At first it was about the warmth of
our hands intertwined
unknown defined
your arms' embrace
our heads face to face
your eyes' shimmer
our spark's glimmer
the laughter
the comfortable silence that follows after

Everything was perfect.
Everything was magnificent.

But you hated some things that came along with this.

Time passed by and
the smiles you gave lessened
same as the time you had
I tried to talk but you never listened
I felt so bad
The sparkle in your eyes dimmed
The meaning of words cringed

I feel like I am not worth it as much as you said I was.
Even if things are like that,
I still remember your touch and the feelings that comes later.
My heart still beats fast.
I still think of the past.
Then I wonder how our love was sweet.
My eyes still stare at you.
Do you feel that too?

I guess I'll never know.
But don't you wonder what are my thoughts of me and you?
It's almost two years,  we almost made it.

But like they say almost is never enough.

You weren't mine to lose.
But we both knew.
We had promises and dreams.
'Why did you give up' my heart screams.

Your love was my favorite lie.
But my mistake was I fell, and I fell hard.
It wasn't a mistake though,
Because you were worth it.
But you've changed.
And you won't let me know you again,
No matter how hard I try.
Your love weakened, mine deepened.
You promised you wouldn't hurt me.
I forgot promises were made to be broken
You made me believe
You were also the one who put me down
I missed you even before you left.
And I should have held you tighter.
Because I know something will always keep us strangers.
You were my favorite almost, love.
Our forever ended sooner than I thought or did it just not exist for us?
Lie to me one last time, love, just one last time.

What have we become?
A new generation filled with insincerity, depression and insecurities.
What happened to a lot of things?

To chivalry my dear men?
Going up the steps to a girls house to pick her up
To respect where 'boys will be boys' is not an excuse
Where no means no
Where nudes are not a necessity

To demureness and sophistication my dear ladies?  
Where you don't have to strip down or reveal so much skin to get a boy
Where you don't have to starve to be like someone demanded by society

To fairness and consideration dear teachers?
Where students are not asked to stay up too late and be depressed because of the assignments?

What happened to love?
Has the greed of men conquered peace?
What happened to unity?
Will we always be a divided community?
Bring it back.
The respect
The time where everything was better
Where expression was freedom
Where we are truly at our peak

We were young only you were older
Friends in a different country
Pushed together by parents and language
I was young, young enough to not worry about the way I look, who likes me and who does not
We played a lot
Even barbies your sister and I like
We had family barbecues, outings, swimming–adventures
I told you I loved adventures
You told me you love a girl who loves adventures
I told you I was scared you told me
You like a girl who was scared
You pushed my back  to take me closer to the clouds telling me to hold on to the swings
You were the best friend I had for a summer
three summers to be exact
Then one summer you confessed that it was I you liked
I admit my palms got sweaty and my heart rushed
I was scared
Because earlier that day my family teased me that you were my boyfriend
And I, being young, did not want that
I turned you down
Then stayed from a distance
Then when I grew up a little I would wonder why my cheeks would blush in the thoughts of you
I liked you too but I would never admit that
Then, your mom said you already had a girlfriend
We talked again you said it was true
You said she was pretty that you liked her
But what shocked me is when you told me I was beautiful
But that was how our story ended
Because you had to go away and I, was always traveling
But today made me wonder of you

I believe it's called falling in love because at that time we let down our walls
And let ourselves fall without worry or without doubts– we simply dive or plunge into a sea
And it's our choice if we drown or not

but what if you plunge to sea not knowing how to swim doesn't that make you a fool?
Everybody is a fool for love and that is how you see the proof

You never really had the most beautiful voice,
but it was all I wanted to hear.

I had no control
I lost myself
I didn't look
I tripped and fell
They say tears won't do anything
Well it could
It lessens the weight in my heart
And soothes the pain maybe a bit
But not all at once
It may show weakness
But if you have never shown it before,
You're the weaker one.

There was a girl who never asked anyone to stay
For she believed they'd all leave anyway
In winter, as the wind gets colder
So did people
She was engulfed by chaos, disaster and catastrophe
Until him
He was the sun in the dark land
The fire in the cold
The solace on earth
They ran
To be free
To be safe
To be happy
She feared the day they'd drift apart like continents at sea
But then he said "Always."
Kissed her forehead then continued
"Maybe not as constant at the sunset
Or as frequent of the crashing of waves
But as natural as breathing."
And in his loving eyes,
She saw that something gold
Can stay *after all

I fell in love with how the sun's rays caress the sky to which it will leave just to kiss the horizon that it will part from in morning's time.

Just like how I fell inlove with the sound of your voice in our 3 am calls
Ragged and husky just as you were to drift into a nights dream as if somehow caressing me to slumber as well

I saw the way you looked at beautiful things,
with awe, with interest, with want
And I tried to be beautiful too
I stood up taller, I smiled more
and they wondered why and they finally noticed me
A day came where I was on stage, people's eyes just focused on me
and upon all their stares
Yours was the one I still couldn't have
**When all I wanted was for you to see me too

We're drifting apart and we're not even continents at sea

Her thoughts loom as vast as the ocean floor
Never escaping a swirl of inadequacies
Evaporating once or twice
yet crashing like waves in the middle of the night

With you, everything is better
And I'm afraid that you have become more -
More than just a world I could get lost in
You are my world and I am not lost, I am found
I am more, I am me and that doesn't bother you
Still, you love me too
I'm a planet and you're more than my moon
You are my entire galaxy.

Come see the stars with me
While I lay my head in your chest
Then your arms wrap around me
Let our comfort fill the silence
Let your love replace my sadness

Oh my darling, is it bad to need you tonight?

Things really do change
Which makes me wonder
Will you still be there?

Maybe say you love me one more time
Before I pretend to be fine
Or maybe wish to die

Shut, I kept my mouth.
Avoiding you and everything else.
I never liked you and probably never would.
But I don't spread lies like you do.

I will try to be good
But never forget:

darling, even the brightest things cast dark shadows close by
And when that bright thing refuses to shine, you will be ****** to darkness you have never seen.

I don't know about you guys
But today was a wonder

A piece meant to be shared

I am happy to have them in my life and I don't care of what others may say

I love them to bits

Its not my loss
It's the other's

because I've been missing you lately

baby, do you love me?
even when all these thoughts are cloudy?

baby, do you love me?
because I need you. Please save me.

baby, do you love me?
* I love you very much, my one and only.

I like how the skies turn gray when a storm is coming
I like the wind blowing towards my face that makes my hair all shaggy
I like the sound of the first rain drops falling
I like it when its raining

I guess the cold is my comfort
The sound of the rain drowns my thoughts
The air is refreshing
The scent is mesmerizing specially the smell after the rain
That petrichor  
That calmness
That peace

As the winter nights became colder, so did you

It's the fear of someone else loving you more than I could that drives me insane.

I never got the reason why I smile whenever I see your face when it has been a long day

I never got the reason why you're the one I look for when the world is falling apart

I never got the reason why I gave you the broken pieces called a heart

I never got the reason why despite the things we go through I decided to fight for you

And I never got the reason why you left me out in the dark without words but just a simple vision of you walking away

You told me you loved me
And I believed you
But as soon as told you I needed you
You walked away
Saying that's not what you want to be -
You didn't want to be needed
And what's the point of you saying you loved me
Then turning away when I need you most

As it passes,
one fears being forgotten
by the one who means most

clinging she was
to the hope that he hasn't
though doubts enclose her mind
she continues to believe
even without guarantee

she missed him,
probably more than he ever will with her
and it hurt
for all she wanted was to be home
in the arms of someone
who
might
not
feel
the
same

I can never ask you to stay, when all you want is to leave

I'll love you know matter what, okay?

Up, I always wanted to go
To be free because no one will know
How far too deep I have gone
Yet I feel that nothing can ever be done
It's like being the shore to which the sea crashes
Like wanting to cover your wrists with a hundred slashes
Under the ocean only to see the light from above
Sadness and dread replacing love
I do not wish to live another day
But then what would they say?
That I was a teen who did not know half of what life could have been
Yet I wish they could have seen
I chose an easy way out
Facing the day with doubt
Thinking that nothing could be worse than the morrow
*Oh, love, please don't live with sorrow

I waited for you
Till my eyes turned white
Till the dusk became dawn
Till I froze at night
Till the rain poured then stopped
Till the wind blew and settled
Till I can't stand no more
Till your call where I've rehearsed my every word, every response, every negotiation
That I won't move
Till I'm in your hold
I won't go until you find me
I won't leave until you come
I would've stayed longer if you asked me to  
I would've surpassed all those things for you

But all I did was wait.
*I waited, waited for nothing.

someday I will wake up next to you.

oh my, how lovely that sounds
how warm it feels around my heart

someday we won't have to hide.

with me holding your hand as strangers pass by
with me kissing your lips without fear, without second thoughts.

someday we wont have to face the distance

we can finally be together
finally free from their grasp

**but util that someday, I'll have to bear the emptiness when you are gone, the dread of you not being around, and the pure bliss of you finally coming home to me.

Can we go back?*
to our fort
where we hid our secrets and got every chance we could

Can we go back?
to our stage
where no matter how blinding the lights could be, you'd still stare at me

Can we go back?
to our song
where we'd dance and your eyes, god those eyes, would burn down to my heart

Can we go back?
to yesterday
where I was in your arms, drowning in your scent, feeling warmth despite the storm

Can we fast forward?
to tomorrow's morrow
where I can be with you happily without sorrow

I don't know
how you ignited this soul
when our flames burned bright
where we first met
why you and me

But I also don't know
how you made feel so vulnerable
when the wind blew our fire
where the darkness crept in
why things came out like this for you and me

*but maybe I do, I just can't admit that they did

Here I am
Lying on my bed
Staying awake longer than I should be
I think of life, studies, family, friends, myself, but often of you
I think about possibilities
Of you doing what I'm doing right now
Of us going through hardships together
Of a future with each other
I like thinking of them as much as I do
But doubt creeps in and it eats me whole
Will I be enough?
Am I going through with something worth it?
uncertainty
Then when I fight with hope and see the lighter side,
right before I fall asleep
I guard myself again letting my hopes drop
Saying you will never think of me like I do with you

Baby, do you really mean the things you say?
Because I can't help to feel this way.
You say you love me,
but I can't feel it.
You say you care,
but when I needed you most you weren't there.
You say you miss me,
but you made no effort to be near.
Why not call me or come knocking at my door?

Why is it you say those things and fill me up with hope.
I wished they were true.
I wished you'd show me if it's real.
I would do those things for you
yet you can never do those things for me no matter how much you say you love me.

That's whats wrong with words.
They're all empty promises.
They're all theories needed to be proven.
Easy to say, difficult to prove.

There was a girl who was scared
Scared to lose everything she loved
She wanted it keep them in her where no one could ever take them
But all the while other people never took them
For they, themselves left
She was sad, she was broken, she was beyond repair
Though that may be her description, she never stopped loving
Until one day she didn't have to feel scared anymore
She was okay with the idea of people leaving
She was okay that one day she may lose them
Maybe she lost sense of the love she once had
But that's what pain gives you, content
She may yearn for the person to be proud of her, to love her like she wants to be
But that's the way it is
She can never do anything to change the unavoidable

hey baby girl you'll be fine open your mind
dark days are ahead but be kind
to others specially to yourself
don't say no one would help
because in you is where mending begins
It's true it's a cruel world
but don't let them bring you down through words
Oh baby girl I know after this
you'll laugh with bliss
you'll be okay
come what may
my beautiful soul
I know protecting others would be your goal
and if ever do it right
don't give up the fight
Don't let them feel your pain
because there's nothing to gain
oh baby girl don't cry
*soon those tears will dry

I don't like dreams
For they are full of lies
Making you hope and feel this delight

Then when you wake up
It makes you yearn for it to be true

Such blissful vivid scenes
Such cruel jokes

I am okay*
If okay means knowing people are prentending to be friends with you
If it means noticing a lot of things changing
And you, just wanting to eat, sleep and cuddle pillows a lot
If okay means things are not well but you're hoping for the best
yet still expecting the worst
Embracing sadness thats creeping
Breaking into tiny ashes while the world does not care nor does not notice

Then yes I am okay

I asked you to talk to me, to call me today.
I said I was going to tell you something.
You didn't care, you took your time.
I got tired of waiting and I just told you.
He said he loved me, love.
He said he was serious. He said that I deserve to be loved.
I don't understand why I feel like he shouldn't.
he loves me
he loves me
he's been telling me everyday
*he's been showing it in any way

Vines intertwined.
Scattered leaves left behind.
Where can we seek what we need to find.
Beauty and chaos combined,
What is this that makes us blind?
Look around maybe search behind.
Then they'll see something undefined.

When can sorrow never reach our tomorrow?
How can we escape this tragedy happily without agony?
I want to cross galaxies.
Redefine fallacies.

But how?
How can you do what is unknown?
When will you know to dodge what is thrown?

Like lost birds we search
For a branch where we could perch.

dark rooms,
dim lights,
both bare

kissing, caressing
engulfing and lavishing
their lover's touch

too afraid that it would be their last
too driven by the ecstasy of being together once more