"onced" poems
I tried to galvanise.
I've got your smile carved in my eyes
But it's all I can do
Not to forget you
'Cause I'm dying from the outside in
I'm dying from the outside in
I onced tried to forget
But found myself faced with regret
And it's all I can do
When your image sticks to me like clue
And I'm dying from the outside in
I'm dying from the outside in
I've lost my balance
It seems to be chronic
My mind is not made up about you
I'm hungry give me Gin & Tonic
It's fun to play pretend
But this has got to end
I'm trying to replace you
But I've got this mental issue
I guess we'll just stay friends
Until this unnamed feeling ends
You'll be oblivious
That I long for one more kiss
And I'm dying from the outside in
I'm dying from the outside in
Mar 6, 2015
Mar 6, 2015 at 9:47 AM UTC
As a reflection of innocence slighty confusing to a stranger has subsided into a rebellion of insecurities placed among the many situations in which I've faced along this trail.
In myself I search for answers to questions bundled up inside to better understand my current state of mind I am alone with thoughts gone crazed about the reality I know so well.
I view the world as dark and gray held captived by a few occasions that seem happy, still the rest are disturbed over evil plots to fill in the blanks.
This world to me is by far the saddest for there's too much pain and sorrow at which point it encaves us all.
Although sometimes when the sun rises into beauty reflecting light it tends to release the soul.
As a reflection of innocence slighty confusing to a stranger yet not so uncertain to the one contemplating these enstrange thoughts.
Hence, I am alone within myself whereas I lost all love towards those I onced loved as I discover myself trapped in a maze just like a rat, but escape towards freedom wanting to succeed by coming up fresh.
I am the best I've surpassed the test, therefore I know my path to pass the rest in a life that's shown me truths beneath their deception.
I am the leader of this trail slighty confused, we all are; it's how I viewed myself....
Nov 3, 2011
Nov 3, 2011 at 12:57 AM UTC
she onced too many times
and left
he took it pretty hard
and died
the kids were not alright
and learned
Apr 22, 2013
Apr 22, 2013 at 1:05 AM UTC
Its like I sit and watch the world go by cruisng to oldies,
feeling new inside, but outside is a face of a man who will attack if you dont know me.
gut instinct is below me homie, piece of mind,
dont change your words if you cant cash the truth but besides that...
See im not perfect I lost ties and made knots that made me fall from my own tension with no intentions to stand even if I can, I cant, im grounded by my mistakes that relvolve around me, reminding me what I did made me what I am.
AS I stay subsiding in a position thats clearily hiding,
binding my chest compressed against my last breath , to save what little life I have left in a world where title nor status mean nothing when your an ******* to those you called your best interest I do confess im that lowlife as i cruise still music speak to my esscense releiving me for those seconds im just a person again but after that im back at it again
..I dont write for pitty so let that be known, im just here to vent this steam that once stood ablazed passion for a love that is now a shack of memories in my head of your smile and gestures a feeling I onced called home now ruins from what i ruined, foolish I am.
Clueless more than anything to let many so many slip away im the worst fisherman of love.
because I use my soul as bait, and little by little i let the big ones escape an take chunks of me away to a place I can never retrieve it, so believe it im that space
im that vessle ive became the shell of a hermit , hollow and skirmish.
Tarnished, and used,
debri left as rubble to make roads,
but none to pave my own cause I have no resources
cause im that alone....shit,
maybe I can just leave it for those who wish me back if I do something foolish like giveback the life Ive live, for a plaque and a name and a date?
or should I just lookback and keep cruisin passed the bruissin and showin scars of my mistakes as a human,
all I know is....nothing,
and thats why I stay cruissin, freedom of the road and music,
away from the world and my ruins.
-Deep Though aka
Linguist Musician
aka Emmanuel Hernandez
Nov 9, 2015
Nov 9, 2015 at 10:46 PM UTC
I swear she onced laughed
I swear she was never last
Love inside of a flask that I couldn't open
We didn't mean it
I hope God means us
I hope a higher power even exist
Where do I go when things don't really last forever?
Making myself by self destruction
Letting go, letting go
I'll feel peace when I get rid of the memories
I'll feel peace when I know it's okay for things to not have meaning
I don't feel the way I write sometimes
Music changes feelings
Feelings change the vibe
The vibe sets the tone
The tone sets the love
The love makes you see your own written future
What is destiny?
I couldn't stand being associated with what I was with a few months ago
I hope your vision is changing
For the better
Talking to the wind like writing these unsent love letters
Dec 3, 2014
Dec 3, 2014 at 5:16 PM UTC
The cigarette burns aren't fading
only become less painful and more scabbed over.
When I first saw her, I was happy, please understand.
I saw her entering the cafe from my position opposite the door.
Brett Shady was playing the center of the room but my attention was not on him, not entirely.
She and her boyfriend took the only standing room still available in the far corner.
I'm not sure if she saw me but I think she did.
I think she kissed her boyfriend after she first saw me, which is fine.
I would have done the same, had our rolls been reversed.
After a few more songs I could no longer bear it. I stepped
outside.
I walked two blocks up the rode from the cafe to Bonanza Market.
I bought a pack of cigarettes and walked even further up the hill.
There, I found my favorite spot, one which I had found with a dear friend.
There is a swing hanging under a big tree, surrounded by flowers.
I must have went through half the pack before deciding to move on.
I figured I'd catch the rest of the show from the door.
Walking back however, something caught my eye.
A play was just beginning at the Nevada Theatre and I heard it was semi decent.
I snuck in through the side as I had done many times before and took my seat.
On stage, performing a small girl was another girl who I had kissed.
Who I loved.
When I first saw her I think she saw me too.
I looked down feeling a tear in my eye.
When I looked up I was sure.
She was looking at me with a sort of pleasant smile on my face.
As if she'd known what I was feeling.
The regret, the sadness, the longing.
All these things came rushing up inside me so quickly that I had to leave.
I again went to my favorite spot and finished the pack, saving a few cigarettes for that night.
Oh God, how I would need them.
I walked back to maybe see the end of Brett Shady's set. The show was over however.
Walking out was a friend of mine who I had not spoken to in a while. I waved her down and we began talking. About what I remember not. But it took my mind off things.
A while after a girl I had onced kissed and had once kissed me walked out of the cafe with her boyfriend.
She smiled at the friend I was with, not sparing me a glance.
My friend turned to me
"How could you let her go, Nolan? Why would you let her go?''
I turned my back to her and began walking.
Two or maybe three ours later I arrived home, all my tears shed.
I didn't sleep that night.
The face of the girl and her boyfriend came flooding into my dreams as the tears had off my face.
The face of the girl on stage came flooding into my mind as the nicotine had done my blood.
Regret was sharing my bed that night.
Whispering in my ear accusingly "How could you have let her go?"
Pain was in my room that night.
Roughly fondling my heart as if it were a stone.
Sadness was kissing my mouth that night.
Only allowing whimpers to come out.
Apr 15, 2013
Apr 15, 2013 at 11:10 PM UTC
I have a little black book
Inside are names
Names of those I know
Some I love
Some I onced loved
Some I came to despise
Every time I open the book
It makes me sad
Most of these names
I haven't spoken to in years
Some I barely remember
Sometimes I add new names
Not as often as I used to
And every time I do
A light shines inside
Before being extinguished
Once again
As I close my little black book
A little black book full of me
Nov 6, 2017
Nov 6, 2017 at 8:28 AM UTC
Everything is a ******* lie
She never love me
I was only used as her puppet
Her words make the strong willed melt
A voice that onced calmed the storm now is the fury
That time is gone and now wasted
All I was to her was nothng
My words pointless
My actions useless
Everytime I let someone close
I get my heart ripped from my chest
At the end I'm the *******
Why me?
Why must people manipulate me?
As I cry
No one is there for me
Nowhere to go
No one to relate to
My tears scar me
Scars that can't be seen
They span the fabric of time itself
All I want is to end it all
No one will listen to me
All my tears gone into this world will remain unseen
As I drag my knife across my soft flesh
The blood pouring out
The pain drownig out the world
All I want to due is cut the pain away
My trust abused
My heart in complete disrepair
Nothing can fix it
Why must i act strong
I am weak
I just want to die
I WANT DEATH!!!
I WANT ISOLATION!!!
I want to abandon everyone
No one needs me
No one wants my love
No one even wants my friendship
No more
I've always been there
No more lies
Nothing will change my mind
Nothing will
Nothing but death
Jun 26, 2013
Jun 26, 2013 at 6:48 PM UTC
this is the town you where raised
and this very town, would also be the reason why you left
a town
where you onced recieved compliments
pretty
fancy
prime
proper
this town
is the very town, that destroyed you
because
you
are a woman
and treated as
a decor on a man's house
a possession
an object
a collectors item
when you revolted
and all you hear are such words
*****
filthy
ugly
used to be
woman
Jun 5, 2016
Jun 5, 2016 at 12:20 PM UTC
This girl is flesh and blood
Not a doll to be put on crowd.
Hard to remember the time her heart was whole.
Trying to pick up those leftover pieces in her soul
Now she treat love just like a bad taste.
Handling it with care was just a waste.
She onced open her heart and let you in
That was her big mistake, her worst sin.
Her heart grows with doubtful thoughts dear,
Tense while beating, it is full of fear.
Numbed to her dreams of bliss.
Sliding further into abyss.
Going through burning pages
Elevating and devouring new phases.
But her heart just like a stone
Can't feel anything, can't even hear a tone.
Is it her fault to feel this way
When she just give all the love she may
A love transcendent, and truly rare
Now her kindred spirit can't even share.
If only she could, she would break the mystery
Erase the demented history.
Nov 11, 2014
Nov 11, 2014 at 5:54 PM UTC
Surrounding backgrounds, backdrops that empty glass eye
Ringing in your head; no means to pretend pretence
—always a means to an end. Like a long goodbye to an
old friend still one who owes you tens
A decade of friendship in these confused lines —you onced
slept with one of the guys. Not around, but a lot of times with
the same person, to say at least you've gone a few rounds
The only one to make you come out of a shell; fuelling up
the tank of a monthly desire. But you couldn't tell your friends; despite feeling sensations good as Heaven on earth— their preying
eye opinions would give you a lot of hell.
Still last night was one hell of a night, as he held you so
tight, a knight guarding you from those nightmares
As he tasted your lips, and tears while seeing all those
dark scars under your white night dress
Said, _"you're too dark to be found by love,"_ your usual
yellowbone cousins liked to make such comments.
You felt too ashamed to go play with the other kids on the
sunny beach. And it stained your heart; once trying yourself
to bleach
You just forgot your feet; a foot in your mouth kicking back
your words. Unlike the other girls, he liked you more
for trying to stick to your morals. Floral, a scented glow-
a light smell of _tragic beauty_ caught under his nose
Some nights hoping you'd be court, but in your family regards,
you're breaking tradition's law.
Lore beliefs, feeling seven days kind of weak, and it felt
so stranger that you fell in love with him in a week
It took a trip on this crazy life journey, for you to be riding
this long love trip. But he was only meant to be a friend
still it benefited you knowing he had seen you as more than
that from back then
But those still living behind, say you and him don't mix
into a good kind. As to mean the dark can't kiss a light,
such mean judgments, regardless of it being a modern relationship.
It's an old mindset, and I know he won't mind keeping it in secret
But it will all stay stuck in your mind, along with him
Oh my friend,
how'd I ever give the best advice to your situation
But only say and imagination that Adam and Eve
we're black and white. So wouldn't we have been
interracial from our creation?
Jan 20, 2023
Jan 20, 2023 at 4:19 PM UTC
Silents beats.
In rythem of slow dazed clock
Ticking back and forth.
As time frezzes
Every thing motion less
Nothing moving
Except tears with crystal blured reflection
In the gloomed dim sky
The cloock sticks the empty room that
Onced filled with light and life
Now laid the soul of silence to this room
And never had one
Voice
Ever to this room again
Not in
Every in life time
That rebon each year
Nov 2, 2010
Nov 2, 2010 at 11:10 AM UTC
Growing up was understanding that my dreams were further out of reach than I had ever perceived.
For the rest of my life I'd spend chasing something in which I had onced believed to be fairly simple.
Time sure sharpens thoughts
Dec 29, 2013
Dec 29, 2013 at 4:03 PM UTC
Hey Mister Photographer,
shoot a picture of me
& use your special effects
to make me look
much younger.
Darken my hair just a bit.
O Mister Photographer,
then please photoshop
my sweet companion,
who onced loved me,
in her prettiest dress,
standing right next to me.
Place some lovely flowers
in her gorgeous hair,
wrap my arm around her.
Please Mister Photographer,
can you colorize some
rolling hills below
& place the bluest skies
above us.
O Yes Mister Photographer,
I think you've got it right.
That's the way I want it,
the way I want
people
to remember us.
Jul 14, 2014
Jul 14, 2014 at 5:23 PM UTC
You and I are like minnesota weather.
Well at least I am,
I'm the storm, that comes around 2 o'clock or so,
Screaming in agony,
Making things fall,
Pounding on the walls,
Because something I onced loved is now gone.
But you are the sun,
That shows up around 4 o'clock or so,
Warming the ground,
Drying my tears
Calming me.
But as soon as you leave
The feelings overwhelm me,
And with no sun to warm my heart
We're back to square one
Restart.
Sometimes your Sun doesn't even work,
And I still rain, even in your presence,
And I'm Lost
Lost in feeling, lost in the thunder and the lightning,
While you struggle to save me, I just run.
I believe I'm insane darling,
But you just happen to hold my sanity in the palm of your hand.
Jun 28, 2013
Jun 28, 2013 at 12:55 PM UTC
I am...
the kind of abandoned house
people leave in ruins.
I am a wreckage;
I am destruction
the end of the **** of a cigarette
people step on the moment they're done with.
I am the poison they inhaled;
I am discarded
the type of crack on pavements
people walk around to avoid tripping over.
I am a trap;
I am dangerous
the kind of toy broken beyond use,
parents throw away into the bin
I am trash;
I am worthless
but the house was once filled with laughter and joy
the cigarette was once lit
the pavements were once whole
the toy was once valuable
i was onced LOVED
i was WORTHY
I once LIVED
Was.
Past tense.
No longer.
Mar 20, 2016
Mar 20, 2016 at 4:13 AM UTC
Scribbles on a page and sound that emits from the very lips I use to kiss have the power to be much more.
When the right words are in place they can make a lover's heart race, pumping oxygen to the brain so that the body won't collapse from being breathless.
My gentle heart beats to the rhythm of rain cascading down my beloved's face.
Words are a soft vibration that graces the eardrums and shakes the water free from her eyes' clenching grasp.
Words are the vibration we feel when the concrete walls we onced used for protection come crumbling down.
The Earth shakes beneath our feet as the war-hardened barricade fails—it becomes impossible to stand.
She grabs my hand as if for balance then holds it close to her heart.
Words are a vibration that puts to shame god's orchestra of a thousand angels playing a thousand violins in harmony.
The words become a symphony of their own, fine tuned for my lover's ear, moving us into a safe haven in one another's embrace where our softer halves can become whole again.
Tyler Castro
12/1/16
Feb 21, 2017
Feb 21, 2017 at 11:34 PM UTC
Always belived and so easily said
the word rolls of the tounge of those who use it
and abuse it
used for many reasons
misused in multiple situations
the words meanings change in the seasons
yes, it is love.
Love which lifts us all up from the darkness we onced lived in
but not the kind that family can give you
the one only a person with the right intentions
wants to smother you with kisses
hold you while you cry
without them being the reason why
the one who makes you laugh with a silly joke
or with a poke
and thinks your the perfect you.
Love that fills you with hope
the kind that helps you cope
that person that cares for your safety
and doesnt want to take it to far until your ready
the one who replaces the hate from your brain
and the black from your soul
the one who accepts you for everything you are
as a complete whole.
Love that doesnt hurt you
and gives you patience for time
the person who will wait for you
and stays truthful,
wont lie.
Love knows no color or shape
*** or race
it is what's within
our rights to love whom we want
who our hearts desire.
Love.
Love is a person.
A person who you want to find
the one you want to share a life with
the one you want to see a future
a forever
and and always.
May 4, 2013
May 4, 2013 at 4:41 PM UTC
Little by little
Shadow engulfs the weary soldier
As the dark drapes hide the light
The senses onced sharp
Dulled
The focus once once intense
Weakened
The confidence once large
Minisculed
As the head nods unconsciously
in succeeding rhythmic locomotion
Dozes the student
From the horrendous boringness
As the teacher shuts
the dusty only-once usage textbook closed
Marks the end of the informative torture
Awakens the knowledge searcher
From his unexpected quick slumber
Thus came night
For the student to do the task obtained
Little did he know
Not a single knowledge was gained
Nov 25, 2015
Nov 25, 2015 at 10:21 AM UTC
I was sitting by a waterfall
with Perry today
Here amongst the Slow Divers
We smoked the usual obligotary marley
Then we pondered upon what had happened
Someone stole Perrys soul you see
His child of hope and recognition
for the unrecognized
was now gone
A few flowers
were aloud to bloom
but they too
were eventualy
plucked and stolen
by the corporate monster
We must make everything shiny so it can be sold
This pioneer
A shadow of his former
glowing brilliance
also was weeded by the dollar
He onced wished he was ocean size
But sharks now swim in those waters
So we "smoke the roach"
and we go on down that slide man
We go on down
into the ocean
Of shiny lollapolooza
Jul 28, 2015
Jul 28, 2015 at 10:31 PM UTC
a teenage crush; adoration, lust.. love.
once started out beautiful, destined to fail.
to the girl i once loved;
thank you for everything you had done
for everything you had shown me;
but i had to move on, for this love was not for us, it wasnt meant to be
those beautiful moments i will forever cherish; im learning to let go the anguish.
thankyou for adoring me, as i adored you,
Oct 17, 2020
Oct 17, 2020 at 8:02 AM UTC
I can't sleep
You're gone
And it used to be blood battles every night
But tonight it's silent
And all I can hear are crickets chirping in the yard
The silence is deafening
Sometimes, I prefer you screaming at me through the phone
Just because it meant we were working through something
But last time, I knew it was coming to an end
So I broke it off before you could
And now all I whisper, is your name in my sleep
All I whisper is the places we've been together
The people we've become
My hands are so empty and trembling without yours
The other whole that completed me has moved on so quickly
I guess I thought you wouldn't persuade me by lying anymore after it all happened
But nothing changed
When I text you goodnight,
"Baby" appears as something I should say next
But I dont
I dont say it anymore
Because that's no longer my place
I've taken it out of your veins
And hidden those words within my own
So you won't be able to find it there
You won't be able to sink your teeth into all of my tender places
I roll over
Sweetheart, do you know me?
You know that when the flowers bloom in the spring it means new beginnings and happiness
But lately, all I am sensing is grave danger and sadness filling up the pits of my stomach
I won't eat
I have lost my appetite, due to a boy who is filling me with this sensation of ache
I miss you
I miss you like the way my paper misses the ink on it
I miss you like the way my mother misses alcohol
I miss you like the winter misses the sun
I. Miss. You.
And its sickening to me that you left again
You left without fighting for the parts of me you onced loved so dearly
You picked me up like a moving box and placed me outside your door
Waiting to be picked up by another delivery man
Well its raining
Its pouring
Will you let me in???
I'm cold
I can hear you sneaking her in through the back door
The delivery man is late
And I'm melting on the pavement
I don't want to die anymore
But without you, it feels like I already have...
You say
You're suicidal over things you cannot control
But darling you know that's what breaks me the most
So for once I have taken something into my own hands
Only to regret it later
And so I am sorry for not giving you my all...
I blink my eyes
And realize the darkness of the room is enveloping me in a way I never imagined possible
I ******* miss you baby
Return to these bed sheets
And cradle me with care
Just like it used to be..
Mar 29, 2015
Mar 29, 2015 at 1:12 AM UTC
where did the smoke travel to
flame dead of the wick's woe
where did you go when
chronos stopped time and
aphrodite longed to see you
as the candle's grime continues
to taint the glass from
transparent to white and black
where you onced had vanished to.
© fey (05/11/20)
Nov 5, 2020
Nov 5, 2020 at 1:44 PM UTC
Nights that filled with unresolved problems
All the possibilities that i’ve decided to ignore
Regrets that stuck in this broken heart
Words that can’t escape from cold lips
Books are written by a dying souls
Filled with bloods
Represents the dark story of life
Lonely, without anyone saving me from drowning.
Living days with darkness surrounds all the time
Passing by a dead flowers who onced a beautiful one
Heat that struck to my skin, replaced by cold
Freezing my body and soul.
Is this life?
Or this is hell calling my name?
Destroying me slowly
Piles of me that will never come back.
Oct 29, 2017
Oct 29, 2017 at 1:59 PM UTC
Why won't you come back for me and to me. I'm so lonesome. Depressed without you. Do you ever think about me? Do you even miss me?
I think about you everyday, I miss you everyday. Somehow I wished I can go back and relive that life we were living together.
Yes I know you made those two years hard on yourself, with me always being there near you. I'm sorry we got attached to eachother, we got to close and I want to be that close to you again.
You made me pretty.
You made me feel pretty.
You are my prettiness.
Which i should be ****** thankful to have you or to atleast onced your near.
You and I, we were deadly together.
Aug 11, 2014
Aug 11, 2014 at 2:26 AM UTC