselves.
Day Sep 2017
mother had no time for me, so she gave me away*
******* me up, now no one will stay
Day May 2017
A flash flood warning is enabled from now until forver,
for a poets thoughts are held behind a waning dam,
and emotions may spill out and overflow at anytime
pulling any(and every)one into a current of ink.
sirens of "I tried to let you let know" blare in the distance
but you never know until you're too close, and too late.
Day Jan 2016
boys and girls
grab your knifes
rule the worlds
with me tonight
they say
love and words
is all you need
be we're trapped
by insecurity
so today
we'll change the rules
and blow 'em up
don't start a war
but
revolutionize
with passion
ablaze in
our eyes
Day Nov 2015
don't look me in the eyes
it's pretty scary in there,
it's where i keep everything
that's not considered
''acceptable''
all the hate
and all the love

and everything
i'm too scared to say
out loud

so beware
you might find things
that you
don't wanna see
i'm scared of so many things
Day Jan 2016
~close your eyes and think of something that makes you happy

~think about someone you love

~distract yourself with good things

~cry (crying is always better then bleeding)

~remember that you never have to be "enough"

~remember that you ALWAYS are enough

~think about your future (i know it's hard)

~don't give up

~watch a happy movie

~don't ever ever give up

~forgive yourself
think is more of a list than a poem but I think it's important nonetheless
Day Dec 2018
Mind racing -
Like a puppy excited
to go outside.
I ask him
"What motivates you, Fido?"
He answers
"All dogs go to heaven, so why worry about it?"
Day Jan 2016
not white or black
we are
not this or that
we are
paintings grey
we are
@#!*%  and play
we are
not against or for
we are
not want some more
we are
queens and kings
we are
all these things

so don't tell me
what we are
because sorry but,
you're way to far
Day Apr 2016
my clothes\hair/makeup\body do not define my beauty
only an expression of my mind
and
the imperfections of my style do not dictate my worth
only the effort of my humanity
and
the size of my chest\**** should not measure how much
I can be loved

for we, as beautiful creatures, deserve
SO much more then that.
not the easiest thing to believe
Day Dec 2015
All I did was fail today.
Day Aug 2017
when I love you fades away
Day Nov 2015
.. we looked away when tragedy struck
                          would it make us better people..?
                                                      o­r would it just show..
                                                          ­               ..who we really are
                                                           ­                                             *inside..?
Day Sep 2018
funny how

to have an answer

you have to stop

asking the question
get it?
Day Dec 2018
A symptom of
my own character flaw.
I'll take things I can't ******* get out of my head for 500 Alex.
Day Sep 2020
will I feel balanced again?
Day Nov 2015
i became something dark.........
                  .........but i didn't mind
because i was in love
............
                 .........
with a monster
Day Dec 2016
It gets a little harder, then usual
To hide how ghostly you feel.
Suddenly, you become more aware
That you haven't left your room in days.
You think more about your smile
And all the hurt pushing it up.
It's hurt a bit more,
To keep up with the fascade.
Suddenly you live in the basement,
In the room with no windows.
Searching for some little ray,
Any proof that the sun still shines.
To grab and throw up in the air,
To scream
"Look!"
*"I'm still here..."
Day Oct 2015
i wonder,
how many will disappear before we're all ghosts?
Day Nov 2015
when Americans are more concerned about who they let into
"their"
country
then they are about what kind of junk the put into their
bodies
is when i get concerned for the people as a nation.
because if Americans are more frightened by something they only
think they know about because of slander they see on
facebook
then they are of the growing darkness of the country as a whole
then
i guess
we're alot worse off then i realized
honestly I wish I could just help out everyone. If I could reach out to every starving child in the world I would. It just makes me sad. I'm getting my degree in Social Work to help people and I really want to travel.
Day Oct 2018
my lover
did not
hurt me

he
made me
oh, so wet

doused me
d r e n c h e d me
in kerosene

eyes flickered
as he
lit the match

quivered
in my
quirky way

and
found myself
A L I V E

my lover
did not
hurt me

when
he set me
on fire

i cry not
for
this beginning

but
this heart
is scared

s̶h̶e̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶s̶

flames
i n e v i t a b l y
burn out
Day May 2017
if you were a poem,
you would be a poem about a plane
grounded,,
wanting to be in the sky,
wishing, waiting, willing
knowing
that someday you'll be flying high

and if I were a poem
i would be a poem about a bird
drifting,,
dreaming of the land
wishing, waiting, willing
wary
and unsure of where I stand

but you are not a poem
and to be honest, neither am I
for I am just a poet
but someday

we will fly**

((and even though, we are not the same
my emotions drift like sand
i find my peace close to you
my heart safe within your hand))
#us
Day Oct 2015
my heart say "write about love and pain"
my mind says "write about logic''
my peers say "write about something cool"
my parents say "write about discipline"
my school says "write about knowlege"
my friends say "write about whatever"*

my hand says "just write"
i honestly dont like this but i guess ill see what yall have to say about it
Day Jan 2019
Seems way too good to be true
so for now, if that's okay-
I'll just keep loving you.
I appreciate you more with every sunrise
Day Mar 2016
stop trying to guilt me into something
you want me to be
stop trying to make me feel like I'm not good enough
to satisfy your own selfish purposes
your piecing eyes
don't faze me anymore
I'm tired of shaping myself into a person
I HATE
for what?
appearances....
so that I can stand and pose for a portrait
that if you look closely is labeled
"i'm miserable"
GIVE ME A BREAK
you don't give a  @#!
%
whether the smile on my face is genuine
Day Apr 2016
I've adopted a noise,
and named him silence.
Anxiety comes,
when he leaves.
in such a good mood
Day Oct 2015
Which side of the looking glass
am I even in?
Does is even matter?
Day Jan 2016
Every word she spat at me in anger,
became another scar on my skin,
but she didn't care for she could leave
when the blood flow became overwhelming
leaving just me and my undersized bandages
Day Oct 2018
always counting
the ways i could be better
(-1) lesser voice, (-1) smarter things to say
constant reassurance
of why i am enough
(+1) seems stable, (+1) showers almost every day
daily working
to prove myself right
(+1) constant patience, (+1) being productive
breaking a cycle
of crying at night
(-1) hating myself, (-1) not wanting to live
odd how,
wanting so desperately to be someone
i've forgotten
what it means
to be myself
will it stop?
Day Jun 2017
sometimes,
i just need someone
to tell me my hair looks nice.
i needed a good day, it wasnt a great one
you
Day Dec 2018
you
█████████████████
██████████████████
████████████████████
█████████████████████
   █                    ▄▄▄▄  ▄▄▄▄   █
    █    █████    ▐ ▓▓▌▐▓▓▌  █
    █    █████    ▐ ▓▓▌▐▓▓▌  █
    █    █████    ▐ ▓▓▌▐▓▓▌  █
         █    █████    ▀▀▀▀ ▀▀▀▀█✿ ✿
          █    █████ ___                     █(\|/)
_ make me feel _
like I'm
_  home __
Day Apr 2017
Sometimes things are better left unread,
Many words left  unsaid
Things mixed up inside my head
Now....I wonder.
Now....I fear.
Close my eyes...are you still here?
Day Oct 2018
-
How fragile my heart must be,
to shatter from one minor atrocity.

-
Day Jun 2018
and suddenly im questioning everything
left with a space in my chest
aching \ wondering
where have you taken my heart?
but the people tell me to stay
and do the adult things i'm supposed to
but how can my body be here
my hands still working and my feet still going
while my mind wanders to you
and my thoughts overwhelm me
so different then the reality i see
each day my patience wanes
and every moment i hope to escape
Day May 2017
Broken, trying to decide
Seems unfair
So much.
All at once.
Day Nov 2016
ring ring
heart racing
can't be too eager
(wait)*
1 Mississippi
2 Mississippi
"Hey you"
Day Jan 2017
an awareness of the universe that triggers an emotional response too deep and mysterious for words

— The End —