I like balloons
And I hope one day I ride a hot air balloon

Why?

Because when I see them
They remind me of people;
How they keep everything inside them for so long and when they can't take it anymore, they pop.
How they bring joy.
How they don't know they do.
How with the right air, they can fly up the sky and be free.
Yes they may pop or deflate but if you see them as people, they won't if they don't want to.
I like balloons because I want to fly;
Give joy
I want to escape the hurt, the pain, the exhaustion.
I want to be free

I am burning with the desire to hold you close
To trace the skin under those clothes
I woke up wanting to feel your lips on mine
To caress your hand
And make your body so close against mine
I guess time really does go by so fast and I miss you already
Come carry me
Fill me with the love you gave
Whisper the words you once uttered
Kiss me fast but make it slow
Maybe stop but don't go
Ignite this flame a bit further

If only forever did last the way it was supposed to
We would have never said goodbye, we would have never broken it's rules
We would still be together and I-
I wouldn't have cast walls upon my heart
What if I made you stay
What if you didn't go
What if ...

*but thats the sad thing about if only's and what if's, its full of regret full of bitterness and full of  hope

I worry about goodbyes

Maybe too often that I cause them

I always wonder
When
    Why
        How
           Where

How I would be left behind in my own shadow realm
Embracing solitude
How cold my nights would be without your presence's warmth
And until when would I reminisce every memory we once shared

And what would I do if you never stopped me from leaving when I did was want you to

But in the end I wouldn't care

All there is to blame would be me, myself and I

I don't know where we stand
But still you hold my hand
What are we, really?
Why can't you say it freely?
I'm stuck up in my head with my thoughts
Words forming knots
For there's nothing like us
I don't want to make a fuss
But I've never felt this way
My heart is starting to betray
These rules I've cast upon my walls
With just a look from you it sprawls
Should I stop?
Should I bear these teardrops?
Or would you let me stay?
Even if your friend's looks could slay
Tell me what you feel
I'll let you heal
I'll be your fortress
Don't let me go on wordless
I don't want to lose you
Or gray would be the only hue
On this upside down world
Where people's smiles are crookedly curled
I'm scared and so are you
But I'll be selfish cause I don't want to lose the view
Of that **** beauty
So I'll make you smile daily like its my duty
I want answers
But I should mind my manners
I respect what you say
But why leave it that way?
You got broken
Now accept my token
It's my love and I'm sorry
For I cannot carry
This name undefined
But I know our hearts are combined
Even without words said
The thing is I don't know if its all in *my head

What are your sources to the stories about me
that I myself don't know my darling?

Surprises
Sweet efforts
They make my heart melt
Make me forget sadness
For even just a little while
I appeciate them
I even treasure those moments
Because for that instance
I feel they care
I know they thought of me
That I am a somebody
But I want to sleep
I'm not a warrior fit for battle
I am not a fair maiden to be saved
And I am not a victor in this conquest

*the world will go on but I-
I will not

There's something wrong with me
I don't have the key
to know who I should be
I don't want to pretend to be fine
when they can't see the sign
of how desperate I am to find
something better in my mind
I want to die
but i want to live
i want to dine
but I want to give
I want a purpose, something more than a cause
To leave and be free, to be my own boss
I don't want to feel things I shouldn't
I don't want to be forced to do things I couldn't
I feel alone
but there's something in my bone
that makes me hope
that when I let go of this rope
i'll find a maybe
that someday my heart would be put to safety
I am tired of being broken
not by life but words unspoken
I want to be okay
To sit by the bay
but I also want to be loved, my love
I want to be with you than anything else above
I want to sink in the waves of you voice
but that's not my choice
to envelop myself in your arms
not because of your charms
but because I love you too much
so it is my heart that I will clutch
to let you be free
even if you forget about me
Do I have to plea
just for you to see
that I should let you go
so we could grow
but every time I try
it makes me cry
you want me to stay
but you go far away
I don't know what say or what to do
but i feel rather blue

for there is something wrong with me
but in order to fix this I have to leave you be

Before them, we already had those nicknames,
I was already your moon,
And we were already the best.

Then I turned into your everything as you have said.
They started using what we already had.

While they did, we lost ours.
We didn't use them anymore for so long we forgot them.
And I miss being those things to you.
If being your everything means things being like this then take me back—take me back when our love was at its best,
take me where our love started.
When it was innocent, exciting yet passionate.

Let me feel that old love
*Show me, tell me, feel me.

I remember how you
pushed me against the wall
and in a way I would never fall
pressed your body onto mine
Your arms gripped tight like a vine
You closed your eyes
To mask your want in disguise
Then hasted to kiss me
My lips parted as to agree
Your pin so firm,so strong
There was no way I could've escaped even if it felt wrong
But honestly I just wanted that too
My heart beat as if wild animals were at the zoo
It was weird yet right
Unknown and light
Perfect and flawed
Bound to make us awed
Now I hate how it ended
Its not like I wanted
Now I have to bear this feeling
Of something missing
To avoid the temptation
Of your lips filled with flirtation
So cold yet soft
Bow shaped and liked most

I hate how I close my eyes and think of you and what happened
My heart saddened
Knowing I shouldn't and I couldn't do it anymore
Hanging by those word to which you swore.

And there's this sense of uneasiness by just the mention of that name,
a name I so badly want to bury and remember no more
just one look and we both know
who it is that still lurks in the depths of your mind

In our own little world
We've dreamed about our future
We've hoped for brighter days
We've shared our plans
And we swore to stay
At times we wished to be free
To cast away from these rules

Things would have been easier if it would just go according to our plans

But I don't regret
These hidden moments
The intimacy
These unfathomable emotion

now I have another thing to keep
A secret
Just
You
Our hearts
And
Me

I wish I could just stay there

If you were here,





*God, I just wish you are.

You told me that you're mine and mine alone
And I fell asleep hoping to get to see you even if it is just in dreams

The dream started with them
then you appeared
So lean, my only
there was a shift
You didn't see me,
You didn't notice that I exist

You were there, but I felt I wasn't
You were happy and I watch you go
You held her hand as if she was precious
As if she was to be taken away if you didn't

You never did that with me,
Not even in person, not even in dreams

So can you see why I woke with ragged breaths and rapid heart beat

My nightmares was once strange and vivid
And now, all of them are about losing you

*what did you do to me?

• That moment when you fought and fought to keep things whole.
But it still wasn't enough because you were alone.
• the story of you and me.

Let me:
Drink this beer to forget the taste of your sweet lips, drowning it with a bitter edge.

Smoke this cigarette to replace the air gone at times you took my breath away
while the nicotine becomes my lungs' drug to remove your scent from my system

*all these vices to forget and end the life planned with you

To me,
you choose her every time you utter her name knowing she's good at the stuff she does
You choose her every time you spend your time with her knowing I don't like her, knowing that everyone thinks it's okay when you spend your time with her and not with me

And I lose you every time we argue about her because when you defend her, you choose her again

**And maybe you will a hundred times more while you tell me lies of you still choosing me.

They said define okay
Well I guess okay is something I need to say
For people to stop caring
To please their ears
And make them go on
Okay is nonchalant I guess

I am falling
Hopelessly and madly
I hear you calling
And I want to be with you badly
Every second, every hour of everyday
I'm hoping that someday, we may
Hold hands while we walk
Maybe steal kisses while we talk
Oh darling don't you forget
Please never regret
Know you are daily missed
I'm holding on to what you promised
And Also believing
Don't waste what I'm giving
A chance
To be my last dance
Through this fascinating circumstance
Of finding our own romance
You are my anchor
To questions, are my answer
You keep my head in a cloud
Never realized how this could be loud
You let me sink in the depths of your love
Maybe in the future we'll be releasing two doves
You're my enigma
My island made with cooled magma
So mysterious, so unique
My thoughts are quite often oblique
But like I said
Love is never looking behind but traveling ahead

till then my love, I wish you good night
let you heart filled with fright
be free to soar and gleam
*I'll be watching, seeing every beam

I remembered the day we talked
I told you I have to go away
That I would have to say goodbye
As I turn to go
You embraced me like you won't see me again
You did not let go
You said you fear that once I go the rest will follow
You said you needed me
that was the first time you ever said those words
You lay down with me in your arms
I escaped your hold only to try to leave but my body just made me face you
You looked me in the eyes and said
don't go, I need you. I want you
Your hand caressing my cheek while the other still wrapped around me
Then after you shared your desire to stay the way we were positioned but in another scene: under the stars, with a blanket and some snacks maybe candles and a nice song as a background
Nothing to be weary of
No hiding
No worrying about the time
Then you made me stand up
You made me slow dance
You apologized for the scarce space and your silliness
But actually its all I ever wanted
You made it happen unexpectedly
If only we could've stayed that way
I would never have left my love

I wanted to see your eyes,
the eyes that once shone like diamonds in the sun at the sight of me.
The ones I looked at and saw something more,
something beyond.

When I did,
In your eyes,
I found the answer as to why.

It broke a part of me,
Silently but oh so terribly

my hope,
my love,
my stars and moon

I could never finish my thoughts
But for you I would

I loved you with all
my heart,
my might,
my strength.

With body and soul,
with great modesty and devotion.

In a moment my heart broke to more fractions than it already is,
I lost you
Yet I still wonder if I really did have you to begin with

You have that part of me
I'm not sure I could get back

I'm drowning
And you're no longer there to anchor me to safety

I guess it's better to keep our flames between the two of us
But let them see our spark
Let them envy without our consent
I don't need to brag,
I don't need to pity others.
Because I was like then once, bitter.
I don't need to rub it in theirs faces for our love found
Because I am already happy of what we have
I don't need them to know of the things we do
They don't need to know
Maybe it's better this way-our lips sealed, a secret just you and me.

my heart hurts*

and i'm afraid that
that would be the last thing it does

To my dearest princess,

             I carried you for nine months bearing all the nausea, mood swings and the pain. And I was there to hear your first cry, a sign that you were alive. I was there when you needed me to sleep, drink and go places. I was there when you were crawling then walking and later on, running. I saw your most embarassing moments, your cutest reaction, your passion, your talents and your dreams. I was there when you felt sad and cried all day and remember how you kept looking for me? I was the one you shared your secrets to. I was there when you went to school and got friends. Then you got older and you started cutting me off and saying that I was lame and nagging. But you forgot that I gave you the things you needed when you were little- all those sleepless nights just to keep you still. I was there when you wanted me there. And I am not going to force you to do the same but I am hoping for your consideration. I was there for your first heart break. It was from a boy you never told me about and now I found out that you gave your everything. Now let me remind you, darling that people make mistakes and what we do after is what matters. You don't need *** to prove that there is love. A proof of love is how much time you spend together and not thinking of it too much because you know you'll wait until you two are wed and are truly each other's. Romance is not just a public post on a social media account about how much he loves you. It's not just about the good morning texts. It's about the days you are at your worst and he sees you as if you're still the angel you are. It's when you are on your baggy shirt and he sees how beautiful you are. It's about the planned, nervous, awkward but fun dates. It's him picking you up at our doorstep and telling me that he'll tale care of you. It's about long hand written love letters, poems and arguements worth fighting about. And if you lost someone, they aren't always meant to stay. It's okay to cry because it's a sign your alive, it's what you did the minute you came to this world. You don't need to harm yourself, I'm here and I think you are golden. You are one of life's precious gifts. Please don't hurt yourself, you don't need other people to prove your worth, you have me. Now I know I may say things that offend you but that's my way of teaching you. I love you, sweetheart and don't think that I don't.  You are capable of living and surving. You were destined to shine as bright as the sun, my princess. Maybe even brighter.

with love,
Mom

I want a love that would go a long way.
Maybe forever is a lie but then we'll discover everyday—everyday falling in love deeper and deeper.
I want us to break down boundaries,
establish realities then maybe, in the future, have a family.
I want our love to be different.
It may not be as sweet nor poetic as others are but with you I know everything will be fine.
I want to prove something, not just words.
Never mind their stares let them see our flames.
Let them burn at our intensity, let them envy our fervor.
I want you to be mine and mine alone.
I want you to
pull me closer
grip me tighter
maybe kiss me someday

O my love let me drown you in the ocean of my undying love.
Let me be your north star as you voyage in these waters.
Your anchor holding you in place when all the world is in chaos.
Your lullaby filling you with pleasant dreams.
Your wings letting you soar the skies.

I'm not going to lie, love.
It still hurts.
It hurts me when I remember your lies,
your alibis, you texting her that summer

It hurts me when I remember and what hurts more is that you did it in the first place
Never did I think that you would do that
Never did I think I could be hurt any more than I am, more than I've been

It led to uncertainties, insecurities and gaps
And I honestly have trouble trusting you

Yet I was a fool who was hopelessly in love with you.
Unconditionally forgiving, making amends and running back to you

I could say how I don't deserve it
I could tell you how wrong you are and how low it made me look at you

Yet here I am, loving you even when you hit that lowest point
Even when you've done more than just hurt me

Bear with me, love.
Make me forget.

We are such curious beings, always asking the question why.

She bled to feel something physically for she is too far gone to be alive.
She bled to find another cause of pain thinking it's better than what's at hand.
She bled for escape from thoughts and pain believing that by bleeding she can be free.
She bled to show her screams for help that cannot be released even if she does not know she needs it.

She bled until she was drained along with her hopes and her spirit
So now being shed for
With tears that can never bring back what is done
Tears of the people who could not see
who could have
who should have
who did not

Yes. It all depends on the her, her actions and her choice but it could change her mind knowing there's something to live for

No, time can never change the fate of life and alas in the end we regret the chances we did not take.

Please give me a chance
To say I love you everyday
Please stay with me
So I can do what I say
Please let me hold your hand
Kiss your lips
Hug you tight
You're perfect my angel
From your innocent face when you sleep
To the cutest yet scary angry face you had made
Please let me make you mine
Let me spend every waking and sleeping moment with you
I don't want anyone to steal my precious treasure
I don't want anyone else to touch my prized possession
I see my future with you
Unlike all the things in life, I'm sure with you
You're the best decision I have ever made
You are not an option my love
You are a choice
You are worth everything
You are enough
And you are my one and only desire

Life would mean less if you left
It wouldn't be the same
For I have given a part of me already
which is my heart

**you have no idea on the impact you have made

Why live this life?
'It was all I was given'

Today you looked me straight in the eyes and told me three words.
Three words that means so deep; so important.
Your voice was filled with tenderness, sincerity and emotion.
Your eyes so serious; so full.
Your simple gestures that tell me "you're mine" .
It makes my heart burst with this sensation.

Today you looked me straight in the eyes and told me you love me.
It was the best part of my day knowing you truly do.

Tell me what you love
I'd give it all
You want passion?
I'll make fire to ignite your soul
You want sincerity?
I'd look you straight in the eyes and hope to see beyond your soul and answer anything you wish to know
You want material possessions?
I'll surprise you when you least expect it
You want someone else?
I'll set you free
Let you soar high like an eagle
Tell me what you want– I'd give it all
The world is yours
I'll let you try anything and everything
If it's death we shall do it together
A world without you is no better than a world without light
I hope you feel the intensity and let it burn
I hope with that, I have touched your heart
Because with you, I already have the world

Nothing is more precious that you my northern star, my luminescent sky.

My darling, if only you knew how much I think of you everyday

How every waking moment I say that I'll see you later
Then jump out of bed
You're almost my reason to live

How everything that I randomly see has a connection with you
Then smile
you really left your mark, not on my mind but heart as well

How every time that I'm alone I stare at a remote place
Then realize I'm thinking of you, again
why is it– how did you do it?

How every night before I go to sleep, after I pray, I imagine a life with you
Then drift to a blissful sleep
you made the bad dreams go away

But really how everytime I'm with you
The whole world becomes a distant place and you're the only oneI want to be with
I really love you

My darling, if only you knew how much I think of you everyday, you'll say I'm obsessed

Take a risk you said
For the doubts in my mind were too loud
That it over shadowed the want of my heart
I did as you told me
And when I did
I felt the pain
I felt how my world weight down on me
I felt the way broken people described life
Those who I thought exaggerated of how cruel the world can be
That risk took away my being
My life of innocence that the world is not as people said it was
But i was wrong and they were right
I took the risk but I guess it was nice
It was nice to feel the pain even if I feel the sun won't shine the same
Because without that risk
I would never have loved you the way I thought would be impossible

It's 10:30 and I'm typing this down. Yes, I am thinking of you. I think of you before I sleep and I think of you when I wake up. I miss you quite more than I show you when we meet. If I could, I would have never let you go. I would have held you then kissed you until you run out of breath or possibility to the point where you can't feel your lips anymore but just mine. I want to make you mine in all ways possible. And believe me, I will. That's why I'm looking forward to someday. Someday we'll have those adventures, we'll travel, we'll try new things. We'll get lost and scream at the top of our lungs. We'll forget what we left behind and just be with each other. Talk about the most random things, talk about the things that matter most. Or maybe not talk… maybe just lay under the stars me in your arms, doing things till we fall asleep... I want to know what bothers you. I want to know how you view the world. I want to explore you and dive in you. In your embrace, in your voice, in your smell– in my solace. Please take me away. Please save me from my thoughts. I imagine great beautiful things of how our someday would be but I also have these thoughts that won't let me sleep without me talking to you. I'm sorry if I bother you. I'm sorry if I am. I hope you find time to not be lazy for me. I hope you'll be patient with the ever clingy girl who loves you very much. I hope that I make you happy. I hope that I'll always be the only one even if there are a lot of girls where you are. I hope you believe that we can make it until someday. I hope that you love me too. Because my thoughts are killing me thinking of the possibility that you might not feel the same way anymore. I may be tired, but I guess I wouldn't be with you. I hope you're sleeping well right now. I hope you dream of me. I hope and pray and wish. Good morning, my solace. I am overthinking again. I wish I can make it stop.

I'm your distraction
I'm going to distance myself
I'll let you focus
I'll be okay for you
People have said so, people know so
I noticed it too
These people has a team
They're against me
I didn't do anything
Did I?
Why?
Don't fight for me
Give up on me
I need to isolate myself
I want to escape this labyrinth
I want to give up
not on you but on life
please forgive me
I am physically and emotionally drained
The world was strong enough to break this spirit
I hope they won't do the same with you
Can I go now?
Would you let me?
please let me
Let me put a blade
let me slash some skin maybe some flesh
let me bleed
let me be *free

Lets build a fort
Just you and me
We'll protect it
We'll keep it that way
Even if it rains or storms
Lets make it stand its ground
It will be our sanctuary
Our dwelling place
Away from all of this
Away from everything
You would never have to feel alone
You would never have to be invisble
You won't have to pretend to be anything
I would listen and so would you
We'll swear to secrecy and idiocy
Lets build a fort, just you and me
What color would you like it to be?
I want to see a sunset from that fort
I want to be near the ocean from that point
You'll be free and so will I

I have these wishes that appear to never get fulfilled

Not when I wanted to be happy,
not when I wanted to be okay

I wanna know why
Why is it always like this because right now all I want and
God knows how much

I wish to unmeet you
But then again, things would never be like this if I didn't

And the worst part is I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing at all

Mistake after mistake
I promise I have no intention on hurting anyone
I was protecting sometime I had
And I guess I lost it too
I don't want any trouble
I don't want things like these
So from now on I'll keep these things to myself.

Bound by flaws and imperfections that are impossible to escape
Entrapped by thoughts both good and bad yet more often worse
Coated by hope through cracks life had made

my love, you are more.

you are more than the voices inside your head
telling you that
                             you
                                      are
                   ­                           not
                                  ­                    enough.

you are more than their whispers of judgment
                                                        ­                           and
                                                             ­       hatred.

you are more than the words that people tell you
about how
                          you
                               ­        should
                                                          ­be.

you are your own unique vessel

                                  and to be loved is what you deserve.

People question things they do not know, I guess that's why they're so curious about us