excited I got
looking forward
wouldn't stop
could almost touch
the dream I saw
behave I will
follow the drill

two months to wait
turned with one call
no faith
three years -it changed
older I get
let's see what's left
in 3 years
no drafts
a sketchbook full
of practice deep
sketches weep
still I will follow free
the path
for me

a dream that broke
so much to choke

discrimination it is
but I won't miss
they made a choice
but I have a voice
write it down
with rhyme, not frown
the truth I speak
without a leak

touching it is
hearing the song
still standing strong
but this is a trap
cause rap you love
don't blame above

the singer sings
an angel, no wings
brave she is
a crowd doesn't sit

she continues on
singing with her voice
hearing that note
frozen like a bot
quiet I got

eyes from side
to side
that's when I know
panicking slow
I no longer frown

stop it
no tears
I have no fear

weak I am
please
don’t see me ma’am

rubbing my eyes...
nothing happened
right?
I am strong
won’t lose for long

I bite
not only with words

when I mean bite
I mean that teeth fill the night
with tears in my eyes
and the pain fills the head


cause I said:

if you want to dream this high
then there needs to be perfection
without any exception

I feel with pain

but the truth is that
I don't know how to stop
cause I do it at all cost
and it all started when I was lost

sitting on my bed
fighting in my head
my hands in my hair
and breathing all the air
my eyes from left to right
never thought that I'd be right

I do bite

and fingers once unharmed
have now scars so deep

bracelets

those things made of strings
were given with love

a secret promise lies in every one I (s)wear

still, it’s broken
and
it’s
all
my
fault

one because I pulled too hard
one because it ripped apart
one because I got it that way
one because it didn’t work anyway
one because I lost it
one because it never fit

I love my bracelets
but every one I wear
finds its way to never wear

they give me new ones
but they don't hold
still the only one that survives
was given far too long ago

now here I am
with my jar full of broken promises
cause I don't give up
broken or not
all cause I loved too much

and see what’s the price

a jar I keep

every single one
broken
in hope not to be forgotten

don't look at me now
I'm going to fall
make a mistake
it's all meant to break

close your eyes
turn around
I'll be back
soon

shut the door
no one will hear me roar
cover your ears
just in case

coming back
just like I said
open your eyes
look I'm okay
do you see that I'm breathing?
and maybe some eating
stop I don't want attention
I need perfection
don't look
I don't want to be a book
don't read
I'm not a treat

don't look
I'm going to fight
not shining bright
close your eyes

don't worry about the gap
where you didn't see the wrap
it's better not to know
just follow the flow
don't stop to think
you're misplacing the ink

the door a point
with 2 views

inside the room
mistakes and shards of glass
outside the door, only grass

even if I'm outside the room
my head’s still inside
wanting to be alone
fighting on my own
stronger I get
but what's still left?
don't deserve a thing
not even a phone ring
reviewing my mistakes
no place to meditate

the right path
a way to look with the door
open

so I and you can see
what's all inside of me
no hiding spots
then you will learn I once felt lost
and I will learn that I maybe deserve a spot

but for now that's not easy
for me it all sounds cheesy
but I guess it's always hard
to go to the start

so
for now I'll close the door
you won't hear me roar

they say freedom is to be as free as a bird

independent and strong
not in a cage

they give me 'freedom'
but not how I say

they push me till I am right at the edge
say I need to jump
but I’m not ready to fledge

I know that’s how it works
I’ve seen it multiple times
you jump and you fly
                yeah I do believe that lie

but we are missing one point
my wings aren’t fully grown
now I’m standing on my own
cause I need to do it all alone

so I turn my back and ask

if they could do it one more time
cause I know they can

now I am

just standing on the ground
looking at the birds in the sky
admiring them knowing someday I will try

as a kid we can't wait to grow up
we want to explore the world
cause nobody wants to explain with words

afraid to crash you down

so I got to be strong
cause I can't wait this long
I figured it out myself
and found the darkest place
and now need space
cause I’m falling in this phase people call it "youth"

Almost there

now I’m past halfway
3 years holding me back
and every day feels like a trap

look at me when I'm down
and I won't drown
won't forget the past
or what has last
I won't bet with the brains in my head
but I will with eyes of breath
those ones I have
cause I know your face
more than my ways

hey you,
yeah you there
little one reading
words on the screen
and if no one has seen…

the war in your heart
ripping apart
a silent scream
waiting to dream

people come and people go
still you remember that ‘hello’

routine is the devil it’s always the same
still it masks
the pain
won’t give it the blame

fighting alone
like no one knew
still you know that isn’t the truth
cause we fight side by side
chasing our own version of light
strangers in name
but never the same

but hey stranger
I see you
holding hope
still standing strong
and no, I’m not wrong

cause I see you
I really do
and I’m proud of you

just hold on
one more day

and if I may say:

S ilence is a superpower but
T he truth is, look–
A round you
Y ou're not alone…

looking at others
didn’t know it bothered

cause when they start to talk
saying things like 'I wish he’d call'

it hurts
I know I can't say that
cause they are just living their life
happy they look
blooming inside

nothing can destroy that
at least that’s how they feel

I should mind my own business
but-
Should I warn them?
cause it's going to be worse
but for some reason they don’t see the curse

give it time
and everything crashes down
just like…
always

mamma
Are you there?

I have something to say

it’s not much,
but it touched
me
I’m not dying
it’s not like that

but mamma...
Would you listen?

mamma
I helped someone
with words

no shouting
no eyes, trying too hard
it's not called art
but you do need your hands
typing I did
words so I said

I thought twice
to find the exact feeling
words that couldn’t be ignored
because the sentence
was built that way
just like I say

oh
You noticed I said "sentence"?
please don’t sigh

I know it’s not a full conversation
but maybe you should know
sometimes, a few words
are already what we need
before we start to bleed

things like:
"I’m proud of you"
"I love you"
"breathe in, breathe out,
we're not going to freak out"

so I took your job
before you could say stop

in fact
they were more than
sentences
I told
that person
but mamma
you had no clue

but the most important
faded away...
because
Did you notice I said helped?

...

this is stupid
don’t take your time
to listen
I’ll stop wishing

vacation

only 4 days
then I get some rest
living in the past
but still dreaming of the best

only 4 days
then I will imagine
who I could be
flying on a dragon

only 4 days
then I can scream
but I'm not my own team
cause demons don't want to be seen
and mine want to be so mean
trying to hide them from the stream

only 4 days
and I don't want to lose
don’t want to bruise

A hero and a spirit of death
both hunters looking for their path

on the first look they don't make any change
both looking to prove themselves
but there's only one way
to take the others life away

one with a mission, without any discussions
and one with glory and fame
kleos we name

but what if there was a world without the pressure
a golden treasure
where everything is different…

maybe the myth didn't mean to end his life
but just about opening his eyes

they could be friends without an end

today I searched for a knife
not to **** anyone in the bright of the night

no I didn’t mean
I only thought about hurting the one who is speaking now

me and myself

I don't know why
wait that's incorrect
I DO know why
but it’s all stupid in the back of the end

let me say that
I was hypnotized
by my own thoughts
searching for a knife
even more hypnotized was I
when I couldn't find it
I almost asked my mom where it hid

cause I was pretty sure I left it on my shelf
looked in all my backpacks
in my coat and even on my night table

searching for a knife

now looking at the time
so much fades away
suddenly realizing what happened anyway

I was searching for a knife

A KNIFE

I can't

looked around
saw the mess
back to the present
with eyes full of innocence

searching for a knife
but still knowing I could bite

I bet my past self hid it somewhere
cause I always leave things behind
thinking I could find

now I’m looking with the eyes of past me
when I was five
asking what I'm doing

all I say to past me five is
survive

and there the feeling is back
me worrying about future me when I'm twenty four
cause I am pretty sure
if those thoughts say the same
this will be no fair game

searching for a knife

my eyes tell everything
that's not a thing
it's the truth it is
the kind I once missed

one look in my eyes
and I begin to smile
not out of love
no-
that's been a while
cause I don't know
how to react
it's an error in my brain
with pain just like rain

not a mask
just not used to
act

the earth here
sees you as a thief
an animal with teeth
they won't look underneath

but the little kid
does not care
How are you? Yes, you, right there.
he sees you as a friend
or a teacher maybe
with life lessons daily
he tamed you
and you tamed him
majestic you are
protecting you will

you are everyone at once
with the right balance

lighting the street
with one match near

one minute it burns
and night already turns
light off
60 seconds, gone
light on
repeat
and repeat
never cheat
orders are orders

routine it is
Oh, you already knew this?
you don't choose yourself
you take orders from someone else…

you have 60 seconds each time
to live
if that's really all you want to give
60 seconds
could be more…
only if you stand open for
60 seconds
step around that planet
and dance like Janet

"But the lamplighter kept on lighting. He was too faithful to ever question."
--- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Le Petit Prince

his clothes like mint
blonde hair, blue eyes
living on a planet
with a flower
he needs to go
leaving her behind
thinking she doesn’t mind
meeting new people
on different planets
who only think about themselves
don't understand
how you can put your soul
on the shelf

and after all
what you have seen
you just don't want to be that mean
don't be like them
everyone but them…

homesick he became
cause now he can see
what he looked for
he already had
he just didn't realize that
a red rose

look, and you will see
what you’re searching for
you already are
just deep inside you, not inside of me
it's not my opinion
that matters the most
no, then you will get lost
craving at all costs
it's yours to know if you're doing alright
deep inside
you know
for what the kid will bow
kindness it is
not egoism
for your own bliss
remember this
you can’t dismiss

"But the vain man did not hear him. Vain men never hear anything but praise."
--- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Le Petit Prince

I keep saying it will be okay
cause you are everything I need these days

you say you're a disappointment
when I think you're a treasure

you say you can't handle everything
when I think you already do

you say you're not atlas…
when I think you’re my sky

I look at your face
you hit me with your eyes
and I understand that
it's hard to be

you ask for help
and I waited
for this moment
longer than I could remember
begging to help
someone
who wanted to dive
and drown
ending life

cause I believe
sometimes there are those beautiful things
down in the sea
coral they name
deep down you’ll see

and I believe
you can get lost in their beauty
but if you stay too long
you will drown
before you even feel you’ve gone down

and I believe
that admiring the beauty of the darkness isn't the fall
but touching is, when you lose it all

you say you're weak
when I think you're strong

you say you want love
a reaching hand
when I just hope
mine is enough

and I believe
oh I believe
that
I just need to try
even when
trying feels like drowning tho