Oh honey,
Sometimes it’s the timing that’s wrong
Not you.

I used to love my curves.
My plump hips,
My thick thighs,
My ***** chest,
My chubby cheeks.
All the curves, stretch marks, and the lumps,
Especially my lumps,
Made me.
And I loved me.

Until I met you.
When we first met, you worshiped my curves.
Kissed on my chest,
Gripped my thighs.
You used to say,
“I love my baby’s fat ***,”
As you would squeeze my thighs
and I would laugh.

But then reality decided;
“Babe you should really workout some”
“*** I really think you should lose some weight”
Or you would talk of other girls,
Thinner girls.
“Country girls are so hot”
“I saw this girl today at work and she was ****.”

So now I’m looking in a mirror.
In my black sports bra
And my mixed match pink underwear.
All I see looking back,
is not
my plump hips,
My thick thighs,
My ***** chest
Or my chubby cheeks,
Not even my lumps,
Hell, especially my lumps.

I see my belly overflow the hem of my underwear,
I see my ******* resting on my stomach,
I see the extra skin around my neck,
And I notice the way my stomach jiggles when I walk.

The sound of my feet hitting the ground,
The way things vibrate around me when I walk,
My shortness of breath uphill,
And the way my thighs touch each other instead of having that gap.
That cute gap.
That gap that skinny girls have.

But now,
I cover myself more.
The curvy girl who used to wear crop tops confidently,
Now wears a hoodie to hide.
Secretly apologizing to everyone who ever saw her curves.
Her plump hips.
Her thick thighs.
Her ***** chest.
Apologizing to everyone whoever saw,
Her.

And I compare myself to every girl around me.
‘If I had her legs’
‘Her stomach’
‘Her face’
Maybe,
Just maybe,
You would be saying,
“Nerdy girls are hot”
Or bragging to your friends
“I have this girl and she’s so ****”
And maybe,
Just maybe,
You would still be here.

And I would laugh,
Smile,
And blush
And we would be happy.
Together.

But instead,
I’m looking at this mirror,
And all I see
Is a fat girl
Looking back at me.

Please take everything I taught you;
The surprises,
The late night talks,
The sweet texts,
Take them and use them for someone else.

Please don’t treat anyone else like you treated me.

Don't listen to what someone says in the early morning hours when the moon is out.

The loneliest hearts are always up at 2 am.

Every empty bottle
has a story behind it.

Whether it's a heartbreak
Or a happy tale,
There's a story.

And I'd love to learn yours.

I know it’s not healthy.
I know it’s going to hurt.
But ******
It’s the only love I know.
It feels real to me
And can’t that be enough?

I know it’s not love
But let me believe it is.
Just for once.

Let me be "in love"

I don't know what's worse.
Having your heart broken
Or breaking someone else's

And to you I'm sorry.

The beginning of 2018,
I spent the time getting my heart broken.
But now in the end,
I’m breaking hearts.

Leaving my name on their lips
While I forget theirs.

Don't get me wrong,
I am happy
That you are out there
Living your dream.

You're out there
Seeing the whole world
Day by day.

I just wish
I was a part of that dream.

It’s hard to fall in love
When you feel
Like you’re already
Six feet under

All is forgiven
But the trust is forever broken

You decide to look the other way,
I'll cry a little bit
And smile at our memories
Because they were my best ones yet.
Because they were with you.

I like how my body looks
In a broken mirror.

The many cracks give my body
A different shape.
A shape I’m proud
To call mine.

The many cracks hide my reality
For a short amount of time.

Until I leave the broken mirror
And walk in the hall to see a whole mirror
With no cracks.
And I see myself.
My true self.

The body I’m not proud is mine.

I wish you would have
stopped me from leaving.
I wish you said “I love you”
Sooner than you did.
I wish you would have shown
That you cared for me someway.
But, when I said goodbye,
You just said “bye.”

And in the morning,
When you pack your bags
And quietly leave the room.
And when the smell of coffee reminds you
Of the weekend before.
When you told me you loved me
And we laughed about everything
Under the night sky.
There we were
Hoping this weekend would never end.

As you grab the last of your things
Walking around the apartment
Trying not to wake me.
As you see me curled up with the blankets
With a few stay strands of my hair
Covering my face.

You leave me be
As you don’t want to see
What your leaving does to me.

You decided
I'm not what you want
Anymore.

When you leave me asleep in the bed
Not even giving me a kiss goodbye
As everything you said before
Was a just lie.

As I hear the door close
Which meant you were gone.
I feel a tear in my eye.
Not because of you leaving,
But because I still hope.
But that even when you leave,
I pray that you don't forget about me.

And I still hope you’ll come back.
Even if it’s just for one night.

I think we’re both holding on to something that isn’t there but we’re too afraid to let go.

I’m too afraid to let you go.

Are we all just
Broken people
Learning how to
Love each other
Brokenly?

Learning how to fix these broken pieces?

You put too much into your thoughts and I don’t put enough.
I think that’s our problem.

I hope you drink
When you think about me.
When you think about our time
Coming to an end.

I hope you drink
When you miss me
And all the times we spent
Laughing, crying, and loving.

I hope you drink
Because of me.

Please don’t call me.
Please don’t text me.
Please don’t like my posts.
Please don’t like my pictures.
Please don’t retweet me.
Please don’t comment.
Please don’t follow me.
Please don’t drive by my house.
Please don’t come to class anymore.
Please don’t go to that ice cream shop
We used to go to.
It was always my favorite.

Please don’t

Please
Just
Don’t.

Love isn’t supposed to hurt like this.