"fluctuating" poems
washed-up, on shore, the old yellow notebook
out again
I write from the bed
as I did last
year.
will see the doctor,
Monday.
"yes, doctor, weak legs, vertigo, head-
aches and my back
hurts."
"are you drinking?" he will ask.
"are you getting your
exercise, your
vitamins?"
I think that I am just ill
with life, the same stale yet
fluctuating
factors.
even at the track
I watch the horses run by
and it seems
meaningless.
I leave early after buying tickets on the
remaining races.
"taking off?" asks the motel
clerk.
"yes, it's boring,"
I tell him.
"If you think it's boring
out there," he tells me, "you oughta be
back here."
so here I am
propped up against my pillows
again
just an old guy
just an old writer
with a yellow
notebook.
something is
walking across the
floor
toward
me.
oh, it's just
my cat
this
time.
38.5k
Oh banana peel,
your colors vibrant and fluctuating.
The 3-D spots of speckled brown,
deep and pure,
yellow and sun sprayed,
swaying in the trees,
lackadaisical in manner.
Oh banana peel,
protect you from our bile.
If i could have a peel of my own,
a comfy womb;
yellow and sweet.
I too would sway in the trees
lackadaisical in manner.
The Sunday, sun spray sprawled across,
my green to yellow to brown,
my sour to sweet,
to soft and cream
Oh banana peel,
others discard you hastily
in the banana peel sunset.
But to me,
you are beautiful.
Mar 6, 2012
Mar 6, 2012 at 9:14 PM UTC
Is not equivalent to a broken leg.
Who came up with that analogy?
Someone who hasn't experienced either
Seems the only probability.
It's far more akin to a giant spasm,
Contorting your leg against your will,
And stopping it seems highly unatural,
And each doctor prescribes different pills.
Nobody has fluctuating broken legs,
Or fractured limbs that cause them to count
The precise number of steps they take,
And despair if it's the wrong amount,
Or healing bones that turn reality
Into hallucinatory nightmares,
Or make you stay awake all week,
And start berating chairs.
But the worst of that analogy
(It drives me quite insane!),
Is that broken legs are quick to heal,
And cause a lot less pain.
Aug 12, 2018
Aug 12, 2018 at 2:00 PM UTC
Commitment issues
This again?
Yes but this time these are my words
Not the labels thrown at me by exes
Like arrows attempting to pierce me into place
I thought it was meant to trap me
But I think they just wanted me to stop
To think
To really evaluate myself
To see the truth
Im afraid of commitment.
When I've been told this in the past
I read it with the understanding that
Commitment issues meant I
Just couldn't have or didn't want a relationship
And that just couldn't be true
I mean just check my track record
No, see
My having commitment issues
Is rooted deeply within my past
These problems originate in an exciting mix of
Trust issues
Abandonment issues
And a variety of other traumas
I am not afraid to enter relationships
And I do not avoid love
Actually, I am obsessed with finding love
With being loved
All the while trying to love another
Thinking I'm succeeding
While subtly sabotaging myself in the process
When I was small
I did not receive the respect and care
Needed to show I was loved
Though my parent said they cared
They didn't protect me the way they should have
I had to take care of myself
Look out for myself
Because I was the only one I could trust
Anytime I got close to someone
They'd either decide to leave
Or get ripped away by outside forces
I was alone a lot
And not great at making friends
With the abuse happening at one house
And some solace found at the other
I was constantly fluctuating between
Hellhole and liberation
All while trying to have a childhood
And survive adolescence
So when they say I have commitment issues
They're probably right
But not for the reasons they think
Not because I'm polyamorous
Not because I don't want to commit
Not because I don't love and
Not because of who I am as a person
My issues come from a long line of
Different abuses by people who
Were supposed to protect me
But didn't
So if you think to judge me
For the trouble I have with trusting you
And trusting you won't hurt me
Or decide to leave when I'm "too much"
Understand that I did not choose to be like this
I didn't choose the pain that led me to love
In such a haphazard way
But I am choosing to do something about it
Sep 2, 2018
Sep 2, 2018 at 8:48 AM UTC
He was pale as death,
running down like an over-wound clock
Beneath his eyes,
dark signs of sleeplessness tumbled short of his dreams.
The pale gold odor of his lips,
Parted with a series of beginnings.
He was confounded with wonder at her presence
That voice held him most
Swathed in rose and lavender silk
The darker, well-kept expanse of his suppressed eagerness blazed with light.
His eyes,
a deep tropical burn,
on fire like the World’s Fair
remotely possessed by intense life
like a trembling match
stained with creative passion
He searched for her night and day
The exhilarating ripple of her voice was a wild tonic rain
a deathless song
a faint flow of thunder
he followed the sound of it into the thick folds of the sky.
her well-loved eyes,
smeared with tears,
glistening drops smashed into pieces on the floor
Standing in a puddle of mid-summer flowers
Bright ecstatic smile on the edge of pouring rain
Its fluctuating, feverish warmth,
full of aching grieving beauty,
told of unexpected joy
Are you in love with me?
Nov 28, 2018
Nov 28, 2018 at 2:56 PM UTC
here i emerge, resilient as ever.
i am ethereal. i will spawn my soul.
i will love you here, now.
you will see me not as flesh and bones,
but as a series of frequencies;
blue, giant, intense, fluctuating,
or
red, a dwarf, calm, stable.
aloha - most clearly with my eyes shut.
for today i am a star. today i'm with the star.
Mar 10, 2015
Mar 10, 2015 at 11:02 AM UTC
Imaging you when you were a school girl
Mini- sarong, small white shirt
A bag jam-packed with books hanging on your shoulder
Tiara in head, and two queues like two small dark snake
And those long eye petals highlighted with collyrium
Your two sapphires fluctuating in deep Blue Ocean
Impish humming birds were humming with their assiduous tongue,
to get your attention.
Let the Almighty curse their tongue was your supplication
Walking in two fickleness legs, licking an Ice- cream
Bewilderingly, you became my “A Midsummer night’s dream”.
Each second I encounter you in my Ruya
For years you are my Ruya.
Oct 18, 2013
Oct 18, 2013 at 10:06 PM UTC
Fluctuating back and forth on the idea of how to relieve
The theme of cynicism throughout your life;
Tough like nails: too stubborn to let go of whatever
They were hammered into; the hits we take
Make us unstable and unmovable from certain aspects.
You chose to Stitch your eyes up
With a thin piece of cynical string and a metal needle.
Threading the idea of light and dark in each vessel,
Causing your body parts to glow and show
Off the direction of ideas, in out and down,
But never up, for the sake of falling for the
Instinctual trust and hope humans so conveniently thrive for.
Conquered and obtained the conflict from your child
Hood, fluctuating on the idea of morally right
And morally wrong. Cough, cough, cough. Right
Lung punctured by stale smoke, your lips twitch in
The environment. Blood swells in your veins, forget
That women’s ******* are to feed her children.
Wipe the grin off the old man whose sipping warm
Whiskey, tell him his wife is six feet under and partying
With the demons he drove her to acquire.
Like water, you are the universal solvent
Cleaning, clearing, conquering and
Creating a new symbiosis with human beings and
The world they are submerged in; We take it for granted.
Cynicism in brevity, is beautiful for the fact that it claims to be
Open and calm like ocean waves during low tide
Or a baby child’s gaggle and coo. Fluctuating between calm
And ignorant, more so unintentionally rational to the point
Of tearing your human anatomy apart and dipping the
Soon to be suffocated air in heavy smoke.
I’m afraid
Humans just can’t handle the **** truth of reality.
Nov 12, 2012
Nov 12, 2012 at 6:23 PM UTC
Government should be an entity
continuously arising from and sustained by
the choice of the People
as opposed to
continuously sustained by artificial means;
that is to say,
Government should be
a post-hoc institution
fluctuating constantly
with the Times;
Such is Evolution;
such does Life continue
such is neo-anti-sin.
May 21, 2013
May 21, 2013 at 8:05 PM UTC
**☉The sun falls in November☉
☊ And won't rise until February ☊**
It's a sick feeling
◉ Total darkness ◉
⍤The pines whisper their worries⍤
☾ Aligned with the moon's shine ☽
Hungry winter bears
❄ And snow-white hares ❄
◗ Try to escape the night ◖
Being out in
⚇ The Last Frontier ⚇
《 All you hear is your breath 》
It's a quite sound
⌭ Snow-creak ⌭
You're left me out here in the cold
☆ But I decided to put my hopes on the stars ☆
There’s so many
So many that are bright
★ I think the dark ones are my favorite ★
◎ Your soul is a crystal sky ◎
✧ Lit from the North ✧
Dancing to a shifting melody
☪ Only broken out at midnight ☪
Changing your colors
To fit your light between my dark stars
***∬ Wavering ∬
§ Fluctuating §***
⊝ Undetected by most ⊝
␥ But those special few watch from the water ␥
⎊ They’re alone like me ⎊
Soon your shows slows
↡ And you fall asleep with the dawn ↡
⚰ Frozen tongues can’t taste your remains ⚰
∈ Nor can they converse with themselves ∋
My heart was left out in the cold
⚉ And it learned to love Alaska ⚉
⚖ Solitude and freedom go hand-in-hand ⚖
⚔ I'm not afraid of commitments ⚔
⚮ But I'm terrified that my heart won't have what it desires. ⚮
Jul 4, 2015
Jul 4, 2015 at 8:54 PM UTC
Nigeria 🇳🇬
A lot has happened to you since 62
You're a year older, and still most of your kin hates you
They forget how they may not exist without you
Yes! You are on the brink of hell,
To say your name has been marred with gutter
An act from most of your children
You have suffered the injustices of men
We hear cries of your children in the North
Thousands of hooligans in the South-West
There is so much bad blood in the East
The Middle Belt doesn't know her role or who to follow
Your name has been berated all over the world
Your currency, at the brink of death with the stock market
Stolen funds for those who can grasp it
Banditry for the suffering Masses
Illegal mining, yet no one is talking about it
You have suffered bickerings from people who want to _Japa_
A fluctuating forex makes it no easier
They blame you for their atrocious behaviour
They sometimes forget how fertile you are.
Nigeria!
From East-West and North-South, you have suffered injustices
For decades, you have been subject to malicious governance
Battling all levels of inflation, subjecting your people to abject poverty
Yet the rich get richer, and the poor? More Jejune if you ask.
At 63, I want to fight. For your children and kinship
Fight for your soil and regain your strength
Battle with these injustices and insecurity
Bring down inflation and take back your crown
Debunk all forms of evil committed with your name
And fight for a better 64.
Nigeria is great, Nigeria will be great
Nigeria is our father's land.
Happy Independence Day, Nigeria 🇳🇬
Bellah.
Oct 1, 2023
Oct 1, 2023 at 3:59 AM UTC
bereft and struck, yet
brief in exile
the gatherers made
a day of the whole affair.
through standing afar
ghastly, conscious,
risen things gawked
as fixed upon; pigeons.
the eat your heart out feeling
swallows the gatherers whole
a breath of an opinion heard;
outspoken.
forget nothing but fallacy!
democracy of the estranged
fluctuating feelings for your
Father Dear.
Nov 16, 2011
Nov 16, 2011 at 6:43 PM UTC
I put you on my wall today
As soon as I got home
And I smilled at how you were crooked
And I tilted my head to really see you
And that's when the water sloshed out of my ears and I was drowning
Your eyes became bubbles that helped me breathe
When I ****** them in
I became one with the pressure
The fluctuating force that I knew all to well
Spilling from my ears like a cloud too heavy to hold its weight
You drift off the wall and float with me, fragile, yet permanent and meaningful in my mind
Jan 28, 2016
Jan 28, 2016 at 12:29 PM UTC
*she was a marionette of the echoes
of her past
corrupting her present.
She was fluctuating betwixt
the anguish of the antecedent and
invariable sanctity.
She was apostle of the present
but
She worshipped her past*
Aug 8, 2015
Aug 8, 2015 at 5:09 PM UTC
Your kisses fall upon my lips like
Wind fluctuating against grass blades,
Changing in intensity as a response to the
Affected's desire to fade.
Firm when I want to cease life
And gentle like water when joy inhabits me,
Because you understand what exactly
It is that I need.
Dec 25, 2015
Dec 25, 2015 at 11:10 PM UTC
Application of misinformation
Falsify a failed nation,
Eradication of all creation
Misinterpretation
Of representation
Deny the station
Granted by occupation
And the inhalation
Of justification
No prerequisite information
Just accumulation
No moderation,
Their determination
Through stimulation
Cultural ************
Communal degradation
Societal desecration,
Dehumanizing revocation,
Worldly humiliation,
Mortal sterilization
Never achieving mobilization
Lack of communication
Excelling in vile persuasion,
Proponents of procreation
Birthing digitization,
Destroy civilization,
Indications of adoration
Isolation in delineation,
Irrational indexation,
Fluctuating indignation,
No innovation,
Divination
Retaliation,
Immolation,
False ovation,
Lacking limitations,
Contextual intonation,
Divine fabrication,
Private publication,
Evolving fornication,
Give me extermination,
Notwithstanding annexation
Of dismaying oxidation,
Of valued perpetuation,
Global mass-castration,
Redundant rhetoric, dictation,
A donation, a dilation, a fixation,
An annotation of fibrillation,
We are personification
Of Contamination
Through globalization
Praising idolization
And finalization
Through **********
No pragmatic exoneration,
In all frustration
We see not utilization
Nor stabilization,
Fearful implications
Of wayward stations,
Surplus mutilations,
Seeking militarization
Of worthless nations,
No conservation,
Just excavation
Of the population
******** on education,
Spitting on graduation,
No validation of aspiration,
Indoctrination of baptization
Mitigating litigation,
murdering habitation,
Quelling all vegetation
We will end in radiation
Through faulty navigation,
Abdication and abnegation,
All worldly agitation
Leads us to expiration,
Self-made annihilation.
There was never an end in sight,
We’re lost, and hope is a lie.
Aug 31, 2016
Aug 31, 2016 at 8:14 PM UTC
My pre-dawn conviction is weak
This cold ember death will sink its teeth
My winter coat is a sickly sheath
Sloughing with every retreat
I hope you know
Your eyes lit a thousand snows
We drowned beneath
I hope you know
Your lips caught aflame so cold
Disintegrating against me
For whatever reason
Your glassy stare broke apart in the autumn chill
Fluctuating against summer’s warm laugh
Our first wavering dance
We soaked our skin in teenage radiance
An adolescent haze of lust
Plotting our dreams
In the lull before dawn and dusk
I know I’m dwelling on better times
Wasting my life away
Can’t ******* shake this habit of mine
I guess I miss the days
When love was just a song and dance
And every breath held weight
I’m catching ghosts in the pre-dawn light
Lost in a memory daze
Jan 7, 2014
Jan 7, 2014 at 1:36 PM UTC
Fluctuating equilibrium is not divorced from the pleasure of pain, or from the pain of pleasure.
One may deem the price of gas to be expensive. However, its price can plummet overnight, to joyous depths of consumerism.
Smell the slow-cooked meat as it retains its succulent moisture, where the slicing of flesh releases secretions when parts are severed from the whole.
The cello can be an orchestral wonder of this perplexing theatre, yet thought-provokingly sombre in its captivating liberty.
So, make a decision from this rich menu of trans-global culinary indulgences. But please, do not forget to tip the pretty waitress.
Nov 7, 2013
Nov 7, 2013 at 11:03 PM UTC
a celestial body
lesser of age but
brighter in composition
was found to be
unexpectedly disarming
in its distorted form
unable to maintain
its expected shape
it was drawn in by
the voracious needs
of the other's gravity
a starry beckoning
that caused these
entities to draw forth
towards one another
this sharing of energies
a merger however
seemingly not unlike
those observed before
and yet something
about this pairing
steals the attention
of the experts and
the admirers alike
this rotation of one
about the other
guarding devotedly
from perils unseen
in the midst of
this stellar pirouette
there continues a chaos
pulling from all directions
both together and apart
defiant and undeniable
fluctuating with unknowns
eventually to become
Mar 7, 2024
Mar 7, 2024 at 6:45 AM UTC
I look at you and I see half-finished poems and words that don’t exist, your eyes are like indigo oceans I keep drowning in but somehow I don’t mind not being able to breathe. I wish I knew more about why you are the way you are, what terrifies you the most about yourself, and why I find it difficult to catch my breath when you look at me as if I am a stolen daydream. You make up for a lot of things, really, like going through fourth period half asleep because last night it took me three hours to stop thinking about you. You make up for that, and everything else. You are made of electricity and good intentions stitched together with a voice that could shatter a million hearts, and I am just a lost soul wondering why I trust you with mine. And I do, I do, I trust you with my stupid old heart, and I want to memorize every single corner of yours like the back of my hand. I want to know how a heart like yours could love such a wounded one like mine, but maybe that’s what love is, sacrificing perfection for something tragically real. I look at you and I see fluctuating potential, like the morning sun peeking out behind tired gray clouds, and how sometimes that has to be enough. Ever since I met you, my heart has remembered how to beat, my hands have remembered how to hold, and you love me enough to make me forget how much I don’t love myself. Maybe you are temporary and maybe you’re an illusion, but I still cling to the hope that maybe, this is why I held on until now.
Nov 29, 2014
Nov 29, 2014 at 3:48 PM UTC
one morning, Jack awoke with a distinct feeling
that something was not quite right.
as he peeled his eyes from a crusty sleep
his suspicions were further aroused by a marked loss
of sight from his right eye
as though he was peering through
a thick charcoal jungle
he clutched his hand towards his face
and was alarmed to find
a rather substantial lock of hairs
protruding from his right eyebrow.
wondering if perhaps he might
still be in a world of waking dreams
where one couldn’t really trust one’s intuitions,
he wandered over to the light switch,
flicked it on/off a couple of times.
having reached the conclusion that
he was definitely not dreaming,
and that his retinas
(or his left one, at least)
were definitely receptive to fluctuating light levels
he made his way to the bathroom
to inspect his face, with one hand
bemusedly fondling his recently grown eye-brow fringe.
in the bathroom he stumbled
across his wife sitting on the toilet.
on catching sight of her hairy husband,
she let out a deranged scream.
"darling, you'll alarm the neighbours" said Jack.
but his wife, who did not seem
to be sufficiently worried about
alarming the neighbours,
or anyone in her resident universe
continued to make strange warbling noises.
so, Jack instead decided to study
his growth in the kitchen sink.
although not made from
exemplary reflective material,
the sink was able to confirm
his impression that his right eyebrow had,
overnight, been subject to an alarming rate of growth.
his wife appeared in the doorway.
“I’m sorry for screaming.
it was only because I thought you were a pirate”
she said. and though he knew
that this was just one in many
of a long string of inter-marital lies
that bounced between them,
he let it pass. a decision having
been decided upon in perhaps
not the most democratic manner possible,
Jack's wife fetched the kitchen scissors
from the drawer by the dishwasher.
as she snipped away, chunks of black
fell soft like feathers from sunburnt wings
and landed on the Lino.
Jack felt inexplicably sad.
they went off to work as usual,
and no one noticed
the jagged edge of his once pirated-eyebrow.
Apr 19, 2012
Apr 19, 2012 at 5:11 AM UTC
It's hard to think clearly through the
"That's Life!"s,
"No work, no play"s,
The "you can do anything you put your mind to"s,
and the "do what makes you happy"s.
It's hard to keep a personality through the
Ifs, buts and indefinite, fluctuating opinions of right and wrong,
him and her, you and me.
It's hard to keep personal through the
Impersonal means of communication,
Retold stories,
and the disatisfying interactions between you
and the people you have chosen. The people
who you believed had chosen you.
It's hard finding me through all of this
you.
Dec 18, 2014
Dec 18, 2014 at 12:35 PM UTC
*Remarkable love
The word in which I choose to describe love
Tangible love
The way you feel it graze your skin
And stare into the depths of eyes
That share such a vigorating feeling
Undaunting love
Love has brought me through the dirt
Yet raised me from the ground and kissed my wounds
The beauty is regal and untamed
A vicious foe yet filled with an undying loyalty
It is uncapturable, as fluctuating as the erratic beat of my heart
Formidable love
Love knows me yet I am a stranger
Staring wide eyed at the looming colossal figure
The beast that calms me
The only one that tames my fiery heart
Until my flame is a soft flicker against the moonlight
Desirable love
Until fingers graze skin
And lips tremble in the proximity
Chests press a hard thud against familiar flesh
And pulses raise
Remarkable love*
Feb 29, 2016
Feb 29, 2016 at 7:54 PM UTC
Tokimonsta - Little Pleasures ♫
The waves are as turbulent as can be
But I'm still sailing.
My sky cries with thunderous roar amidst the wailing waters...
...but I'm still sailing...
Battleships galore,
my blood is on the floor.
but the Lord is my witness.
My troubles are my fitness,
for I am conditioned for greatness.
...fluctuating...
forever fluctuating,
how can I be made for such seas?
Such quests weaken the body but it's truth that strengthens the soul!..
surely it is true that this pang is painful for the sake of some sad sacred purpose.
...but...
Where is my truth ?
where is the truth?
Why is there even such confusion ?
should truth not be universal?
if not is it not just perception?
how unjust !
Are we losing our truth?
Are we losing the truth?
Has our perception become deception ?
To know,
lose your mind watching the inception
see what a wonderous con it is.
Just like you i also doubt...
like the lotus lost in a sun yet looking for the Son.
like Ali looking for his lion.
like Buddha looking for his beach
yet lost in a rain looking for his tears...
suddenly,
...an Ocean...
Set your sail for a heavenly shore,
surely you trust journey??
For Heavens sake,
trust your journey I urge,
It will all make sense in the end if you lie with the kiss of truth.
Through the motions sickness,
In hope for brighter days beneath the rain.
we've all been dealt pain,
but no matter how unfair take what you're handed and let love forever be your mantra.
I'm in the honest hour,
and Melancholy moons seem to be setting in once again,
but still i'm hoping that I will one day see the Son from through the rain.
"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him"
Future of forestry - set your sails ♫
Oct 19, 2015
Oct 19, 2015 at 4:48 AM UTC