I walked in the rain
On a summer day
Wond'ring if that face
Would show up again
I took each step
With the fog in my eyes
I want to get lost
But can't help standing by
I watched my past
As if I'm watching you coming near
And all that's coming
Are all of my fears
Rain of my thoughts
Kept coming on point
Maybe you would
But maybe you won't

I am so imperfect
That I destruct myself
In loving you this much
While you destruct yourself
In loving her so bad

Balled and rolled
But never been told
What was once tied
Will set loose and die

The night's too cold
The fog just clogged
The moon's up high
I forgot it's December

The wind took me
To my bed sheets
I curled, it's cold
I forgot it's December

I can't think of
Words to defy
Why I just keep
Forgetting it's December

I can't find it
Searched everywhere
The place that brings
Cold nights when it's December

I saw your face
Two teardrops raced
So warm but cold
I forgot it's December

Just now I found
You are the word
The reason why
I forgot it's December

I saw the place
Of cold embrace
It was my heart
In the night of December

I remember
Sweet and bitter
Yes, it didn't last
I lost you last December

I'd rather be alone
Right now
Than being alone
Sooner than now

If I'll be on my self, I'll be on my self. I can't afford to ride another roller coaster with tons of passengers who'll jump off at the peak of the ride.

Find the girl
Find her world
From the tower
Of crawling bricks
From it's walls
Make her fall
Make me as her all
Make me break
Her even more
She'll bear this curse
She'll bleed the worst
Day after another
Feed her more
Make her live
Forevermore
She'll suffer this
Until darkness occurs
From this day on
This spell be sealed
Make this true
After her sleep

Falling for you is like
Falling to the bathroom floor
Foolish and clumsy I was
Slippery and painful it was
But I learned my lesson
And won't fall for you again

Feed me with your thoughts
Paint me with your words
Count me with your letters
Define me with your lines
Speak to me in numbers
I'll answer you with a gaze
Make me more beautiful
Yet, **** me with your pen

Make them vanish
Make them go
**** them with your
Shining silver sword
Don't you dare drown them
They will swim
Or they'll hunt you
From underneath
Just like the candles
Their fire'll be blown
Let them be smoke
Let them be gone
They're your
Insomia at 3am
Your nightmare
From dusk 'till dawn
Oh my dear Reilegh
Go down and slay your demons

It felt so good
I disregarded the taste
It was worth the try
To have it as my first
The disgust was gone
The pleasure took part
Be with me and I'll bear it
To have it forever
Locking with mine

I used to be your sun
The only star in your day
That burns in the sky
But now I'm your moon
Who watches you over
Quiet in the shadows
Not a star anymore
Just someone you pass by
Because now I'm only
A single part of the night
That fades along with the dark
And no longer the reason
For you to wake up

And now suddenly
We are estranged
Because of our acts
Of how we said 'I love you'
Of how our eyes gazed
To each other's
On how we bid farewell
To our very last toast
And the night
Feasted with the warmth
Swallowing us in
But we broke out instead

I'm afraid of losing you
So I'd rather lose my breath
I'd die if you knew
So I'd rather tell it to myself
I can't be enough
So I'd rather love you this much
I'll never be so brave
So I'd rather have your back instead
I can never make you stay
So I'd rather keep you in my heart

Why are we afraid
Of falling in love?
Maybe it's because
We're less assured
Maybe it's just
We're too old
Or just too young
And sometimes
It's the truth that
No one will catch you
When you both fell
Together from a feeling
And he got caught
By someone down below
Who effortlessly waited
His feelings for you
Dispersed in the air
Just like a thin vapor
You can no longer feel it
And all that's left
Is the reason
Why you fell

She does it with the water
She does it with her pain
She does it as her run
It's her best medicine

She's too weak
Her heart's very weak
Belittled and stomped
She's getting more bleak

Her only sunshine
Is the darkness
In the pits of the corners
Is where she sits with coldness

Her only nightmare
Is the light of the world
The more she's seen
The more she's haunted

She wishes her sunset
To come all at once
And leave this day
Leaving her not even an ounce

Though the medication
Is meant for a lifetime
Her dosages just won't stop
She's delirious and existing

The clouds are thin
Like a piece of silk
They keep rolling in
In a blue glass as milk
Warm and tender
Of white, yellow, and fire
With the air, they linger
As if they don't get tired
They're our fleecy goodbye
From the light in our eyes
Weightless of all
Though leaves a sullen fall
But truest promise
Lives as it leaves
We're tomorrow's fate
On horizon's brightest gate

You want to know
Who I'm talking to
When it's already 2am
And the lights are dead
All you will see is the
Light from my phone

You want to talk
To the one I'm talking to
When it's already 2am
And my heart's dying
All you will hear
Are my thoughts screaming

You want to see
Who I'm talking to
When it's already 2am
And my hands are bleeding
All you will see
Are my words talking

"I can't hear you talking..."
How could I interfere
Such conversation of
Madness and beauty?
Have you heard a killing
So audible and axiomatic?

We always run
On the chain of desire
As the last person
At the end of the line
It's easy to give up
Make your run stop
No one will notice
Everyone's ahead
But we somehow stay
Though it's the hardest
To stay behind
And keep what we have
But we somehow hope
That what we're running
Is worth aiming for

Tiny grains of love
I always pick them up
Left-overs of their past
For me they're a must

Tiny grains of love
You're what I'll ever have
You're my golden dust
Something mine that'll last

Tiny grains of love
You're what I must have
Yet a precious sand
That kept slipping through my hands

Tiny grains of love
When will my glass be filled
When will I ever be drunk
When will I ever get to taste

A cup full of love

She is her words --
        the letters in the lines;
        the art tattooed on pages.

She is mystery --
        the secrets and signs;
        the lies and her guise.

She is astonishment --
        the curved pathways in pages;
        the plot twists on the edges.

She is sadness --
        the tracing downfall from a cliff;
        like how she fell for you.

She is madness --
        the explosion of everything;
        the collision of all universe.

She is beauty --
        the art on gritty surfaces;
        convergence of different abstractions.

She is death --
        the poison to your heart;
        the knife before your eyes.

She is life --
        the birth of vivid events;
        the breath of memories.

She is love --
        the beating of each stroke;
        the thing you have from her.

She is her words --
        the black and blue on papers;
        the prisoner of her book.

I am your poet --
I write your name on my heart
and our memories on my pages.

I write about my doubts,
my maybe's, what if's
and whereabouts
of you; and only you.

I write about my mistakes and yours --
our past, present, supposed future;
and how I love you the most.

I write about our debates --
the shouting and crying like
a wildfire sprawled across the bed.

I write about our first date --
when we dress up so nicely
and danced all night.

I write about our first kiss --
the push and pull of our lips;
and the warmth of our breathing.

I write about the way we talk --
the sweetest and most painful sound
uttered against the wind by the heart.

I write about your heartbeat --
the way it speaks to me,
and how it says my name joyfully.

I write about your face, your body,
the sound, noise, and joy;
and how we make love endlessly.

I am your poet --
I write about our unending love
that ends on my pages.

Sing to me like one of your girls
I'll find your beat even if they can't be heard
Into your rhythm, I can be wringed
I'll take it all up to the ones I can
I'll dance and dance until I lose my feet
I'll just look at you until I lose my sight
I'll let the fire burning until it loses its heat
I'll keep you in my heart until it loses its beat

The heart --
        Can never be open
        Unless somebody
        Breaks it.
        
The love --
        Can never be true
        Unless somebody
        Makes it.

The seasons --
        Can never change
        Unless somebody
        Feels it.

These blankets --
        Can never be warm
        Unless they are
        Somebody's arms.

These words --
        Can never be relevant
        Unless they are
        For you.

I knew she was sad --
Not because there were
tears in her eyes
But because there were
Grey clouds in them
Swirling chaos in her mind
Thorns around her throat
Poison in her heart
And a tired smile
On her bleeding lips
And the love she knew
Never thought that
She's really that sad

And now you like simple girls
When I already combed my hair
Like the way your former girls do

When I already painted my lips
Like how the roses would bloom
In rows in the fields

When I already dressed myself
With how the pretty girls do

When I already turned into something
Your senses have been looking for

"I like simple girls"
And I never got the irony
Turned myself into someone I don't know
Because now, right in this moment

*You like simple girls...

We are the lost lovers who wander
the great walls of this world;
in pursuit of the love that only navigators
can have in their very own hands.

And we go in endless circles while
endlessly hoping of being home
to someone we'll ever know but
our fate only does.

The roads have turned to deserts
and the life is starting to wither;
you are her oasis--her savior from dispair;
though you are nowhere to be found in the middle of the death fair.

You are one of the likes of her --
young, tired, lost, and long gone
from the lovers' lane you once belonged;
and you're alone, wandering to wonder.

May you both find your ways
through this garden of all-or-nothing;
and may you find dandelions
than a rose in a field of thorns.

"How can you love him like that?"*

At 5, they taught me
how to color shapes
and I would color them
beyond the lines.

At 10, they told me
to make a 500-word essay
and I did a 1000-word
for it and got an F.

At 16, they apprised me
to wear a cocktail dress in a party
and I wore a long dress;
they bullied me for weeks.

At 20, my professor instructed me
to place up to 5 decimal places
and I wrote 7 for assurance;
I failed his class.

At 23, he asked me to love him
with everything that I can
and I gave him beyond everything;
he broke my heart.

'Coz it's hard to see
The one who made these heartbeats
Having his own
Made by another

Inside your own system
Pain, painful that pain
Makes you bow to the ground
And cry tears in vain

The first above else
Sweetest among sweet
Extreme above realest
Was just the least to think

I thought I'd stand a chance
A shot to make a change
Of what was left behind
Before these pages came

I could've rewrote
My stupidiest mistakes
And make new moments
Saving thy heart from these aches

But it's just so amazing
How our story was told
Words written in ink
Won't undo even a hundred fold

We've been in fragments
Shattered and torn
And kept crawling back
To where we're from

That has been so long
Didn't know you were gone
To fit with another piece
And our pattern was ceased

Even if it's so hard
I won't ever ask
Just for my sweetest first
To have what he deserves

What we did has been done
What's been there has been left
These pages will continue
And so I must too

I'll wait for the day
For another piece to come
To fill these empty sheets
And make this story book complete

*For that someone dated back in the year 2010

It was always the "good night"
That makes you leave
Impatient for the sun
To come and for you to see
How it steals your darkness
From those eyes of yours
But you always keep it closed
And walk the road alone

It's 2 am
I'll take my medicine
It's not prescribed
Just my self medication
I don't know its dosage
I just take it all
A little too much
Can never be enough
Until you know
You're already drowned
The alcohol's in my veins
And I breathe smoke
You know I'm sick
It's 2 am, you see?
And I'll take you in

and we roamed my bed
like the corners of your city
struggling to breathe,
grasping to every thread
of my soft sheets
you brought fire to my body,
brought waves of ocean
from my steaming pores
and you're thrusting
like diving down a deep well
crying out like a wolf
as if my ceiling is the moon
without any uncertainty,
you held the hanging bells
from the temple you're
trying to rule,
like you would to your pillow
pinch, bite, and lick
as if you're trying to do
some sort of a magic trick

what we did felt good,
your love tastes good,
and the daylight came
reaching out my windows
touching my eyes softly
and slowly, I came to my senses
and wished to be asleep forever
or prolong my greatest night

the darkness died as the sun came up
and you were gone in the morning
like my old school camp fire

gone for good...

after a night of festive screams,
scratches, and rolling in the hay,
what I got was just a trip
in Heaven and Hell
and I was so burned by your body,
blinded by your touch,
silenced with your kisses,
for a few hours, you made me
an object of your desires and lust

you're a daydream in the night
and your love is a mirage

"Where are your hopes and dreams?"

"It's in my heart."* I replied.

"But it's broken!" they cried.

Is it wrong to have hopes
And dreams in a broken heart?

You don't keep them anywhere
Where they would fade with the time.

You don't place them somewhere
Where they could be forgotten.

They must be safe in a place
Where they would not cease to exist
Or be passed by the hands of time.

Even if the heart, itself, is not safe.

And when your heart breaks,
*That's when they become true.

I'm afraid I can no longer write*
So please, just break my heart
There's nothing more that I can give
Leave me be until I die
And in my words is where I'll live
But you'll be forever in my lines
We'll part ways but in both good terms
I'll hold my pen, you'll hold her hand
I don't want to end up hurting you
So do it now before I do

I found myself under
the dance of flashing lights
and dimming night,
of talking clouds
and breathing hours,
the hands of time
would tick in his hand;
loud enough he told me
as his voice reverberates in my ear,
"Welcome to Wonderland."

When all the love is pure,
when your hope and faith is full,
when the ocean isn't pulling back,
the setting sun is yours to touch.
When lips would wake you up
and lips would bid good night--
fall as a fog into the gloomy woods
for your love knows no sun and moon.
When the storm is just a whisper
and the weather is just a news--
you are the burn and the shiver
between his pillows and sheets.
--------------------------------------------------------
­
When all of these had faded fast
*I'll remember you as my first and last.

The dead man's heart
Isn't beating anymore
And so does mine
Though I'm still awake
And so cold
I'm longing for a coffin
Longing for the dusk
In my home of tranquil
Dug me up from underneath
Come pull me down
Show my face from a glass
I want to get back
From where I was
Burry me alive
Burry me inside
**** my all at once
Leave this wish underground