Can you do me a favor?
can you kindly stop talking to me
Your rude and inappropriate comments need to stop
im tired of allowing you to get away with the way you talk down to me
simply because i feel sorry for you
You know, being that you’re a new father and all
i can only imagine what its like for you at home
Your wife’s giving all her attention to the baby
the sleepless nights
no recognition for your hard work
it must feel like you’ve lost your sense of control in your own home
and what better way to regain that power than to belittle those with a lesser ranking than you
and even more so, those that you feel like you can get away with talking to, like the way you do to me.
i remember one of the first times you said something to me.
I was new to the department, and things weren’t exactly in my favor
considering i was filling a mans shoes while he was away on vacation.
A strong, hard working man who knows the ins and outs of being a stocker.
Hell, if he really wanted to i wouldn’t doubt his ability to re stock the entire department by himself
This wasn’t an equal opportunists position. I physically did not have the strength to meet the demands that this position so heavily weighed on every employee.
No wonder they place all the females in clothing department, its the lightest department by weight of merchandize. and who better to give the tedious workings of folding clothes to than someone who already bears the responsibility to day in and day out inside their own home.

So, here you come along, and rather than helping me to play catch up while i build the  physical strength to keep up and critique the skills that are required to make my work presentable and worth noticing, you continued to put me down for being the weakest link.
I brushed it off
Directed my frustration towards simply just doing a better job than the day before.
One day at a time, id tell myself. Things will get easier.  
I can go back to that same position today and clearly note the improvements that I’ve surpassed within my own expectations. If we are to be fair, i owe in part, some of that success to my ability to translate your snooty comments into something pro active and constructive.
If i had just spoken up then, maybe it wouldn’t have gotten as far as its gotten today.
Maybe
just maybe,
if i had the courage to stand up for all of the things that you represent. All the things that reminds me of a dark past of being taking advantage of without the power or consciousness to say otherwise.
Maybe -
just maybe ..
but just like that night that still strikes me into paralysis, i become stiffened as your words take advantage of me, only this time i’m awake to feel every jab. Just like that night, those around me are misguided by your ability to a likable person. They don’t question who you are and what you're capable of, because how could you? You are a hard working manager, you make people laugh, and you clearly have a way with your words. Imagine if this had been 2008, when i was still deeply broken and unable to rationalize between what is true, and what you want me to believe is true. Imagine, if i had not yet invested so many years into growing my self worth, my self esteem. Unable to look at myself in the mirror and realize that i have so much to live for and that the exact person that i am today is exactly enough to be whoever i want to be.
I would already be dead.
My soul would have suffocated and be rotting away inside of me.
I would be a walking zombie. Any self esteem would have been re programed into self doubt and hatred towards myself for not being liked by someone who should be encouraging me to be better.
But im not that person.
Unfortunately, you only get ***** once.
After that it's just an attack on the body you once thought was you.
I am no longer this body, and your words cannot hurt the foundation that I’ve constructed, literally, from the ground up.
I am much more than that. I am everything that you fail to see because you’re so busy being demoralized by your own darkness that feeds your mind into thinking that you’re not good enough. It spills out of you and spreads like a disease to others that don’t have the proper vaccinations to resist it. Just know, that you’ll fall way before i even begin to feel weak. You’ll slowly begin to cave in, and your walls will crush you to the bottom.
To the
cold
hard
rock bottom.
And then,
only then -
you can come talk to me.

oh hello there lover!
so lovely to read your words
the love you feel for me; so unheard
the love i feel for you;
my lonely heart is cured.
you keep me safe
when im away, your soul i taste
through music
through laughter
through joy, and thereafter
forever filling my heart with love
forever the woman that ive been dreaming of.

A woman
A mother
A human of immeasurable depth
A being of nurturing love and compassion
Could i?
If i could be so lucky, should i?
Do i have what it takes to take you on
Do i know what it takes, to go beyond ?
The arches of your doorway
The shallows of your darkest corners
To keep you sturdy,
To keep you growing in strength.
Do i have what it takes, to go the length ?
"Welcome", you said,
"to my open door policy"
"If you have any questions,
I'll open up, probably."
"But if you choose to know me,
be weary of this,
My journey has had pain, but also, unspeakable bliss
I'm too familiar of the suffering
behind the sting of a kiss
Try and break down these open doors
And my presence,
you'll be forced to miss."
After taking it in,
and giving it some thought
My mind still wonders,
my decisions still caught
So much more to you, to learn
So many more emotions to churn
Let's take it slow, let our fires burn.
I'm coming inside now sweet girl,
your trust, I'll earn.

i am who i am when my mind isn’t taking control
when everything is unknown and understood at the same time
when the calm of the storm hits and your frozen in time  
when the 8 ball knows the answer to every question
This is where the trees go to let go of their confessions
where the plants, flowers, and nature in itself, combine all expressions
Where they stand beautifully at ease
gliding so effortlessly with the calls from the earth, and its leaves
telling them exactly where to go
glide effortlessly, my loves
in case you didn’t know
let the earth take control
and your aura, let it glow

Moving seemed to me, the most real
Seeing that there's nothing here for me
Except, this pull i just started to feel
The one where me and you are, we.
Each other's hearts, we steal
It'll drive you crazy
Opening up,
based on a belief
Your heart shattered,
you can't find relief
You can't be mad
Because Words were never spoken
It was all sparks that left my heart broken
So I'll say goodbye from a distance
Where you won't see me cry
See you in another life, sweet girl
Where maybe then, we could try

Why is it that, the concept of love
is so hard for me to comprehend ?
Rushed love, forced love; lust love
from beginning to the end
I see you, real love
i want you, real love
i crave you, desire you,
my deepest strongest feelings for you love
but you live the life i did
and you’ll never get to understand it; love
your mind will be separate from your heart, and ; love.
All you’ll know is suffering,
and hating all that represents; love.