Some people live purgatory lives; they dance with the invitation of death just long enough for the moment to become romantic then they usher the entire idea right out the door as if being friends with the end is an easy way to pretend
they cannot go at any moment.
Some people chase the idea of death so much they forget to do something as simple yet profound as live.
We spend every day repeating cycles and trying to make our routines perfect then remain frustrated at
everyone and ourselves
for not being able to get this fluctuating life right
I am learning that getting it right takes doing it wrong more than quite a few times
that is simply something neither you or I can be ashamed of.
We cannot substitute the lessons that failure and patience bring us- all we really can do is face our hardships with limited understanding and obtain what we can from our moments of misery.
I am finding more and more that myself lingers in those moments and I am beginning to appreciate the days I spend catching bleek & subtle glimpses of what I can
You see, I used to fear my own presence. Shake my head at my own sight. Be disgusted with my thoughts and ruin my existence.
I used to do all of these things because I felt helpless. I was not the person taking charge for my life. I was not the person owning responsibility for their actions. I was not the person acting on their decisions although the choices were petrifying. I was not that kid because
I DID NOT YET UNDERSTAND WHAT I WAS CAPABLE OF.
I had yet to find the opportunity in my failures. I had yet to see the potential in my flaws. I had yet to understand that there are twenty-four hours in a single day and we can own every single one of them when we are not focused on defeat.
And that sounds a little extreme at first, I know, but if I can convince you of anything today-
please do not be afraid of change.
Welcome it with open arms and be prepared for your entire life to get uncomfortable when you start being honest with the world and most importantly- yourself.
I have let go of so much heartache from no longer pretending I am okay.
I have let go of so much anxiety from not allowing others to hold their expectations over me.
I have let go of so much depression from standing up for myself because I was sick of the world telling me NO.
I have let go of so much useless negativity and have said goodbye to so many friends and relatives because choosing compassion over what they took from me always kept me on the better course;
a step ahead when they were looking behind and reflecting by the time they could realize intuition wins.
but I guess depending on which way you are looking at it- all of this is just bragging of course.
So I will never mind you if you are not listening.
I will forgive you when you come around.
BUT IF YOU ARE LISTENING LOUD, HERE RIGHT NOW-
know that I am too.
And for every dream you are chasing-
it is chasing after you.
Kudos if you read this all. I hope it helped. Even though some might find this appalling- I just hope it get's to at least one of you.