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sanctuary Jul 2018
my love, can I ask you why?
why the stars I wait to see keeps shining even when the moon goes faint
why the stars last so long
why some die a quiet death, but some fall
and why it was easy to say you no longer love me the way you used to?
even when I chose to love you everyday, even when it hurts–especially when it hurts.
Hey, been away for a while from writing in general, but I guess when people are hurting that’s when the words come out right? Do you ever wonder why pain creates beautiful things?
sanctuary Apr 2017

And I'll be holding on to the thought that I'll always be the girl whose name you wrote on the chapel bench at the back,
the girl who had your special firsts,
the girl who so badly wanted to be the last
sanctuary Apr 2017
And there's this sense of uneasiness by just the mention of that name,
a name I so badly want to bury and remember no more
just one look and we both know
who it is that still lurks in the depths of your mind
and I badly want to be wrong this time around
sanctuary Apr 2017
It's 10:30 and I'm typing this down. Yes, I am thinking of you. I think of you before I sleep and I think of you when I wake up. I miss you quite more than I show you when we meet. If I could, I would have never let you go. I would have held you then kissed you until you run out of breath or possibility to the point where you can't feel your lips anymore but just mine. I want to make you mine in all ways possible. And believe me, I will. That's why I'm looking forward to someday. Someday we'll have those adventures, we'll travel, we'll try new things. We'll get lost and scream at the top of our lungs. We'll forget what we left behind and just be with each other. Talk about the most random things, talk about the things that matter most. Or maybe not talk… maybe just lay under the stars me in your arms, doing things till we fall asleep... I want to know what bothers you. I want to know how you view the world. I want to explore you and dive in you. In your embrace, in your voice, in your smell– in my solace. Please take me away. Please save me from my thoughts. I imagine great beautiful things of how our someday would be but I also have these thoughts that won't let me sleep without me talking to you. I'm sorry if I bother you. I'm sorry if I am. I hope you find time to not be lazy for me. I hope you'll be patient with the ever clingy girl who loves you very much. I hope that I make you happy. I hope that I'll always be the only one even if there are a lot of girls where you are. I hope you believe that we can make it until someday. I hope that you love me too. Because my thoughts are killing me thinking of the possibility that you might not feel the same way anymore. I may be tired, but I guess I wouldn't be with you. I hope you're sleeping well right now. I hope you dream of me. I hope and pray and wish. Good morning, my solace. I am overthinking again. I wish I can make it stop.
sanctuary Mar 2017
my heart hurts*

and i'm afraid that
that would be the last thing it does
I don't know what to do
it hurts so much
sanctuary Mar 2017
Hello, depression
you came back.

I didn't miss you
but I do remember you
quite too well.

I felt great when I was free of you
I was functioning, I was laughing
I was happy.

No, I do not need to be reminded of how worthless I am
The people who gave up on me have proved it all

No, I do not need to know how terrible I am
I see myself in the mirror everyday
I hide myself and my thoughts everyday

I do not need to know my flaws
because I already feel their presence even in silence
especially in silence

I despise you.
If you're going to **** me, do it quick
not creeping slowly when I'm silent, not when I'm alone, not when I wake up at 3 am, not when I still feel.
Do it. Please do **** me faster
so I'll be rid of you.
sanctuary Feb 2017
they say they miss me
but no one will do anything about it
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